Syyy....

Alhamdulillah -

Glory be to Allah, All Praise is for Allah, There is No God but Allah, Allah is the Greatest!

I never thought - especially recently - that I am going to share this news: ...my baby is progressing well MasyaAllah.

Just when I thought of the feeling of despairs when I was kind of being diagnosed as infertile - with a very small probability of getting pregnant. Indeed, what I experience today was a proof of the power of believing in Allah the Most Merciful, Ar-Rahim......

I am beyond words when I saw that tiny heart beating.. it is a miracle of God! 

Please continue to pray for me & my baby...

In a place of uncertainty..

Prologue:
I came home early on Wednesday - due to my mistake of not checking the phone before leaving for the meeting. I reached the door of the meeting room, only to find  out it is locked & grilled! Checked my phone - it has been postponed to next Wednesday.
I already switched off my PC at the office, and I need to send my boy home anyway, so we went home early - he got to play badminton with his friend & also ride the recently available bike while I got to watch a Korean movie.

Earlier in the morning, I already prepared the soup for kue teow kungfu and mixed the batter of egg & kue teow - ready to be deep fried. Messaged my eldest, told her to fry it when she wants to eat it.
Alas, she got stomach ache & went to work - no time even for breakfast of burger that I had prepared!

So, while I was watching the movie, she came home & felt hungry. I told her to fry that thing to eat. Just heat the oil in the pan & 'throw' it in! She called for the father to do it - I insisted that you have to try frying  kue teow on your own (she doesn't want even to fry keropok lekor coz of the oil splattering - BTW she's 20 & been in kitchen classes). She started to reheat the oil in the pan & all I heard was how she was never going to fry it again after this blablabla... the father came to the rescue while I pretended ignorance.

Thursday morning:
Again, the son's tupperware remained unwashed. I started to grumble loudly - why the father has to do everything? It is a simply duty cum responsibility that I want him (mind you, he is 13 yo now) to practice.
Since I got kinda mad, I messaged the father later during office hour. I said, this kind of behaviour is totally unwarranted. How long we, as parents, are going to do everythings for our kids? Is this the way we are preparing them for adulthood? And more bebelan continues...
His only replied, in short: will talk to the kids....and a long silence follow.

I felt a bit unsure and frustrated too ...why didn't he respond to me? Blablabla...

It so happened that yesterday was my housekeeping day at Iris -which I already asked permission the day before. So, I spent time at the other home- cleaning & thinking....and purposedly went home late - after 10pm.

I came in the house- already half darken - scary, everyone in their respective room. The father is sleeping..


Later in bed, I said sorry to him...I also said, I will not talk of this matter any more - for lack of response from his side. I thought that was the end of it.... eventually after some time passed by, he quietly said he already cancelled the kids' phone line - everybody!!! I was shocked!!! Why? I didn't ask for that extreme measures...all I asked for is for the kids to know their responsibility like praying on time, and together if possible, helping out especially when we go back to hometowns. What if they resent me - as the step mother? I am sure the kids will think that I am the one who suggested the idea.

Friday, today:
My son called while I was out picking up the 2nd and 3rd daughter from school. Where is his phone? I dunno...Last night he already asked his father, why his phone has no line - a cross sign? The father said, he simply has no money....

I don't know what is going to happen next ....I pray for the best! In a way, this is a good time as any -might be too late even - 3rd daughter is sitting for her PT* by end of this month. She still failed her History & Geography - new exam format - those are the known results. She passed her English but with lower marks. During the recent balik kampung trip, she didn't bring any books - while I brought along her Math & Science 2018 trial paper for discussion.
No. 2 still failed 1 paper while No.4 failed as many as 5 subjects for the mid-term exam.

Homework Drama

I came a bit early last evening around 9 pm.

The day before, I came back after 10 pm and got mad because the basket of clothes remained unfold and then there was the case of still missing neck tie - if you fold the clothes, chances are you might find the tie.. The final straw when it was already 10:45 pm - beyond the bed time - he was still playing on the phone with Along.

