Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Twelve

Having had a spiritual awakening during a wild catnip binge, I realized that life was too short to be counting steps. (It's not like I have twelve toes to use for counting!) Instead, I decided to intensify my pursuit of instant gratification and because I'm such a generous spirit, I made it my mission to share the good news that hedonism is THE WAY to go.

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Eleven

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the goddess as we understood her, praying only for divine intervention to squash the humans' efforts to get in the way of achieving our goals.

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Ten

Continued to take personal inventory and when the humans got in our way we promptly came up with new strategies to remind them as to who is in charge.

PS In yesterday's post I was going crazy for lettuce.

Training the help

The Princess Cinza: Guess what I'm eating.

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Nine

Put on an award winning show about making heartfelt amends to all beings who got in the way, except when it would require too much effort and cause us to hurl.

A question

Cinza: Do I look like I have ADD or OCD?

I prefer to say that I'm intense, thorough, multi-talented and that I zing to the sound of my own drummer.

Okay, so I'm a little bit quirky with three truckloads of idiosyncrasies. That just makes me interesting.

Silly humans.

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Eight

Made a list of all beings who got in the way of our treasured lettuce and resolved to use more efficient tactics.

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Seven

And then we came to Step Seven: "Humbly asked the black cat goddess to remove our shortcomings."

Since a) I don't do humble and b) I have no shortcomings, there was nothing for me to do, so I sat on top of the condo where I made eye contact with my female servant and hypnotized her into brushing me.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: we've been having difficulties leaving comments on blogs with word verification because the word isn't showing up.

Music Monday

Cinza: While Roxy from The Devil Dog isn't a kitty, we're still sisters in all the ways that count.

I dedicate this song to my kindred spirit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YhTKiFEMAg&feature=related

By the way, I received this wonderful award from Fin at Housecat Confidential for Best Musical Screenplay -- The Interview (posted Friday, February 20th). What a lovely way to start the week. Thank you, Fin.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

The interview

Fade in

INT. APARTMENT -- MORNING

Our beautiful grey heroine CINZA is lying on the floor in front of the balcony in a sunspot staring off into space. The warmth of the sun is making her sleepy and before long she gives in and closes her eyes.

The image fades.

DREAM SEQUENCE

INT. TV STUDIO -- AFTERNOON

OPRAH is seated on stage wearing a pink T-shirt with the face of a grey kitty and the words: "Cinza's number one fan!!!"

OPRAH (to the cameras and audience)
I'm very excited to introduce our guest -- the world renowned, no, make that the universally loved Cinza who comes all the way from Toronto, Canada.

OPRAH (to Cinza)
Cinza, I'm very honoured to have you here on my show.

We now see CINZA lying on a Boogie Mat on top of a red velvet cushion on a beautiful antique throne.

On the table next to her there's a bowl of filtered water, a second bowl filled with her favourite kitty treats, a pot of lush green cat grass, a salad dish filled with chopped romaine lettuce and a collection of colourful toys.

CINZA
Thank you Oprah. I'm delighted to be here.

OPRAH
We've been trying for a long time to get you to appear on my show. I want to pinch myself to make sure this isn't just a dream. Then again, if it is a dream, I never want to wake up. I want this moment to last forever.

CINZA
It's so hard to find time for everything. It seems the more famous I become, the busier I get.

Cinza licks one of her dainty silver paws.

OPRAH
So, Cinza, please tell us about your latest CD. Every time I hear it, it takes my breath away. You emote like no other. I can't believe how your CDs get better and better. How is that possible? How do you do it?

Cinza smiles modestly.

CINZA
I'm inspired by life, by the little moments we all take for granted and of course I thank the great black Cat Goddess for all that I am and all that I accomplish.

OPRAH
What was your inspiration for your new hit?

CINZA
Well, you see what happened was the man had placed a bowl of Bean and Pasta Soup on the table for the woman. I immediately jumped up on the table and marched over to the soup to make sure it was safe.

After a quick inspection I decided it was safe for human consumption, but not worthy of my more refined palate because it contained no meat or lettuce.

A few days later whilst napping, the music and lyrics came to me and I got the woman to write it all down. My new CD Cinza sings about life and love with my hit song "I sniffed the soup but it wasn't worth eating" is now available for the world's purchasing pleasure.

