So did go all that is good and pure in the world.

My heart is broken.

I caught wind through fellow blogger, Lance, that during last night's taping of The Daily Show, long-time host Jon Stewart let slip that he would be stepping down from his hosting duties.

I may have cried a little.  I am not ashamed.

When I saw the posted headline, I silently begged "Please be the Onion.  Please be the Onion," but the AV Club's post had already been edited to include an official announcement from Comedy Central.

SOURCE

This is disheartening news.  It may sound weird, since it's not entirely kid-friendly fare, but watching the Daily Show has become family time around here.

Yes, my kids rock current events at school.

And even though Jon Stewart may have outed the Easter Bunny, he's also opened up dialogues with my kids about war, prejudice, injustice, politics, racism, sexism (but surprisingly, not make-believe holiday creatures).  I recall Reagan laughing at a joke Stewart made a few months back that pointed out the irony in gun-rights advocates invoking Martin Luther King Jr. as an ally.

Granted, she may have just been laughing at the faces he was making, but a little part of me thought she may have gotten the joke. The kid is pretty smart.

Humour makes ideas and current events accessible.  And I think that has been part of the appeal of the Daily Show.

I have a few hopes here.  My first hope involves a long-time desire to see Jon Stewart enter politics, as I am sure many others have also hoped.  Then if he ran for president, Rick Mercer could come out and renounce that time he shilled for the government with those "One-Ton Challenge" commercials and returning to biting political commentary with a northern touch, and make a run for PM and in the end we'd have an entertaining-as-hell Canada-US alliance.

That's just an idea I've been throwing around since pretty much forever.

Second, since Comedy Central's official statement seemed to imply that Stewart's departure would not spell the end of the Daily Show, I really, sincerely hope that they make Jessica Williams the new host.  Not only is she my favourite correspondent out of the current cast, she's pretty badass, but as a WOC she'd be a refreshing change of pace from the current white-dude tsunami that is the late night talk-show circuit (Although I haven't forgotten you, Larry).

SOURCE

I guess we have a few more months to find out what's in store.

Oh, Fuck No.

Today in sexist fuckwittery, a school in New jersey has had it's female students take a "no swearing" pledge. You read that right, folks. Just the girls.

Look, in spite of my own potty mouth, I'm not a fan of swearing and have even made (valiant, but failed) attempts at keeping my own expletives to a minimum.  It can make people sound ignorant and uneducated.  In some contexts though, a well-placed expletive can place emphasis on a phrase, really hit a point home.  That's neither here nor there.  Because it seems much more than a little fucked up to me that only the girls are being asked to take this pledge. Am I alone here?

The school denies a double standard is at play. Of course not. I mean, yeah, none of the boys had to take the pledge but they were asked kindly to not swear around the girls, so that's gotta count for something, right?

FYI.

It counts for making this pledge doubly insulting, because it gives the message that swearing is in appropriate for "ladies" but fairly innocuous when guys do it, unless of course they do it around d us girls and our delicate sensibilities.

What the fuck?

Tumblr user Afroboheme noted that it was telling that the pledge pin was a pair of lips with a red slash through them:

It really got me that they’re promising pins with a ‘red slash through pink lips’. Cause that’s what they actually want. Ladies should keep their fucking mouths shut, amiright? Try and tell me this isn’t what this is actually about? Getting women to shut the fuck up.

Does that seem hyperbolic to you?  Maybe, except that tone arguments and admonishments to be ladylike and not make waves have been used for years to suppress and derail women, who when expressing dissatisfaction and yes, even anger are told they are being hysterical.

So color me fucking unimpressed by this one-sided attempt to teach civility.   If you run a school and you have rules of conduct, then enforce those standards across board.  Don't hold the girls to a different standard than the boys and then claim that you are not upholding a plainly sexist double-standard.  Otherwise, I say, fuck that double-standard bullshit.

*special thanks to Kate for bringing this to my dashboard

In regards to today's teacher's strike.

I've been meaning to say a few things on this, aside from the few comments on teacher-bashing Facebook posts that I've been seeing.

The work-to-rule thing sucks for the kids.  I know that, and I totally get it.  No after-school clubs, no extracurriculars, no field trips - it sucks for them.  I'm not about to deny that.

The one-day strike happening today.  It sucks for parents.  One of the functions of public schools is cheap daycare, along with the education of our children.  I sit in a position of privilege here, I realize that.  Between an ex-husband that is generally available and willing to take his kids; a boyfriend also willing to hang with my kids and a job that, worse come to worse, will let me stay home for a day to watch them myself, I'm not going to be horribly affected by this action.  That's a privilege and I recognize it.  Many parents are not in such a lucky position.  I get that too.  I'm glad for their sake that this is only a one day action.

Teachers work damn hard.  I've watch my sister go through the rigors of constant training and upgrading skills (the courses which are paid out of pocket).  Lesson planning and grading that goes well into the nights and weekends.  I barely see her between the months of September and June, she's so busy.

I entrust my kids to their teachers care for 5-6 hours a day.  Damn right I want them paid and compensated well.  It's not greed, it's what they have coming to them.  I've read time and time again that they are doing wrong by the children by holding out and taking job action.  No one has pointed a finger  at the school boards and government who also continue to hold out on negotiations.  No one seems to be up in arms about school board trustees with six figure salaries.  It's the teachers because "That's my tax money!"

If my kids teachers are well compensated, that means they're going to be happier and more satisfied with their job.  Which means my kids get a better education.  I'm okay with my taxes going towards that.

Source

Frankly, everybody deserves to be well compensated for their jobs.  Not just teachers.  Labour organizations and unions have helped people with that in various sectors.  Other sectors, such as the retail and service sector are starting to organize.  Read up on your labor history.  If you have eight-hour days, or paid sick leave or vacation time or benefits, that's the result of the work of labour organizations.  

Your vocabulary lesson for the day.

The English language is a complex tapestry of varying rules of grammar, spelling and uses. Individual words can hold multitudes of meanings and evolve over generations. Sometimes those meanings can evolve into ones that are hurtful and silencing. We have control over this and we can keep words from being hurtful by not using them in damaging contexts.

Words mean things.

I can't believe we're still having this conversation but here goes:

When you say something is gay when you really mean stupid, you are equating gay with stupid. It paints gayness as a negative trait, and it's not. Full stop. When you use this, you are insulting and marginalizing an entire group of people. Same with retarded. Hell, even same with lame.

Using the word stupid all the time gets boring, I know. And these can be difficult linguistic habits to break (believe me.. I've stuck my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion... Right Danno?

So for your convenience, here is a handy list of words that can be used in place of stupid that DON'T serve to marginalized entire groups of people for no good reason.

Stupid

Ridiculous
Ludicrous
Lacking common sense
Illogical
Inane
Nonsensical
Foolish
Sophomoric
Absurd
fucked up beyond comprehension
Horrendous
Preposterous
Banal
Vapid
Unimaginative
Unoriginal
Pedestrian
Laughable
Pointless
Puerile

Of course, some of these are better suited to some contexts more than others. This isn't even a comprehensive list. Your Thesaurus has all these and more. I hear they even have em online now.