So, last evening I came back while everyone was having congregatory Isyak prayer - sejuk hati...

Once they were done, I asked him about homework.
Him: Oh, there is Maths!
Ok, you start first & umi will check later....while I got going with kitchen stuff.

After much reminder, he sat down to it only when I sat at the table. I have to ask about the textbook - which topic to refer to. So, painstakingly we gone through that few questions - a, b,c, d, & f - on +, -, *, / with negative and positive numbers. Oh mind you - he can use calculator now - coz the teacher said so!

Once we were done, I asked him again...and he said no other homework. Then, I change my question, umi never ever get to see BM or BI homework. There was that Science once.... are you sure? Did your teacher never give you any homework nowadays? Umi need to check from time to time...

Him: Oh, there is Science!

Earlier you said only Maths..hmmm... if I didn't said I am going to check ...what is going to happen?

Him: I didn't say no other homework, I say Maths just now...ayah, umi is the one who twist words..

I was gobsmacked! He is trying to blame me instead for his wrongdoing...

So, the routine continue with pushing for the textbook being brought around, bickering about how to do things...for Science we learn about latitude and longitude. Latitude is divided into North (U) and South (S) by Khatulistiwa (Equator) line. Longitude is determined into East (T) or West (B) by the Greenwich Meridien line.

Oh by the way, about 2 weeks ago I had to impromptuly gave tuition on ADDITIONAL MATHS for F4! Yes, Add Maths - the same subject which I always failed duing F4 & F5 and screwed up my options to pursue a Medical degree! I managed to get C6 for SPM....

TTC

Today marked the first step I took towards officially trying to conceive (TTC).

Unofficially I have been trying since June this year - started almost (I forgot sometimes..started multivitamin only this month) daily consumption of acid folic - when my ustazah already told me to start in Dec 2017 - even before the solemnisation ceremony!

Then I started to experiece the dreaded monthly wait.. will I be late? On time? Then the feeling of crushed and burnt ... I was OK initially - I know, based on readings, at my age, the probability is getting smaller but ajal-maut-rezeki kan in God's hands? More on this later ya...

So today I went to the varsity clinic to get a referral letter.
I started the day with reading the Al-Quran after Subuh - completed Surah Ar-Rahman - So which of God's many blessings/flavors would you deny? And Dhuha prayer before coming to office.

I thank God for the all the helps He has endowed me just for today.. I called Matron Az*ma - to ask for which doctor - any doctor will do - and she guided me through the process. And even came to visit me at the registration counter.
And again, she was the one who took up my blood pressure and such.

Doc Sh*zwany (s*ngle, 3*1 yo, also with sl*pped disk due to a fall during teenage year) was so kind and helpful. She asked for my medical history - first menses is very important it seems. And for the first time, I was asked and wasn't embarassed to admit that I am s*xually active...I am married anyway - that is a clinical term - for X times or more per week

She referred to arrange for a latest blood test - previous ones was quite some time ago & my cholestrol level was a bit high huhuhu... When I went to the counter to make appointment for my blood test I faced another kind soul. That guy asked for the reason for the test and when I told him.. then he kindly suggested - if I am not in a hurry - to have my husband go for a blood test too. He offered to arrange with the doc.. he told me it took him 4 years to conceive his first baby. His friend took more than 8 years. So I registered my hubby's name - the guy asked for his medical history and I mentioned about his gouts - getting treatment at outside clinic - he said, why not register and get the treatment here? He is covered as my spouse anyway. May Allah made everything easy for the guy...he doesn't look too friendly but his action portrays his kindness indeed.

Coming out of doc's room, I came across Az*dah and after a chat - she is going for umrah in mid January, I asked her to pray for me - twin babies insyaAllah! I went to counter to get my gynae appointment  and say hi to Prof H*nafi - no time to chat since his number is being called up.

The nurses on duty at the followup counter was also too kind- she said, I have to option: basically wait for Doc to set the appointment date with the Gynae clinic and it might take some times.. or go by myself for a faster date! I choose to wait for the doc's date.