OPRAH
I noticed this album is different from all the others. Then again, each album is always different.

CINZA
It's my first time singing country and western; it's almost as much fun as singing the blues. Of course I still love doing disco, opera and rap, but I need to challenge myself to keep things fresh.

My next CD will be all about drumming and will include a remix of my first big hit "Whap it, whap it good!!"

OPRAH
You're so versatile, so creative. I'm awed by your talent; your CDs have always been one of my favourite things.

CINZA once again smiles modestly.

CINZA
I owe it all to the great Black Cat Goddess.

OPRAH
After we return from a commercial break we're in for a big treat. Cinza will sing her next big hit "So what if I like to build castles in my litter box." This song is also on her new CD and it's the world's first opportunity to hear it.

The image fades.

INT. APARTMENT -- MORNING

CINZA is lying in the same sunspot as before. She stretches and rolls over to her other side.

Fade out

~ inspired by Fin from Housecat Confidential -- a truly creative feline

Word Wednesday -- Guilt

Cinza: After sharing the findings of my fourth step inventory, it was brought to my attention that the word "guilt" doesn't exist in my vocabulary.

Who needs guilt when you've got a winning combination of charm, determination and chutzpah?

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Six

Were entirely ready to have the divine black cat goddess remove all defects of character -- if any could be found.

Oh oh -- dying grass

Cinza: The woman forgot to water our grass.

Never mind that we pretty much ignore it because that's irrelevant. The point is if we were plants, we'd be dead.

By the way, here's an amazing story about Max told by his person: http://kathompson.blogspot.com/. If you haven't already met him, he's quite the character and has his own blog http://psychokitty.blogspot.com/.

Whapping Wednesday

The Princess Cinza: Whilst being brushed (one of my most fave pastimes ever!), I got this sudden urge to jump on the table and whap this timer to the floor.

When the woman went over to inspect the timer she was surprised to discover that it was dead. (Duh! Of course it's dead because I KILLED it and it only took one mighty whap with my dainty little paw!)

It always made a nasty loud noise so I did us all a humongous favour and she should have thanked me, but she didn't. Oh well, all that matters is that I had fun.

At any rate, one down and three more timers to go, including the really, really nasty one implanted in the stove which goes on forever when the humans don't get their butts in gear fast enough to turn it off (which is all too often).

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Five

Admitted to the black cat goddess, to our various selves and to another diva feline the exact nature of our miscalculations.

I'm not brazen

The Princess Cinza: I'm underfed.

Just look at me! I'm wasting away!!

Hey, could the woman have chosen a more unflattering photo???

I'm not fat; I'm cute and cuddly with a big appetite for life.

Now will someone chase me so I can have a little fun?

Word Wednesday

The Divine Ms. P: Brazen -- a word that aptly describes the little grey furball.
The woman caught Cinza in the midst of inhaling my special kidney diet food on the kitchen counter. (We're NOT allowed on the counter -- EVER.)

When the woman walked into the kitchen, Cinza casually looked up and then resumed her inhaling, even while the woman was scolding her and telling her to get down!

After the little imp was removed from the scene of the crime, the woman covered my dish with a plate and left the room.

Seconds later the woman's meditation session was interrupted by the sound of a loud crash. Sure enough Ms. Short and Sassy had pushed the plate and my dish off the counter.

Did Cinza then run and hide??? Of course not. She returned to the kitchen and began to inspect the floor area surrounding the dish and what was left of the plate for something to eat.

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Four

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves -- all of our different personalities and the lives lived so far (or as many as we could remember).

Twelve Step Tuesday -- Step Three

Made a decision to turn our will and our nine lives over to the care of the great black cat goddess as we understood her.

Cat grass -- paws up or down?

The Divine Ms. P: Well, as you can see from the pictures we did some nibbling here and there.

But that was on the first day. We mostly ignore it; occasionally I'll throw up in the middle of the night and sure enough the servants will find some grass in the mess.

Just to see what would happen, the woman left some lettuce next to the pot of grass. Cinza went for the lettuce.

Later, lettuce was placed next to Cinza's evening meal. She went back and forth between the two!

Unfortunately, the woman can't find the photos, so there goes the evidence.