OK, so I finally broke down. I resisted for far too long and just realized life would be better if I just gave in.

Give in to what you ask? This getting old shit! This getting old crap sucks and there is nothing I can do about it. I was at a restaurant with a group of people and I was having trouble reading the menu and the check when it came. When I have my contacts in I can see great except when it comes to reading. I look like an 80 year old woman trying to read. It's pathetic. One of the people that was at dinner handed me her reading glasses and suggested I try them. I put those things on and Viole! I could read! It was amazing! I was actually able to read the check. Unbelievable.

You know what I did? The very next day I went out and bought my very own pair of reading glasses and they are amazing! I even bought a cute clear pink case for them.

So now I am one of these old people that you see that stretches out their arms trying to read a menu then whips out a pair of glasses from her purse and puts them on. Oh God, its official, I'm old.

I spent the last two weeks in Baltimore, minus the weekend, and I am finally home for good and I can't tell you how glad I am to finally sleep in my own bed tonight!

I was seated next to two young girls on the plane that were about 16 or 17. They were so cute. They felt the need to tell me that they just left New York and DC. This was their first time on a plane. They kept asking me questions about what to expect. "Can we use our phones?" "Can we use our iPods?" "Are we starting to go down now?" They were too cute.

They are from a very small town in Georgia with a population of 2000 and NY and DC was just a bit too much for them and they were glad to be getting back to their simple, small town lives.

The cute meter went off the charts when the one sitting next to me stated that she couldn't wait to get home to see her father. He just got home after spending a year in Afghanistan. She only spent 1 day with him before she had to go out of town. Aaaawwwww.

In stark contrast, there was this little kid seated behind me that kept kicking my chair. I wanted to pop him upside his head. Don't get it twisted, I will fight a kid.

OK, so I've been using the GPS on my Blackberry to get around Atlanta. It's been serving me very well actually but I felt I needed a real GPS system. I needed one that would be right in my face and louder then the cell phone. Well people, I finally did it! I went out and sprung for a real GPS and I am in love! Why didn't you guys tell me how great these things are? I hold you personally responsible for me being deprived. She is wonderful. I've been trying to come up with reasons to get in my car and drive somewhere just so I could use it. I may never get out of the car again.

I've come to a conclusion after this weekend. My aunt from Alabama came over and visited my other aunt here in Georgia. They called me to tell me she was in town and the next day I went over to see them both. I had a really good time hanging out with them. It's always good being around family. All of a sudden the subject of food came up. My aunts asked me if I had ever eaten fried pickles. I looked at them both as if they had lost their mind. Seriously. Fried pickles?

So they decided to take it upon themselves to fry up a batch for me to try. So here I am waiting for the fried pickles to come up from the fryer thinking, 'What the hell have I gotten myself into?'

So the first batch arrives onto the table and I look at them with apprehension. They all look at me as if to say, 'Go ahead, take one.' So I buckled under the pressure and took one. I popped it into my mouth and started chewing. I must say it wasn't too bad. My cousin then pipes up and says, "It tastes better with ranch dressing." and he proceeds to go to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of ranch dressing and I try it and it was actually pretty good.

I've come to the conclusion that people in the south will fry anything!

As you drive down certain streets you inevitably come across a liquor store. Every now and then you'll see a sign like this one:


I know what beer is, I know what wine is, but what the hell are Spirits?

Just wondering.

Kids have always grappled with drug use and peer pressure since we can all remember. A teenager makes friends with a certain crowd, that crowd dabbles in a little drug use so the teen follows suite not wanting to be singled out.

Back in my day I was no different. Although my close friends did not partake in drugs I “encountered” random people that did use drugs occasionally. I remember being in high school one sunny afternoon and I was hanging out in a stairwell with some classmates during lunch. These particular classmates decided to smoke a joint right there. I was a little taken aback but I always go with the flow and I can adapt easily. No worries. They began passing this joint around and when it reached me I kindly declined. The one person that I was closest to yelled out, “Oh come on Tee, don’t be a square.” That did not persuade me one way or the other, I was steadfast and the others continued getting high while I watched on.

It was easy for me to say no on that day. It was easy because I was literally afraid. Scared out of my mind. Scared of what you may ask….scared to death my parents would find out and kick my little ass that’s what!

My parents had the uncanny ability to know what I was doing and when. It amazed me that I could walk into the house at any given time and my mother would ask, “ Why did you do that today?” and I’d just look at her in stunned silence. They would never give up their sources. My parents didn’t play. My father was straight old school and believed in kicking a kid’s ass.

I say this to say that parents, YOU are the deterrent your kids need to not take drugs. Instill a little fear in them and they will not step out of line. It sure as hell worked for me.

I’ve made some decisions in my life. I feel this is the best route for me to take at this time and I’m sure I will be much happier. Although this decision was not easy or done in hast, it was the best thing for all concerned.

I’ve decided to dump my current bitch ass BFF’s for some new kick ass friends! I need new friends that are funny, spontaneous, adventurous, employed and love traveling.

I am sick of these boring heifers that I currently hang around. Humph!

Huh, I feel better already.

