Things I Think

I used to do this type of post a lot on this blog, but I stole the idea and have been using it in my podcast, Audio Vaudeville. Here now are some of the best ones from my 16 episodes of Audio Vaudeville.

I think the Jazz should hire Karl Malone as assistant coach in charge of referring to yourself in the third person.

I think that Tufts University’s mascot should be two clumps of hair instead of an elephant.

I think I’m going to write a memoir about my experiences in an Arab country. I think I’ll call it, Three Cups of Lies.

I think there aren’t enough movies based on T.V. shows. I’m still waiting for the Judge Judy movie, starring Cate Blanchett as Judge Judy.

I think the new X-Men movie is really good, but I thought they missed an opportunity by not having Kevin Bacon’s mutant power be the ability to figure out how he was connected to all the other mutants in less than six moves.

I think if James Bond actually existed in real life he would probably have serious liver problems, several STDs and tons of unclaimed bastard children.

I think Rodin’s ‘The Thinker’ is probably thinking about where he left his car keys.

Movie of the Week

This Week,

DR. NO (1962)

Starring- Sean Connery, Ursula Andress, Joseph Wiseman, Bernard Lee

The first big screen film featuring agent 007 is also one of the best. After a few failed attempts to get Ian Fleming's master spy on film, producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman chose one of Fleming's most exciting and lush books for Bond's screen debut. Many actors were considered for the role of 007, including Cary Grant and Roger Moore, but the role went to an actor whose only leading role prior to Dr. No was in the musical, Darby O'Gill and the Little People. That man was Sean Connery, whose blend of power, charm and menace made him a screen icon as James Bond.

The plot of the film follows the mysterious Dr. No who has designs on tampering with the U.S. space program in order to forward the diabolical agenda of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Bond is sent to Jamaica to investigate, and once there he teams up with his suave CIA counterpart, Felix Leiter (Jack Lord) and local agent Quarrel. The three men are on constant watch as Dr. No's deadly operatives try to stop them from uncovering what he has hidden at his lair at Crab Key. Once Bond and Quarrel get to Crab Key their mission is complicated by the presence of the beautiful and sultry, Honey Ryder (Andress). It all ends in a spectacular fight between Bond and the claw handed Dr. No.

While the series was still figuring out its formula, this film has many hallmarks that would be defining characteristics of the Bond franchise. We see Bond at the gambling tables, seducing many an attractive lady, drinking vodka martinis, getting lectured by M, flirting with Moneypenny and evading all manner of danger. These elements are the cornerstones of what we think of when we hear the number 007. Director Terence Young does a superb job of mixing humor with danger and suspense, and does it all in such a stylish 1960's way. It is no wonder that so many copycats followed in Bond's onscreen footsteps.

For anyone looking to get into the Bond films, this is a great start. Not only does it introduce you to one of the great movie characters of all time, but it does it in the most entertaining way possible. The action is top notch, as are the locales and the acting (i.e. Wiseman's monotone creepiness as Dr. No). The best part though is Bond, James Bond.

Things to watch for-

Sleeping with Tarantulas
The Three Blind Mice
Bond and Sylvia play "golf"
Walther PPK
Bond's first gadget- a Geiger Counter

"That's a Smith and Wesson, and you've had your six."

Fun Facts

Forgive my recent dearth of blog posts, I have been busy with my other love- Boondoggle. I will now enlighten you with some facts, true facts, about stuff.

Comedian and actor Ben Stein worked as a speech writer and lawyer for President Richard Nixon.

April 16 is International Record Store Day. Thanks to NPR for that one.

Sportscaster and former football player Ahmad Rashad's real name is Bobby Moore.

Jimmy Fallon isn't funny.

The first choice to play James Bond was Cary Grant, but he was passed over after he made it clear to the producers he would only do one film and not a whole series.

Ringo Starr is the oldest Beatle.

The Metropolitan Police (London) are nicknamed 'Bobbies' as a tribute to the founder of the police force, Sir Robert Peel.

There is a small percentage of the population that are considered 'short sleepers' who only need 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night and can function as well as those who get 8 or 9 hours a night.

Now don't you feel smarter?

Movie of the Week

This week,

THUNDERBALL (1965)

Starring- Sean Connery, Claudine Auger, Adolpho Celi, Bernard Lee

The fourth installment in the James Bond film series was the most lavish and complicated one up to that point. Following on the heels of the smash hit, Goldfinger, producers Broccoli and Saltzman picked Thunderball because of its spectacle, and success as a novel. A legal battle over the rights to the story meant that Ian Fleming's former collaborator, Kevin McClory was made a producer of the film and reserved the right to make a future Bond film of his own, based on Thunderball. (He did in 1983 with Never Say Never Again.)  However, legal issues weren't the only hurdle in the making of Thunderball, as the producers and veteran director, Terence Young struggled with how to film the plethora of underwater sequences in the script. By bringing in skilled divers and stunt performers, they were able to do for scuba action what On Her Majesty's Secret Service did for skiing.

Differing only slightly from the source material, the film follows 007 as he tracks SPECTRE to Nassau in the Bahamas in order to thwart their plot to hold NATO ransom after hijacking two atomic bombs. The villain this time around is suave, cruel and cycloptic Emilio Largo whose plan involves keeping 007 and his allies unaware while he hides the nuclear weapons aboard his yacht- the Disco Volante. The plot is almost too straightforward, but the overwhelming sense of urgency keeps you in suspense as Bond races against the clock to stop Largo's nefarious plans. Complicating matters are two women, Largo's innocent kept woman, Domino and the sultry killer, Fiona Volpe. With all due respect to Claudine Auger's Domino, it is busty redhead Lucianna Paluzzi who steals the show as Fiona. Bernard Lee, Desmond Llewellyn and Lois Maxwell are great in their usual roles, and add some nice humor to the goings on.

