I'd probably be the best lottery winner ever.

I bought a lottery ticket last night.  The LottoMAX to be precise.  A friendly convenience store clerk talked me into it. By talked me into it, I mean she said "Ticket for tonight? 32 million." and I said "Okay, sounds good," so you know, not a lot of convincing needed.  I figured, I've beaten a lot of shitty odds lately - as in the odds of cancer before age 35, and the odds of having two sump pumps and a battery back-up fail at once - so I figured maybe I could beat some odds that would work out in my favour.

I don't usually play the Lottery, mainly because I am cheap, but also because I end up fantasizing of what I would do if I won which ends ups being a set-up for utter disappointment when I inevitably lose (spoiler alert: I didn't win).

You know those people that win lotteries and within two years piss it all away? Yeah, those people suck.  How does someone actually manage to piss away millions in a two to three year period?

Not I.  I like to think I have it pretty well thought out.  I have a list of things I'd do upon winning the lottery (estimated on a $32 million win).  Not necessarily in this order:

- Pay off this dump.  Put aside a chunk of money to flip it and sell it.

- Pay off my student loans and any other debts

- Start a search for a moderately priced, but well-built 3+ bedroom home with a second bathroom and a good chunk of property, preferably with water nearby.

- Put away 50k each for the girls education

- GTFO of town for a few weeks with the kids and the Well-Travelled one to get my head together and do some financial planning.  Road trip.

- Take a percentage of winnings and put into investments and high-interest savings accounts

- Put aside a chunk for my parents, my sister, and handful of close friends to help them out

- Sabbatical

- Go from there

One extravagance I think I would definitely allow myself would be to replace all the shitty MDF furniture my house with actual real wood.

I think if I was smart about it, I could live out the rest of my life comfortably and somewhat modestly, and secure a future for my kids where they may still have to work, but would never have to worry about food or shelter.

Mommy wants a new shiny.

Some people have what are called ‘Champagne taste on a beer budget'.  Not sure when it started, if it was as a kid when Christmas-season warnings that “There wouldn't be much under the tree this year' always seemed ludicrous when Xmas morning rolled around, or when I was a teenager and was content with thrift store clothing and a job that afforded me just enough money to keep me in cigarettes, but I've always been more of a Beer Taste on a Beer Budget type girl.  

Population: Me.

I'm not great with having money and I'm especially not great with spending it.  When I was younger it was just a case of not having a desire for expensive things but as I got older it's become a bit of a phobia.  A lot of it stems from some very bad financial decisions during my ill-advised way-too-early marriage.  The ex-hub and I were neither of us very good with finances, probably as a result of neither of us really having any money.

We got into what seemed at the time some pretty serious debt.  There were calls from collectors and there were days when I ate melba toast and jam from the food bank for days on end.

Eventually, with some help and guidance from my parents we were able to climb out of the whole we had dug for ourselves.  This is especially fortunate because it meant that when the marriage fell apart we really had no debt to speak of.  No real property either, but that's a story for another day.

As a result, I absolutely loathe being in debt and I have a hard time making large purchases, especially ones that I cannot pay cash upfront for.  Seeing as I am looking at buying a house within the next year you know this means I'm pretty much shitting my pants at the prospect.

Today I am a happy girl, because I got my tax return back with enough of a return to pay off my remaining credit cards.  I cancelled the one with the larger credit limit and the other one will be locked away, only for emergencies.

This means I am now down to one debt, my huge mother-loving student loan.  It also means I have a little bit to play around with, although the bulk of what is left over will be going towards my down-payment.  

Mommy wants a new shiny:

Say it with me:  “Ooooooh...”

There's one of these babies in our local pawn shop for about $400 bucks.  It's a Takamine acoustic (which is probably my favorite acoustic brand) with a built-in pickup.  This isn't the exact one they have but it's pretty damn close.

My problem is the actual act of spending money.  Over the next week I will probably hem and haw and think of a million and one things I *should* spend my money on... namely the kids, because maternal guilt, you know.  They NEED things like summer clothes and I need stuff for the house and blargh blargh blargh.