Yeah. You're welcome.

My readers are helpful. See also:

Insipid
Stupidiotic

Feel free to add suggestions in the comments.

They'll give anyone a license to teach these days.

First off, let me say that I agree with the idea that by constantly shielding our children from all and any type of conflict we are not providing them with the coping skills that become necessary when one gets out into the 'real world' and learns that ... *gasp* you are NOT a special and unique snowflake and not everyone will like you.

However, it's important that we not forget.. children are PEOPLE and deserving of respect just as are adults. I don't subscribe to the idea that any show of childhood aggression is bullying.  But I won't deny that it definitely happens more than it should.  I also believe that kids learn aggression from adults around them and that one of the ways  to combat it is to teach kids not that they are a special and unique snowflake, but they ARE a human being and worthy of respect, of both their peers and adults around them.

Case in point:

I let out a pretty good string of obscenities when I read a story about a Phys. Ed. teacher in Wyoming who handed out 'Hurt-Feeling' reports that asked those filling out the report if they were 'thin-skinned, a pussy, a little bitch' and so forth.  Not only did these report use a wide plethora of extremely misogynist and homophobic language to describe the kid reporting the incident (because, you know.. only girls and gays have feelings... feelings that get hurt) he refers to the person being complained against as a 'Real Man'.

Of course, because Real Men taunt and torment and tease others in their constant quest to be the Alpha, the manliest of manly men.

And they're letting this guy teach?

Stuff like this is why I get my panties in a bunch sometimes when people discuss childhood bullying and abuse - and make no mistake, THIS is a bullying tactic, through and through. It's hard to break through the idea that adults just don't give a shit when there are assholes like this in the teaching profession.  I was bullied as a kid, for a good year at least, and later in other instances and I never told anyone.  If a kid like me, with a supportive family and half-decent teachers wouldn't seek out adult intervention, what hope do kids have who have to depend on this jackhole?

By the way, Baldy McScaryPants was reprimanded for the forms and ... um.. demoted, I guess?... from Phys Ed. coach to...

... get this...

A MOTHERLOVING GUIDANCE COUNSELLOR.

"HELP ME HELP YOU.. TO NOT BE SUCH A WHINY LITTLE BITCH!!"  Dear Gord, send it back to Hell.

I'm not sure what bugs me more about this:  The fact that this guy who is supposed to be in a position of trust and authority is waving a flag stating "I don't give a shit about you or your precious fee-fees" or that he's also reinforcing the idea that if you speak up about someone hurting them, you are not a Man.  You are a sissy or worse, a girl. (subtext: No one wants to be a girl.  Girls are icky.  So are gays.  Because they are like girls and have girly-hormones).  Men Don't Have Feelings.  Only Girls and Sissy Gay Boys Have Feelings.

God help the kid that comes for guidance who happens to be a girl, or gay, or both.

It makes me sad that there are dedicated honest people waiting for teaching jobs while this dude is probably setting up a whole new generation of Columbine kids with apathy and hatred.

Photo Credit: Jezebel.com

Going to get all 'mommy-blog' on you because this was so cute I could have died..

So, while I was cleaning my kids room this weekend, I came across a writing assignment belonging to mine youngest child.

Authors Note:  I was going to scan the pages and transcribe them, but then I realized that when my computer crashed a few months ago, forcing me to install a new OS, I lost a lot of my programs, including all the drivers for my scanner.  That being said, when I get off my lazy ass and find the drivers and reinstall them, I will include photos but for now I'm just going to transcribe what i found.

I may have 'awwwwhhhhh'ed out loud to myself.  I won't deny it.

All About Guitars

Dedicated to My Mom

By: Reagan.

All About Guitars. 

#1 Strings Guitars have Six strings.  They go dark, lighter, lighter, lighter, light and the last one is the lightest.  It also gets skinnier.  There's also these little bulbs on the top and on the bottom.  Six on each top and bottom.

#2 Kinds There are two kinds of guitars.  An electric guitar and a rock guitar.  The sound on a rock guitar comes from the hole on the guitar but the sound on an electric guitar doesn't come from a hole it comes from a stereo because there is no hole on it. 

#3 body Last I'm going to you about the body of the guitar.  There's a head, long neck, and the hips, arms, stomach, and back all together.  There is no legs, hair or butt cause it would look silly.

Once again, I really wish I had my shit for my scanner hooked up but I'm ass-tired and last time it took me DAYS to figure out how to install all the drivers on this bloody Mac, so for now, you'll have to use your imagination.  But as soon as I get it set up, I'll update this post with pictures.  I couldn't even manage to find a good child-like font that could be applied to random blocks of text.

I'm doing it wrong.

UPDATED: Yeah. Not impressed.

So, I got a letter home from the school the other day letting us know that the Gideons have asked to come and speak to our fifth-graders (of which mine eldest spawn is one) and provide them each with a free Bible.  At the bottom of the letter is a disclaimer stating that this is not an initiative of the local school board.

I'm not real thrilled about this, so I sent the form back with a note that I did not wish for my child to participate.

I had very little religious education growing up, beyond what I sought out for myself over the years and what I have seen has not impressed me.  At this point in time I consider myself pretty much an Atheist, and my children have been taught a moral code based simply on the idea of being empathic to others' feelings and respecting their bodily autonomy.  Pretty simple.

I've had my kids enrolled, albeit reluctantly, in a few Bible camps due to the fact that church funded kids activities tend to be a hell of a lot cheaper than other kinds of day camps so I justified it using providing the kids with a social outlet.  But I always felt kid of squicky, especially when my daughter went to her dad's and told her stepsister that she wouldn't go to Heaven because she didn't believe in god.

The ex-hub and I had a little chat after that and came to the conclusion that we'd seek other social outlets for the kiddies.

So yeah, I'm not thrilled.  I wasn't going to even mention it here, but a friend of mine posted the question to Facebook and a discussion ensued.

I'm of the belief that one's spiritual and religious beliefs are a personal thing and are not suitable for the school environment.  One woman made the comment that this would provide a moral compass to kids.  I replied that one can teach children morals and ethics without relying on the Bible.

I think that what bugs me most is not the fact that if I wanted to indoctrinate my kids I'd be sending them to church, or at the very least a Catholic school (please don't get me started on the fact that we still have a Catholic school board) but it's that I have the feeling that in our rather white-bread community, I'm not sure I'd see it going over well if say, a Muslim group wanted to talk to the school and hand out copies of the Qu'ran - although, incidentally, the public library did recently hold a Question-Answer type period on Islam that I was tempted to check out and then I completely forgot about it...

Anyway, I digress.. I'm not sure that would go over so well.. or what if one of our many local members of the Pagan community wanted to come lecture the kids?  Or.. what if I wrote to the School board and asked if I could come in and lecture on Atheism and hand out copies of writings by Nieztche or Richard Dawkins' "The God Delusion?"

Would they be as welcoming then?

