homecoming

I was up with the sun this morning.  My mom and dad pulled out before the sun even came up.  As I sat in my quiet thinking space preparing for the day the walls started turning pink...everything aglow.  Is there anything better than a glorious sunrise or sunset?? I don't think so.

I've had a lot of thoughts rumbling around in my mind this week.  There have been some changes in our house.  Good changes, but changes nonetheless and it's a constant reminder to me that we are part of a plan.  A bigger plan than we see...there are pieces being moved behind the scenes.  We have to just go with it...trusting that He knows the end result.  He knows right where the puzzle pieces fit in perfectly;)

Okay so my time with my parents was precious as always.  When they come everything slows.  My normal stops.  I sit and drink coffee at the kitchen table until 10.  I don't go to the gym.  I stay downstairs and watch tv with them until late.  We sit in soccer chairs in the driveway and "visit".   I have thoughts of recording my dad praying over dinner...but always too late.  Next time I won't forget. **BTW my dad is doing great.  He paces himself.  I'm praying that his heart will steady and he'll keep on keeping on!! Thank you so much for lifting him up.  I appreciate it so much.


The forced slowdown is good for me.  I have a tendency to over extend.  Unfortunately, I was hormonal this visit.  PMS and being overly busy had taken it's toll and I found myself edgy and irritable some days.  I didn't feel as engaged and alert.  I wasn't on.  If I could have just slept all day I would have.  I'm sure they noticed.  Kind of hard to miss the yawns, snippy responses and quiet mood I was in.  Oh I hate that.  Wish I could rewind and be a bit more like myself.  So thankful they love me unconditionally.

 

My momma had a lot on her mind this week as well.  HER mom is a month from turning 100.  They're planning a visit out to Arizona to see her for her birthday.  Unfortunately over the past few months my Grandma has been declining and almost overnight has developed pretty severe dementia.  Last night my Aunt called and Grandma was in the ER with trouble breathing etc...  They were running tests. 


It's hard to believe that the day is finally here where Grandma won't be with us much longer.  I'm in awe at how God has prepared my mom for this day.  I can see His grace covering her...giving her peace and I know her heart is prepared for when she goes home to be with Him. 

Instagram this week...farmgirlpaints

Several years ago my mom would talk about Grandma passing and break down and cry.  Her heart just wasn't ready.  The grace for that moment wasn't there.  And I know no matter what age they are it's never easy to let our loved ones go...BUT God readies us.  His grace is sufficient. 


I'd love it if you could lift my family up.  My mom wants more than anything to be there when Grandma passes.  I pray that the timing all falls into place.  I pray that her "time" will be peaceful and quick.  I pray for my family out there who is caring for her that mercy and strength will fall on them.  I pray for those pearly gates to be lined with all the ones she's been waiting to see.  I pray for an awesome homecoming!

Have a blessed day.

 

 

 

806.   unconditional love

807.  antiquing with my folks

808.  glorious pinks and oranges from His perfect sky

809.  my new fall pillows

810.  Grandma H...

 

 

 

just like that

When honey and I were first married my dad had open heart surgery.  It was major.  It was a quintuple bypass and a valve replacement. Things didn't go as planned and I'll never forget the call for all of us to come up to the hospital.  He had congestive heart failure and we all needed to be there.  I remember like yesteday that panicked sick feeling and thinking noooo this can't be happening...my dad can't die.  I don't have kids yet.  He won't know them.  He HAS to know them and vice versa.


That day my mom and I snuck away, and went down to the hospital chapel, and we knelt on our knees with our heads buried onto those pews and we pleaded for God to spare him.  We warred with the heavenlies that day and I believe our prayers were answered.  He miraculously pulled through.  I've always felt that he's been living on borrowed time ever since.


Apparently during surgery a stitch was pulled too tightly causing a tiny little hole in my dad's heart.  He gets it monitored every 6 months.  He's been living with a heart that only pumps at 20% for several years.  Well they just got the results of the most recent test and it's declined.  It's now at 15%.


Mom called me crying and scared, and just like that a seed of worry and fear started to grow.  Just like that I immediately started to think about all the what if's.  What if he can't walk eventually and needs oxygen??  You don't know my dad.  He's stubborn and proud.  Strong.  His greatest fear is to ever need help or appear frail.  That would do him in. What if he dies?  I can't even wrap my brain around that.  I need my daddy.  Can't picture life without my dad in it.  What about mom...what will she do?  Where will she live?  How will anything ever be normal again??  Why is life so hard.


