Elitist Book Reviews

The title of the book says it all: HOME IMPROVEMENT: UNDEAD EDITION is an anthology of stories with home improvement themes and the undead. All of them are smart, well-written, and unique. Enjoy!

"If I Had a Hammer" by Charlaine Harris is a Sookie Stackhouse story where Tara and JD have bought their first house. During demolition of a wall they find a hammer with old blood on it and discover they've released a malevolent spirit in the process. It's a fun short in the usual Sookie style.

"Wizard Home Security" by Victor Gischler is about a wizard named Broahm who was recently robbed of the expensive supplies of his trade. Convinced by the excellent salesman from Wizard Home Security that he needs an expensive security system, Broahm still finds himself unprepared for a burglary repeat. While clever, it wasn't my favorite of the bunch.

"Gray" by Patricia Briggs is about vampire Elyna, turned in the 1920s during prohibition Chicago, and has spent the last 90 year biding her time until she can leave her seethe and move back to the condo she once owned with her husband--who now seems to be haunting the place. I love Briggs' novel-length work, and this new character was complicated and interesting.

"Squatters' Rights" by Rochelle Krich is about newlywed Joe and Eve who bought a fixer-upper in expensive LA, unable to afford something better with their modest incomes. But the first night they're there Eve hears scratching in the walls, and the result is a deterioration of her sanity. It weaves in Jewish mythology with a woman's insecurities. Dark and disturbing.

"Blood on the Wall" by Heather Graham is about detective DeFeo Montville who is on the case of gruesome killings blamed on a local Satanic cult. This story goes in twisted directions and ends a little goofy, but is otherwise engaging.

"The Mansion of Imperatives" by James Grady is another dark one about a sentient house trying to find a new caretaker. I'm not really clear on the purpose of the sequence of events, but it was properly terrifying.

"The Strength Inside" by Melissa Marr is about Bori (feral shape-shifters) sisters Chastity and Alison are trying to create a sanctuary for others like them who need to learn to integrate into human society. But in order to make their home a haven, their remodeling plans require the approval of an uptight homeowner's association president. Despite trying to appear human, they aren't above using traditional problem-solving methods.

"Woolsley's Kitchen Nightmare" by E.E. Knight is one of the most original stories of the book, taking Urban Fantasy in an unlikely direction with PoV character the noted chef for the undead, Woolsley. After years of running restaurants, he takes his show on the road as a consultant, and the current job takes him to rural Wisconsin with, of all things, a human owner. Unfortunately said owner doesn't quite get what it means to feed the undead--with disastrous results. At the same time funny and macabre, this short was very entertaining.

"Through This House" by Seanen McGuire (aka Mira Grant) is about changeling (half human/half elf) October Daye's unexpected inheritance of an Elven knowe (aka faerie hill). First she has to figure out how to get inside, then she can deal with the mess left behind. Assuming the house will let her stay. This short is part of a longer series and it feels like it, jumping in with both feet with developed characters and relationships. The solution felt a little obvious, but it was still a decent story.

"The Path" by S.J. Rozan is a more sideways take on the anthology's topic, with the ghost of a hermit monk unable to reincarnate in order to protect the Buddha statue and guardians of the cave. The most sedate story of the bunch it was a nice departure from the others with a smooth narration. While interesting, the ending felt contrived.

"Rick the Brave" by Stacia Kane is about down on his luck Rick, who takes a construction job without knowing the details beforehand. Unfortunately it turns out to be dangerous, but somehow the Rick finds a courage he didn't know he had. It was a safely middle-of-the-road kind of story with a few quirks, but otherwise safe UF territory.

"Full-Scale Demolition" by Suzanne McLeod is about Genny, whose business rounds up stray pixies in the London area--they can be destructive when left to roam free. A recently married heiress needs Genny to solve a pixie problem at her house, but neglects to tell her the whole story. I liked the twists, as well as Genny's backup, the kelpie Tavish and their interaction.

"It's All in the Rendering" by Simon R. Green is told with Green's typical tongue-in-cheek style and campy humor. Peter and Jubilee are blissful newlyweds who are in charge of the House, a refuge for human and fae alike in need, for any reason, a haven to get away from what ails them. One day, unexpectedly, inspectors from the human and the elf sides appear to tell them that their caring for the house is substandard, which causes all sorts of panic. The solution is a little flat, but it's still funny enough.