I'm almost tempted to write a letter suggesting just that...

In other news, I have now have the school board to blame for the fact that I've had Rocky Racoon stuck in my bloody head all day long.

UPDATE:  Holy hell (*snicker*) I just remembered another reason why this pisses me off.  Because this is being hosted by the same school that has had 'Orange and Black day' in place of Halloween celebrations, so as not to offend the poor widdle Christian (and other) kids whose parents don't let them celebrate Halloween.

Hypocrisy at its finest.

Another Poetic Interlude..

Whilst looking for lined paper for the eldest child, I stumbled across some of my old university assignments, including a chap book of poetry for a creative writing class titled "Does Not Play Well With Others" because I am oh-so-bad-assed, you know.  There were a couple passages I enjoyed.  I'm also considering posting a couple of the essays as blog entries because I really enjoyed writing them, and I still enjoy reading them and I like the idea of getting feedback from those other than the one or two profs that got to mark them.

That all depends if I can find the doc files, because I sure as hell ain't typing out the hard copies.

In the meantime, I'll share a couple of the poems here.  There seemed to be a common thread of disliking structured poetry.

Ours Is Poetic

Ours is not so much a matter of rhyming
More a type of word splatter running
From a mind-spigot, the very timing
Of which is most important, when one most cunning
Forgets about the trying-to-say or
Gives up on wit or random punning

If all academic falsehood is removed
The barest essence of emotion left
There still, is room for a reader to be moved
For emotion lies at the depths,
Lays a foundation for some profound thing
When left unsaid, leaves the soul bereft.

The second one was part of of an assignment to write a poem called a Sestina which has the most effed-up, convoluted structure imaginable.  So like the fourth-grader that does a speech about how much they hate public speaking, I wrote a sestina about how fucking aggravating and pointless sestina-writing is.

Writing the Sestina

I'd say I've written a sestina before
but in all honesty I'd be lying
as I have never attempted a thing
so complicated as this.  I must say
It is really an aerobic feat of mind
to complete.  Really, if i had my way

I would choose to write this another way
and get myself into my warm bed before
I found myself giving a piece of my mind
to whoever came up with this.  Lying
in my bed I could dream of what I'd say
to the creator of this silly thing.

Really now, who comes up with such a thing?
Someone who sits around and thinks of ways
to make complicated methods to say
things that could be put more simply.  Before
I enjoyed poetry, I'm not lying
but writing this makes me lose my mind.

Now I'm not saying I really mind
reading the sestina and other things, 
but I get to feeling like I'm lying. 
Fitting words to metre a certain way
Since it seems the form comes well before
what I am actually trying to say.

Oh but what am I trying to say?
The original idea has slipped my mind.
I had a vague idea.  That was well before
I got wrapped up and tangled in this thing
and my message got lost along the way.
Now exhausted, I find myself lying

on the floor, when I should be lying
in my bed.  For what more could I say
on the subject, considering the way
my eyes are drooping and it seems my mind
is wandering, drifting to other things. 
I should retire, and sleep before

someone finds me lying here.  I don't mind
if perhaps they say I'm mad or something.
I was that way already, long before.

Copyright Andrea Lyn Cole 2006

Is it wrong to play "Another Brick In The Wall" to your kids on Labour Day Monday before bed?

1,985 kilometres (that's 1,233 miles to those on the Imperial system) covered over four days and here I am, home once again, just in time to send the kiddies back to school with lunches containing food I bought tonight at roughly 9pm after realizing "Holy shit! School starts tomorrow! These kids are going to want to eat!"

Back to school doesn't much alter my routine, other than causing my mornings to require a little more structure.  Since the girls go to their dad's during the day, in the summer, getting them ready in the morning consists of little more than ensuring they have pants on their butt, and something in their stomach (and even this is kinda/sorta optional, as their stepmom informed me that whether they eat breakfast here or not, the usually end up helping themselves to cereal when they get there in the morning anyway).

Now it's make sure they're fed, teeth brushed, hair brushed, lunch made, school bag packed and they're dressed.  Not just dressed, but appropriately dressed. 


There's a brief period of about three to four years where you can safely leave your kids to their own devices when it comes to getting dressed.  Around grade two they stop insisting on wearing pajamas to school, turtlenecks in 30°C weather, flip flops and/or Crocs in the rain and can *usually* be consistent with the wearing of underpants.

The years previous to these are the ones where you can use praise to deflect the blame on poor fashion choices away from yourself, the parent.

"Oh.. what an interesting outfit little Millie has on..."
"Oh, yes, I know.  And she picked it out all by herself, didn't you honey??  ALL BY YOURSELF.  NO HELP FROM MOM AT ALL," 


That's right, distance yourself from the purple cordouroy pants paired with the three-sizes-too-small shirt that you kept trying to donate but they kept pulling it out again when you weren't looking, and decided to put it on when you were already fifteen minute late so there was no time to change.  Other parents will nod knowingly.  They've seen the same horrors you have.

My oldest, having just turned ten, is reaching a stage where once again I feel it necessary to police her wardrobe choices, mainly for the reasons that A) she still hasn't gotten that 'color-matching' thing down and B) children's retailers and the school officials who write the dress code have wildly differing views of what is 'age appropriate'.

Have you recently trying buying shorts for a ten-year-old girl that are not more than three fingers above the knee?  Don't bother.  Really.  Save the time, save the effort and make cut-offs.  Or shop in the boys section (where, incidentally, all shorts seem to fall three fingers below the knee).

But basically yeah, we've reached the early stages of that joyous time where her fashion sense may clash with my desire to keep her in outfits that can be described without the use of the term "prost-i-tot".  She's a big fan of the Disney set, whose imaginary tweenie characters seem to have clothing allowances that would probably pay my car insurance and my cable bill together.

Evenings require a bit more structure now as well.  There is the ceremonial unpacking of the school back, signing of notes, throwing out of half-empty containers of pudding that the school, under their so-called "litterless lunch" mandate insists on having the girls put back in their lunch bags.  This is especially pleasant after they've gone to their dad's for the weekend, and the lunch bags don't get unpacked because I like to keep my plastic sandwich containers, thankyouverymuch.

There are showers to be had, on a regular basis even.  In the summer there'd be conversations like this (keep in mind that they often bathe at their dad's for hygiene, and sometimes simply for something to do)

"When was the last time you washed your hair?"
"..."
"Did you have a bath at your dad's today?"
"No."
"When was the last time you had a bath or a shower?"
"..."

*sigh*

"Okay, here's some advice.. if the answer to any of those questions is 'I don't know' then just go have a shower."

School time comes and it's every-other-day whether you feel like you need it or not.  No one wants to be the smelly kid.

So begins another year.  *pours a shot.. or four*

Thoughts on "Passing Gifts"

Well, another school year has come and gone and with it, year end report cards.  Generally, my youngest gets glowing reports in the A and B area.  The oldest, although very smart, has a little more trouble with school, but on the whole, she gets by with B's C's and the occasional D.

A friend on the Facebook brought up an interesting question.

