Divorce Tax

There are a lot of people out there who think marriage is greater than sliced bread, or it's better than apple pie, or even that it's the greatest thing that can happen to two people.  I don't eat sliced bread and apple pie is just okay with me, I'd rather have blueberry... or peach.  As for the greatest thing that can happen to two people?  I guess that would be just fine, if divorce didn't get in the way.  Now I'll admit that the romantic allure of marriage can sometimes be overwhelming.  So much so that some people tend to do it over, and over, and over again.  If you're a Christian, marriage is supposed to be a Holy Sacrament, a vow before God, yet in the state of Pennsylvania at least 63% of all marriages end up in divorce.  So much for the sanctity of the vow.
There are several reasons why marriages fail:  people get married because they don't know the difference between love and lust;  familial pressures, you just need to get married, society expects people to get married, it's what everybody does, isn't it?  And let's face it, divorce is cheap.  What's a couple hundred bucks, especially if you're blaming someone else?  And let's face it, blame is important.  Everyone wants to point the finger at someone else, and even, on those rare occasions when someone does admit to being at fault, there are always qualifications.

Besides, divorces aren't that expensive.  In fact, ending a marriage can be a lot cheaper then actually staying together.  Marriage is a business contract, after all, in spite of all the romantic trappings used for decoration.  If it were far more expensive to get a divorce, I suspect a lot of people would take a lot more time thinking about just what they're planning.  Having said such, I think all states should enact a Divorce Tax.  If you want to get married, well, that's fine, however, if you want to get a divorce you have to pay a tax.  I think 10% of the cumulative gross wages  earned during their time of marriage would be a nice round figure.  This means that if a couple gets married, and stays married for 5 years, and the total gross wages both of them earned during that 5 years totals $300,000, they they would owe a Divorce Tax of $30,000.

Now I know there are people who are going to say "Holy Crap, that's too much money, I can't afford that."  Well, then maybe you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.  Commitments should be cheap and in today's world marriage is a cheap commodity just about anybody can afford.  

Love and Hate in Arkansas

I know there are a lot of gay people out there who are all kinds of happy, happy because a judge in Arkansas has ruled in favor of gay marriage.  Well, I just want to interject a little temperance into the jubilation.  While 53% of Americans either approve of gay marriage, or are neither for nor against it, 47% oppose it.  The vast majority of that 47% live in the deep south, the heart of the Bible Belt, and also the stronghold of the Republican Party.  Since many of these people still have not reconciled themselves to the reality of the Civil Rights Movement the concept of Gay Rights is a true horror.  Their religion has legitimized this hate for as long as they can remember.  Let me give you an example.
Thirty some odd years ago I joined the Navy and went to both Boot Camp and 'A' School up at Great Lakes Training Center.  There was always a notice on the school bulletin board about 'free box lunches' - you could get a free box lunch by getting on a van and going to a Baptist Church in downtown Chicago.  One Sunday some friends and I decided to take advantage of the offer.  It was an eye opener.  The focus of the Sermon was not on God's love, but on men who play piano.  I was stunned as the Pastor told the congregation that 'men who play piano sit on the bench in a funny way.'  He went on to say how none of his sons would ever learn to play the piano because he would not want them sitting like that.  He claimed that 'those men' are a blemish in God's eye and because of this they are to be despised.  Of course he had no idea that I both played the piano and was gay, and because of that could feel the hatred he was feeding his flock.  We all know this was not an isolated sermon.  Unfortunately, I suspect this Pastor was on the mild side since his church was in Chicago.

I always like to lean towards the side of caution.  Changing a law does not change the hearts and minds of the people.  Just because you can now marry legally in Arkansas doesn't mean some pudding head isn't going to burn down your house in the middle of the night.  One of the sad facts of life is that the vast majority of hate crimes in the deep south are never reported out of fear of repercussion.  So, if you're sitting comfortably in your Democratic suburb, you need to remember these people have a hate which has been legitimized by their faith since birth.  I think the best thing we can do at this point in time is to be cautious in our optimism.  Only time will tell what effects this change of law will truly have in regards to love and hate in Arkansas. 

  

Marriage Free Fall

Next Saturday my niece Jessica and her fiance Joe are getting married.  I am not excited.  You see I'm not really sold on the marriage thing, at all, for anybody.  In reality it's nothing more then a business arrangement.  For most of its existence marriage was more about making a good match then anything else.  Love had nothing to do with it.  What mattered more then anything was the end deal.  How many goats and pigs could you get from the farmer for marrying his daughter.  She might have been hideous but face it, twelve goats is better then seven chickens.  This is why dowries were so important.  Getting married meant making sure you were getting your money's worth.  And it applied to men as well.  Being handsome might allow you to diddle your way through town, however it didn't mean you could marry above your station.  That cute little burgemeister's daughter?  She'd be married off to someone who could afford her.  The studly guy?  He'd be married to the girl who was missing her front teeth.   Falling in love and getting married was a fiction most usually presented on stage, where things could end happily ever after.