I totally over-think this shit.

I can afford it.  So why do I find every reason in the book NOT to treat myself?

*****************************************

I have another post up at Different Paths, Same Destination.  Go read, and while you're there, give the other ladies there some love as well.

Has your brain exploded yet today? Here, allow me to help.

This is one of the more brain-explodey, face-palmy, loss-of-faith in humanity things I have read today.

Judge Blasts Kids For Suing Mom Over Birthday Card

From the sound of it, two spoiled, privileged-as-hell upper class twits and their father, who apparently has too much money and time on his hands, have been killing time the last two years in a lawsuit against the kids' mom for what basically amounted to 'Bad Mothering'.

"Did she beat them?" one might ask.  "Was she cruel?  Emotionally abusive?  Neglectful?"

Well, I guess that depends on your definition of cruel.  Among the charges lodged against Kimberly Garrity were:

...failing to take her daughter to a car show, telling her then 7-year-old son to buckle his seat belt or she would contact police, “haggling” over the amount to spend on party dresses, and calling her daughter at midnight to ask that she return home from celebrating homecoming.

My personal favorite one is the charge from her son who suffered great emotional distress because she sent him a birthday card but 'neglected' to include a check or any cash.  Nor did she ever send the poor suffering dear any care packages while he was away at colleges.

Pardon me whilst I grab my smelling salts.

On the front of the American Greetings card is a picture of tomatoes spread across a table that are indistinguishable except for one in the middle with craft-store googly eyes attached.

“Son I got you this Birthday card because it's just like you . . . different from all the rest!" the card reads. On the inside Garrity wrote "Have a great day! Love & Hugs, Mom xoxoxo.”

Granted, that's a pretty cheesy card.  I groaned when I read it.  Googly eyed Tomatoes?  Puh-lease.   That being said though, I would hardly call this a trauma requiring $50K in compensation.  Fortunately, the judge in this case called it for what it appears to be.. bullshit.  This is one of those cases I would have loved to see go in front of Judge Judy - is she even still on the air?

I'm pretty sure Judge Judy would have tore a strip off these kids and their lawyer dad (Oh, that's right.. Mom has to pay her own legal fees to fight this, but the kiddies get Daddy all pro bono and such) and made them wear it as a scarf.

I like to pretend she's flipping the bird here.  Source

The amount of entitlement here is disgusting.  There are two things that piss me off.  Okay, that's a lie, anyone who knows me knows there are a number of things that piss me off.. but two things that piss me off in relation to this story are as follows:

• I take great issue with parents who use their kids as props in their revenge scenarios during and after a divorce.  

It's something I've gone to great lengths to avoid myself because it generally doesn't do the kids any good at all, and I'd say this is a pretty good illustration.  The kids' (who are not so much kids as adults in their early 20s) father claims he tried to dissuade his kids from pursuing the case, but I call bullshit.  Why?  Because he continued to represent them, even though it was a bullshit case.

• Second, I hate the hell out of people who try to frame not getting every damn thing their own little way as 'abuse' or 'neglect'.  

Seriously.  Now, to play devil's advocate, I realize there are two sides to every story and Garrity may possibly be the mother from hell.. but it would stand to reason that if she really were some horrible, neglectful, cruel parent and the kids were going to go so far as to bring a lawsuit against her, if they were going to go that far I would think they'd have something more compelling to bring to the table than 'OMG.. she bought me a CARD, the BITCH'.

It degrades and devalues the claims of people who really have gone through hell and back with abusive parents.  These kids need a little more exposure to what shitty parenting is really like.   Maybe a googly eyed tomato and a midnight call to the school dance wouldn't seem so bad. 

Class Elitism, Thy Name is Tiny Beaches

I live in a small town with a lot of waterfront property, yet a proportionately small amount of public water access.  We have one small beach, two public docks and a small number of 'public' boat launches - somewhere in the area of 2-3.

