We are so broken
Sparky went to God's Garden Tuesday the 9th
Way too young ~ just turned 6 and full of life, health and spirit
We are crushed and all of us are grieving beyond imagination
Thank you to all who kept us in their thoughts and prayers
We tried to do twitter but do not really understand it and mom furgot password
We could not get the message out because bloggies doesn't recognise our computer!?!
We know what you are going to ask so here it is though it hurts to write:
Sunday we saw a few bright drops of blood entering the house from the doggie door
We checked all their paws because we have a rugged back yard with the drought
We found nothing and figured Ginger and Sparky had rough housed over some rawhide sticks we gave them that they have not had for a very long time due to finances.
We assumed wrong.
We didn't know that at the time because we saw a little red on Sparky's gums and what looked like a bite on his tongue.
Everyone was looking and acting fine and we let our concern go
Monday everyone was lying around because of the 101 degree temp, they were stuck inside bu it wasn't unusual because they were allowed out after dusk. I do remember Monday that Sparky's bowl was still kinda full but that at times was normal. I do recall thinking for a split second that the AC at 74 might be too cold and that is why he wasn't leaving his bed too much so I changed it.
When I would ask if they wanted to go potty they would all jump up and excitedly wait for the door to open and run out so all seemed normal.
I left at dusk to return a Redbox movie and pick up some eats for us all,; I was gone about 20 minutes.
When I arrived home and went to the kitchen to call them to eat only the girls ran in
I called for Sparky and no response. I went out on the deck to glance across the yard and did not see him and called again, no response.
I went back into the kitchen to see if he was in his bed under the table and then the pantry thinking I just didn't notice he was right there, he wasn't
I ran outside and down the stairs calling him and Ginger was in front of me Crikit w/her bad leg behind me
As I ran towards the end of the house to turn right to see if the gate had been open I heard a few seconds of yelp/crying and Ginger who had disappeared around the corner had suddenly showed running from the area and turning around as if to run first then turn to see the danger
When I got around the house I still did not see or hear Sparky and I ran to the gate
I opened the gate and turned back to the yard and there was Sparky looking up at me
I said there you are you scared me baby boy where were you? Lets go in the house and get treats.
We all headed back around the house to the stairs to go in the kitchen but I did notice Sparky was walking behind me but he did that often
He was walking slower then usual but it was still hot and I much later thinking about it I remember his tail was somewhat down.
Stupid me didn't think much about it but rather thought something under the side stairs must have scared him and he is working through it.
We all went upstairs Sparky behind me the girls in front and that's not always the norm but not unusual.
Once we went in, in the light it seemed like he needed a little comforting so I called him into the family room and it took a few calls to get him there because he was acting like he did something wrong
I coaxed him in and gated the girls in the kitchen so I could love on Sparky with no interruption and give him a McyD burger.
He didn't eat at first but he did shortly after lots of rubbing eat the meat only.
I should have known something was wrong because he let me kiss his face without objection
That was not the norm he would always turn like he was saying ewww human breath
He let me brush him and he seem to scoot his bottom closer to his front paws and just let me brush and rub and kiss him
When he had enough, lucky me about 30 minutes, he turned to go in the kitchen so I opened the gate because he always acted like 'lets be fair' and he never seem to want special treatment unless all 3 got the same treatment and he was never to be 1st in his mind, at least that's how we interpreted his conduct.
I then said let all go out and wait for daddy on the deck but at that time abnormal was Sparky's behavior and I still did not realize what was to come because of my calm about his demeanor
One of the girls went out and turned around and Sparky put two front paws out and then backed up and chose to stay inside but Crikit then went out to join Ginger on the deck to be brushed
I figured whatever spooked Sparky made him act that way and that the girls had some intuition because they didn't seem to want to leave the deck which is unusual for Ginger.
I went down and around to check the area to see if maybe I heard a snake or something under the side stairs that might have caused Sparky to act unusual
I heard and saw nothing and thought someone walking by must have thrown a rock against the fence by Sparky's viewing window and that was why all didn't seem right in the world
When I went back into the house Sparky was on a middle of the kitchen bed and trembling like he was hearing firecrackers and breathing a bit rapid
I got down and held him for a few to let him know he was alright and when he stopped shaking a bit I went into the family room
I checked on him and thought he was drooling a bit so I fed him some water through a dropper and he would swallow and turn his head once he had had enough
I couldn't tell what was wrong other then if he was this way tomorrow Tuesday I was going to take him to the vet
It was late when all this began (?8:45 Pm?) and we were waiting for dad to get off work at 11 PM
When dad got home Sparky walked into the family room and licked dad and sat a few minutes there so I was still clueless that something serious was happening
When dad got home Sparky walked into the family room and licked dad and sat a few minutes there so I was still clueless that something serious was happening
It seem to be around 1 AM that Sparky seem to start breathing even more heavy but he was moving about though I do not know if he was crawling or walking other then he was in different locations in the kitchen where there are lots of beds pillows
By 6 AM I got ready because we decided we need to be first at the vet because something was obviously wrong and we didn't have the money for the emergency vet or we would have went even though he didn't seem outrageously distressed just somewhat distressed
When we arrived at the vet the dr was not in and we should have seeked out another vet but why we didn't I just don't know!!???!