While some of the underwater action gets a bit convoluted and tiresome, Thunderball is a very exciting and fun Bond film. Sean Connery was at the hight of his powers as 007, and this would mark the last time that he really looks as if he cares in the series. Much of what was done in this film was far ahead of its time, and there is little debate among Bond scholars that Thunderball ranks as one of the more complete outings. The villain, women, locales and action are all top notch- and even if there are a few more cartoonish elements here than in say, From Russia With Love, the series had not yet jumped the shark. That would unhappily occur in the next film, You Only Live Twice.

Things to watch for-

Feisty widows
Jet pack
Octopus rings
The Mink glove
A suped up scuba tank, courtesy of Q
Tom Jones' killer title song

"I thought I saw a Spectre at your shoulder."

Farewell, John Barry

Music can make a good movie great, and a great movie legendary. John Barry had the ability to use music to take the films he scored to the next level. Sadly, he died yesterday at the age of 77. In his long career he won 5 Academy Awards and scored 11 James Bond movies. Many credit John Barry with helping the James Bond film series achieve its status as the longest lasting and most profitable one of all time. His work on the scores, as well as the theme songs was integral in setting the tone for the popular titles sequences, as well as the action and romantic scenes.

The brassy, jazzy and sensuous melodies penned by Barry are some of the most recognizable in screen history. The James Bond theme (credited to Monty Norman) was unfinished when John Barry took it and made it iconic with its aggressive twangy guitar. It is no surprise that I have the vast majority of Barry's James Bond music on my iPod, not only because it reminds me of my favorite film series, but because the music is that good. Do I like John Barry because of James Bond, or do I like James Bond because of John Barry? Both. The two are linked forever in cinema history, and even though other great composers worked on Bond films, nobody left a mark like John Barry.

JOHN BARRY'S BEST BOND SCORES

1. ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE
2. GOLDFINGER
3. THUNDERBALL
4. MOONRAKER
5. A VIEW TO A KILL

Top 10 Authors

I've read a few books in my time, (in between issues of MAD Magazine) and as such, I have been influenced by them. I saw this list on Facebook, and decided to steal it for my blog. Here now is a list of 10 authors that have somehow made an impact on me in one way or another.

WINSTON CHURCHILL

Not only was he arguably the greatest leader of the 20th Century, he was a prolific writer. His memoirs of World War I and World War II stand out as the definitive accounts of the two wars from someone who was there, on the scene. I have read them both, and while long, they paint an amazing portrait of life in the thick of world conflict. Churchill's memory for the facts is only surpassed by his skill with the written word.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

As a former Theatre major and actor, I cannot help but put Shakespeare on this list. His plays are the stuff of legend, and I have been in, seen or read most of them. There is a reason he is still relevant in today's world- his works are timeless.

J.K. ROWLING

Sure, this may seem like a cop-out pick, but I really think that Harry Potter's creator belongs on this list. With her books about a teenage wizard, she helped me to find joy in reading again. After being forced to read so many books in high school, I had given up on reading for pleasure- until my aunt gave me the first two Harry Potter books. That was it, I was reading for fun again after that.

C.S. FORESTER
Forester is here because of his thrilling historical fiction starring British sea captain Horatio Hornblower. The Hornblower series is one of my all time favorites, and really engrosses you with details about life on a ship during the Napoleonic Wars. For a history major, there are few more fun authors out there than Forester.

ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
Of course he is known for his Sherlock Holmes adventures, which I love, but I also like one of his other great creations- The White Company, which is the story of English Longbowmen during the 100 Years War. It is a gift when an author can transport you to another place and time with such detail, and I have always felt that Conan Doyle does this superbly.

ROBERT BLY
I have only read one of his books, but it made an instant impact on me. The book in question is Iron John, a book about men, and why they are the way they are. It is a fascinating read that draws on mythology, science and psychology to help men understand themselves and how to overcome issues that can stem from childhood and society. It was an eye opening read that made me more self aware.

EDWARD ABBEY
His love of the outdoors and respect for the natural world is what puts Abbey on this list. Through books like The Monkey Wrench Gang and Desert Solitaire, Abbey makes his audience feel more in tune with the environment, and really care about what humanity's role is in relation to the wild, specifically the desert in the American West.

JOEL LONG
My good friend and poet Joel Long is an inspiration to me both as a teacher and an author. His words are written with such care and passion that they leap off the page. One morning I woke up and was inspired to write some poetry of my own because Joel's words were swimming in my head, having heard him read his poetry aloud the night before.

MALCOLM GLADWELL
I have never been able to read anything by Malcolm Gladwell and not have my mind blown. He writes about things that are seemingly so simple with such complexity and depth that he uncovers details most people would never see. His books, as well as his New York Times articles, cover such a wide variety of topics that something he has written that will speak to just about everyone.

IAN FLEMING
I cannot stress enough what Ian Fleming's work has done to inspire me. All you need to know is that James Bond is who I would be if I could be anyone else. No, his writings are not the most sophisticated or complex, but they are fun and harken back to a time when spies and Cold War political intrigue ruled the world. It would be a much less exciting, sexy and dangerous world if Ian Fleming had never penned his Bond novels.