I think the most difficult part of going through any stressful event is the complete lack of control.  We can't make things better.  We can't predict the future.  We can't keep our loved ones from pain and suffering.  All we can do is pray.  We can leave it at the feet of the One who loves us and trust that He will provide, He WILL give us what we need...when we need it.  I would love it if you joined my family in praying for my daddy.  We would really appreciate it!

Have a blessed day.

710.  being able to dump my burden on the One who can carry it

711. borrowed time

712.  that my kids know their grandpa

713.  a love that nothing will separate

714.  having a good Godly man for a daddy

oh my goodness!

Had my first binge day since I started my new healthy diet at the first of the year.  It was inevitable eventually I guess.  I cut sweets, soda and bread cold turkey.  Didn't even allow caffeine.  Saturday was spent painting sets right next to a kitchen filled with my favorite cookies....shortbread dipped in dark chocolate.  Oh.my.goodness!!!  I remained strong...walked on by. 



Then the PMS hormones kicked in full blast on Sunday and my cravings for chocolate were just too much.  I snuck a handful of frozen chocolate covered almonds, (I froze them thinking they would be too hard to eat...NOT) then because I'd already caved I thought shoot I might as well call it a cheat day.  Next followed a huge bowl of buttered popcorn, 7 mini Heath bars, a giant buttered bagel with cinnamon and sugar...hmmmm what else???  Am I the poster child for what not to do or what??  Let's see what is the lesson here?  I'm thinking if you are dying for something...like really can't get your mind off it dying...just have it.  One little piece, and then be done.






Thank you so much for all the notes of encouragement and prayers concerning our house in Minnesota. We got a call from our realtor on Saturday night saying we had a new buyer. I know! Apparently they called all their realtor friends and explained what happened and kicked up a lot of interest. People were coming out of the woodwork!!! I really can't believe it, and as much as I'm relieved and excited about it, now I'm a little gun shy and feel like until the papers are signed anything can happen.


There is also this underlying sense of guilt. Within 24 hours my prayers were answered and another buyer came forward. I got so many comments and letters from readers explaining their own hardships and housing issues and to be honest they were a LOT worse than mine...and yet ours got resolved. I don't know why things like that happen. It doesn't seem fair at all. I don't have the answers at all except to say that his timing doesn't make sense. Your answer will come...IT WILL. Don't give up. Don't lose faith. He has a plan for your life...a very good plan.

Okay so I wanted to show you a little of what's been taking my time for this CYT play Big Chick is in.  She's going to be a Chinese villager and warrior in Mulan...so proud of my little actress;)  On the weekends I've been painting away.  One of the big projects they had in store for me was a dragon.  Eeeek...never done anything remotely dragon like before.


My friend Jean (she REFUSED to let me take her picture...geesh) and I started with a tracing machine and then that didn't work, so we sketched this dragon and a giant phoenix bird out by hand!  Then we traced it in with charcoal and finally started adding in the details.

Jean took the phoenix and I took the dragon, so this is my dragon baby.  I can't believe how good it turned out.  They are going to cut around it and then hang it from the top of the stage somehow.

When they found out that I was artsy they had big plans for my skills.  I didn't have a clue what I was doing.  I was a little nervous that they had too much faith in me.  But you know what?  It's like anything else that I start.  If I just begin...somehow HE is always there to help me figure it out.  It's like that in life too.  Just take that step of faith and the details will all come together.  It just does.  Love you girls.

Have a blessed day.

403.  a dragon baby;)

404.  a new friend to laugh with

405.  prayers poured out for my family

406.  answers and promise and hope

the deal's off!

Just had an interesting conversation with the Lord while I was in the shower.  It went something like this....Lord do you allow me to walk through crap sometimes, just so I can share it on my blog??  Just so someone who might be going through something similar can relate?  Cause really it would be easier for me if we just stuck to smooth sailing.  Unfortunately he didn't answer me back...he didn't have to;)

Honey just called me a few minutes ago and I could tell by his pensive...fake cheerful voice that he was trying to tell me something in the least dramatic, least painful way possible.  Apparently the loan officer failed to tell our buyer that he needed a certain dollar amount in the bank to qualify for his VA loan, so his loan fell through.  That's right girls  I said it...the deal's off!  Oh and the furnace in our old house isn't working...grrrrr. 


Am I disappointed YES?!  Am I mad at God?  No.  I wish life was easy.  I wish it didn't require a huge amount of daily faith to get by.  I wish that loan officers weren't ignorant!  But the fact is that disappointment comes to all of us.  I have a friend who just lost a baby...another who is going through a divorce.  People write me about how they are waiting for answers to come...that their husbands have been out of work for a very long time...how they are so hungry for friends that loneliness has taken a hold of them.  If we expect smooth sailing in life we are going to be let down over and over again. 