What do you think about giving your kids gifts for passing onto the next grade?


Me?  I think it's kind of like paying your kid to clean their room.  A Non-issue.  It's something they are expected to do, it's their responsibility.  So no, I don't necessarily agree with buying gifts for simply passing from one grade to another.

That's no to say that there aren't some good arguments.  One other friend pointed out that working parents get yearly raises, so why shouldn't kids get similar?  And that's fair, to a point.  However, many raises are also awarded on merit, rather than for simply being there.. not for simply doing your job, but for doing it well.  A raise is also supposed to cover the increases in the cost of living that accrue each year.  A new bike, or XBox is not a living expense.

However, going to school is a responsibility, much like keeping ones room clean at home is a responsibility.  It is expected as a part of a household, and as a current/future member of society.  In my honest opinion, these are things that should be expected if they are within your capabilities, and offering rewards for them may only serve to foster a sense of entitlement, a "What's in it for me" mentality.  Education in and of itself is a reward.  Feeling good about yourself for having accomplished something is a reward.  Satisfaction on a job well done is a reward and I think a focus on these things is important to a child's self-actualization.

Now, I will say that I don't think there isn't some place for rewarding your children for hard work.  If they have gone above and beyond, then there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that with a gift or a special day, especially if you have a kid that really struggles.  But the focus should be on the effort rather than the end product.  Myself, I'd be more apt to reward a child who struggles with school who manages, through dedication and determination, to raise their grade from a D to a C+, than I would  a kid who regularly excels at school getting straight A's yet again.  I will admit that I don't know what it's like to deal with a kid who routinely struggles with school.  If I did, my expectations would be different, I suppose.

To use the housekeeping example again, I don't think I should have to reward the kids for doing things they are expected to do as part of a functioning household.  However, if there was something they did (say, for example, weeding gardens, cleaning the bathrooms etc) that was not a part of their expected chores, then I'd be inclined to give them a little something for their efforts, along with a (more importantly) a sincere "Thank you!" and "Great Job!" - an acknowledgement for contributing beyond normal expectations and going out of their way to help out.  It's probably an interesting contradiction that I'm more likely to reward my kids for doing things without the expectation of a reward.

It's also important to take into consideration what is considered a 'Gift'. I knew a girl growing up who received extravagant gifts each year for passing into the next grade.  Call it sour grapes if you will, but looking back this girl was a bit of an entitled brat, and this always became apparent around the end of school year, as she would brag about the new scooter, or bike she got for passing.  I know not all kids are like this, and giving your kid a present doesn't mean they'll also be entitled brats, but it's something that has always stuck with me.

I did enjoy one woman's idea that her and her family have a special dinner or special day, more as a tradition to celebrate the end the school year.  It sounds like less pressure for the parents (since much like the Tooth Fairy tends to leave more money with each tooth, Passing Gifts may get more expensive as the years go by) and a fun way to reflect on the year and look forward to the coming summer.

Of Intent and 'isms'

I've been watching a rather interesting flame war unfurl on Feministe right now, in regards to a seemingly innocuous ad from Dove, depicting three women under two frames showing dry crackily skin as before, and a frame of smooth-appearing skin as the after.

The interesting note is how the women are arranged under the before and after frame.  We go from a plus-sized woman of color (directly under the 'Before' sign), to a fairly average, "racially-ambiguous" woman in the middle, to a thin white woman (directly under the 'After' sign).

Click to enlarge - Source

Now, myself, I wouldn't have picked up on this had it not been pointed out to me, but I will admit it does look a smidge like the women in the picture are suppose to represent the 'Before' and 'After', in which case, that's a pretty racist AND size-ist image to be putting out there, what with the played out ideas of light=desirable as well as thin=desirable.  Have we not moved beyond this, people?

Two of the common defences for this ad that are popping up are the "I don't see how this is racist" defence and the "I don't think Dove intended it to be offensive" defence.

Two of the commenters on the thread, one an admittedly thin, white woman, made the "I don't see how this is racist," argument, which would have been fine in my humble opinion (because, hey, not everyone is going to read it the same way) had they not decided to suffix this statement by going on about how people, and especially POC, are oversensitive and looking for problematic issues where none exist.

One of the commenters took to her own blog with a diatribe about her hurt feelers, without seeming to get that while it's totally okay to not see the same imagery (like I said, I probably wouldn't have seen it if wasn't pointed out to me) making statements that basically dismiss the concerns of those who DO see a problem with it, especially those who may belong to said marginalized groups, and THEN have a hissy because people aren't respecting that your opinion is your opinion... well, there's just nothing cool about that at all.  It's the debate equivalent of smacking someone and then saying "What? That didn't hurt! Quit being a suckhole!" and then getting pissed off when they smack you back.

The second common defence for the Dove ad is the "They probably didn't mean it that way, so why are we getting all up in arms about it?"

Because, my lovelies, unintentional messages and images that serve to marginalize underprivileged groups are still messages and images that serve to marginalize underprivileged groups and as such, we should do what we can to examine and be critical of such images, and not just give them a pass because maybe they didn't mean it that way.

No, maybe they didn't mean it that way, although it's hard to imagine that with a company the size of Unilever that SOMEONE on the marketing department wouldn't have picked up on this and gone "Uh, hey guys? About that?"  But unintentional messages can perpetuate ideas and stereotypes just as well as intentional messages, and in some cases can be more damaging when you consider the tendency to give people a pass due to ignorance.

In the thread there was a debate about the similarity of the situation to an episode of South Park, but I think a more apt comparison is the scene in Clerks 2 where Randal uses the word 'Porchmonkey'  while ignorant of it's problematic history (Trigger warning on the vid for racial slurs.  A lot of them - p.s. I'm not the author of the video, so that's not my captioning at the beginning).  The incomparable Wanda Sykes plays a customer who takes great offense to this and is just about ready to jump the counter on him.  Blinded by his privilege Randal insists that it's not racist, and continues to offend those around him with his insistence on using the term.  Wanda Sykes' character is offended, not because she's oversensitive, but because Randal, while not an inherently bad person, is an idiot.  Not for using the word porchmonkey, but for dismissing others' experiences with the term, based on his own privileged experience and CONTINUING to use it after having the negative connotations explained to him.

When a small child says or does something inappropriate that hurts others, we (hopefully.. as a parent I try to) point out what they've said or done and why it's hurtful.  Clearly the child doesn't know they're being hurtful, so we correct them so they avoid this behaviour in the future.

Why is it unacceptable to do the same with adults, or large corporations, or the media?  When a message is unintentional, that is ALL THE MORE reason to call it out and let those put the message forth that "Hey, yeah, not okay."

And pointing out the behaviour, and why it's hurtful.  Like we do with small children.  This goes for any 'ism' that one may come across, be it racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia and so forth.

The test for Dove and Unilever now will be their response.  So far it's been a resounding "Did Not!" which is basically what we've been talking about here.  A dismissal, when a more PR-friendly response may have been  an acknowledgement of the public's concerns, an apology for inadvertently upsetting people, and then pull or alter the ad.