Movie of the Week

This merry week,

ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969)

Starring- George Lazenby, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas, Bernard Lee

This film is what I refer to as the Christmas Bond, because a majority of the action takes place around that holiday. No, Bond doesn't foil a plot by SPECTRE to steal Christmas, he instead must stop a deadly virus from spreading while navigating a bevy of beauties, and out-skiing the bad guys with his bride to be. The film not only contains the best ski chases ever, it also features the debut of George Lazenby as James Bond. After a worldwide search for Sean Connery's replacement, producers Broccooli and Saltzman settled on the Australian model turned actor for his good looks and strong presence in the fight auditions. It was up to veteran Bond editor Peter Hunt, who was directing his first 007 feature, to make Lazenby as believable in the dramatic scenes as he was in the action scenes.

Hunt does a serviceable job in making Lazenby a strong 007, and surrounded him with gifted veteran actors to help him. Diana Rigg as the lead Bond girl, Tracy, turns in a fabulous performance. She's so good in fact that our James can't help but ask her to marry him. Menacing the happy couple is Telly Savalas as Blofeld. Savalas is a bit uncouth and too American as the super villain, but he poses a nice physical threat to 007, especially in the deadly bobsled chase. Rounding out the cast are Bond staples Bernard Lee (M), Desmond Llewelyn (Q) and Lois Maxwell (Moneypenny) who provide continuity, and Gabrielle Ferzetti and Ilse Steppat as Tracy's likeable crime lord father and Blofeld's nasty henchwoman, respectively. If this film had starred Connery, it would have been the best in the series, but alas, it does not. Lazenby does his best, and while not great he is not bad enough to derail a stunningly beautiful and action packed movie.

Right off the bat the story grabs you and doesn't let go until the tragic climax. In between we get treated to some witty dialogue courtesy of writer Richard Maibaum, brutal fight scenes cut together in an innovative new way by editor John Glen and groundbreaking ski action filmed by Willy Bogner and Johnny Jordan. This film did for skiing what Thunderball did for underwater work. I am still amazed by some of the stunt work in this film as Bond skis away from Piz Gloria on one ski while being chased by SPECTRE agents, or when he avoids a giant avalanche. While Lazenby is a bit wooden at times, he has some nice moments that shine through. It is a pity that we never got to see what he might have been capable of since he decided to leave the role of 007 after one film.

Many say that this film is marred by Lazenby's work as Bond and do not rank it with the best of the series, but that is unfair to Lazenby and to the film. I do put it in the top ten, and say that the shortcomings are far outweighed by the strengths. Connery would return in 1971's Diamonds are Forever and while it would be nice to see him back as 007, I can say that his return was not anywhere near as good OHMSS. So for a little holiday action and adventure, strap in and say- Merry Christmas, 007!

Things to watch for-

Earlobes
The janitor whistling the 'Goldfinger' theme
The stock car race
John Barry's iconic theme song
Bezants
M's house
Louis Armstrong's 'We Have All the Time in the World'

"This never happened to the other fella."

Movie of the Week

This week,

CASINO ROYALE (2006)

Starring- Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Judi Dench

This time of year makes me eager to watch James Bond movies because since 1995 a 007 movie has come out every couple of years around Thanksgiving time. Since there won't be a new one this year due to financial issues with MGM (see my last blog entry), I will review one that came out four short years ago. Like many, I was very skeptical about Daniel Craig taking over as 007, but I tried to be objective as I went to see the film on opening day.

Casino Royale marked a reboot of the 44 year old series, telling the story of James Bond's first mission as a 00 agent. After dispatching two enemies in the pre-titles sequence, Bond gets his license to kill and we finally get to see the target of the famous gunbarrel sequence. What follows is one of the most innovative and fun titles sequences in the series, accompanied by a great song. I remember feeling immediately reassured once the first five minutes had gone by because I knew I was in for a special experience.

Bond's main mission in the film is to financially take down the banker behind the world's terrorists in a high stakes poker game. The banker in question is the slimy LeChiffre, an inhaler toting, blood weeping poker genius who has some tough customers for clients. Bond succeeds in setting up the game, but gets distracted by the mysterious and beautiful treasury officer, Vesper Lynd, who is in charge of 007's poker money. The action is very fast paced to start in this film, but slows down when the story focuses on the card game. Veteran Bond director Martin Campbell does a nice job of peppering in some fights around the poker game, as well as ratcheting up the tension as the stakes get higher.

Vesper and Bond fall in love over the course of the film, and it becomes clear why the James Bond we know and love is somewhat closed off with women after his experience in Casino Royale. Even though this film differs from the book in the details, the main characters and sequences are retained, and we see the character of Bond evolve before our eyes. The tragic ending sets up 007's future as an agent and leaves some interesting threads for films to come. We know now what happens thanks to Quantum of Solace, but until that film came out I couldn't wait to see James Bond's next mission with the great Daniel Craig playing the part.

Things to watch for-

Free running on a construction site in Madagascar
M's apartment
Aston Martin DB5
Bond has an itch
Felix Leiter- a Brother from Langley
Chris Cornell's song "You Know My Name"

"How did he die?"
"Not well."

Here Come The Schmohawks

Check out the latest Schmohawks.

THE REPUBLICANS

These Schmohawks whined and complained for the last two years about how Obama has not done enough to fix all the problems that their boy George W. Bush got us into. With the election last week they got what they wanted and now they need to put their money where their mouth is. Solutions are more than just offering criticism and I'm glad that they will be on the hook to work with the Democrats to get things done in Washington. Responsibility is now the word of the day. Be careful what you wish for, Schmohawks, you may get it.