It really frickin' grates my cheese that in a town that is surrounded by water, it is so bloody difficult to find a decent place to swim, especially with small children in tow.  Our public beach is a bit of a mess.  To get to a decent spot to swim, one must first wade through a couple feet of muck, then navigate a trail of slippery, moss-covered rocks before hitting a sandy bottom.  At this point, you may be able to wander out another 50 feet or so before hitting a bed of weed.  At this point, I'm maybe waist-deep in the water if I'm lucky.

Of the two public docks, one is surrounded by weed beds, and both garner a fair amount of boaters and/or anglers which make swimming hazardous at best.  There's one boat launch that has half-decent swimming, but little to no beach to speak off.  About 20 square feet of beach, I'd wager.

The rest of the water front that is taken up by cottages, waterfront homes, and luxury condos the latter of which not only restrict water access to the very wealthy, but also serves to prevent the rest of us from really even enjoying the view of the water.

So it comes that I have to venture out of town to find some decent swimming for my children and I.  About 20 minutes from us there is a long stretch of white, sandy beaches known as The Tiny Beaches.  Over the past few years, debates rages over the sanctity of public use of these shorelines as homeowners in the area attempted to subvert ability to access these public beaches.

This weekend it became clear that this fight for fair access is being lost.  My girls and I had been made aware of a beautiful stretch of beach at the end of the 6th concession of Tiny.  Crystal clear waters, sandy bottom with nary a rock or a weed in sight, water that stretched out for miles.  However, access to this 'public' beach is impeded by a severe lack of available parking.  That is to say, there is NO available parking.  For a while, we were able to park in a vacant lot about 500 meters from the beach entrance.  But this past Monday I was chagrined to find pink tape had been lined across the entrance to the lot and again we were thwarted, so off I drove to try and find parking that would result in less than a 20 minute walk with gear in tow.  Well, you know what?  The road that runs behind this beach, along with all the side roads, are lined with No Parking signs, or with Permit Parking only signs (a $60 fine for each three hour period).

Buy a permit.  That's reasonable, you say?

Sure.  Residents can get two permits for a cost of $15 dollars.  If you're from out of town, be prepared to pay upwards of $75 dollars for a permit.. if you can get one.

Once upon a time, access to these beaches were free for the public.  Then the property lining the shore began to get bought up by wealthy cottagers who did not want the great unwashed littering *their* pristine beaches. Anti-parking bylaws were passed, fences were built, and it became more and more clear that these 'Public beaches' - as are clearly posted - were only for the cottagers, the elite, and their friends... and for, perhaps, those hearty enough to walk or bike out to the far reaches of Tiny Township (which, if you are familiar with the area is a complete misnomer).

Last year one of the few remaining beaches with available parking implemented a 'Pay and Display' system, which is only a little less annoying than the permit parking.  Plans are in the works for next year to have the last remaining 'Free beach' at Balm Beach go pay parking, and restrict parking on the main road leading into the village.  Business owners in the area have protested metered parking, claiming it would cripple their business, which is a reasonable fear in my own humble opinion.

I can sympathize with some of the concerns of residents who pay property taxes to live in these areas.  When I was dating the most recent ex, who lived in the same general area, it was hard to even get to his place while navigating through the throngs of people and cars at the beach.  Thing is, the people, the crowds, the cars are hardly new.   It's not like these folks move in and go "Holy Shit!  People!" (well, maybe, if they buy during the winter months).  No, for the most part, they should probably know what they are getting into. But there seems to be an entitlement amongst the tourist class to come into an area such as ours and squeeze out the local lower-classes by changing the rules of the game to suit their comfort levels.  And of course Municipalities are going to go right along with it, because of the property taxes.

I guess what bothers me the most is that I wouldn't even have to deal with the bullshit parking issues in Tiny if my own constituency had a decent swimming area.  I know, I know.  First World Problems.  People in the world don't even have water to drink let alone swim in.  I know.  I'm whining.  But as someone who operates on a pretty strict budget and would like, once in a while, to have a fun day out at the beach with her children without settling for a mucky, boggy, rocky weedpatch of swimming hole, when there are white sandy beaches stretching for kilometers, if you only you can find somewhere to put your damn car, well, it's pretty frustrating.