I'm not putting the weight of this house mess on my shoulders.  It's not for me to worry about.  I'm continuing to trust.  He's got it covered.  Regardless of the outcome it will be alright.  So there's the ugly truth.  Life sucks sometimes, but joy comes in the morning.  I can hardly wait for daybreak.  **Please pray that a new buyer comes.  Our realtors are scrambling.

Have a blessed day.

more

It's Christmas...I wasn't going to blog for a while, but I couldn't wait.  I'm sitting here all warm and snug.  The kids are playing in the background.  It's been the perfect day...warm home, good food, the love of my family.

Life as I know it is beyond good, but for many this day represents pain.  For many it's a reminder of loss. 

I just read about my blogging friend Edie whose home was destroyed this week by fire.  So thankful they were all spared, but my heart aches for them.  If you have a minute please lift them up in prayer.  I really can't even imagine what that's like...being homeless and at Christmas.

Makes me all the more grateful, more aware of this special day...these precious moments in time. 

Of His mercy and grace. 

Hope you had a day filled with more than your heart could take.

build us back

If you've been following along for any length of time you know I share the good, bad and ugly parts of my life.  Most of it is good...really good.  I'm blessed.  But this week has been hard...ugly.  I've had a falling out with someone close to me.  I think the bigger the love the harder the fall.  Holes have been torn in the fabric of our relationship and it's really painful. 


I keep replaying the hurtful words over and over.  My mind is on overdrive going back and forth between what was said and what I want to say.  It's like a sick song that won't turn off.  And as much as I know what is right and what is true...I don't know how to go there.  Forgiveness is tricky.  The bible has a lot to say on the topic. We are commanded to forgive and do it quickly, but how do I even begin when there is so much anger and hurt??  I know that the enemy is doing a happy dance.  He's a thief and he'd love nothing more than to destroy and steal what we had. 

I listened to this song this morning while I was working out and it really ministered to me.   These are the lyrics.

Newsboys Build Us Back Lyrics:


We've been crumbled, we've been crushed

City walls have turned to dust

Broken hands and blistered feet

We walk for miles to find relief

When the thief takes, when our hopes cave

You build us back

You build us back

When the earth shakes, when the world breaks

You build us back

You build us back



We are scared, we are poor

All our safety nets are torn


We've been humbled to our knees

From these ruins, we believe



When the thief takes, when our hopes cave

You build us back

You build us back



When the earth shakes, when the world breaks

You build us back

You build us back



Redeemer, redeem us

Restorer, restore us

Oh build us back


Though the mountains be shaken, the hills be removed

Your unfailing love remains

After all that's been taken, Your promise, still sacred

You build us back with precious stones



When the thief takes, when our hopes cave

You build us back

You build us back



When the earth shakes, when the world breaks

You build us back

You build us back

Have a blessed day.

Numb

Almost on a daily basis we get bombarded with tragedy. It's on the internet, tv...other blogs. To be honest when I hear about an earthquake or school shooting it resonates with me for approximately 1 minute and then I turn the channel.

I've become numb and desensitized to the pain. It's overwhelming and I don't know about you, but I feel so small and inadequate that I don't really know what to do about any of it anyway.

Not sure if it's a defense mechanism I've built up or if I've just gotten callous, but I want to change. I want to feel again.

One of my followers Ana has been contacting me about the strange natural disasters going on in Guatemala. She has pleaded with me to share...to pray. Their poor country has been hit so hard. They had a volcano erupt leaving rocks and ashes covering everything. Some places it was up to 3 inches thick. Many of their humble homes have collapsed due to the weight.

To make matters worse a tropical storm called Agatha has been pouring heaving rainfall over their towns making a bad situation much worse. Most of these people had very little to begin with and have now lost everything. Over one hundred people have died...it's just unbelievable. I haven't heard one thing about it here...until I took a minute and looked it all up.

My plea to you is to just pause and feel. Put yourself in that town with the disruption and chaos. Take a minute to say a prayer for them, and if you feel led to do more here is a link where you can donate to help rebuild the homes lost. Thanks:)

Have a blessed day.

All photos courtesy of the Associated Press

Sweet relief

I'm having a hard time knowing where to begin. My heart is full, I have so much to say. This last week has been extremely difficult. My best friend got news that she had a size 4 mass in her breast. It was oddly shaped and the doctor was baffled. She went in for something else and they found this thing. This really large scary thing!

When she told me I was in shock. It sounded so sure...so bad. We barely spoke on the phone because I didn't have the words. I prayed for her, but to me it sounded so lame and insignificant. As soon as we hung up I lost it. I wept and pleaded and begged God to spare her.