It's a better move to go "Uhm.. wow.  Didn't pick up on that. Let's fix that." than to be the kid going "Nuh-uh! I never did!"  The latter option ends up acting as a big 'Fuck You' to all the people who did feel the ad was questionable and felt marginalized as a result.

All Hallow's Rant - Follow-up.

For those who didn't read it, last week I posted a rant about my childrens' school's "Orange-and-black" day policy.

So last night after trick-or-treating, my older daughter informed me that she had a math homework assignment that involved her counting out her treats and creating graphs and such based on her candy haul.

hmm.. interesting.  I wonder what those poor kids who don't trick or treat are supposed to do?

Hypocrisy, indeed.

All Hallow's Rant.

I just want to state right off the bat, that we as people should try to be sensitive to one another and respectful of people's beliefs.

That being said, "Orange-and-Black" day is a giant pile of lame.

Yes.  Orange and Black day.  That is what my childrens' school calls a Halloween celebration.  No costumes.  Just Orange and Black clothing.

L.A.M.E. Lame.

In what universe does it make sense that I am allowed and encouraged to dress in costume at my office job, yet my children are subjected to this?   I've heard a number of reasons behind this, the main one being:

• We don't want to leave out the kids who don't celebrate Halloween.
• We don't want kids to lose parts of their costumes before Halloween.

First,  I've generally been of the opinion that the way to promote diversity is to engage others in traditions, rather than shy away from them.  I generally get on this more around the holiday season, by maintaining that rather than trying to erase christmas from schools, schools should also teach about other celebrations such as Chanukah, Diwali, Kwanzaa etc, especially in more culturally diverse areas.  I don't think anyone should be forced to participate, but then we get the argument 'well, we don't want the kids who don't celebrate to feel like weirdo's or something

Secondly, kids are gonna get left out of stuff.  We as adults do children a huge disservice by constantly trying to level the playing field, because when they are in the real grown-up world, there is no level playing field.  We do more damage, in my opinion, by going 'well, Johnny doesn't celebrate halloween, so none of us can, so Johnny doesn't have hurt feelings.'  How alienated is Johnny going to feel when all the other little kids know he's the reason they can't wear their h'ween costumes to school?

The second one I got from my younger daughter's Kindergarten teacher a couple of years back.  Flabbergasted?  Yes i was.  That year was especially stupid, because Orange and Black day was strictly a Kindergarten thing.. the older grades were allowed to wear their costumes to school.   So parents with more than one kid at the school were stuck explaining to their 4 and 5 year olds that they couldn't wear costumes, but their brothers/sisters could.  Real nice.

My reaction (non-verbal, in-my-head reaction) to this teacher's reasoning that she didn't want to be responsible for making sure the kids didn't lose parts of their costumes was "Are you kidding me?  Why are you even a teacher?"  Seriously, what a friggin' cop-out.  Oh, while on the subject, when I brought banana muffins for their Orange and Black.. erm.. party, I was told 'sorry, healthy treats only."  Shit.  All that heroin I laced the muffins with going to waste.  Seriously?  Banana Muffins=Junk?  At least my co-workers liked them.

(I am in no way insinuating that any of my co-workers are smack addicts.  Just in case of any confusion)

The other thing that bugged me is that there probably are people out there who would get mad at the school if Little Precious lost part of their costume, when they should be A) mad at their kids for being irresponsible and losing stuff or B) mad at themselves for buying expensive costumes when they could easily make them, knowing full well that kids are irresponsible and lose stuff.

If my kids lose a part of their costume at school, I'm out maybe 2-3 bucks (because I refuse to buy costumes, and prefer to piece them together - I may buy components but on the whole, I costume pretty cheaply) and they have to make do with whatever we have lying around the house, and if they don't like it, they shouldn't have lost their costume.

Simple.  Teaching kids at a young age to respect their belongings and hold themselves accountable.

*sigh*

I guess I can take some solace that at least they're not pulling out the old played out "Oh Noes!  Devil worship!" arguments.  But Really? 

I'm thinking I'll dress them in their black and orange, and if they want, do some zombie makeup.

Civil disobedience, Kids.  That's where it's at.

Where I'm coming from...

First a quick note.. the recent posting at Simple Dude in a Complex World marking his two month anniversary in the blogosphere reminded me that this past September marked one year with this particular blog.  Yay Me!  I've actually been blogging since roughly 2005 if you count my now deleted MSN Spaces account (although I did make sure to copy that sucker to a text file) and my blog at MySpace that is still accessible here.  Still working on archiving that one.

On to my point...

I was struck by an interesting comment on a recent post at Feministe advocating that people in a debate regarding privileged groups and marginalized groups should be upfront about their own particular privileges.  Since I have some new readers, and occasionally I like to dig past my day to day happenings and kind of delve into the sociological muck, goober that I am, I'd like to present you all with a list of the areas of privilege and marginalization that I myself am coming from.

My Areas Of Privilege

I am white
I am Anglo Saxon
I am straight
I am cisgendered (Wikipedia Definition)
I am working class
I am able-bodied
I am university educated
I am gainfully employed
I am literate
I speak English as my first language

Areas Where I could be considered marginalized

I am a woman
I am a (formerly) above-average sized person
I am divorced
I am a single parent

Other factors that play into my personal experiences but might not be considered privileged or non-privileged

I am from a mostly rural area
I am of no religious affiliation
I am a product of a two-parent family

So, when I discuss social issues, these are the areas of privilege and non-privilege that I am speaking from, that help to shape my personal understanding of the world.  Sometimes I may think I understand a situation better than I actually do, based on my own privilege.  Feel free to call me on it, if you think I am out of line. 

That being said, I fucking hate trying to spell privilege.  Just sayin'

The Mrs. Lovejoys have their priorities out of whack.

You know who I'm referring to, correct?  Those that wring their hands crying 'Please, think of the children!'

Over the last couple of weeks there have been a string of teen suicides involving gay teens who were being tormented (bullying is so overused.. ) by their peers.  One kid was outed on the internet by his college room-mate.  Imagine, if you will, someone you were forced to live in close confines with playing a video of you having sex ON THE INTERNET.  Without your consent, or knowledge.  Imagine how horrifying that might be for you.  Regardless of who you are having sex with.

Dan Savage, who writes a sex advice column, came up with the brilliant idea for the "It Gets Better" project... basically, a collection of videos where gay adults can let young people who may be grappling with their sexuality know that there is life after high school and that life will get better.  Frankly, I think ANY kid who is being bullied can benefit from this.  I sure could have.  It was a huge relief finding out that all those heirarchies that exist in a high school and even public school environment DON'T MATTER when you're finally out in the 'real world'.

Of course, we get the dissent, as I mentioned yesterday like this jackass here (Again, trigger warning.)  A commenter at Here and Now pointed out this story as well:

Some School Anti-Bullying Programs Push Gay Agenda, Christian Group Says

Imma file this under "Are you F***ing Kidding me??"

