Hold My Hand

Since Oct or Nov last year (2009) Kimi would ask me to hold his hand whenever he slept. To me, it was the sweetest request. Why? That showed that I was his security blanket... how nice can that be? :)

I've always put Kimi to bed and I would carry him in my arms till he slept and this was from the day he was born. But I 'trained' him such that I shall not be rocking him like a 'yao-lan' or walked around the house endlessly. I KNEW that 1 day he will be more than 10kg and that would be back-breaking! So I planned right from the start that it meant sitting down comfortably and with rhythmically patting only.

It worked. And that was how he slept, night after night in my arms. I loved the feeling! But as Kimi grew, he became heavier and my arm was giving way and so we progressed to a pillow propped on the bed and he sleeping on my thighs. Nice too. :)

Then came last year when he said he wanted to sleep on his own, in his own cot. Frankly I was devastated! So I let him, feeling so sad everyday. Then one day out of the blue, he said that he wanted to hold my hands and I was SOOOOO happy!

Last week's article on Mind Your Body was interesting. While all of us are guilty of subscribing to some Parenting Gurus on how to bring up our kids, the writer was so right when she said that the best parenting was 'gut feel'. And I agree. I never really bothered about what most books or Gurus would say reagrding when a child needs to be toilet-trained, sleep on his own, etc, etc. I always believed that 'when a child is ready, he will be ready' and that will make everything so much easier.

Kimi toilet-trained himself when we were in Hong Kong last year. One day at the hotel, he told me that he didn't want to wear his diaper so I said as long as you tell me or papa when you needed to go. And that was it. Of course there were a few accidents but it was far and few. Kimi is currently not toilet-trained for naps and bedtime. Again, when he is ready, he will be ready and I also do not bother to push him.

I know many parents are eager to let their child sleep on their own. For me, it's the other way round, I really have no hurry. Again, my theory was proven. When they are ready, they will be ready. Kimi is starting to display such independence and I am not in the least bit frantic that he still needs to hold my hand now to sleep.

In fact, I wished he would want to hold my hand till I'm 80! Such closeness with our children sadly to say diminshes as the child grows. It is a fact and we can't deny it. It will come a day when we will take a back-seat in their lives.

So, enjoy and savour the moment we can with our little ones cos they REALLY grow up too fast. Everything else can wait, the laundry, dirty dishes, your beauty mask and even sleep! Cos there will be a day when they may not even want you in their rooms!

Enzo Boy

Our pix with Enzo before we sent him to Brother Charlie's place - oh dear, look at my swollen eyes!

Remember, some time back I said I was very troubled about a decision? But was not ready to share cos my emotions were all over the place?

Well, I feel more at peace now although frankly, I don't think I can be FULLY at peace. Of course, I've learnt to let go more now.

Due to some circumstances, we had to let our Golden Retriever go. Enzo has been with us since he was 12 weeks old and he will turn 6 years old in May. So, can you imagine the heartache that I have to go through? The decision is not mine but I know it's been made for the best.

Kimi and myself are always suffering during the end and early quarter of the year where Enzo sheds the most. It's also not helping with the fluctuations of temperature/weather during this period.

This year, my sinus had been the worst. I hadn't been able to taste food for more than 2 months. Hb was concerned that it will worsen my asthma. Kimi was also constantly allergic to the home envirnonment and hb didn't want it to develop into asthma.

Sigh.

Of cos, hb feels I've been overworked taking care of such a large dog and a rambunctious kid. And Enzo is also not getting the best of attention, naturally.

To cut a long story short, my heart still bleeds for Enzo who has brought us tremendous joy before we had Kimi. To me, I felt I have let him down ENTIRELY! I did not fulfil my promise to him to take care of him till the end. Even, Kimi was asking for Enzo the first few mornings when he woke. Saying sadly, "Enzo go!"

Heartache beyond words.

The week after Enzo left, I was like a zombie... just no mood to do anything around the house. Everytime I prepared dinner, I thought of him cos he's always waiting there patiently for some food to drop. Everywhere I went, reminded me of him. I even automatically, tie up a plastic bag and threw on the dining table, ready to be brought outside for Enzo's poo. But the moment I flicked the bag, my heart dropped and I told myself, I don't need to do that anymore ...

But I know the Lord is GREAT! HE has Godly plans. HE helped us find a very, very nice couple to adopt Enzo. Brother Charlie and his wife, Sister Christy are church friends and they love Enzo as much as us. What surprises me more is that Sister Christy has the SAME practice/beliefs re feeding/cooking for the dogs (they have 2 shihtzus).

We are so blessed that Enzo is in GREAT hands and we can visit him anytime. This is my comfort. I cannot thank GOD enough for finding such good people to adopt Enzo. GOD is good all the time, He knows our needs, He plans for us, comforts us and loves us.

I was so surprised at my calmness when I brought Enzo to Brother Charlie's place on 8 Feb 2009 while explaining all the feeding and intricacies of Enzo. I thought I would be a nervous wreck. I'm sure I would have been if GOD had not held my hand that day.

My heart still aches but seeing him soooo loved by his new family and Enzo being so adjusted and happy, that's what really matters ultimately! And although I once told my hb this,

1 broken promise, 2 heartaches, 3 changed lives

After these few weeks, I can now look at this more positively,

1 happy dog, 2 new friends, 3 changed lives

September Reflections - Routine

Dictionary.com defines ROUTINE as :-

" a customary or regular course of procedure; commonplace tasks, chores, or duties as must be done regularly or at specified intervals; typical or everyday activity; regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure".

With such a definition, it's no wonder most SAHMs or caregivers avoid it like a plague. But, I tell you, routine is one of the best invention in the world of child, er, I mean infant care. Guess it can also apply to big kids? Read : hubby?