*In the name of full disclosure, I should divulge that our family moved to this area from a suburb of Toronto after camping in the area for a number of years.  However, our move was based less on needing a 'summer home' to 'get away from it all' and more on 'Wow, Aurora sucks and living here is expensive as hell!'

Car shopping is bullshit.

I have a confession to make.  My close friends and family will already know this about me.

I am cheap as all hell.  Stingy.  It's sad.  I could give you all the reasons why, but here's the long and the short of it:  I just don't like putting down large sums of money for anything.  I don't like being in debt, so I try to live well within my means.

My means, meanwhile, are not fabulously abundant. 

There's food on the table, my rent is paid, my bills are (mostly) caught up.  There's not a lot left over, but it's not dire.  But it has been.  So now I'm extra careful not to get to that point.

I have to buy a car. 

*cue massive coronary*

I got the call back last week in regards to Betty's ultimate fate and the insurance company's final decision was to put the poor girl out to pasture.

Now, it's not all bad.  On some levels this helps me, financially (when you put aside the potential to get screwed on my next insurance renewal).

You see, I have a cunning plan.

"You wouldn't know a cunning plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing "Cunning plans are here again!"

I've looked it up and since I have full-replacement coverage, and my loan is half-way paid off, I should be able to pay it right off, thus ridding me of a $300+ monthly car payment (which can then go towards my downpayment fund and paying down student debt) and have a decent amount left over to buy a good used car. 

... did I just say 'Used' car?  As in.. driven by others?  As in, potentially unknown maintenance records?

*hyperventilates*

Fuck. 

Thing is.. me with cars?  They're not my strong subject.  People know this, friends and family know this and God Bless 'Em.. they seem to like me and have concern for my safety and even want to help me.

Thing with cars and buying cars is, everyone seems to have differing opinions.  Where to buy; where not to buy; what make to go with (and NO ONE will have the same answer for this, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE); which one's not to go with; Private sellers are a rip-off; used-car dealers are a rip-off; get an extended warranty; no don't they're a waste of money.

Sensory motherfucking overload. 

And I start worrying that I'm going to make the wrong decision and pick a car that will:

• Rust out within a month
• Spew flames upon ignition
• Refuse to start at any temperature lower than -5 celcius
• Randomly shoot lugnuts at my children when my back is turned
• Secretly change all my radio presets to Country, Talk Radio and Contemporary Christian stations.   

 And I'll discover that it's the car rated most likely to spontaneously drive itself off a cliff so my insurance premiums will be 500 dollars a month, and all the parts will need to be ordered in from Kazahkstan.

"Dammit Thelma, I told you that wasn't the I-95 exit!"

You know what happens then?  My brain, the car-buying portion of my brain SHUTS DOWN, and the only thought I can process is "Ooooooh.. pretty.  Is it certified?  E-tested? Within budget?  Let's just drive this fucker home NOW, thankyouverymuch."

"But it's PINK! and it's great on gas!"

I do want to point out to all the people who have offered to help, I DO appreciate it greatly and I love yas for it and I will definitely be taking some of you up on your offers of assistance (because God knows, I'm probably going to need it).  All I'm saying is, I'm not good with large purchases, so if we're talking cars and my eyes start to glaze and my bottom lip starts to tremble and I keep glancing at the door like I'm going to make a run for it.. well, don't take it personally. 

Just change the subject.  Trust me.  We'll both be better off.

Photo Sources:
ShareTV
Living Stingy
Bin Bin

The upside is I've been having fun with my 'Car-Shopping Music'.

 



Ahh, Blind Melon. Still so under-rated, in my humble opinion.

The CCF and the Humane Society could use a lesson from this woman

I am not generally a charitable person, in the strictest sense of the world.  I don't make a whole lot of cash donations to charitable organizations.  I know, I know.  But I'm a woman on a budget, plus I'm kind of a misanthrope who questions if my charitable donations are really going to someone who needs it.  I never said I was a good person.

Today I read a letter that first made me laugh, in that horrible 'Oh my god, I shouldn't be laughing at this' kind of way.  It was a letter written to Jenny at The Bloggess from a woman named Ally, of Christchurch, New Zealand.