Came back to the office, had a chat with Z over our stepmom's roles ...then my baby PhD candidate came for his appointment (supposedly tomorrow so I was kinda taken by surprise too). By the time he leave my office, I received the phone call - my appointment will be on February 27th, Wednesday - wish me luck!

As an umi..

From Google:  “Ummi” means “my mother”

As an umi to 4 teenagers (girls19, 15,14, & 12 yo boy) - they are all still kids to me anyway..

Yesterday evening, as expected, Im came to me before Maghrib prayer and said he needed my help for his 'little' homework since he had done sikit-sikit... Mind you, I have been telling him to work on his homework over the weekend - since Friday after school!

So, after prayer & then dinner, where he requested for me to hand-feed him (oh, btw I cooked nasi hujan panas & kurma daging which he likes better than nasi briyani & kambing briyani) then only we started with his homework which turns out to be the same Maths exercise Question 8-15 that we left from last Sunday & I had reminded him on the whiteboard on Monday *sigh* boys will be boys....

So I guided him along while ironing the school uniform at the same time. It took quite sometime like he couldn't remember the formula for triangle, multiple with 100 also need to be calculated in details so it took longer...

Then, let's check your other 'done' homework moment:

1st BM - penjodoh bilangan, he just wrote the word & not copying all the sentences *gulp!* Failed to follow the instruction. Do the corrections now.

2nd BI - quite a lot of mistakes over punctuation marks even for MCQs! Name of places & people? Do the corrections now.

Is there any other homework? What about Science? I didn't see any Science homework since like forever..? I mean, I see you have thick exercise books for Maths, BM & BI (as above) ..where is Sains?

Then only the Science paper came out! Oh, he said he will do Section B (fill in the blanks) I said, what about Section B MCQs? Oh..... so he worked on the questions while standing up since he said it will take only a moment but mind you, it was a full Science paper. I almost fall asleep waiting for him...we refer to his textbook from time to time - the syllabus is way different from during my time.

Somehow he mentioned about his money bank /piggy bank - he said, I have a lot of coins to be deposited into bank account! We have been wanting to open an account for all 3 of them since after Eid but lots of delay like need to go during office hours while the boarding girls are at home, has to be with the father as legal guardian etc. 

I asked him, what about your duit raya? Duit kertas? His face changed... What? You finished them all? I am gonna tell your ayah!! 

He said, please do not tell ayah, please.....*show his scared face* Hmmm.... I will wait but I want him to let his father know...not coming from me

So, after all the homework are done, I said, let's talk to ayah about your gone-duit-raya & I will ask him specifically not to get mad at you! Of course ayah got mad (under control) since the amount was more than RM200, almost RM300 - where did all the money gone? You didn't buy anything to show? 

*sigh* Ayah, both of us are at fault. We should have taken them to the bank ages ago...now, it is no more Syawal, already Zulhijjah! So, let's ask the two boarding girls about their money..

Later in our room, I told ayah, I dare not to take & keep duit raya on their behalf. I even shared what happened during the wedding reception last weekend - when Mak Ngah asked my permissions to ask for help from the two boarding girls to move around cookies on the tables, I said please do so...I but also dare not to ask them around since I'm their stepmother and I don't want the stigma of becoming a typical bullying stepmother

I remember his sad & scared face so right before bed, I went to his room to say goodnite & kind of to check on him too - oh my! Either he is a good stage actor or he was really sad.. he fall asleep with photo of ibu in his hand ...along with a folded paper. I took away the paper & put back the photo on the noticeboard.

It turns out, the paper is a letter from school asking parental permission for a school trip after exam! Hahahahaha

I have Sw*tch-ed..

Sw*tch as in the shop - you know..

My second Ac*r went kaput last week (while I was working on a video animation - I don't simply lecture nowadays) after serving me for a good & long 7 years from 2010. The previous one, my first laptop was Ac*r too & I had it with me for my MA in 2002 till the end of my PhD and some more.