When Kimi was turning 1 month old, my sis constantly reminded me of getting Kimi into a routine. And I agree with her. Cos, even before Kimi came into the picture, everything about me was about routine too. At least in the house and dog department.

My routines :-

• Enzo gets his monthly tick repellent applied and fed his heart guard every 1st week of the month.


• I change my sheets every Fri


• Wash the floor rags, dish-cloths every Tue & Fri


• Send my curtains for dry cleaning every June & Dec. Now it has been changed to light curtains and I wash them every 1st week of the month.


• Etc, etc (I'd better stop before I drive you crazy)

Why do I do this? Cos I have a lousy memory and having such a routine, it makes remembering to do your chores effortless.

Zoom back to CURRENT position. I cannot tell you how a routine makes for better handling of a child. Remove it, and I don't know what to do! I started to get Kimi into a routine when he was about 2 months old. And although he doesn't nap much in the afternoon, I still think that routines are FAB!

I do agree though that it can be mundane, exsperating and stressful at times (when u have to rush to compete with the clock). It is much easier to get things done. I mean, how could you go about in a day, just bumping around, not knowing what to expect next? Baby will be stressed too as he can't foretell what to expect.

And I tell you, babies LURVE routines, they thrive on it! Babies as young as they are, love to know what is coming up next.

Each night when I put Kimi to bed, I will cuddle him close and tell him I love him and kiss him on his forehead and wherever I would like to plant my kisses on.. mostly face. He's so used to it that just the other day, as usual, after his milk, he was so sleepy and I thought he had dozed off. Coincidentally, the tv in the background was showing something very interesting and I was watching earnestly when I suddenly looked down and saw Kimi staring at me, eyes wide.

Haa!! Guess what? I'd forgotten his daily sleep routine of a cuddle, sweet whispers and kisses. I chuckled and quickly went about it. He slept quite immediately after my kisses! Amazing isn't it? Just a simple routine. My poor baby waiting for it and this mummy was watching tv. Think he was staring at me for at least 10 mins??

With such motivations, do you now love routines? Start some and you shall see how good rountines can do to your life! Let's re-look at the definition of routine NOW ...

" a customary or regular course of procedure; commonplace tasks, chores, or duties as must be done regularly or at specified intervals; typical or everyday activity; regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure".

So, you see.. just like how a glass is half full versus it being half empty, routines are but a perception of our minds. When we look at it positively, routines are regular duties we do out of habit instead of being unimaginative boring chores!!

Kimi enjoying his play time in the playpen

August Reflecctions - Let it Go

The past couple of months have some what been a trying and difficult time for me and I guess Hb and Kimi too. I'm sad and ashamed to say I've not been the best mother & wife. Kimi's erratic feeding and refusal to nap in the day has almost driven me nuts! I was totally exhausted and unmotivated.

However, I saw some light at the end of the tunnel after a brief conversation with Aunty Pat. She made me realise how I really must learn to let go. To me, I felt I've already 'LET GO' alot, but it seems that wasn't enough.

What really woke me up was when she said that a baby's growth is not measured by the grams he puts on or the centimetres he grows but how well he is overall developing in his motorskills and adjusting socially. But most importantly, he must be a happy baby.

She also shared how she had a hard time too with Leonard but came to realise it's really not worth forcing everything and making the baby and yourself unhappy.

So, I've taken her dear advice, log, cart & barrel. Yes, to a certain extent, feeding times are more relaxed and better now. But, Kimi being a fussy eater like myself will never change... I can only say, I will try my best to Let Go.

I pray and hope that this is only a passing phase and it will get better!

Left - Kimi enjoying his peach dessert - Hey, look, even Kimi is asking mummy to hang loose! Check out his hangloose/peace hand sign!! Cool ya? Keke!

July's Reflections - Patience

Patience is a dirty word. Why? Cos, it's something that people swears by all the time and hardly practice it. Just look at how the drivers drive in the morning on the expressways. Or how a seemingly nice lady may turn into a nasty shopper if someone cuts into her payment line.

For me, I'm still trying my best to come to terms with this word. It seems the harder I try, the further it runs from me.

This has been a difficult month as Kimi is not only refusing solids, he's also refusing milk BIG TIME! It's easy for others to say, don't worry, babies are like that when they are teething, etc. Some days are better, so let it be, tomorrow will be better.

How could it be better? It seems like I have more bad days than good. Who would have such patience when his fussiness has been since he was 3 months +? I mean, we are not talking about 1 or 2 feed a day or even a week. It's every feed (which is like 6 per day) for the last 3 months or so. It's really tiring and trying.. imagine taking 2 hours to feed a miserly 150ml of milk. When that bottle finally finishes, it's time soon again for next feed!

Patience, patience, patience ... a virtue I am lack of and a trait I'm trying very hard to cultivate. So, you see, when you have this virtue, Patience, suddenly becomes a beautiful word and perhaps the world will be look rosier.

For me, I've planted my patient seeds.., so let's see when I can harvest them!

In the mean time, here's a little something for us - let's loose ourselves in a Lavender Field where we can find solace in the calming aromas of these lovely flowers. Hopefully, we can cultivate some patience?

June Reflections - Breaks

This month has been most enjoyable cos we travelled (via plane) together for the first time as a family. Although, we were totally tired out by the trip, (Taipei being hardly baby-friendly), we unanimously agreed that it's something we will do it again and again. We really enjoyed bringing him for the trip. He was also extremely well-behaved on the plane and throughout the trip. Think he must have also enjoyed himself!

Taking an occasional break is really like comfort food for the soul - wonderful! Although Kimi's routine has gone haywire, we felt it was worth it.

I really can't wait for our next family holiday, papa!