THE DEMOCRATS

The symbol of the Schmohawk might as well be a donkey. The Democrats failed once again to get together on a consistent message, and as a result, lost a pantload of seats to the Republicans. Obama can't be held completely responsible for his party's failures in the last two years, but he also hasn't been perfect. Neither have other Democratic leaders who tried to throw the President under the bus in their campaigns. Let's hope that they get out Schmohawked by the GOP in the next two years and regain what they lost this week. Don't be surprised if the Schmohawkery continues, though.

THE PRODUCERS OF JAMES BOND

Hawk. Schmo Hawk. There hasn't been this much enthusiasm for James Bond since the 1960's, but you wouldn't know it. MGM, the studio that has produced 007 films for a long time, is in the process of being sold and that has stalled production on Daniel Craig's third outing indefinitely. It is sad that we might have to wait three or four years, or maybe more, before Bond is back on the big screen. Craig will want to move on if the Schmohawks in charge can't get it a script together and decide what is going to happen with MGM. Here's a thought, take 007 somewhere that isn't mired in financial woes- anybody who isn't a Schmohawk would love to be in business with 007.

Movie of the Week

This week,

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (1977)

Starring- Roger Moore, Barbara Bach, Curt Jurgens, Richard Kiel

Freed from an often tense relationship with his co-producer Harry Saltzman, Albert R. 'Cubby' Broccoli took sole command of the 007 franchise following the lackluster performance of The Man with the Golden Gun in 1974. It took three years for Bond to return to the big screen, but Broccoli proved to everyone that the wait was well worth it. The Spy Who Loved Me proved to be the high watermark for Roger Moore's tenure as 007. Aside from having a compelling Cold War era plot, the film boasts amazing Ken Adam sets, beautiful women, lush locales and perhaps the greatest stunt ever shot.

Following the disappearance of British and Russian nuclear submarines, Bond is recalled to England to find out what happened, but not before a fabulous ski chase that ends with 007 jumping off a cliff and deploying a Union Jack parachute. The trail leads Bond to Cairo where he meets up with gorgeous Russian agent, XXX (Barbara Bach) who is after the same information as our James. They are menaced among the pyramids by a giant mute with metal teeth named Jaws who works for shipping magnate, Carl Stromberg, a webbed fingered madman who has hijacked the submarines in an attempt to set off World War III. Its a typical Bond plot that has echoes of earlier films in the series, but it is executed so well that you don't really mind.

Roger Moore perfectly inhabits the role of 007 in this, his third outing, by deftly balancing the action with his trademark wit. Many view this as his best Bond film (I disagree) because it nicely illustrates what Moore brought to the role- one liners, charm and the ability to show cruelty- when necessary. In addition to Moore's performance, Spy boasts a strong, interesting villain in the form of older, German actor, Curt Jurgens. Jurgens is not a physical match for 007 in the mold of Christopher Lee, but he is menacing and gets off some classic lines. Jaws is an iconic Bond villain, and unlike in Moonraker, he is sort of scary in this movie. Barbara Bach impresses in the looks category, but she leaves a bit to be desired as a thespian. With that said, she's much better than some other Bond girls. I'm looking at you, Tanya Roberts.

The Spy Who Loved Me proved Moore's viability as 007, that fans still loved the series and most importantly that Cubby Broccoli was the right man to lead the franchise. Not many men could have put something so big on their back and made it work, but Broccoli did and this film was the glossy, action packed result of his labors. Nobody did it better.

Things to watch for-

Rick Sylvester makes the greatest ski jump- EVER
Jaws vs. Bond in a train compartment
The Lotus takes a swim
The Liparus set that required the largest sound stage ever to be built
Fekesh
Carly Simon's classic theme song

"Bond, what do you think you're doing?"
"Keeping the British end up, sir."

Movie of the Week

This week,

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (1974)

Starring- Roger Moore, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland, Maud Adams

I feel that this is one of the more under appreciated Bond films in the series. While it is not in the same league of Roger Moore's two best Bond films, For Your Eyes Only and The Spy Who Loved Me, it has some very memorable scenes and witty dialogue. It is indeed a film that is better judged for the merits of its parts rather than as a whole. Following on the success of Moore's first outing as 007, the producers and veteran Bond Director, Guy Hamilton hurried to get another Bond movie out as soon as possible.

Based on Ian Fleming's final novel, the film only retains a few elements from the source material, and replaces the plot completely with a modern story of Bond's search for a solar cell to combat the energy crisis. This is one of the few Bond plots that now seems very dated. One of the Fleming bits that was retained by the writers is the story's villain, assassin Francisco Scaramanga. He is also known as "The Man with the Golden Gun" because he uses a gold plated gun and golden bullets to kill his targets. Originally, Jack Palance was the choice to play Scaramanga, but he declined, leaving the role to none other than Ian Fleming's cousin and Dracula star- Christopher Lee. Lee is truly one of the best Bond villains, and magnificently balances charm with a sinister edge. He is a nice foil for the lighter Moore, and the two share a nice onscreen chemistry. In the role of Bond girl Mary Goodnight is the pretty, but somewhat vapid Britt Ekland. She is not as interesting as Scaramanga's mistress played by Maud Adams, who smolders nicely as she tries to get Bond to kill her deadly lover.

The plot unfolds rather predictably, as Bond ends up in a duel with Scaramanga in his island lair, with the winner taking home the title of 'world's best assassin' and, as a bonus- the Solex. The final shootout in Scaramanga's fun house is a nice change of pace from the large scale assault on the villain's lair that we see in so many 007 movies. Scenes like this are sadly offset by silly ones, which accounts for the very uneven feel to The Man with the Golden Gun. The rush to get this film made is somewhat obvious, as the whole thing feels a bit rushed, and not as polished as some other Bond adventures.