As you may already know, Christchurch was hit by one huge sumbitch of an earthquake on February 22, and Ally was writing in hopes that Jenny, in her vast interwebs popularity, would be willing to ask her readers to help the people of Christchurch in their time of need.

Read Her Letter Here.  You Will Not Regret It.

It's okay.  I'll wait.

... *twirls in chair*  *tries to balance pen under nose* *picks at errant hangnail*

Oh, you're done? Good.

Now, if your reaction was anything like mine, you laughed then immediately went "Holy shit.  We need to help these unfortunate fuckers STAT."  

Did you?  Cool.  Go Help Them, then.

I think organizations like the Christian Children's Fund and the Humane Society could learn a lesson from Ally.  Honesty is the best policy.  Don't guilt people, don't fucking depress them.. because what happens then?  People get depressed.  They get overwhelmed, because they want to help ALL the starving children and ALL the abused kitties and puppies with their big sad eyes and distended bellies and flies on their faces.

Then what happens?  Your average Joe or Josephine.. they feel bad.  And resentful.  Because You, Charitable Organization, have made them Feel Bad.  And We Can't Help Everyone. And what do we do with unpleasant feelings?  We tune them out.  We change the channel when Sarah McLachlan starts singing ".. in the arrrmmmms offf annnn annnnngelllll" and the little puppies and/or African kids come on the screen.

And then No One gets help.

I love Ally's approach here.  Honest, direct, and creative.. and effective.

Rip-snortin' ass-kickin' Sunday Round-up

Pretty darn good.  That's probably my best way to describe this weekend.  No complaints here.

Friday night I picked up some Sushi for dinner at the local RCSS, and since they've changed the delivery day to Friday, it was very very fresh.  I really want to go out for actual restaurant sushi but I'm good with grocery store grade in the meantime.

Headed down to the Legion for karaoke with mom and Sharon.  Dad was already there for darts.  I haven't been out since before Christmas so I was having some withdrawal.  Ended up having a blast and getting some work out of the deal.  Looks like I might have a gig hosting the karaoke night on my kid-free Fridays.  I go in on the 11th so that Lance, our current KJ can train me on the equipment.  Pretty awesome.  Some extra cash to go towards my house-downpayment-fund for two nights work a month, for being where I might already be any given Friday.  Can't beat that.

Speaking of house hunting, mortgage calculators of the ilk that you find on real estate sites are bullshit, and depressing as hell.  According to the mortgage calculator, I can afford roughly $278 a month for a mortgage (which puts me at about $38,000 for a house.  I can't get a mobile home for that little around here).  I pay $700 bucks a month rent, plus hydro and I am not behind on my bills, and I'm managing to pay down my debt so CLEARLY I can afford more than $278 a month for a mortgage.

So eat me, mortgage calculator.

Back to happier things.  While at the Legion a group of about 10 snowmobilers/cottagers from Strathroy come walking in, most of them around my age (couple older dudes, and at least one paperboy).  My first thought, as one of the youngest available women in the Legion was "Oh! Hello Boys! Happy Birthday to Me!"

Normally I'm about as socially awkward as they come but on Friday, whether it was the beer or just a general sense of well-being and oneness with the world coupled with just feeling like holy-shit-I-am-one-hawt-mamma I was kind of on that night and lapping up the attention, especially from one of the cuter guys, who bought me a beer and asked for a dance.  He was a riot, and we spun and twirled and made clumsy attempts at dipping while his friends hooted and hollered and we all sang along to any given songs.  What a fun bunch they were, and I was feeling full of confidence.

Saturday I got up and went into town to take some clothes to the Salvation army and attempted to find a plain wood frame I to use for this print that I bought at the craft sale I did a few weeks back.  I can't for the life of me remember the photographer's name but if I remember it I will link back. In the meantime, please, no one steal this image, kay?  I'd feel really bad if you did.   'preciate it.  I just want a plain wood frame so I can paint it.  I'm thinking either red with white polka dots, or black with white polka dots.