I was so desperate to get back to work, I had to search around for my research laptop which was borrowed and plugged it in only to find it cannot detect my home wifi huhuhu... I googled and tried so many things, still not able to connect -while there is no problem at all to connect with all the other wifi around.

Then, I had a Mac meeting with this group of not-so-Y*ung Stra*egic Thinker - almost all of them are Mac users. When I mentioned about my laptop going kaput & my need for new one, one said that she was actually going to the shop (service centre) to collect hers. She asked me to look around online & I did so during meeting ...Wah, so many options & details - Why didn't I think of doing so earlier? Tsk2x...

After the meeting ended, continued with another short meeting, I asked Prof for his opinion. Of course, I was already biased by asking them hahaha... so we discussed the different models - not Air coz it is an older ones, my budget, my needs, what colour to buy, accessories to accompany and so forth. By then, I was ready with my choice & decided to pay by card!

Off to the shop at half past noon and came back to the office almost half past 3! Take longer to set my new purchase since I totally confused and forgot my password and kept going around getting a new ones but with 1 HP not with me, another on very low battery and iPad also - can't remember. Alas, I have a new pw for the new purchase (clue: my long live yahoo); changed my Apple ID into one of my ex-es name and changed my yahoo into one of my other ex-es (remind me of that era). This is the one time I'm glad that I have so many of them hahaha... no bitter feeling at all.

Upon coming back - I treated her to coffee & sandwich at CBeans - I didn't buy any sandwich, only cappuccino since I already cooked rice and masak lemak cili padi daging salai with pucuk ubi. Lucky my colleagues already eaten and there was still a lot left for me and another colleague to eat & still there is leftover.

Funny - while explaining my whereabouts, my need for a replacement laptop - a male colleague said quietly at the end: If it is not working, why can't you send it for repair? Haha! Then another chip in by saying - she already decided to buy one lah...

____

Yesterday was the result day - I have had mine, experienced 25 years ago. Last night I was already in bed, couldn't sleep and was really thinking of him and all the reasons why I shouldn't make contact. I was ready to let him go, I already deleted his number, etc. etc. Only for me got out of bed, and messaged him to ask about his eldest's result. He replied past midnight and replied back during meeting - since Prof H shown me a photo of him sitting on the chair next to me but during a different meeting lah..

He replied after office hours & we ended having a chat until he asked about my status - Aha!!! His female staff said I'm in the process of getting married - really? I didn't know that myself hahahaha...when I prodded him further - he said the lady assumed... now that I looked back - must the ring on my finger. Then he asked about when am I getting married since I already have my anak. I simply told him, we can have kids without getting married nowadays. When he asked about my child's age - I told him, about early adulthood since x7 human age hahahahaha..

Finally, he got it - human or animal? Said, waste of his time! I explained about my encemboi at the end... and then said - terobek. I hope he wonders about it for a long, long time.

____
I cancelled my afternoon supervision since I lost my voice yesterday - today's sound like a frog. Now, I'm at the stage of a really sore throat, include coughing too. Drank apple cider, honeyed lemon, but I still ate normal oily food and coffee huhuhu

How did I get it? I went back to hometown - town really - to be with mak. We went back to my eldest bro's wife's hometown. It was a hot day on Sunday, we bought ice from shop - drank lots of it with home cooked cordial. Monday evening, I had a 9:50 pm return flight - was at the airport 75 minutes earlier coz I worried of my hand luggage. So after a long wait ( I sat next to 3 Burmese young ladies who work in Asetar - they just got back from 3 weeks holidays back home in Myanmar. One said, she's been working in As since she was 17 and now she's 21 & only 1 long leave.) and during the flight I sat in the middle between an old ladies and a young man.

We got to talking almost throughout the 1 hour flight - she just got back from NZ visiting one of her daughters - 4 of them in NZ, Australia, UK & US. She said she's 80! But travelling alone? Overseas? Wow! I'm going to share with mak her stories... she said she retired after a long service as policewoman. Now she's volunteering and stuff. I think something was off...and thus I pretended I have a big headache coming....hahaha!

