Conundrums

I hate this time of year. Oh, I love spring, don't get me wrong. But I hate it.

Tuesday it was 85° outside and 70° in the office. Wednesday it was 55° in the morning outside and 68° inside. How am I supposed to dress for that? I still need my winter wardrobe for the office, or else I'll freeze. And when I go outside dressed like it's February, I roast. There's no winning.


How come if I microwave a pack of microwave bacon for 2 minutes and 45 seconds it's not quite done enough and I have to add 30 seconds 3 times so it's not raw in the middle, but if I set the timer to 3:15 it burns beyond consumption?

Honesty or Carelessness?

I drive home from work these days at the beginning of dusk. It's plenty light enough at the start, but by the time I get home headlights are a necessity. I know it's time to turn them on when I have a hard time seeing my dashboard because the dashboard lights are connected to the headlights switch. Well past the time when headlight should be on, I see numerous cars driving around in the dark. Don't these dimwits have a clue?

The loud unpleasant noise emanating from the rear wheel of the van and the acrid hot smell lead me to drop the van off at the shop for repair. Last time we had the van in the shop, Kevin had a meltdown with the rental. He didn't want to ride in it and didn't want to have it parked in the garage.

This time I wrote out what was going to happen and had Kevin read it. "No blue car," he yelled. He remembered the last rental was blue. That child has an amazing memory. I explain it again, it's only temporary, the green car will be back, etc. He's still on the verge of a meltdown. I resort to one of the things moms know best: bribes. Do you want to ride with me and we can get Five Guys afterwards? On the way to the dealership I rehearse it again and again with him to the point where he can tell me about getting another car for a couple days. He was totally fine with the temporary car, this time a Nissan Versa and the ride home was uneventful.

Going home from work on Wednesday I notice my dashboard lights are on and I immediately check my reflection in the bumper of the car ahead of me, something I've gotten in the habit of doing because for some reason the headlights burn out on the van every year. No lights. I turn them on and realize how the dimwits drive around in the dark. This "feature" is not a safe one, that's for sure.

I wonder if there is a setting for the dashboard lights, I don't see button or knob. So at the next stoplight I reach for the owner's manual in the glove box. I like to look up silly stuff like that. Except the manual is not there, but a rental agreement from a previous renter is, complete with name, address, credit card imprint, expiration date, and signature.

I stare at this piece of paper with all the information I need to become Sra. Rodriguez. Wow.

The light turns green. I shove the paper back in the box and snap it shut and make a mental note to take care of my paperwork when I turn the car in.

Question of the Day

Why are mammogram technician's hands always so cold?

Vocabulary Test

Lorraine refers to our blogging world as "Blogopia." I and think she's just plain wrong.

Let's examine the words myopia, hyperopia, and presbyopia . These words with the 'opia' suffix relate to how we see, nearsighted, farsighted, and needs reading glasses. (Do all Presbyterians need reading glasses or is that just me?) Blogopia therefore would mean how we see our blogging world.

Let's examine the words utopia and dystopia. These two words with the 'topia' suffix describe the places where we live: well, Utopia, obviously, and its evil twin, the land of doom (characterized by an oppressive social control).

Therefore, our little blog world should be Blogtopia. Right?

I'm sure Lorraine will disagree, anyone else?

Quick Question

Do any of you ever look at my progress chart over there in the right sidebar?

Do you care?

Sorry, that's two questions. Does that bug you?

Darn, that's three.

Another Question of the Day

To avoid "popcorn lung" you pop popcorn the old fashion way, in a big ol' pan on the stove, with oil and a handful of kernels. If you pop said kernels in corn oil, is it suicide, homicide, or genocide?

Question of the Day

If you go into your spouse's or child's closet to collect empty hangers for future loads of laundry, are you harvesting or poaching?

Please explain: why must ducks be in a row?

I passed, then got passed by a chicken truck yesterday while driving on the interstate. The truck was loaded with cages of chickens. I couldn't tell, but there might have been two birds in each. The cages were stacked five across, about 7 high for the whole length of the 18-wheeler.

In the wake of the flying feathers, I asked my daughter if she'd rather be a chicken in one of the outside cages, exposed to the wind and rain, or inside with neighbors close in on all six sides.

She'd rather not be a chicken.