Got a source now - Corey Ramsbottom Photography

Saturday afternoon I went ice skating with my friend Tessa and her boyfriend and her kids.  My ankles felt like jelly and I think I need to invest in some hockey skates.  I think they'd be more conducive to my skating style than the figure skates I currently have.   We left soon after Tess fell and bruised her arm pretty good, which was unfortunate and quite surprising since Vegas odds would be on me being the one that wiped out, but I miraculously didn't fall once.

Saturday night I grabbed my guitar and headed to the local church for their coffee house night.  I showed up a bit late so as a result I was dead-last on the roster, but I held out and managed to get a few songs in.

Here's what I played:

When I Come Back - NQ Arbuckle and Carolyn Mark (I posted a vid of myself playing this a while back.  You can see it here)

I Make the Dough, You Get the Glory - Kathleen Edwards (I've always kind of considered her a poor-man's Sarah Harmer, but I enjoy this tune a lot.)


Tina's Glorious Comeback - Dan Mangan (Future Husband and Stepfather to my children.  I wish.)

If You're Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough - Karen O (This song is fun as hell to play)

Just a little Open Mic Ettiquette 101.  Everyone wants a chance to play.  If the mode number of songs people are playing is four, it might be poor form to play seven,  you know?

Because I was very last on the bill, I was a little late to catch the free show being put on by Run With The Kittens at one of the local restaurants, but I did manage to make it about halfway through their first set.  I've never actually heard of them before, but I found them enjoyable.  Their sound is an odd mix of experimental sounds and blues-based rock.  When I listened to them, all I could think of was the Moldy Peaches tune Downloading Porn with Davo (NSFW people).  Later I found a similarity to catl as well.

Sadly, although a great restaurant, I found the Explorer's Cafe lacking as a live music venue.  Lacking space to move, that is, so I left at the intermission as my claustrophobic tendencies were making me a bit twitchy.

Today was laundry and grocery shopping day.  I met up with my mom and sister at the seventh circle of hell and promtly informed them that I was totally compromising my principles just to hang out with them, because I rarely shop at Wal-Mart if I can avoid it.

Feeling accomplished as I managed to make both Jello and Rice Krispie Squares for the girls lunches. Making them homemade is way cheaper than buying these things. A box of Jello costs about 69 cents and makes around six servings.. a pack of jello cups is about 2.99 and they have four.

With a box of Rice Krispies (4.99), three bags of marshmallows (@1.27 each, so $3.75 let's say) and a half pound of butter (1.50) you can make 4-6 dozen rice Krispie squares.  A box of 8 individually wrapped ones are about 2.99.  Plus by making the stuff, you get around the litterless lunch manifesto of the schools.

Don't get me wrong,  I love the idea of a litterless lunch, and we should all do our parts to cut down on garbage.  But telling a kid to take a granola bar out of it's wrapper and bring it in a container is bullshit.  And I doubt the school is going to come to my house and wash all my bloody plastic containers.  So I tell the girls "No, it's not litterless, but it's still less litter."

Goals (a Venn Diagram)

My basic conundrum:

You see my problem here?  Yeah.  Thought so.

WWWednesday - A corporation is a corporation...

.. is a corporation.

Oh yeah.  Down 1 lb this week.  *slow clap*

I'm feeling disillusioned with the program this week, but on a scale much grander than my usual "This is hard, wahhhhh" type disillusionment.

So Weight Watchers rolled out their new Points Plus program this week.  The difference here is supposed to be where the old Points program assigned foods a points value based on a food's fibre, calories and fat contents, the new system also incorporates protein and carbohydrate contents into the points value.  As a result some foods, such as fruits, go down in value and some go up.

I mean, in theory it makes sense, right?  Sure.

Here's what irks me.  In the four years I've been with this program, I have been witness to no less than four program roll-outs.  I have paid enough money (not even including recipe books and guides) into the program that I could probably bank roll the education of all of Fluorine Mark's children and still had enough for a nice dinner.  Myself, being the el cheapo I am, haven't bothered much with the peripherals of the program.. the measuring spoons, the fancy journals, the walking tapes, the fancy electronic points calculators.. no, aside from the initial food guides the first year I joined and 2-3 recipe books, I pretty much pay my weekly fees and that's it.