#suamik*palingsweet

I don't watch/follow all the dramas on screen at 7pm- they bring forward my urge to throw up for the lack of fresh ideas and low quality of acting. Especially on the recent surge of novels to on screen dramas.

However, I really like the one in the title above. It is still a love story cum kawin paksa (again?) but with a twist! Most refreshing is the fact that no titles (Datuk, Tan Sri etc.) are used. None of those rags to riches, Cinderella marries the Prince types too. It is just typical middle income families with 2 mothers who are bestfriend - L*za Abdullah is being nice & motherly this time around compared to her last showing as typical stepmother in 7 Hari Mencintaimu & Ogy's sister is awesome as always - in her Utagha's slang. Almost all casts are commendable in terms of their acting - the young sweet boy - the attention focus of both families, the elder brother in one family, the younger brother in another, the bestfriend of the heroin & the hero and heroin - all natural! The fathers are OK, the other girlfriend of the hero - typical self-centred but not overly too much - the bad guys are really not worth mentioning.

Best part, it is done in Penang!

Why I shall not lead..

On Saturday, my boss emailed me - asking me to go to a meeting on his behalf, at the Ministry on Tuesday - today. After checking my schedule (now is a busy three week for everyone around) and re-shuffled duties with my colleague, I said yes. He replied to his boss's secretary's email to put forward my name. Attendee(s) of the meeting is supposed to fill up a reply form.

On Monday late afternoon, I was waiting for some info - should I make my own travel arrangement? Is there anyone else going with me from other departments? The bigger boss's secretary didn't reply till today. I dropped in my boss's office to ask about the arrangement - 1. You can ask my secretary to help you - which she (temporary replacement) knows nothing about! 2. You ask either this person or that person who is in-charge of account & claims ...but they said it was already late! Almost 4pm & I was heading to another meeting elsewhere.

I am not manja or gedik but in my opinion, when you ask your subordinate to go to outside meeting in your place, you should have facilitate the process. For info, not everyone has a secretary.

Upon reaching home, I wasted no time & search for suitable flight. As a responsible government servant, I feel obliged to choose a cheaper flight ...instead of the national carrier which I could have booked cheaper too if only much earlier booking. Booked & checked-in immediately. Based on past experience, as recent as new year holiday weekend, I can use mobile boarding pass both in Pen & Kul.

Morning 6:30am: Upon reaching the entrance for domestic departure, I was told that I need to get the boarding pass printed - OMG! Lucky that I was there with extra budgeted time...  ran to the self-check in kiosk was at the opposite end of domestic departure. Since I already checked-in, thus after looking around & trying unsuccessfully... a staff came by & told me you need to go to counter 52 to get it printed. While at the counter, the guy explained that it is new airport requirement - sigh! I did asked him nicely- Could you please print the return journey's pass too? "Nope! You have to do it in Kul."

Landed on time, 8:10am, ran to the taxi counter & somehow made it there at 5 minutes past 9am - meeting not yet started!

However, most shockingly, the meeting/briefing ended around 9:45am! Yes, I came all the way from Pen for a 40 minute briefing. There was a guy from Ganu - who came while we were all enjoying our plate of nasi lemak - nicely plated. And a couple more strolled in much later than that... sigh! And my new found friend said this is typical of this department/ministry!

By quarter minute past 10am, I was already waiting for my taxi - managed to call & meet-greet an alevel friend.

By 5 minute past 11am, I was in mits*i - what to do, my return flight was scheduled at 1:30pm so I had ample time.

By 12pm, I was on the shuttle bas heading to klia2 and arrived 10 minutes after.

Had a much needed coffee @kluangstn but the aglio olio was tasteless!

I headed to departure level by 12:40pm.

Here was when the adrenaline pumping & prayer started.

Headed to info counter - was told I needed to print the boarding pass. "You can try the 2 kiosk next to the escalator." Another girl was there - been trying & failed to print. I tried both units & error message came out in one & another one - print a useless page.