It brought back all sorts of memories of when we heard about Ralph...my father-in-law. I'll never forget my husband calling me as I was driving home and telling me that his dad had stage 4 lung cancer. He had never smoked in his life and here he was dying of that dreaded disease. It was like a nightmare. Up until that day our lives had been bliss. We had never really had anything awful touch us. When he got sick it rocked our security, and it felt like we weren't safe anymore.

I'd like to say over the next few days. I rallied up the strength to be strong and to be full of faith, but I struggled. Every conversation that we've had...every special memory flooded my mind. It's like I buried her before I even knew the outcome. I hate that my thoughts were all over the place and that I was so scared. Being a Christian I know the truth...that Jesus is our healer, that we are to take our thoughts captive and to have faith and really believe when we pray. But for me I was so overcome with fear I couldn't function.

The only place that offered any comfort was God's word. I found a book I'd given to Honey years ago called God's Promises for the graduate. Under the "What to do when you are afraid" section was this scripture, No evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; for He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. Psalm 91:10-11. I prayed this scripture over Lori and her family and just ate up every scripture I could find on fear, healing, comfort etc... Then I emailed, called and blogged about it telling everyone I knew to pray.

Her test results finally came in and her mass was BENIGN!!! I really believe it was more than that, but God heard and answered all of our prayers and a miracle happened! We had so many people warring for her. I can't even tell you the sweet relief I feel...the overwhelming gratefulness to the Lord for sparing her, and to all of you who stood in for my friend.

I know not every story has a happy ending. Unfortunately we lost my father-in-law, and I don't know the answers to why God spares some and takes others. But I do know that we serve a great and mighty heavenly Father who does hear and answer prayer.

Thanks for listening.

All photographs from Alicia Bock.

10

My baby is 10 today.

It kind of makes me sad. I remember seeing her face for the first time.

I can't believe I have a 10 year old. How did this happen??

Isn't she precious?? She's still sweet and listens to me.

When she hugs me...she holds on tight.

Happy Birthday Big Chick!!! I love you sooooo much.

My best friend from back home finds out today if she has cancer. She came into my life right around the time I had Big Chick. She means more to me than I can even say.

Pray for her please.

Destination unknown

This has been a hard few months for us. I've posted recently about our unanswered prayers and the waiting. Well we are in the final stages of that and hopefully an answer is on it's way. The stress of waiting becomes almost unbearable at times and has lately become manifested in physical ailments. Honey is having horrible neck and back pain and I have had the worst PMS of my life this week. My emotions are just raw and I feel like my skin is crawling with irritation. Isn't that a lovely picture?? And here you all thought of me as so sweet and lovely...well let me tell you PMS and stress DO NOT mix well.

I know I should be casting my care and just giving it over to God. But to be honest I'm tired. Tired of thinking about this and tired of "it" being the center of our daily conversations and focus. It is time for the answer. I mean it God!! Did I just get stern with God? No not really, and besides He understands our frustration. Human beings can only stand so much right??

Anyway if you think about it just continue to lift us up. I know most of you don't know details and I am not at liberty to share those yet, but maybe when it's all resolved. Thank you again sweet blogging friends. You provide me daily with doses of encouragement and support that mean the world to me. Do I sound like a broken record yet?

OH and I about forgot...I signed up for Brave Girl Camp this week. I am going to Idaho in October for an art retreat!! It sounds absolutely amazing. Talk about a God thing. When I read about it on Jeanne's blog, I felt my heart race. You know the butterflies you get in your stomach...that was my sign, I just knew this camp was for me. There is a recurring theme in my life lately and it's "Be Brave"! So God must be trying to get my attention. Can't wait to see what He's trying to teach me.

If you want to come along check out this site...there still may be a few spots available,

oh and you don't need to be an "artist" to go.

Maybe God wants to teach you the same thing;)

Have a blessed day.

Photo Credit: Flickr - youngadultcrisishotline, Brave Girl Camp

Sudden loss

My dear friend Marylynn's mom passed away yesterday. She had surgery last week and developed an infection and suddenly died. I am in shock. When I talked to Marylynn yesterday she had no emotion whatsoever in her voice...she was numb. As I woke up this morning I put myself in her place, knowing that when she woke up it would all come back to her and she would realize that it wasn't a bad dream that it really happened.

I know the pain of grief first hand when my husband's dad passed away a little over a year ago. It's beyond excruciating. I'm calling on all my prayer warrior friends out there. Please lift her up right now. Let's agree together that God would pour his peace and comfort on her and her family, that despite this loss they would feel God's presence and love surround them giving them the strength to endure the days to come.

Thanks for listening.

Photo credit: Flickr, supermummmy