He seemed comfortable in the car and alert and the heavy breathing came and went in spells as if her were a lady in labor.
I thought he might have swallowed a chew before it was soft enough and it was maybe hurting as it turned in his digestion
We did not realize his back end went paralysed while he was in the car or maybe even before because we cared him to the car on a towel stretcher
He didn't jump off and I should have realized something was seriously wrong but i still felt we would get through whatever this was
He seemed alert and ready to see where we were taking him and he rode in the car well which is not always the case
But the dr showed up and we were parked by the dr entrance and instead of walking in he stopped by the car and asked some questions and said he would carry him in
When he picked up Sparky was when we were told he was paralysed on his back half and we had no clue because he was walking at 1 AM and we thought he was weak and that is why we carried him to the car
Dr told us he would take x-rays and keep him a while and he would call us after he looks him over
I got the call early afternoon that he suddenly passed and I lost it
I did ask about an autopsy and the dr said he would do it because he was just as upset not understanding what exactly happened
I was home alone and told the dr I could not drive and I wailed so loud that even though the house was closed I have learned neighbors could hear me out to the street
Joe came home early
We made arrangements to cremate Sparky
Then more heartache was to follow before we could begin to try to cope
There was 1cc left of his blood and the vet would not release it to me
I wanted to send off for a DNA to get a possible id on his mixed breed
we went round and round and it took a couple of days but I got it so I could take it to a vet that would send off for the wisdom panel because our vet refused to do so
I had to keep Sparky on hold at the crematorium till all options were discussed to possibly get an option of his breed, something I have been meaning to do for so long but there was a money issue
to get right to it: I got the blood and I was with Sparky at the facility, took mould of his paws and was allowed to view or help if I wished with the process
I only helped a bit because I thought I would have a heart attack as I was losing courage to watch the whole process
When I brought him home we did not open the box till the weekend to find that they put him in the wrong urn
The people were good to me so I did not get ugly about it and chose to work Sparky's remains out slowly and hold him before I took the urn and him back to the facility
I found a grief support chat room that helped me last night and today and we participated in the candle lighting ceremony last night
I found a grief support chat room that helped me last night and today and we participated in the candle lighting ceremony last night
I will tell you all about it the next time I get to the library but it was indeed very moving
I haven't proofed this and hope it is understandable. We could use prayers because we are feeling the guilt of worrying about emergency vet cost vs regular vet cost and we will never know if we could have saved his beautiful giving life. We believe after finding Sat. a blood stain on the side stairs that Sparky who loved to sit there to see over the fence to watch all that passed by and to see us arrive home might have tripped and hit his head because I was told by the vet he died of a blood clot and the autopsy showed a bruised bladder and he was paralysed on the lower half once he arrived at the vet. There are not words to express the heartache we are going through. He was so loving and in tune with all our needs and was full of life and love that this is just not right. I love all my fur babies however, Sparky seem to be part of my soul if that makes any sense.
Please pray for us to find peace and acceptance...
Sparky's Pawrents, Crikit and Ginger
In short: We think Sparky fell down the side stairs (his favorite spot to sit) and with a chew bone in his mouth which, caused the marks on his tongue and the bright blood that we found Sunday and never saw again. We think that he may have hit his left eye/head that Sunday but it wasn't really that bad which we did not notice because he still seemed okay. Monday night when I left we think he was on the same stairs waiting for me and when I arrived he could not see well out of the eye that (we notice Monday night that looked red) and that his vision maybe was not good out of that eye and he re-hit the eye and that is why I heard the yelp and that maybe it caused a slow bleed inside that led to a blood clot causing the onset of paralysis. We just don't know and it was so sudden and the guilt of not noticing or taking him to the expensive emergency vet is eating us up and causing us such heartache. The 2 girls are having noticible grief because they were all so bonded. This is the most horrible path to have to walk prayers please