"What parents need to be aware of is there are activist groups who want to promote homosexuality to kids because they realize if they can capture hearts and minds of our children at the earliest ages they will have for all practical purposes won the clash of values that we are currently experiencing," - Candi Cushman, education analyst for Focus on the Family, said on recently launched website TrueTolerance.org.

Seriously?  I have to laugh at the irony of the 'TrueTolerance.org' I also love the idea one can sell a certain sexual orientation to kids.  No, sorry.. the idea is not to promote, the idea is to let kids that are having issues with their sexuality to say 'You're okay.  Be who you are'.

Now, I have issues with Anti-bullying legislature (yes, even as a former victim) because frankly, I think a big part of the problem is that parents need to stop teaching their kids to be such little shit-heads.  Seems pretty friggin' simple to me.  However, some parents refuse to do this, as I learned at a young age when the parent of the kid who spent a year throwing pine cones, then iceballs, then eventually ROCKS at me at my bus-stop until I finally got hit in the mouth, responded to my mother's complaint by saying "Well, YOUR daughter was swearing at my daughter."

SHE WAS THROWING ROCKS AT MY FRIGGIN' HEAD.  DAMN RIGHT I'M GOING TO SWEAR AT HER!!!

So, there are Those Parents who won't teach their kids not to be shit-heads, and there are kids who, for some reason or another, won't bring it to their parent's attention when they are the ones being victimized.  I was one of those kids, and why, I have no idea.  Hell, I was skipping school in the third grade to avoid the douchebaggery of my fellow classmates.  I had no reason not to tell my parents, I just didn't.  For this reason, it is necessary to have some boundaries in place in schools to prevent this behaviour.  But to say that the legislature shouldn't have any focus on one of the more marginalized groups of students because of a 'clash of values' is absurd at best, dangerous at worst.

Basically, the message I get from their stance is "What's a few gaybo's offing themselves if it means our kids don't catch 'teh ghey'."

Mrs. Lovejoy's of the world, I think you need to rethink your priorities.  Think of the children, indeed.

Think of YOUR children.  If this was your child, would you not want someone to stand up for their right to be who they are and love who they love?  As a parent, I'd rather my kid be gay than dead, any day of the week.

Maybe Ms. Candi Cushman of Focus on the Family needs to take a moment and focus on the families who are grieving right now for their lost children.. children they lost to hatred, intolerance, and bigotry.  May these poor boys rest in peace.

Billy Lucas, Age 15
Tyler Clemente, Age 18
Asher Brown, Age 13
Seth Walsh, Age 13

Say what you mean, don't say it mean.

A friend of mine brought an interesting story to my attention today. It seems a professor of religion at the University of Illinois was fired over comments regarding the Catholic Church's view on homosexuality being immoral, after a student complained on behalf of an anonymous friend. The comments were labeled as 'hate speech'.

The first reaction many people had to my friend's post was along the lines of 'Erm.. you're taking a course on Catholicism, why are you surprised at being taught as Catholic doctrine??' However, I asked.. was the professor in question teaching doctrine, or stating his own opinion? As it turns out according to the article above, he did state that this was an opinion he shared.

What we have here, is a political hot potato (at least, for the University of Illinois). A situation vague enough that it can be easily manipulated by a number of factions.. the uber-PC folks who use terms like 'hate speech' to quell opinions that don't match their own, and the ultra-right-wing conservatives who use the concept of free speech to perpetuate hate and ignorance.

Either way, it doesn't do anything constructive for the case of critical thinking.

The way I see it, the difference between 'personal opinion' and 'hate speech' is this:

Opinion: "I don't agree with or like {marginalized group of people}"
Hate Speech: "I don't agree with or like {marginalized group of people}. They should be wiped out/imprisoned/beat up/poked with sticks/otherwise tormented and degraded"

The funny thing is, in both the liberal and conservative media I have seen on this story, there's a lack of any direct quote or context. Was this dude going off on a diatribe about 'the gays' and fire and brimstone in the middle of a lecture? Was perhaps the complainant a gay student who felt that this may be held against him? Did the prof know this? Then yeah, I would say disciplinary action would be in order (even if he didn't know).

However, suppose he was teaching the Catholic view (as is his prerogative in a class on Catholicism - durr) and a student inquired "What do you think, sir? Do you agree?" As a professor in a post-secondary institution, should he be bound by political correctness to keep his mouth shut? or would he be compelled to be open with his students by giving his honest opinion? Should a professor be maligned and disciplined for giving his honest opinion (even if others, this author included, may find them to be ignorant and archaic?)

No, that's silly, of course not. Right?

Let's play a little devils advocate here. What if this was a history professor.. or specifically a 20th century history professor.. even more specifically, a 20th Century European History professor, teaching on WWII and the Holocaust. The professor states that to this day, some people still do not believe that the Holocaust really occurred. A student asks 'Do you agree with this belief?' and the professor honestly states that no, he does NOT believe the Holocaust occurred.

THIS professor is now a holocaust denier, and guilty of hate crimes under our laws*. Kind of muddies the waters there, doesn't it?

So this begs the question.. in an post-secondary setting, should professors have complete academic freedom in their lectures? It's not so much a black and white answer.

On one hand, no student should feel maligned in a lecture or that their religion/race/gender/orientation etc may be held against them in regards to their academic performance.

On the other hand, academic professors have been known to express controversial opinions and arguments on a variety of topics. One of the major tenets of academia is the ability to think critically, and form cohesive arguments. How do you learn to think and argue critically when you agree with everything you're been told? In my first year of schooling, I'd come out of some of my classes almost in tears in anger and confusion, because I was forced to face ideas that I was less-than-comfortable with. However, as time rolled on, these were the classes that taught me to really look at all sides of an argument, until I either A) was able to rebut with a cohesive argument or B) was more open to views that I hadn't considered before.

In one article on the subject the Alliance Defense Fund, which is looking into the situation stated:

"A university cannot censor professors' speech – including classroom speech related to the topic of the class – merely because some students find that speech 'offensive.' Professors have the freedom to challenge students and to educate them by exposing them to different views"

Do you agree?

*Yes, I suck. Holocaust Denial is not covered under Canadian Hate Speech laws. Oops.

Sex and Education

So, a Facebook friend of mine posted an article regarding a new proposed sex ed curriculum for Ontario public schools that would have children young as 6 being taught sex ed.

Read the Article

It got me thinking, as sex education in schools (and in general) has been a hot-button subject (is it bad that I giggled at the term 'hot-button'?) with me since my first year in university when I did an independent study on the advent of the birth control pill.

The following is my response to her post, verbatim:

In my honest opinion, the question shouldn't focus so much on 'who' is being taught, but 'what' and how. Personally, I am a huge proponent of sex ed in schools. Although Lori makes a great point about telling based on her perception of when her girls are ready to hear what, the unfortunate thing is not nearly enough parents are that in-tune. I agree with the statement that they are going to learn it elsewhere and frankly the messages that are portrayed in the media are pretty messed up.. so I think it's a good thing that the education system can step in for damage control, because in all honesty, a lot of parents will NOT discuss things frankly and honestly with their kids, whether it be out of some kind of moral outrage or out of sheer laziness.