Boy sometimes I'm glad to be a tightwad.

Back to the reason for my aggravation.  Basically, this new points system renders all the old books, accessories, trackers, calculators absolutely moot and irrelevant.  And if there is one thing that gets my plus-sized panties in a bunch, it's planned fucking obsolescence.

So those people who did shell out for the fancy calculators, the food guides, and all that fun stuff, have got to do it again.  With the old program, you could get the fancy calculator or you could use the paper sliding graph that was provided with your WW package.  Now because of all the variables involved, they couldn't effectively design a paper slider, so you pretty much HAVE to buy the fancy electronic calculator.  They were marked down from $15 to $5 as a promotion for the opening week.  I bought one, but I was NOT happy about it.

 

An early version of the paper points finder.

Fancy pants electronic calculator.  Yes, I totally stole this pic from Amazon.  That's what the little camera means.

Frankly, the whole thing seems like a money-grab to me, and I said this to the ladies at the meeting today.  Let's change the whole program around, and bring in all new tools and materials.

Let's face it, although it touts itself as a lifestyle, and a support group, it's foolish to forget that above all Weight Watchers is a giant money-making machine, a corporation.  Sure it looks good on paper, in all reality, no matter what your mission statement may be, we know in the corporate world that the real mission is getting as much money out of the little guy (or the bigger gal) as humanly possible.

I've got some thinking to do.

All the money or the simple life honey.

So, as some may know, I'm currently a renter. My landlords are pretty cool. They don't flip if I'm a day late with the rent check, are good about coming to fix stuff and so forth.

Oh, and they kind of gave me life too, so good on them for THAT.

However, times are tough all over and the time comes to downsize and liquidate assets. So I've been given my notice. That's right, I've got roughly 730 days to vacate the premises. I'd say this is a pretty fair amount of notice, wouldn't you?

So this brings me to my newest goal, saving some change so I can get me one of those mortgage-things and a wee abode of my own. In two years I'd like to have somewhere in the ballpark of $15 to 20K saved up and hopefully I can find a decent place in the 130-180K range. Now, considering right now my savings account has a balance of somewhere in the area of ten dollars, I have some work to do.

Last week, like a grown-up, I went to the bank today and set myself up with a real savings account. Not an account that I call a savings account but never really accumulates anything, but one of those high-interest, we're-going-to-take-your-first-born-in-exchange-for-an-ABM-withdrawal type accounts.. the ones that keep your money locked up tighter than a virgin in an adamantium chastity belt.

The savings account will take $100 bucks out of my regular account each month, plus there's a feature that, everytime I make a debit purchase from my checking, the amount is rounded up to the nearest dollar and then the difference is put in the saving account. So that's pretty cool.

I've also been looking into options for paying down as much of my debt as possible, including bugging my bank, whom I have been with for nearly 15 years without so much as being offered a freaking OVERDRAFT into giving me a line of credit at a better rate than the LOC credit I'm current paying off at a different bank. Haggle Haggle Haggle.

So I've been trying to think of other ways I can save up as much money as humanly possible, while still being able to, you know, eat and have a life.

WAYS TO SAVE AND/OR MAKE EXTRA CASH

• All money from my Etsy Sales goes into savings
• Half of any HST credit, work bonus and other unexpected payments go into Savings, the other half into the 'fun money' (or bills if I am behind)
• Any money when I roll my change goes to savings
• Take more clothes that I don't wear to the consignment shop
  
• Bottle return money. Start having more BYOB parties.
• Bring a little hat to put at my feet when I go to open mike night, and hope people take the hint.

WAYS TO PAY DOWN DEBT

• Find Line of Credit with lower interest rate than I am currently paying, and make sure that's where the interest rate STAYS.
  
• Put $100 each to LOC, CC and Student loans each month, whenever possible.
• Come tax time, use return to pay off LOC. For the remainder, half goes to savings, half to fun stuff.
  