Roger Moore's best work as 007 was ahead of him, but this film proved that Bond was still a viable entity in the 1970's. It would be three years before the next Bond outing, but without this relatively successful installment, we might never have been treated to The Spy Who Loved Me or any of the rest.

Things to watch for-

Herve Villechaize as Nick Nack
Some great Tom Mankiewicz one liners
The return of Sheriff J.W. Pepper
The dressing room fist fight
Superfluous Papila
Chew Mi

"Six bullets to your one?"
"I only need one."

Movie of the Week

This week,

LICENCE TO KILL (1989)

Starring- Timothy Dalton, Carey Lowell, Robert Davi, Anthony Zerbe

Here is part two of my series on each James Bond movie. Licence to Kill was the most violent and hard edged Bond film of the series until Daniel Craig stepped into the role in 2006. In his first outing as 007, Timothy Dalton had done his best to make Bond more dangerous and realistic, but it wasn't until 1989 that he went all the way. At the time, Licence to Kill was a bit too dark for audiences, but by today's standards it is pretty tame. Either way, it is a very good entry in the series and Dalton's best film as James Bond.

Even though the writers and producers had run out of Ian Fleming plots and titles, the script for Licence to Kill boasts great scenes and characters that were unused in previous films- namely the main thrust of the plot which comes from the Live and Let Die novel. That main thrust is the near fatal wounding of James Bond's close friend and ally Felix Leiter at the hands of the villain. The villain is cold, calculating drug dealer Franz Sanchez (Davi) who feeds Leiter to his shark as a purely "business" move to get the American feds off his trail. Bond discovers Leiter's maimed body and sets out on a revenge mission, but is forced to give up his licence to kill to do it.

What follows is a great story of 007 working outside his usual channels to get close to Sanchez and his operation in order to bring it down from the inside. I call it the old "Yojimbo" treatment. Without his Secret Service support, he must rely on his wits more than ever. He does have some support from leggy CIA agent/pilot- Pam Bovier (Lowell) and Sanchez's smoldering lady friend Lupe (Talisa Soto). Also, Q turns up to dole out some gadgets in the field and to add a welcome bit of humor to this sometimes weighty adventure. Eventually Bond is outed as an enemy, but not before he has made Sanchez destroy much of his cocaine operation and kill many of his own men.

Licence to Kill suffers a bit from looking a bit too late '80's, but other than being a bit dated as far as fashion, it holds up quite well. The action scenes are great, especially considering Dalton does much of his own stunt work. Of particular note are the underwater/airplane waterskiing scene, and the climactic battle aboard several cocaine laden tanker trucks. Robert Davi stands out as a great Bond villain who exudes charm and treacherousness at the same time, as do the slimy Anthony Zerbe and a young Benicio Del Toro as his henchmen. Dalton's Bond this time around is a loose cannon, capable of anything at any time, and he looks as if he is just barely maintaining control throughout the whole movie.  It is a solid performance that harkens back to Fleming's original creation. A rather poor ad campaign hurt this film's box office appeal, but Licence to Kill had enough success that the producers decided to keep on making Bond movies and for that I am eternally grateful.

Things to watch for-

"He disagreed with something that ate him"
Wayne Newton as Professor Joe
The haunted stretch of Mexican road they used for the tanker chase
Dentonite Toothpaste
Ernest Hemingway's house

"Your licence to kill is revoked."

Fun Facts

I like to tell people things that they may not know. These things are usually fun little facts or bits of trivia that I have picked up over the years, and have stored away in my brain. Here now are some fun facts from the Cranium of Conor.

Winston Churchill used to dictate memos and written material to his secretaries from the bathtub.

Tom Selleck was the original choice to play Indiana Jones, but was unavailable because of his commitment to Magnum P.I.

Queen Elizabeth I was called the 'Virgin Queen' because of her refusal to marry and devote herself completely to her nation, and not complicate her life with a husband.

The literary character of Horatio Hornblower was Gene Roddenberry's original basis for the character of Captain Kirk, and later the basis for director Nicholas Meyer's vision for Star Trek II.

There is a rumor that the envelope containing the New York Knicks logo was chilled in 1985 to allow them to get the first pick in the draft in order to select Georgetown center Patrick Ewing. At the time, the NBA Draft Lottery was done by putting envelopes containing each team's logo in a drum and drawing them out "randomly."

Adam West was a possible replacement for Sean Connery as James Bond in Diamonds are Forever.

During the 1960 presidential election, a debate between John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon garnered very different reactions from those who watched the debate on T.V. and those who listened to it on the radio. The people who saw the debate on T.V. thought that the good looking, clean cut Kennedy won over the sweaty, five o'clock shadow sporting Nixon, while those who simply heard the debate thought that Nixon had better arguments and won. T.V. eventually trumped radio as Kennedy beat Nixon.


Yours truly was in an Arctic Circle wazmo shades commercial s a kid. Oh yeah.

Movie of the Week

This week,

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER (1971)

Starring- Sean Connery, Jill St. John, Charles Gray, Bernard Lee

It is my eventual mission to review each James Bond film individually, and we get started with one of the less popular, but still entertaining, films in the series. Sean Connery had departed the role of 007 in 1967 after You Only Live Twice, but returned for the seventh Bond film after George Lazenby's hasty departure. While it was very welcome to have Connery back as Bond, this is far from his best outing. Unlike the more realistic tone in Lazenby's On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Diamonds are Forever revolves around gadgets, humor and a over-the-top plot.