Have you ever felt the need to let go of your current baggage and start fresh?

Weddings are not what they used to be. I remember not so very long ago that when you attended a wedding you were in the same room as the bridal party. I guess things have changed my friends.

I attended a wedding this weekend that had all the makings of a beautiful event. A quaint restaurant located on a marina overlooking water and boats docked at the pier. It was lovely.

That was until we walked into the venue and realized there were no seating cards so it was a free for all in regards to where to sit. Great. I already had some trepidations about going as I was attending solo and wasn’t sure who I was going to be seated next to.

Seating fiasco averted the ceremony began and the party started marching in. Imagine my sheer shock when they marched into the room adjacent to where we were. We had to view the entire wedding through a glass window pane. Good times.

As you all know, I'm a dater. I meet, I date, you get on my nerves and I throw you away. That's how I roll.

It has been my experience that most men will ask that inevitable question, "Do you cook?" I look at them for a second then take them to my frig and open it up.



Does it look like I cook?

Yes, that is my actual refrigerator right at this moment.

I try to eat healthy (some of the time), I truly do but it’s hard folks. It’s really hard. There are days that box of chocolate covered donuts from Entenmann's call my name. I’m not that strong people.

I try to stay away from pork and beef but there are times when the call of a bacon cheddar cheeseburger rivals the earth’s gravitational pull and we all know you are powerless against that…right?. What’s a girl to do?

Why oh why when confronted with the choice between a carrot raisin salad or hash browns for breakfast from Chick Fil A the hash browns always win, hands down, topped with a large cup of sweet Iced Tea.

People, I’m not that strong. Lord give me strength.

Hello my blogosphere family. I have just come to a revelation and I must share this with you all because we are that close.

I think my neighbors next to me are Colombian drug lords. I say this because you never see anyone coming in or out of that house but you hear loud banging noises constantly. I could have sworn I heard a buzz saw the other day.

I've lived in my house for almost 7 years and STILL have no clue who lives there. The few times I've noticed someone going into the house, I've never seen them come back out. I have no idea what kind of car they drive because I never see the same car in front of their house.....ever.

Sounds kinda suspicious. You tell me.

I think I have a problem. I am a grown woman that gets easily distracted. Distracted by what you ask? I can hear you wondering. I get distracted by all things shiny and new.

I kid you not, if it’s shiny and new I must have it. Take for instance a cell phone. I bought a new Palm Centro cell phone less then a year ago that I love actually and already I am feigning for a new phone. A shiny new Blackberry. Oh how I heart those Blackberry’s.

I have a wonderful desktop PC that is perfectly fine. I’ve had the computer for less then 3 years. It’s great actually but I keep seeing all these new PC’s with all these cool bells and whistles, especially the TouchSmart one from HP that has a touch screen and there I am foaming at the mouth.

I have issues and I need help people and I need it quick before I end up in the poor house.

Help!

Do I have the word "Breeder" stamped across my forehead and no one told me? Or do I look like a big ass horse?

Why do I keep meeting these guys that want me to breed for them and produce all these children. I kid you not and it's a little frightening.

I have met several men over the last few years that have looked me in my eyes ever so lovingly just as they were scarfing down a greasy burger and say to me, "We would have the cutest kids. What do you think?"

Huh?

"I want a little girl. What do you say?"

Dude, are you kidding me? Where is Ashton?

Apparently I have "Human Breeder" written all over me. And the worst part of all is that not one of my so called girlfriends even bothered to tell me this fact. Bitches!

It's unreal.

Hey, why not forgo the inconvenience of a relationship and subsequent marriage and just drop kids wherever you can and it's all good. No muss no fuss.

Yeah, I'm down with this program.

Is there a Shopaholics Anonymous out there? If so please direct me to the nearest meeting? My name is Tee and I am a shopaholic.

I spent way more money this weekend shopping then I had planned. I just couldn’t stop myself. I saw…I wanted…I bought.

Budget be damned, I was a woman in a shopping frenzy. Shirts and blouses. A new pair of jeans that cut off my circulation but who cares they are cute. I’ll just unbutton the top button. It’ll be alright. No one will ever know. The price of cuteness is painful people. Stuff for the house.

I think I single handedly brought the country out of recession this weekend.

The president will be so proud of me. My invitation to the White House I’m sure will be in the mail any day now.

Ok, I have a confession to make. This is rather difficult for me to admit but I have to get this out.

I love puppies. I really, really do. They melt my heart. I am this close to getting one. See, I have a problem with the feeding and walking part.

Well I stumbled across a blog a long time ago that happens to be extrememly popular. I visit her from time to time. She always has hundreds and I mean ALWAYS has HUNDREDS of comments to her posts. I have no idea how she does it but I want to be like her when I grow up. She's my blogging shero.

Well, I visited her blog today and saw the cutest things ever and I just had to steal them. I HAD TO!!

Dammit why did I have to go visit Pioneer Woman's blog!? How could you not smile and get all gooey when you see these. Now I am all weepy for a puppy. Damn you Pioneer Woman!!