WAYS TO TIGHTEN MY BUDGET

• Cancel Accident insurance. I am insured through work so it's redundant, plus being accident insurance, if I did hack off my leg with a chainsaw, they'd probably find a way to say I did it on purpose.
• Remove 'Full Value' option from my car insurance. Each year this just gets higher, since the car gets devalued. I don't commute far now, so if my car gets written off for some reason, I'll drive a beater.
• Learn to do my own oil changes.
  
• Quit drinking Timmie's and go back to office coffee. Make own coffee in travel mug for long trips.
  
• Pack my own lunches
• Eat leftovers for dinner
• Call Rogers about better long distance plan.
  
• Check out RCSS's coupon board when grocery shopping.
• Pre-game when I go to the bar. Store bought beer has a lower markup than bar beer.
• No more free sex. I should at least get a meal out of the deal. One less meal I have to budget for in the weekly grocery bill.*
• Lose that last damn 20 pounds so I can become a Lifetime member at Weight Watchers and stop paying to go to the damn meetings.
• Recruit as many people as I possibly can so I can get a sweet discount for kick-boxing.

I know the obvious one I've missed is giving blood on a regular basis, but I'm not a good candidate for blood donation, what with the clotting issues and all.

And now, A Musical Interlude:



*NOTE: Dinner does not mean there will be sex, but sex better damn well mean there will be dinner. Or breakfast, I'm not picky.

Question of the day is...

Can somebody please tell me why Dave Mustaine is on Duck Dodgers? Yes, THAT Dave Mustaine. From Megadeth. On Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century.

Am I the only one who finds that bizarre? Of all the possible obscure celebrity guests imaginable they pick.... Dave Mustaine? For a children's show? What's next? Is Axl gonna do a guest spot on Sesame Street?

I think this is gonna be a weird day.

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So, once again, my car has become my hair-shirt. Coming home yesterday, car is getting all wobbly around the 40k mark, and doesn't seem to want to accelerate much at all. Take it to the wee little gas station in Apto and the general 'hanging around the gas station' consensus is...

Catalytic Converter. No gauges came on, and my transmission fluid, coolant and oil were all up to snuff, and water in the gas tank was ruled out.

Soooo today I am gonna call around to car parts dealers to get an idea how much this shite is gonna run me, if that indeed is what it is. Gonna try to avoid driving anywhere until I get it fixed on Monday.

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Oh yeah, my top two wisdom teeth have gotta come out. Gonna run around 1100 bucks. Gah. Between that and the car, I'm thinking there's some cosmic force, some money god, that does NOT want me to go to Nova Scotia this summer.

Well Screw you Cosmic Forces! (whoooo, THAT was probably not the brightest thing I could have said.)

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Some bright news in the financial department though, I got an email saying there was a cheque waiting for me in the financial aid office, one that I was totally not expecting, I think now that it's an extension on the Canada Study Grant (maybe from the strike).

600 bucks. I love random, out-of-nowhere money.

And 'Harper's hundreds' start next month I think, so that'll be an extra 200 bucks a month that I can put straight into savings. 

Scrapping the National Daycare plan and implementing a childcare allowance in it's place?

Bad for the country, but fucking AWESOME FOR ME! (still think Harper is an idiot for scrapping the plan, but who am I to turn down 200 bucks a month?) Feel kind of bad for those people who's kids are on waiting lists still.

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Nineteen more sleeps until Melissa is Here!! WHEEE!

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Next weekend is gonna be frickin' crazy. Gotta write a final on friday in Sociology of Aging (got my presentation done for that class, I hate public speaking), then I am driving down to Toronto, meeting my friend Simon who I haven't seen for 9 years for a drink, then meeting Sam and Ian at Ian's place so we can do the Pride Day Bar Crawl. I have been informed to be prepared to see some fucked up shit. 

Yay Pride day.

THEN, the next day, Me, Sam, Ian and Ian's cat are driving out to Harriston (about 2 hour drive) to attend a bush party. 

Then it's getting everyone home again on Sunday. Whoa eh?

Anyway, so that's me at the moment. Craziness.