In Diamonds, 007 is sent to investigate a smuggling ring that leads him into a dubious partnership with smuggler Tiffany Case as well as into the clutches of his old nemesis, Blofeld. It turns out that Blofeld is using the diamonds for a giant space laser so that he can hold the world ransom- sound familiar? While this plot is not the most engaging, and Charles Gray is a very unconvincing villain, there are some good things about this movie.

Connery's presence is good for a lot, as he exudes the charm and menace that endeared him to audiences in the first place. Also, the dialogue penned by Tom Mankiewicz is some of the most clever and witty in the series. Recognition must also go to a few scenes that stand out from the rest. The fight in the elevator between Bond and Peter Franks is a bruising classic, as is the final tussle aboard a cruise ship as Bond finally dispatches the creepy henchmen- Kidd and Wint. Las Vegas and Amsterdam are welcome locales that help with the plot, and the car chase that takes place in Vegas is quite good despite one of the great screen goofs of all time.

In all, this film is not really greater than the sum of its parts, but there are enough good bits that make it a solid Bond outing. It was only a matter of time before two emblems of capitalism, James Bond and Las Vegas, joined together on the screen for a wild adventure.

Things to Watch For-

Jimmy Dean as Willard Whyte
Klaus Hergeschimer- G Section
Bond's "funeral"
The Bomber Surprise
Bambi and Thumper
Shirley Bassey's great theme song

"I'm Plenty." "But of course you are."

The Mother Country

The United States was originally a British colony, but has since become independent and surpassed the U.K. in world power and influence. I have to say that even though the U.S.A. has had many great accomplishments in its 234 years of existence, the British still outrank us in many areas. I think that I would like to be British sometimes because of the things on the list that follows. Here now, are the best things that the British have given the world, that I love.

JAMES BOND










THE BEATLES

THE ROLLING STONES

WINSTON CHURCHILL

MONTY PYTHON

And

SHERLOCK HOLMES
HARRY POTTER
NEWCASTLE BROWN ALE
HORATIO HORNBLOWER
THE WHO

See, I told you it was some good stuff. Thanks, England.

Top 10 Villains of All Time

The movie industry has given us some great villains over the years, and I feel compelled to recognize the ten that I think are the best. Here they are...

10. KHAN NOONIEN SINGH

Star Trek's best and most memorable villain gets us off to a great start. Khan is a genetically engineered genius who is hell-bent on revenge. It is Khan's determination that makes him a great villain, and his use of brain burrowing, mind controlling eels on his enemies doesn't hurt either. (Played by Ricardo Montalban in Star Trek II)

9. HARRY LIME

Perhaps the most charming villain on this list, Harry Lime is a criminal mastermind. His plot leaves many people dead or terminally ill, and he feels no remorse. He is a product of World War II and its aftermath, but that is no excuse for his sadistic behavior. (Played by Orson Welles in The Third Man)

8. CAPTAIN BLIGH

This is the only villain on this list who actually existed in real life. Captain Bligh is a cruel disciplinarian that forces his crew into mutiny because of his evil and irrational treatment of his men on the H.M.S. Bounty. Bligh has been played by many men, but make sure to see the 1935 Oscar winning version of Mutiny on the Bounty for the best and most villainous Bligh. (Played by Charles Laughton)

7. BRICKTOP

You might look at this guy and think, "Who's this old dork?" But while you're thinking that, he'll be planning to kill you and feed you to his pigs. That's right, he's a mob boss who kills his enemies and those who displease him and feeds them to his pet pigs. Don't cross Bricktop, he's a tough customer. (Played by Alan Ford in Snatch)

6. HARRY POWELL

There's nothing more villainous than a bad man who pretends to be good. Harry Powell claims to be a minister, but he is really a thief and a murderer. Worse than that, his target is two children who know his true intentions. I'll never hear the hymn "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" and not be creeped out. (Played by Robert Mitchum in The Night of the Hunter)

5. NURSE RATCHED

This woman makes mental hospitals less appealing than they already are. Her manipulative hold on her patients makes her a very evil villain, and responsible for more problems than she cures. She's also not willing to be challenged, and will use any means necessary to stay in control. (Played by Louise Fletcher in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)

4. ROSA KLEBB/RED GRANT

These are the two best villains that James Bond creator Ian Fleming ever gave us. They get paired together because one is the brains and one is the braun. He's the most dangerous assassin SPECTRE has, and she's the creepy mastermind with poison knives in her shoes. 007 has a hard time getting the better of the these two. (Played by Lotte Lenya and Robert Shaw in From Russia With Love)

3. THE JOKER

Completely unpredictable, ruthless and sadistic, The Joker is in a class of his own. The fact that he believes in anarchy might make him the most dangerous villain on this list, and his wicked sense of humor only adds to his menacing personality. Wanna know how he got his scars? (Played by Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight)

2. DR. HANNIBAL LECTER

This guy is a genius psychiatrist who eats people. He eats people! What else do you need to know? Maybe that he's always two steps ahead, and that he's really charming and manipulative. The Silence of the Lambs is scary as shit, and 99% of that is because of Dr. Lecter. (Played by Sir Anthony Hopkins)

1. DARTH VADER

You cannot think villain without picturing Darth Vader. He is the epitome of evil, with his force chokes, his light saber skills, the black helmet and that deep voice. I don't know if any villain before or since has made as big an impact as the Dark Lord of the Sith. (Played by David Prowse and James Earl Jones in the Original Star Wars trilogy)

The Bond Chronicles Part III

James Bond has had 22 cinematic adventures, and I have a deep appreciation for them, but there would no films without the books written by Ian Fleming. Fleming's first novel, Casino Royale forever changed the spy genre when it was published in 1953, and introduced the world to agent 007. A series of books followed, making James Bond a legitimate literary phenomenon, especially when President Kennedy put From Russia With Love on a list of his favorite books. I had not read any of the books until many years into my Bond obsession, but can now say I have read most of them. I can say without a doubt that the books are very special, and depict a very flawed main character that is only glimpsed in some of the movies. For a deeper understanding of the man, read the books and feel the charm of Fleming's writing take you into a world of intrigue and glamour. The list that follows reviews my favorite three Bond books.