As far as what is being taught.. I think oral and anal sex is way too advanced for kids (hell, for a lot of adults too). I also think that some of the wording was kind of inflammatory, such as the part about 'giving kids lessons in oral sex'.

I do think masturbation should be covered, for reasons that it's had a bad rap for a long time, and frankly I think it is healthy to explore and become familiar with your own body, and hell, if a young person is okay with 'taking care of business' on their own, they may not be so quick to run out and experiment with others.

I give HUGE applause to the proposal of covering gender and sexuality identity issues in early sex ed. Sex education in schools these days is hugely heterocentric, and I can only imagine that this has helped foster a feeling of inadequacy in people who fall outside of the so-called 'norms'. Hate stems from fear which stems from ignorance.

My beef with the way sex ed is taught, and I think that the proposed curriculum STILL doesn't do enough to address are the social and emotional implications of sexual activity. This includes thinking critically about the way sex is treated in institutions such as the media, religion, government and so on.

I also think that the open-class type forum (being the 'how' it's taught) is not conducive to open and honest discussion, mainly due to children and adolescent's seemingly ingrained need to 'fit in' with their peers, which may prevent them from really touching on subjects that they are wondering about (playing into that 'taking topics as they come' area) for fear of reprisal from teachers and peers.

That was pretty much where I left off, as I figured at that point, I'm better off, as they say in forum-land blogging that shit.

I can appreciate the desire of many parents to keep what, ideally, should be a parents' responsibility, up to the parents. I found it interesting that one of the comments in the Star's article places the blame on an increase in sexual activity on sex education in schools, but neglects to mention the increasing number of (overwhelmingly dysfunctional) images of sexuality that we are bombarded with on a daily basis. As mentioned, I think in such a media-saturated age, it's of utmost importance to have some sort of 'damage control'

I have always tried (all discomfort and squeamishness aside) to maintain an open and honest diaglogue with my girls where issues of sexuality and gender are concerned, basing their readiness simply on their questions. If they ask, I answer as simply as possible and if they have follow up questions, I answer those as well. The downside of sex education at this early age is that no, it does not account for individual readiness.. but then again, neither does the media.

For the parents that are pro-active in either talking to their children or shielding them from what they feel they may not be ready for, then the issue is not such a pressing one. However, I'm also a proponent of offering alternative views and teaching young people to think critically. There are people who, out of fear or ignorance or plain bigotry would pass down archaic beliefs and while it is not my place to say what is the 'right' or 'wrong' opinion to pass down, I think it's crucial to have a second opinion. Being able to think critically also helps down the line when perhaps in a situation of peer pressure a young person may find themselves able to weigh what they've been taught by both family and school against the current situation - for example 'It's okay, I'll pull out.. hahahaha.'

I could go on for ages, but I kind of wanted to stay on topic, but I'm interested in the debate.

In a follow up, the new curriculum, under pressure from family and parent groups and in the face of a looming election, was postponed.

Follow Up Article

In reading the second article, I actually lost some of my indecision. The way the timeline is laid out in the sidebar, I really don't think their is anything particularly outrageous about the ages that the subjects are brought up. Again, much depends on the 'how' rather than the who. As I mentioned earlier, the inflammatory language of the source in the Star article refers to lessons on anal and oral sex, whereas the parentcentral article says that the grade seven curriculum may 'touch on' anal and oral sex - two entirely different approaches.

I have to mention, I like the wording of 'delaying' sexual activity as opposed to abstinence. As well, I think grade seven/eight is a good time to start bringing up gender identity. The source quoted in the Star seemed to give the impression that 6 and 7 year olds would be made to question their identity. Meanwhile, grade 7 and 8 I have found is the age where kids start using words like 'queer' and 'fag' and 'slut' and 'bitch' to hurt each other... thus the perfect age to start looking at the connotations behind such terms.

When it's broken down in steps like this, I really don't find much objectionable at all.

Underwhelmed.

I'm sitting here in the library at school while the rest of Survey Research and Data Analysis writes their year end exam.  With an exam I was NOT at all prepared for an a paper I am nowhere near done due friday night, there seemed to be little point in bothering.  I hemmed and hawed to myself all morning.  Now, as we know, I've pulled many a last-minute paper out of my arse in my three year academic career.  These papers were forged in coffee, cigarettes, junk food, tears, upset stomach and lost sleep and lost time with my children.  I sat up at nights entranced by the computer screen as I wrenched every last little bit of inspiration from my brain that would scream for relief.  Said assignments were also written in desperation as I faced the horrifying possibility of failing, and becoming a career convenience store clerk under a magnificent student loan debt.  It paid off, I'm a BA in Sociology.  There's no doubt.  I *could* finish this paper. 

With that little piece of paper, I lost my motivation.  Fear.  I took the summer off and lost my momentum.  I became accustomed to a relaxed lifestyle.  I rediscovered the children, and my hobbies and interests.  I came to the realization that over the three years I went to school full time, it was my life.  But when I attempted to work part time, and only had class one day a week, I only thought about school that one night a week.  Or, possibly, the night before.

Today I asked myself a few questions.  Can I get this last paper done?  as above, the answer was yes.  But my nagging voice came up and said 'But I don't WANT to".  So, after much deliberation, and a heart-to-heart with my Dad <3 I found myself leaning more and more to doing what I wanted as opposed to what I felt I should do.  Still, I made the drive down to school, and I walked into the class, and with increasing intensity I asked myself "Why am I here?  It's obvious, (by the fact that I spent the afternoon leading up to the exam reading the paper instead of studying) that I've already made up my mind."  I gave my notes to a girl in my class who had lost hers (it was to be an open book test), and walked out.  And I cried.

Ever spent so much time deliberating on a decision that when you make up your mind, to the point where it's too late to turn back, it's like a dam breaks inside of you?  That's how I'm feeling right now, it's a mixture of relief and regret.  Relief because I can go home, have dinner with my kids, and do what ever I want after they go to bed, completely guilt free.  I probably should mention that I already decided, due to financial reasons, not to return to for the next year or so.  Which added to my "What's the point?" mentality. 

I plan to return to school eventually, but right now, I have nothing left to give.  I don't have disatisfaction with my life to motivate me, I like my job and the place where I am at, in general.  I feel that I need to regroup, and regain my passion for learning, which is something I feel is better kindled in a full-time scholarly environment.  Go Big or Go Home.  Right now, academic politics in my institution prevents me from full-time education, at least, without a lot more pointless debt.  When this fourth-year program BS gets sorted out, maybe I'll be in a better mindframe to return.

I think the regret right now lies in the example I'm setting for my kids.  I mean, I don't have much to lose through this decision, other than the 500 bucks I plunked down for the course.  Even as a single mother in social housing, I can say, it's just money.  What is money compared to mental well-being?
..
But I regret what my kids may think of their mother because of this, down the road I mean.  As of this moment, I've failed, if only one course.  Failure is a difficult enough thing to deal with.  I've never been a real go-getter, but I'm accustomed to knowing that when I putting my mind to something, I generally accomplish it.  But in general, I'm okay with it.