Headed to info counter again - was told to go to counter 16.

Headed (started running now) to counter 16 - people queuing - I saw a service counter on the left side & jumped queue - was told off but I explained my urgency! The foreign ladies understand - I'm sorry & thank you very much. The guy said you need to pay at counter 16.

Move queue to counter 16. I explained to the couple in front of me - they understand & allow me to jump queue but the lady at the counter said, "No, I'm still processing theirs!" The clock is ticking..boarding time was 12:50pm. A very 'nice' young Chinese Malaysian gentlemen asked me - "Are you in the queue?" Well yes but.. I agitated... still standing next to the couple in front of the counter. "Then, you should move to - indicate here with hand - behind them in the queue." I was stupefied! I know what I did was wrong - in terms of cutting queue but I already explained to the person in front of me, NOT the one at the back???

Finally, after loooong wait (Rabbi yassir...on loop while looking at hp clock) it was my turn & the girl said, "No need to pay. I can print for you BUT no guarantee that you can catch the flight!" OMG!!! Thank you3x... & that was my gun shot to start running!

Reached the entrance to domestic departure (thank God, no queue here) - at the security scanning area, I explained my scenario to one of the security ladies - no help, there were 2 long queues... my heart already beating too fast & mind already thinking of how am I to pay & claim for a new tix.. then a new queue open up & I was 1st in line! "Oh, no worries gate J10 is just nearby." It was already past 1:10pm - gate closed.

If you have been to klia2,  you know it could have been much worst than gate J10! But still I had to run and pray and run faster (I was tiring by now - I remember saying this earlier, jangan saya mati sakit jantung kejar flight sudah!).

End of experience: I sweating profusely but I made it - Alhamdulillah, never to repeat again!

Why I shall not lead? ... to be continued insya-Allah.

2017 1st

Work
Yesterday, my superior said I have done a good job! Coming from him, after he asked about no issue of resigning my post - it means a great deal to me. To strive harder, to do better than last year.. while trying to deal with staff who are cocky among other things.

Oh, he missed a meeting, second time around on December 15th. I totally ignored his message from that day onwards. And the day before yesterday, he came knocking on my door, wishing me happy new year & asking my planning for this year. I just told him, "Do whatever you want to do.." "What meeting now?"

My superior is the one who said earlier in January last year and again on November 18th, I do not have the 'seniority' i.e. AP to be one of his deputies - according to the higher registrar office. Not that I'm aiming to be one but yesterday, in all users' email notification of  new appointments - my colleague in another school was appointment as Head - she who has no AP in front of her name too.

Which bring to another 'oldie' who sent unnecesssary WA messages without miss, daily for almost a month now. I dare not blocked him but it is difficult to work closely together for a project in 2017..pesky people really annoy me!

Family
I spent almost a week severing contact (switched off my main phone till Tuesday afternoon; next switched to being unseen on WA; no updates on Insta or Fb) with all my family members due to an incident that occur through phone call, Saturday evening to Thursday. By Thursday, mak already cried and I cried crocodile tears too - being the youngest & all, such that I had to relent and say sorry (forget about keikhlasan lah!) from my siblings. My resolution is not to talk about that matter again - case closed. No wedding.

Health
I went down to the gym on Tuesday, after work. Both treadmills are not in working order - I have been putting on weight - it's scary to hit 65+kg when I wasn't even 60kg during my running days. Definitely have to sign up for more runs locally.. Oh BTW my PBIM was around 3:20 - it could have been worst!

One and only..

...running event for 2016!!