1. From Russia With Love

Just like the film version, this is the best of the series. President Kennedy was right to put this book on his list of favorites because it has it all- great locations, mysterious girls, thrilling action and sinister villains. The villains in this book are the best Fleming ever created- ruthless SMERSH mastermind Colonel Rosa Klebb and her machine-like killer henchman 'Red' Grant. These two set in motion a great Cold War era plot to get even with 007 for his previous work against the Soviet spy organization. I don't want to spoil the story, but Bond is at his best as he matches wits with his deadly enemies against the fabulous backdrop of Istanbul and the Orient Express. It is also different enough from the film that you will have some nice surprises in store.

2. On Her Majesty's Secret Service

It's no wonder that the two best books made for great Bond films, and this is true for OHMSS. Just like the 1969 film, this story follows 007 as he tries to track down Blofeld at his hideout in the Swiss Alps. This novel has some great scenes, and Fleming does a fabulous job describing the action, especially the epic ski chase that sees Bond narrowly evading SPECTRE. Also of note in this book are Bond's allies. M plays a critical role, as does avuncular crime lord Marc Ange Draco who ends up as Bond's father in law. Yes, Bond gets married in this one, but be prepared for a shocking finale. Fleming does his best work at the end when Bond's marriage meets an untimely end. The cliffhanger makes you eager to pick up the next book, You Only Live Twice, immediately.

3. Live and Let Die

Of the three books on this list, Live and Let Die is the most different from its cinematic counterpart. Unlike the 1973 film starring Roger Moore, the book is much darker and more violent, with key scenes that were later adapted for other Bond films. I like the gritty nature of this Bond adventure, and the mysterious Voodoo shadow that is cast over it. The villain this time is the gigantic Hatian Mr. Big who works as an operative for the Russians. Bond is sent to uncover a smuggling operation, but soon becomes trapped in a dangerous game with Mr. Big and his confederates. Try not to be put off by the somewhat racist depiction of the black characters in the novel, and remember that it was written in 1954. Despite the somewhat antiquated view of black culture, this book is rife with great scenes- the maiming of Felix Leiter, Solitaire's test and the keel hauling torture. Enjoy!

Cop Out

Here is a cop out blog entry. I have not posted in a little while, and I am sorry to the two of you that actually read this. I don't really have time for a real blog right now, so here are some facts I know and unrelated photos.

James Brolin was almost James Bond.

Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert got their start on the short-lived, but hilarious Dana Carvey Show.

Hitler's favorite movies were Snow White and King Kong.

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

You can help yourself sneeze by staring into a bright light.

My dog, Basil is adorable in a sweater.

Here now, are the unrelated photos.

The Bond Chronicles Part II

Today's 007-centric post will focus on the six actors who have donned the tuxedo to portray James Bond. It is difficult for me to pick a favorite Bond because in my study of the films I can appreciate something about what each actor brought to the role. I know some people are die-hard Connery people, or Roger Moore followers, but after you read this maybe you can re-think your opinions on this group of distinguished actors.

SEAN CONNERY (1962-1967,1971) 6 Films

Connery is the standard by which all Bonds who follow will be measured. Some measure up better than others, but one thing is certain- Connery was a great James Bond and he built the character into a screen icon. He was discovered for the role by Dana Broccoli (Producer Cubby Broccoli's wife) in Darby O'Gill and the Little People and most everyone agreed he would be a good choice. Connery was not as suave as his on-screen counterpart and needed some polishing by Director Terence Young. The results were terrific as he debuted in Dr. No in 1962. Connery went on to make 5 more films, the best of which are From Russia With Love and Goldfinger. Following the release of You Only Live Twice, he retired from the role, saying that he was tired of all the attention and time it took to make a Bond film. He would return, however, in 1971's Diamonds are Forever for one film only. It was nice to see the man back in action, even when it was clear it would be his last official Bond film. I love Connery's work, and I think the best thing he brought to the role of 007 was the balance of wit and cruelty.

GEORGE LAZENBY (1969) 1 Film

The somehwat unknown Bond, George Lazenby had the unenviable task of filling Sean Connery's shoulder holster following his departure in 1967. Lazenby, an Australian, had been a model and T.V. actor, and won the role over thousands of other hopefuls by emulating Sean Connery. The one film in which Lazenby starred is one of the best of the series. On Her Majesty's Secret Service boasts a terrific cast, strong story and great action on the slopes of Switzerland. While not a great actor, Lazenby has some fine moments in the film that make you wonder what kind of Bond he would have blossomed into had he stuck around. Stardom and ego proved to be his downfall, and his constant on-set tantrums soured the producers. I really wish he could have had another film or two because his work in OHMSS, especially in the action and fight scenes, was decent. I do not think it is fair to judge him too harshly because following Sean Connery would be tough for anyone.

