Nightmare in Washington: "Walking Dead" Politicians Sucking the Blood Out of Our Nation

What’s been going on lately in Washington is truly frightening, to the point of being nightmarish.

Maybe it's because Halloween is just around the corner or because I've been watching too many scary movies on TV or it could be the spicy sandwich I ate the other night, but I have a wild notion about what is wrong with the career politicians running Washington -- and our nation -- into the ground.

 

Isn't it obvious?

Zombies and vampires are in charge of our government, on both sides of the aisle.

What else can explain their bizarre behavior?

Think about how the zombie-vampire members of Congress cleverly disguise their true essence:

During the day they roam the halls of Congress in fancy business suits and ties or dress suits and high heels. Rapt minions trail behind them, waiting to serve their every need, whim, or desire. 

To look fit – and no doubt to fit in with the living – these zombie-vampire members of Congress spend hours in the Congressional gym or on the golf course – both of which were open during the shutdown, according to news reports.

Others frequent tanning booths to conceal their pasty skin tones.

A few of the more vain Congressional members seem to have had some “work” done to hide their wrinkles and make them appear younger looking.  

Some politicians like to imbibe in alcohol after hours—or maybe that odor is formaldehyde.

 

And what do they do for us, the citizens?

They feed on our fears.

They suck the blood out of our economy.

They stomp on our freedoms.

They do sneaky things when they think no one is watching.

And we can’t seem to get rid of them!

Somehow, the same politicians get re-elected year after year. They’re like a piece of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. You just can’t shake them loose.

I have a solution to get these blood suckers the heck out of Washington – and out of office for good.

Forget silver crosses or garlic or holy water or other vampire-zombie elimination methods, whatever those might be.

There are two words that strike fear into their hearts – if, in fact, the zombie-vampire career politicians in Washington actually do have hearts:

Those two words are: TERM LIMITS.

Okay. I’m done now.

Don’t you wish you’d hear that from members of Congress?

Cardinals and Zombies and Snakes -- Oh, my!

Yesterday was strange, surprising --- and memorable.


Last night the St. Louis Cardinals clinched their 18th National League pennant and are headed for the World Series. Back in August, with the end of the season in sight, sports reporters, fans, and other ball teams pronounced the Cardinals’ season finished.

An opposing player from one team talked about burying the team in the ground and covering them with dirt.

Because the Red Birds refused to die, someone in the media dubbed them the “Zombie” Cardinals. Bats came to life. The bullpen woke up. Heroes emerged. Last night, amid champagne and celebration, third-baseman David Freese was awarded the trophy for Most Valuable Player in the National League series. A hometown hero was crowned!

Yesterday afternoon I witnessed another local hero emerge on a different field. His heroics took place in rural St. Charles --- on a soccer field surrounded by dry and dusty acres of recently plowed corn fields.

While my granddaughter’s soccer team warmed up before their game, I noticed commotion on an adjacent field. The game had stopped. Refs stood on the sidelines. Teenage girls from both teams huddled around midfield. People stood and stared at a man zigzagging near a goal post. I heard a few squeals as a soccer dad – with a Cardinals’ baseball cap on his head and a large plastic cup in one hand – chased a critter that had invaded his daughter's soccer field.

Soccer Dad bent down then quickly stood and backed up. Up and down. Thrust and parry. Back and forth. He maneuvered into position as he tried to capture something on the ground with his cup.

At first I thought the critter was a wounded bird unable to fly away. Then I caught a glimpse of slimy skin glinting off the midday sun when the critter hopped. A bullfrog? If so, it was a long and skinny frog. With a final thrust, Soccer Dad stopped the critter with his cup then lifted his catch by its neck. The captured creature shimmied and shook.

A snake. A black snake. A long black snake.

With fans applauding, Soccer Dad carried the wiggling reptile at arm’s length and deposited it in the closest, recently plowed corn field. Soccer Dad returned, victorious, brushing his hands on his jeans as the crowd whooped and cheered. The game restarted. A hero emerged, this one unnamed and unknown except to family and friends.

Yep. Yesterday had the ingredients that stories and memories are made of --- drama, tension, conflict, surprises, heroes, villains, adoring crowds, the victorious and the vanquished, and for St. Louis sports fans --- a happy ending.