My shame comes in knowing that I bear the full responsibility for this outcome.  It was a fairly easy course, even though I'm not a math person.  Richard Rinaldo was a fantastic prof on the subject, so I don't fault him at all.  I can be lazy as fuck,is all, and this time it caught up with me. It's not so much failure, but I sit here, knowing, that I didn't do my best.  Had I applied myself, to put it colloquially, I could have made this course my bitch.  But I didn't.  Everytime this semester that I told Tierney she needed to do her homework, I felt like a hypocrite, as my papers went unwritten until the 11th hour.  Hell, until the 19th or 20th hour, this time around.  The one paper I DID write was 10 days late.

I'm not going to beat myself up about this, no.  I've accomplished a lot up to this point, this is merely a setback.  I just worry about what the girls will think down the road... will they see me as someone who just gave up when the going got tough?  Or someone who put her own personal happiness ahead of what is 'expected'... practicing the old adage 'to thine own self be true?"

The wild are strong, and the strong are the darkest ones

Occasionally, just once in a while, it's fun to have a blog title that has nothing to do with the blog itself. I just happen to have that particular song in my head right now.

I had a pretty fantastic birthday, went out to Shananas with some good friends, as well as my sister and pseudo sister, let loose for the first time in quite a while, and then got to drive to Port Perry the next day whilst hungover to go wedding dress shopping with the sisser(s) and de mudder.

My actual birthday was pretty quiet, although I did get cake as the communal office birthday party was that day. Four out of five august birthdays were amalgamated into one to save on cake costs and time spent away from the desk (the fifth one was the bosses, so he got his almost-own party... although it was a shared birthday/going away party for another co-worker). So that worked out nicely for yours truly. Helps to have a sister as an a office manager ;-)

Thursday night I went to Tonys to pick the girls and got the shock of my life. In a moment of frustration over the prospect of another year battling headlice from school (what happened to the days when kids would get sent home?) the boy got creative and shorned the children. To his benefit, he made an effort to make the girls new haircuts at least stylish, if really really short. So after my initial shock wore off, I had to admit, they look pretty darn cute. Little punkish pixieish type cuts he gave them. Just wish he would have warned me, I could have done without the coronary.

That weekend was the big family birthday party for me, Reagan and Dad. It also marked the beginning of me getting sick as hell for the next week. I was felled by a throat infection, ear infection and eye infection all at the same time. It was not pretty. Now that the eye infection has mostly gone away, I only have to deal with being unable to wear eye make-up (similar to taking heroin from a junkie) and being asked constantly if I am stoned.

Got better in time to play in our year end baseball tournament, and WE WON! We won the semifinal game 26-7 and the championship game roughly 9-3. Went out to the bar that night with Kaylee and Lisa, and the next day made the long trek downtown to get my car.

Oh, an update on the school thing. My OSAP funding got cut in half, so I've decided the stress around going to U of T (not to mention that less OSAP meant that I couldn't get the new vehicle necessary to get dwon there) is too much, and I'm going with my original plan to return to Laurentian PT and I'm staying on at Labx to work my way through the next year. Booyah.

Night all.

Cue the Go-Gos Day five and six

Okay, so Monday was pretty uneventful. I get up, say my goodbyes to Sammi and Anthony, and head off down the road so I can return the rental car. Place isn't open yet, so I go grab a starbucks (okay, but it's got nothing on my timmies) and drive around looking for a gas station. By the time I do all that, the rental place is open.

I get to the airport to discover I miscalculated when my flight left, it was at 11:20 instead of 10:45. No biggie, just meant I had an ass-load more time to kill. I almost got in shit at Customs because I claimed to have no liquids of any sort with me, but I forgot about two tubes of lipgloss and a thing of wedding bubbles. I didn't get in any trouble for it.

While I sat at the gate and read my book, I was witness to a older man in a nice suit going to sit down and missing the chair altogether. It was funny and disturbing at the same time.

Flight was long, needless to say. Someone fainted while on board so they had the attendants all up and down the aisles for the last hour and a half of the flight.

Got back into TO and back to my car and set out to find a hotel room for the night, which I eventually did. After checking in and calling my mom to let her know I was alive and well, I went out to eat. I could have ordered room service but it was from MR. Greek, and A) It looked Expensive, B) I'm not big on greek food and C) I had the kind of hunger on that could only be satiated by hard core fast food.

While on my way to find a McDonalds, I observe that the car in front of me is very loud. I figure this is on purpose, since it appears to be one of those souped up little civics. Then I realize, that's not the car in front of me.... It's ME.

Now, when the bearer of a loud effin engine is some sort of cherried out hot rod of some sort, it's cool. When the bearer is a rusted 91 Sunbird, it's merely another thing to draw attention to how fucking shitty my car is.

I get back to the hotel and look under, and sure enough, my muffler has detached from the exhaust pipe. Not cool. I'm in Toronto, I still have to go to U of T the next day and I'm thinking it's gonna be at least a 500 dollar repair.

The next morning, I head down the 401 to the University, and my motor is drowning my already poor stereo that is no longer enhanced by the power of my missing MP3 player. I can hear the clank of metal on concrete every time I hit a bump, and in my rearview, I can see the look of terror on the drivers face, as I am sure that I am sending up sparks with every bump.

By the time I get to the Campus, the metal on concrete clanking is almost a constant. Pulling up to the parking arm, I am appalled to see that the fee to get in the lot is TEN EFFIN' DOLLARS. I pull back, throw my hazards on, and take a look under the car again. Sure enough, now the muffler is hanging on roughly a 70 degree angle from the car. It is at this point I sit down on the curb and weep, while rummaging through my wallet, hoping to god almighty that I have ten bucks in change. When I put my 10 dollars in, nothing happens. A campus cop comes up to me and asks me if everything is okay.

I LOST IT.

"NO! EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY, I JUST PUT TEN DOLLARS IN HERE AND THE ARM WON'T GO UP AND MY MUFFLER IS HANGING ON BY A THREAD. EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY!"

To his credit, he calmly says 'I'll lift the arm' and I start through. There is a beep behind me, and I notice the conspicuously absent clanking noise. Looking back, there is a sad little rust-brown heap in the middle of the road, the pathetic remains of my muffler. I park, and walk back to retrieve it, as I hate to litter.

Incidentally, the fact that it fell off in the parking lot and not on the 401 was not only a possible lifesaver, but it also allowed for the little bit of comic relief when I finally got to my mechanics place, walked up to the counter, plopped the piled of rust down and said 'JiM! I think there's something wrong with my muffler!"

Yeah. 260 dollars (thank gawd it was so much less than I had anticipated) and a visit with my friend Becky to kill time later, I finally got my kids from their dads and got home. I delivered souvenirs to the family and went to bed.

Thats my story. Cheers.