ROGER MOORE (1973-1985) 7 Films

In lieu of hiring another unknown to replace Connery, the producers asked well known T.V. actor Roger Moore to play 007 in 1973. Moore, a veteran of spy shows, The Saint and The Pursuaders, was a very solid choice to become Bond, and he showed confidence stepping into the role. While Connery had been a Bond of the 1960's, Moore would be a Bond of the 1970's. Moore's portrayal of Bond was more light and comedic than his predecessors, and it fit his personality well. Some Bond purists say that this interpretation of 007 was not in keeping with Fleming's original creation, but I think it worked for the time in which the films were made. Roger Moore made 7 films as 007, and the quality of his work ranged from excellent and thrilling (For Your Eyes Only, The Spy Who Loved Me) to campy and stupid (Moonraker). I really enjoy what Roger Moore brought to the Bond series, and even though you may not love him, it can at least be said he did it his way and he did not copy Sean Connery.

TIMOTHY DALTON (1987-1989) 2 Films

With Moore's departure in 1985, the producers wanted to go back to a more hard-edged Bond that was truer to the character in the books. When Pierce Brosnan, who was tapped for the role, became unavailable, the part of Bond went to Welsh actor Timothy Dalton. Dalton had auditioned for Bond before, but had felt too young for the part at the time, but now he was ready. In his two films as 007, Dalton shows a vulnerable and harder side- making Bond like a bomb who could go off anytime. Dalton benefitted from what I feel are two of the series' finest scripts, and he carved out a nice niche in my heart with his work. For whatever reason, fans did not embrace him the way they had Moore and Connery, and so his tenure as 007 was short-lived. Also, legal trouble at the studio prevented a film from being made after 1989's Licence to Kill, and so by the time the wrangling was over, it was 1994, and Dalton was no longer interested in playing James Bond. I give kudos to Dalton for his work in grounding Bond in the real world and for the fact that he did many of his own stunts which was a welcome sight after Roger Moore's turn as 007.

PIERCE BROSNAN (1995-2002) 4 Films

It was no surprise in 1995 that Pierce Brosnan was to be the next James Bond. Having lost the role in 1987, Brosnan was eager to take on the role as the world's most famous spy. Brosnan's work was very much a fusion of the Dalton and Moore portrayals. He was good at the witty one liners, as well as the brutality and vulnerability that make Bond dangerous. His best film was his first, Goldeneye. Following his fabulous debut, the stories he was given got more fantastic and over-the-top with each film, so that by his swan song, Die Another Day, Bond had gotten too campy. I credit Brosnan for reinvigorating the franchise, and making Bond a viable character for a new generation. I will never forget seeing Goldeneye in the theatre as a kid, and realizing that I would grow up with Pierce Brosnan as my Bond.

DANIEL CRAIG (2006-Present) 2 Films

I have to admit, like many, I was skeptical when the producers cut Pierce Brosnan loose after Die Another Day, but I was wrong. Daniel Craig became the sixth actor to play 007 amid terrible press and reviews that slammed him as a bad choice and "James Bland." Despite this media onslaught, he turned in what many call the best performance the series had yet seen. I wouldn't necessarily go that far, but Craig's gritty, realistic turn in Casino Royale convinced me that Bond was in good hands. Even though Connery, Dalton and Brosnan showed flashes, Craig's work as 007 is the closest to the original Fleming creation. Following, Casino Royale, Craig again did fine work in Quantum of Solace. I do hope that in the next few films we see a return to some of the humorous aspects of the character, but there is little doubt that Craig is here to stay as James Bond.

JAMES BOND WILL RETURN

The Bond Chronicles

I love James Bond. If I could be someone else, I would be James Bond. With that said, I am an authority on Mr. Bond- the movies, the books, the characters, the style, etc. This time of year is usually when a new Bond film comes out, but this year there isn't one. We will have to wait until November of 2011 for the follow up to last year's Quantum of Solace. So, in the absence of a new film, I will try to satisfy my Bond addiction with a series of blogs about 007. Here now is the first installment.

There have been 22 "official" James Bond films made, starting with 1962's Dr. No. I say "official" because there was the parody, Casino Royale made in 1967 starring David Niven and Peter Sellers, as well as the rival Bond film, Never Say Never Again, made in 1983 with Sean Connery. I am a purist, and even though these films have some nice moments, they don't count. With that preface, I now rank the 22 films in the official series from 1 to 22. One being the best, 22 the worst. Get it? I hope so.

1. From Russia With Love (1963) Sean Connery

2. Goldfinger (1964) Sean Connery

3. For Your Eyes Only (1981) Roger Moore

4. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) Roger Moore

5. Dr. No (1962) Sean Connery

6. Casino Royale (2006) Daniel Craig

7. Thunderball (1965) Sean Connery

8. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) George Lazenby

9. Goldeneye (1995) Pierce Brosnan

10. Octopussy (1983) Roger Moore

11. Licence to Kill (1989) Timothy Dalton

12. The Living Daylights (1987) Timothy Dalton

13. Quantum of Solace (2008) Daniel Craig

14. The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) Roger Moore

15. The World is not Enough (1999) Pierce Brosnan

16. Live and Let Die (1973) Roger Moore

17. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) Pierce Brosnan

18. A View to a Kill (1985) Roger Moore

19. Diamonds are Forever (1971) Sean Connery

20. You Only Live Twice (1965) Sean Connery

21. Die Another Day (2002) Pierce Brosnan

22. Moonraker (1979) Roger Moore

There you have it, the definitive list. Try to dispute me, just try.

JAMES BOND WILL RETURN