I started my 6-weeks training since last week: on Monday 17th I have a closed door z*mba for 1 hour. Rest on Tuesday; on Wednesday I went down to the gym after so long - maybe last one was n Feb/March? - only to find out that none of switches for both lights and fans were working. Talked to the guards and then called the maintenance guy - I demanded him to come pronto. Finally they managed to switch on the lights and fans but both treadmills were not in order. I said, better get it repaired ASAP! Oh, I managed to cycle for quite some time - half an hour perhaps..
Again, z*umba on Thursdays evening for 1 hour or so. Cycled again on Friday - after work for around 45 minutes.
Rest on Saturday - ironed my office attire for 2 weeks.
Today on Sunday, I go to the market - I bought kue teow, broccoli and cauliflower, carrot & muchroom - plan to eat cleaner, i.e. noodle soup instead of fried ones. Bought bananas, papaya & honeydew - on top of green apples & oranges I still have in stock. Don't forget, I need to drink lots of plain water too.
Bought myself a new exercise pants - I need more to alternate between z*mba & gym sessions.
Spend around 50 minutes at the gym- the treadmills are working - thank you message sent to the maintenance guy - I ran for 35 minutes, easy one. I was kind of disappointed with my slowness until I realized that the machine now uses miles per hour instead of km per hour hahaha... so I managed 2.2 miles! Then some time spend on the bike and weight & stretches.
Oh, last I weighted myself - O.M.G it is 63.4kg!! I'm totally overweight considering that my usual range last year was 58-60kg.

The ones that got away...

Same old, same old stories...

Earlier in late December last year or was it earlier January this year, when my mak was around with me for 5 weeks in Penang:

1. An ustaz through another married ustaz is looking for his candidate. Age late 40-s. Reason of being single due to taking care of his mother who recently passed away -  Innalillah.....

Location: in Kedah

The matchmaker is non-willing colleague who was approached by another middle person on behalf of the married ustaz - I suspected from their joined community projects which I was involved somehow - to a limited extent. She said, here is an unmarried person looking for a wife so please contact the married ustaz - she's not interested to continue the efforts of being a go-between.

Based on the hp number, I contacted the married ustaz saying I agreed to get to know the other party. Guess what? He was shocked!!!! It took him quite sometime to respond to my message - must be he is not used to a direct female.

Fast forward, it was during intensive weeks (Jan/Feb) at work when the other party wanted to come & meet - again, the matchmaker was reluctant anyway since she planned to be away immediately after for quite some time. That was the end of it.

2. Prof that I worked with and know a lot about my stories - don't worry, we're not having an affair as per dirty mind of my colleague - we work together along with another production assistant who know a lot about my stories too. I remember, around the time I told my mak about the ustaz, Prof called me around Maghrib and said he was having tea time with his wife and somehow conversation about me being not married came out and his wife knows of one teacher in her school whose wife passed away due to sickness and how he himself taking care of the small children who are really in need of a mom.

He's very kind but shy.

Location: Perai

I said ok and on the next day, Prof called me and asked when am I ready to meet the other party? I said, I'm ok - any time subject to the other party wants to meet of course. Then Prof said, his wife said better meet up soon (aka that week) since once school reopen in January (the following week) he'll be busy as a teacher and fathering his kids.

Cut short the story, no nothing came from his side - I understood that he is not interested lah..

Fast forward to yesterday, during phone conversation, Prof mentioned that he, the widower, already got married to a PAR at his school whose husband passed away too and have children who now even call him 'Cikgu' at home. Alhamdulillah syukur.. I am happy for him.

____

Fast forward to early to mid-September this year:

My sister #5 played matchmaker - she suggested for me to get to know her coworker-at-school's husband's colleague who used to work in Seremban  but now back in AS*tar.

I was reluctant... not because he is much older (54) but I'm tired of getting to know people and my heart broken to smithereens again and again. I have K*puteh now - he's my baby - my life is complete! Even mak accepted him and referred to him as my anak. I have my family esp mak, work to take care of my basic needs, career that is demanding (was appointed as Business Coordinator from mid March) and I don't even have time to slot in my running much more to sign up for events!

Against my wishes. since I asked him to answer 4,5 questions through the middle person, my sister gave my hp no to him. So, he messaged me late Thursday evening and I just responded accordingly. Conversations were stilted - stopped by Friday morning due to me having a seminar. He only came out for air on later Satuday evening - which I replied on late Sunday evening - eve of Eidul Adha. I thought - that was it!

