Dead of Nite:The Nite Owl diner of Fall River, Massachusetts

There's a cute-as-a-button diner in the working class city of Fall River, Massachusetts that's been sitting unused for an astounding 11 years. Diner aficionados will tell you The Nite Owl, on Pleasant Street, is a custom-built DeRaffle model dating back to 1956. It replaced a smaller Worcester Lunch Car (#786 if you're keeping score) that was on the same property perhaps since 1945 (thanks, Larry Cultrera). There's a photo here of the two side by side (along with a really great article about diner historian Richard Gutman). And the great photo realist painter John Baeder painted the Nite Owl in 1991 (looky here). One pictures some of the clientele over the years...Owl Pacino, Owl Gore, Owl Roker, the Rev.Owl Sharpton, Muhammed Owli, The Who. How sad that this comfy place went out of business, yet encouraging that it hasn't been demolished. Any Quixotic diner fans out there ready to give it a go and take it over? That would be a real hoot.

Burn one, take it through the garden and pin a rose on it: Some diners seen along the way

Nothing is more all-American than the humble diner, with its comfort food, friendly staff and folksy clientele. You can be 1,000 miles from home and still feel like everyone knows you in one of these steel and Formica monuments to yesteryear. We try to patronize these living, breathing museums of America's culinary past as often as possible while out on the road. Nothing could be finer.

All dressed up and Nowhere to go: The Middle of Nowhere Diner of Exeter, Rhode Island

The food doesn't make these patrons have blurry faces...I did that in Photoshop.

My omelet was so good...

...that I cleaned my plate...

...and didn't have room for these yummy desserts.

You might see a chicken or two in the parking lot (Rhode Island does have a chicken as its state bird, after all).

They took some pretty hilarious liberties photographically on the menu with those mountains...

Here's what the real middle of nowhere looks like heading to the north...

...and the south.

There's something admirable about the modesty of a place that declares it's in the middle of nowhere. Such is the case of the Middle of Nowhere Diner on Route 3 in Exeter, Rhode Island. Exeter, 21 miles southwest of Providence, is not exactly what you'd call cosmopolitan, and that's the way the Exeterians like it. And that includes us, as we've been Exeter residents since the early 90s. We finally made it to the M.O.N. diner just recently and were not disappointed by its friendly, small town atmosphere and good grub. You might even see a chicken or two walking around the parking lot, in keeping with Exeter's eccentric rural ambiance. So if Exeter is the middle of nowhere, and I live here, then I guess I must be a real Nowhere man, sitting in my Nowhere land, making all my Nowhere plans for nobody.

Dining a la cart: Haven Bros. of Providence, Rhode Island

I tried but I couldn't get out of the picture.

No more calls, we have a wiener.

Haven Bros., City Hall, The Biltmore, and a Red Sox spare tire cover (lower right): that's Providence.

Providence, Rhode Island is sacred ground to diner lovers because this where it all began in 1872, when Walter Scott parked a converted horse wagon around various Providence businesses to sell prepared food to busy shift workers. A living, breathing descendant of that pioneer diner era exists today at Haven Bros., one of the oldest restaurants on wheels in the country and an Ocean State icon that's been in business since the late 1800s. Originally a horse-drawn cart, today's Haven Bros., a 1949 Fred W. Morse silver dining car pulled by a Ford F650 truck, sits next to Providence City Hall in a reserved spot from 4:30pm to 5:00am, serving good grub to everyone from well-dressed politicians to afterhours nightclubbers, college students, and sanity-optional denizens of the wee hours (it sits open for business in another Providence location the rest of the day). Inside, it's decked out in gleaming stainless steel over 8 x 14 feet, with ample seating if there aren't four people in there already (reservations are not accepted, casual attire, no waiter service). They've got good diner fare including hot dogs, hamburgers, lobster rolls and steak and cheese sandwiches, and to drink, there's the quirky regional favorite coffee milk (like chocolate milk but flavored with coffee instead). And if you really want to fit in with the natives, order a "coffee cabinet" -- Rhode Islandese for a coffee-flavored milkshake. The Haven Bros. diner made a one time only out of town appearance in 2008 in New York City on NBC's Today Show, when Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira, who both coincidentally worked in Providence early in their careers, named Haven Bros. as their favorite "Taste of our Past." So if you're ever in Providence, treat yourself to a little slice of Haven -- your cabinet awaits.

A Modern marvel: Pawtucket, Rhode Island's Modern Diner

The Modern Diner is famous for their outstanding specials.

These people aren't in the witness protection program...I just blurred their faces in case they're internet phobic.

There's something wonderful about the word "modern". In the early part of the 20th century, modern meant futuristic. Modern art, modern design, modern man. In the early part of the 21st century, modern is usually associated with something nostalgic, old fashioned or quaint. And the irony of the name Modern Diner is as delicious as the bacon and eggs they serve up with a friendly smile to eager patrons every day. The eatery is considered by those with diner know-how as the best surviving example of the Sterling Streamliner diners built in the 1930s and 40s. The Modern dates back to 1940 and it holds the distinction of being the first diner in the country to be accepted on the National Register of Historic Places, right up there with the St. Louis Arch, the Erie Canal and Alcatraz.

The Modern also has the further distinction of winning a lawsuit settlement from the Walt Disney Company. In the early 90s, a clothing company hired by Disney manufactured 72,000 garments depicting cartoons of Mickey and Minnie Mouse in front of a photograph of the Modern Diner, with the name Modern Diner clearly in view. The t-shirts, sweatshirts and maternity shirts were sold in Sears, K-Mart and Caldor stores. When the Modern's owners found out, they sued Disney, the designers and the stores, claiming their common law trademark was violated. A settlement was paid to the Modern, to the zip-a-dee-doo-dah glee of their owners. What makes this particularly ironic is the fact that Disney is known for being ferociously proprietary of their own copyrights, going so far as to threaten legal action against three Florida nursery schools to prevent them from painting murals of Mickey, Donald Duck and Goofy on their walls.

So the next time you find yourself in the working class Providence suburb of Pawtucket, Rhode Island, get back to the future and visit the Modern Diner. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay.

Dot's all folks: Retrolicious Dot's Diner of Bisbee, Arizona

These folks were nice enough to scooch over when we arrived so we could get two stools together.

Keep your eyes on the pies.

This is a half-portion, mind you.

Was it good? Guess.

If you didn't have enough of a reason to visit Bisbee, Arizona's Shady Dell vintage RV park (see previous post, and really, what are you waiting for?), they have the perfect accompaniment for the eccentric and retro roadside attraction fan. Dot's Diner is a cute-as-a-button authentic 1957 Valentine model diner, originally located in LA when Dot Bozeman served up the hash and joe. Now it sits as a ray of sunshine in The Shady Dell's parking lot, providing good grub and cheer to retro denizens and locals looking for a bit of friendly Americana served up with with their Two Chicks on a Raft. A counter with nine stools is all they've got, so the atmosphere is warm and cozy. It's the kind of place where, when we arrived and found only two separate stools available, all the patrons grabbed their plates and scooched over so we could sit together. Mighty neighborly. The service was friendly and quick and the food hit the spot in the way only a good Eisenhower-era diner meal can. This place is yet another reason why Bisbee is a must-see destination for happening folks like you and me. Dot's my story and I'm sticking to it.