"The Brightest Day" by Toni L.P. Kelner is about Dodie Kilburn. She's a houngan and she raises the dead for a living. Yes, she uses voudou magic to make zombies. When Gottfried dies without finishing his last architectural masterpiece, his associates pay for Dodie to raise him from the dead to finish the job. Things, of course, keep going wrong. I enjoyed this mystery that seems to baffle Dodie, as well as the side-issue of the houngan elders who question her business practices.

Recommended Age: I'd say adults would be most interested in this, although the intrepid teen might like it, but beware of "The Mansion of Imperatives" for sexual content.
Language: Hardly any throughout.
Violence: Some blood and gore, but mostly with "Woolsely's" and "Blood on the Wall."
Sex: "The Mansion of Imperatives" has a scene, while various others reference only.

Find this anthology here:

HOME IMPROVEMENT: UNDEAD EDITION

Yes, we have read the full Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. Short stories included. Call it a not-so-secret guilty pleasure. The fact of the matter is that Harris makes us laugh, and we enjoy it when an author intentionally makes us laugh through comedy rather than the alternative...

DEAD AND GONE, is the latest entry into the Sookie Stackhouse series about a girl (Sookie) who can read minds, and vampires who have come out of the coffin (Harris' pun, not ours) and have announced themselves to the world. You may not have read the books, but we can almost be positive that you have at least heard of the HBO series, True Blood. It's the adaptation of the novels. Unlike our recent discussion about Dexter, True Blood has yet to come close to surpassing the novels in terms of quality. The comedy that makes Harris' novels so enjoyable is all but omitted from the TV show.

Anyways. The book. DEAD AND GONE.

If you've been following the series, you know that all manner of supernatural beings exist in the world Harris created (adapted). This particular novel deals with the announcement to the world from the bajillions of were-creatures that they exist. It's their own coming-out party, and it includes the apparent and immediate consequences. Consequences in Harris' novels usually means someone (or something) being murdered. In this case, it's a were-panther being crucified.

Look, this series is marketed to females. We probably wouldn't have read the series except we know her agent, and we were interested in what all the hoopla was with the TV series. This is what TWILIGHT ripped off and watered-down to a pathetically safe and sucky (you knew we were going to throw this pun in sometime...don't act so surprised) level. This series (and thus, this novel) has all sorts of violence, swearing and sex in it, though this novel had the least out of all the books in all three categories.

Harris tells her stories in 1st Person, and it really lets the readers focus in on what Sookie is going through that she keeps hidden from everyone else. This is DEAD AND GONE's strong point, and gets us back on track after last year's disappointing FROM DEAD TO WORSE. Without letting loose and spoilers, stuff actually happens in DEAD AND GONE, and we get some very interesting revelations on Sookie's past. Not to mention, the ending to this book is actually pretty grim. People die...and they stay dead...and un-vampired (We can make up any words we want! We are WRITERS!). If feels even more grim when compared to the comedic tone that saturates Harris' novels. The contrast was extremely well done.

When all is said and done, this feels like we are going back up in quality. It isn't the strongest of the series, but enjoyable and satisfying nonetheless.

Our major quip here has nothing to do with the storytelling, and more with the format of the novel. DEAD AND GONE, like Harris' other novels, is a one-night read. Considering the $25 price-tag on this novel, we just don't know if we feel justified in seeing a person buy this novel for a quick couple-of-hours read. We are going to suggest you wait for the paperback, but if you need it NOW, go to the library, or buy the novel off Amazon for $14 (still a bit rich of our...blood...har har).

Charlaine Harris' novels are quick, entertaining reads that a majority of females will enjoy. Parts of them read a lot like romance novels, which will be enough to turn most guys off to them. We read them for the comedy, and as a stick-out-our-tongues gesture to the Twilight novels that so blatantly ripped off Harris' hard work. But yeah. These are definitely 'Books for Chicks,' though now we are invested, so we kinda feel obligated to keep on reading. We'll survive. Harris' characters and comedy are solid (especially her dialogue), so we don't feel too guilty.

Recommended Age: 16 and up.
Language: Not anything close to what the TV series throws at you, but still a noticeable bit for a short novel.
Violence: Yeah. Harris' novels are thankfully (for us guys) high in violent content. Remember, these are actual vampires, so they rip out peoples throats and stuff.
Sex: Uh yeah. Harris' scenes are fairly graphic, though there was only one scene in this particular novel.


If you haven's started this series yet, you should definitely start from book one. In fact, check out this box set of the first seven novels:

Sookie Stackhouse Box Set

And also, go send Charlaine Harris some emails of love. She's a good author who thoroughly enjoys writing. The one time we met her in passing, she seemed like a genuinely nice person as well.

http://www.charlaineharris.com/