Most people really don't want to admit that marriage, as an institution, is pretty much a failure in its current state.  When I worked for Interstate Hotels there was a catering secretary who sat just around the corner from my office who'd been married and divorced 5 times.  You read that right.  Five times she said "I do," and then five times changed her mind and broke her vows.  There was a time when religion kept divorce in check.  You got married and you stayed married.  If you got a divorce you were excommunicated from the church, or you were snubbed by the community.  That did not make marriage a good institution, but it did help it to endure.  Today divorces are common place.  The only time they make news is when they're between same sex couples.  The Crazy Christians feel they need to throw as many stones as possible.

The Happy Couple

My Mom tells be her dress was expensive and the ceremony is going to be on the elaborate side.  What a waste of money.  The bride who buys a dress that costs as much or more then an inexpensive refrigerator is dumb as a brick.  Of course most brides have already convinced themselves this is going to be the most important day in their life - until they marry for the second time.  You see, that's another big problem with marriage which so many people choose to ignore.  Divorce rates are high.  Very high.  In some states 65% of all marriages end up in divorce, which means only 35% don't get divorced.  It doesn't mean they are happy marriages, just that both partners end up going their separate ways.  Think about that percentage.  What would you do if, after successfully completing all of the training, your instructor were tell you, just before you stepped out of the plane, "hey, you've got a 35% chance of surviving this jump?"  Of course in one or two states almost 45% of all marriages survive.  Would you want to bet on a horse with those odds? 

Traditonal Marriage - nothing more then Hallmark Hell

As I was walking the dog this morning I thought about marriage since there is a big 'to do' going on about it.  There's traditional marriage and now there's nontraditional marriage, both are supposed to be based upon the love of two people.  However, too many are oblivious to the fact that right from the beginning marriage was about ownership and that ownership needed to be legitimized by some deity, or religious philosophy.  I get a little fed up with this crap about the love between a man and a women because in all of the shrieks and rants no one mentions bankable.  Dowries were important.  A young woman who had a dowry worth 2 pigs, 4 goats, and 10 chickens was worth a hell of a lot more then a young woman who could only bring 3 goats and 6 chickens to a marriage.  Where's the love in that?  Some cultures relied heavily on matchmakers, people hired to broker marriages, and the first thing they looked was ownership.  What were the potential bride and groom going to be bringing to the table?

The age of the bride was important as well.  For centuries the younger she was the better, not because so many of the men were pedophiles, but because so many women died in childbirth.  The younger the bride, the more likely she would have several children who survived.  Babies were very important, after all, who was going to take care of you when you hit the ripe old age of 36.

We would like marriage to be this romantic, Hallmark moment that lasts forever.  It doesn't.  In some states the divorce rate is almost 60% and that's bad.  That's another problem with the traditionalists, they want to talk about the marriage aspect but not the divorce end, or infidelity (both men and women seem equally guilty in that arena), nor terrible custody battles. The terrible truth is that there are people who are locked in this Hallmark hell, their minds shut off to any reality other then the  blanket of disillusionment that makes them happy.

Trayvon Martin trial goes for boring

A few days ago the United States Supreme Court came down with two landmark rulings in regard to marriage equality.  I first saw this on one of my news feeds, so when I got home I turned on MSNBC to see what the national news media was saying.  To my surprise, they were televising the Trayvon Martin murder trial.  My first thought was that this was just an update since the Supreme Court rulings, while making a lot of people happy, were definitely going to piss off a lot of people.  I was wrong.  Someone high up at MSNBC had decided the trial was the more earth shattering, the more groundbreaking, of the two stories.  Someone decided listening to a supposedly star witness bumble her way through an incoherent testimony was the be all and end all of breaking news stories. How could anybody make such a stupid decision?

 

"Mumble, mumble" she said, "mumble mumble."

 

There is a reason Court TV exists:  courtroom drama is a medium best served by fiction.  In the real world courtroom testimony gets boring very, very fast because it is not regulated by either a plot line or the need for commercial breaks.  When a star witness has difficulty comprehending simple questions things slide into a slowly spinning whirlpool where words and phrases get repeated again, and again, and again.  I endured for about 7 minutes and then I went out into the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher.  News networks are meant to provide you with news, some nearly fatal barbiturate overdose served up in a soupy mess of irrelevance.  Is this trial important?  Yes.  Did that testimony need to be broadcast live?  Hell no!

 

 

This morning I saw a question on one of my news feeds regarding that day's testimony.  "Star Witness or Train Wreck?"  Holy shit, I thought, did that question even need to be asked.