My Little Golden Book of Phobias

I am eating out of a brand new bowl. I bought dishes that MATCH, in Portland where they don't have sales tax. I feel like I am getting away with something. So the universe gave me a flat tire driving home, on the freeway. Man, you step out of your car in the dark and rain because your car has some funny drag going on and sure enough, the back left is totally flat with a big hole but the monstrous trucks are going past at 100 miles an hour and they could so knock you into the next world if they went a little crooked, you and your teensy hybrid two seater, blammo, your body would be thrown into a dang tree, for pete's sake. So you call triple A and they tell you someone will be there IN AN HOUR, sheesh so you're sitting with the car running so you don't freeze and so you can listen to some Dolly Parton and who shows up but a cop, lights twirling around like a nasty headache. You get out of the car (as you have previously piled everything onto the passenger seat from the back so the guy can get to the spare) and it is a lady cop, no a girl cop with a cute little blond bun.  She says," are you ok?" so you explain you're waiting for a tow truck and she offers to change your tire. Huh? well, by the time the guy gets there, she's half-way through it and being cheerful while the monster trucks are mere feet from her butt and she and the triple A guy are joking around and talking about the gangstas they saw recently, with diamond earrings and an Escalade and all and the rain is really coming down and you're thinking, wow, my tax dollars at work and I didn't pay sales tax in Portland, I don't understand. Well, a few new tires will cost me, so I guess it all evens out. Maybe this is the law of cause and effect. 

I got home ok, and by the way, you can go faster than 50 on those weird spare tires. I did, I went 70 but don't tell J. I try to go the speed limit. No, that's a lie. I love to speed. 

The cat is on my lap because I'm too cheap to turn on the heat. It's cold in here. No, the cat does not love me, she likes me cuz I'm a warm body. J loves me and it is a splendid thing.

Any day now, I'm going to send out some work. I used to be so diligent.