4. Earlier on that same Friday, I talked to my matchmaker colleague who called me earlier on  Tuesday, "Rad!!!! Jodoh you dah sampai...Dat*k Rad!!!" She was excited - I was having no feeling at all - told her I wanted to think about it. So, on Friday noon, I told her - no, I'm not interested to know this guy - coz to my mind, not fair to get to know another guy while I'm in the process of getting to know 54. Oh, this Dat*k guy is 52. 52 is a divorcee which 3 adult kids, and an future alumni of my work place but not directly under me. It seemed that he simply called her & asked her to help him find a candidate. Should I be touched that my colleague think of no other person than me? Huh!

He planned to further his study - MA & PhD. Again, at my work place. 

She asked me to pray Istikharah which I did! So, while I was at my hometown, she acted as the go-between us with me asking lots of questions including the 4Qs above. I thought I was being clever enough to filter the seedy guy: 1) What is your plan w.r.t. hajj? 2) What is your opinion, as a hubby - hypothetically of course - on the roles of a career woman and as a wife, mother, daughter too? 3) What is your hobby? During free time? 4) Anything you would like to ask me? To be fair, again...

This 52 guy answered all questions. Wow!! I was quite happy with the answer...

By Monday, after so many Q&A, my matchmaker said there are certain things which ought to be amongst the two of us only and she's not interested to know. So, i gave her the permission to give my no to him. 

Here was the craziness started:

52 first messaged me on Tuesday noon. By the end of the day, we already had a long phone conversation. Continued on Wednesday - messages & long phone conversation - we clicked together!

On Thursday, I brought my mak to Seremban through KP. He knew of my plan to drive back on Friday morning. He offered to be my driver!!! He in Perai, take a bus (Hmm.. kata Dat*k??) to KL & I'm to pick him up with lots of rambutans, duku langsat, asam gelugor, belimbing buluh, and kedondong.

However by late Thursday evening, he said - changes of plan. It was ok with me - I'm used to drive alone anyway.

By Friday, when I reach Penang - he said he still wanted to meet up but not the 3 of us as discussed earlier - he's got something to tell me.

So, we met at 5pm. 

Here, again, the short story.

He got to know late Thursday evening thru a contact that his 3 stories semi-detached unit (show off with photos on Tuesday) is going to be auctioned off to pay his business debt from long ago - 2007/2008.

Since I kept telling him before that I don't like surprises! I don't like liar & cheater too! Or people trying to take advantage of me!

So, he's playing my cards...

I said, at the end of the so-called date (went ot the GH and ended up  he spent RM8.10 at cafetaria on campus for both of us - I wanted to think about it...

By Saturday, my matchmaker colleague got help of somebody to check his old Merc plate - road tax already expired since June and not belong to him! That explained the slow drive on the middle lane.

By following Monday, checked online to prove no dat*k (istiadat.gov.my - by states), no other vehicles under his name registered at J*J, he's blacklisted (forgot PD*M or J*J list), and best of all - he's registered bankrupt under E*N & Bank Isl*m! Around the same time, he updated his newly create Fb with getting the watikah - but where is the official photos?

I told my matchmaker, I told him that I wanted time to pray Istikharah which I did - for a week! By this time, he already went against my wish for privacy & changed his tunes a couple of time - wanting to be friend only now! 

I'm just grateful to Allah for putting me in his care, insya-Allah...save me from those who want to take advantage of me.  

5. Oh...that one from 5 years ago said, "You turn me down before, onwards, sorry la, I will always turn you down." That was on July 9th. I have loss count of how many times I reach out to him but this time, I get it - I really get it! How many times should I push myself to go through the same emotional roller coaster. We did met up once, surprisingly during Ramadhan for iftar - I guess, we have lost that feeling from inside us. I wish him the best & may he finds what he's really looking for so that I can really let go & move on..

Moral of the 5 stories: I can easily love again..