I've come to realize something about myself dear readers and it ain't pretty. I've come to realize that I can only listen to people talk for about 2.5 seconds before I start to blank out and stare off into space drooling with an occasional "Uh huh" to give the illusion that I'm paying attention.

I'm not proud of this lack of ability to pay attention to people but I have to admit, sometimes, it's really not my fault.

Listening to my coworker talk (once again) about the 125th random dude she met on the internet warrants a blank stare off into space with my mind wondering all willy nilly, 'Did I turn off my curling Iron? Oh my goodness, I think I left it on.' SHIT!.

"Tee, did you hear me?"
"Oh, um, yeah, I sure did."

Listening to my (used to be) gal pal bemoan not being able to find a good man and how she "won't take any crap from any guy" for the 12,445th time warrants a blank stare off into space with my mind wondering aimlessly, 'I have to go to the grocery store and get some milk, toilet paper, soap, popcorn...'.

"Tee, what did I just say?"
"Huh? Girl you know I heard you, stop trying to
quiz me."

Listening to a male friend of mine constantly berate his ex's because they won't listen to him and abide by his rules warrants a blank stare off into space...'I need to call my dentist to make an appointment. I hate that bitch of a receptionist though. Maybe I'll get that teeth whitening... Do I have deodorant at home?'

"Tee, you think I was wrong?"
"Huh? What did you say? Your cell just broke
up."

As you see, it's not always my fault but dagnabit it's becoming habit.

God help me.

Hello All,

I hope that everyone had a wonderful and joyous holiday last week. It was great to have my family around and enjoy laughter and good food and stories of the past but I must make one declaration. I AM BOYCOTTING NEXT YEARS HOLIDAY SEASON ALL TOGETHER!!

Sure, I had a great time and Santa was really good to me (I received a fanfreakingtastic digital camera so you all might see a motherload of pictures popping up on this blog. I'm just saying) but the cooking and cleaning and hosting is exhausting of which I'm still not recovered so I decided I'm not doing this crap again next year. I am completely boycotting the whole thing.

Just think how much time and energy I will save not to mention money if I don't have to run to the store and elbow or gut punch people for the last roaster chicken or ham or turkey or sweater I simply must have. No more cleaning, cooking or gift wrapping. I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.

Yeah, I think a boycott is the way to go.

I am a firm believer that customer service is extremely important. It can make or break your business.

With that said, if you are not a people person, please do not get a job in customer service. I beg of you.

Case in point, I had to return some curtain rods that were the wrong size at Wal-Mart. This is a “super” Wal-Mart in that it is fabulously large with a Subway, a nail salon, a bank, an ophthalmologist’s office and acres upon acres of grocery and household fabulousness.

I walked up to the customer service office armed with said curtain rods and was terribly disappointed to be confronted with a painfully long line with only one girl at the register and she looked all too pleased to be working at this time. Sure, I had nothing else better to do at 12:45 pm on a Tuesday afternoon anyway.

Finally, someone noticed how the line had stretched out of the office and wrapped around to the ophthalmologist’s office next door and decided to jump on the register next to Ms. Speedy Cashier there and help out.

Lucky for me when it was my turn at the register I got Ms. Speedy Cashier and instead of greeting me with a smile and asking what she can do for me today she stared at me without a word uttered, took hold of my receipt and began punching numbers into that register machine thing of hers. About 3 seconds later she looks up at the line and uttered not once but twice, “Gosh! People still keep getting in line. Dag!”

I merely turned my head to look at the end of the line, which I could not see, then I turned back to face her. I said nothing. I hope she wasn’t trying to get sympathy from me because she was ass out today my friend. This is your job. Get over it.

Since when was it OK to grumble and complain in front of customers?

If you don’t like your job then you need to find another. I'm just saying.

After 5 1/2 months I am finally moving in today! I am really excited about getting out of that God forsaken hotel but looking at the 300 or so boxes they brought back to the house yesterday I am a little overwhelmed with all the work ahead of me.

Being gone from home has made me realize just how much I take for granted:

1. Washing clothes anytime I want without having to go on an expedition mission for quarters.
2. Being able to watch all the TV cable channels I'm used to watching everyday. Having only 5 channels suck and I've missed all my favorite shows.
3. Being able to watch DVD's anytime I want.
4. Having a truly high speed internet connection. The connection at this hotel sucks and I can not watch videos without them stopping every second. Takes 30 mins to watch a 6 min video.

Yeah, I am ecstatic about being home.

Now excuse me while I go run around and act like a complete fool.

As a society we have all taken for granted all of the wonderful things we have been blessed with, nice homes, nice clothes, a great job, a car, food, tavel. Anything we want we pretty much get as a society.

My question to you my friends, when is too much just too much?

As most of you know, I am a trainer. I teach occasionally at a local community college.

Tonight, my good people, I had to teach and just so happened to walk by a class that had boxes and boxes of glasses and food and whatnot. I thought, 'Ooohh. They are having a party.'

I walked past the class and looked at the sign describing the class so that I knew what class that was.

Why people, oh why was the class titled Intermediate Appreciation of Beer.

Since when the hell do people need a class to appreciate beer?

I'm signing up next week. I'll let you know how it goes. :)