My Jacob-boy

This boy is so sweet.  For the last week or so he's come in to our room nearly every night saying he's had a bad dream.  When he comes in he brings his water cup, his "Cars" fleece blanket, the big (okay, huge) satin and minky blanket I made him, his baby blanket, and usually a stuff animal or two.  I don't know how he rounds all of this up in the middle of the night, but he does.  He comes in with his arms full and over to my side of the bed saying, "Mama."  We were a lot stricter with Ally in the middle of the night, usually walking her back to her bed and tucking her in.  I rarely do that with Jacob.  I'm not sure if it's because I'm more tired or what.  Either way, he usually ends up climbing in bed between Ernest and I, and snuggling up next to me.  He's a really good snuggler.

So, he's done this a lot in the last week or two, and the last couple of times he's done it he cries in his sleep, even when he's laying with us.  I've tried talking to him and telling him it's just a dream, that he's okay, he's here with us, that we'll protect him and keep him safe.  But he still cries.  Finally this last time (three nights ago) he said, "I can't tell you.  It's just too terrible."  This poor little guy is four years old.  He shouldn't have anything "just too terrible" to come into his little head, let alone cause him to wake up at

night.  Even the next morning when I asked him about it he said he couldn't tell us about it.

I mentioned it to Jane so that she could watch him, and maybe she had some insight into something that he saw or heard that could cause this.  Her son, Will, lovely Will, sat Jacob in his lap later in the day and said, "Hey J-Man, I hear you haven't been sleeping so well.  What's going on?"  And sweet little Jacob told him.  He was having a dream that something happened to Mama and changed her, and it was just too terrible.  My poor sweet boy.  Will and Jane both talked with him and told him that nothing would change Mama, and talked about what was real and what wasn't.

After they talked with him, we've had two nights of no nightmares.  I love my little man and can't bear the thought of him worrying about something like that in his sleep (or when he's awake).

Jacob-boy, things around us can change, but we'll make sure that you always know you are loved.  Mama loves you and you'll always be her boy.

Rory's Words

Miss Rory was is 18 months old (as of July 4!) and I can't quite reconcile my "toddler" with "the baby."  She's our last, so that's a weird transition, and makes me a little sad.  I wanted to capture some of the fun things that our little girl is up to.

Words:
Boe - Ball
Na - No
Yeah Yeah - Yes (usually said in duplicate as I wrote it out)
Tee - Teeth
Moe - More
Puh-puh - Puppy (or really anything with four legs)
Day-ew - Thank you
Peas - Please


She loves to jump, climb, and run.  If she is left alone for just a moment she will climb up on to the dining room table to find any food that was left out, or paper and pens.  She loves to eat.  Snack, really.  A meal she could go either way with, but offer her a snack while she can run around and she is all over it.  Crackers, chocolate, and fruit are the favorites.  She also really likes mac and cheese (who doesn't?), shredded chicken, french fries, cheeseburgers, and blueberries.  If she sees a writing utensil anywhere she is off to try and get it.  Even better if she has to climb to get to it.  Rory naps pretty well, but doesn't like to go to sleep at night.  I'm not sure if it's because she's over-tired or if she thinks things are happening that she's not a part of.  Either way, she has a hard time settling down in the evening.

Rory loves people.  She likes to smile and wave at you, as long as she is near her Mumma or Daddy.  She's reluctant to go to new people until she's comfortable.  Normal, I know, but she seems to be a bit more extreme in it than her siblings were.  She's pretty easy going unless something doesn't go her way and then she does a 180 and cries, sometimes even throwing a bit of a tantrum.  It's just so funny because there is such a difference between her two sides.  She loves to be tickled and to give hugs.  She'll give kisses too - sometimes a nice "Muh" and other times it's a juicy kiss with the tongue sticking out.

She is a joy to have around.  She loves her brother and her sister (and her parents).  She's quick to give hugs, and pat you on the back or head if she thinks you are upset.  Rory is so much fun and we are grateful that she is a part of our family.

Welcome Victoria Ann!

Essential Stats:

Victoria (Rory) Ann Kelso
Born Saturday, January 4, 2014 at 8:22am
4 lbs 10 oz, 18.5 inches long

It was not at all like we had anticipated.  For those who are curious, read on.  Warning: Potentially graphic.  Read at your own risk.

We were planning on having the baby at New Birth Company birthing center.  Pregnancy was a bit difficult for me in that morning sickness was longer and harder and I gained more weight, but we didn't seem to have any complications.  We were also waiting until the birth to find out the sex of the baby.

One morning back in November I had a dream that I had high blood pressure.  And that was followed by a dream that I couldn't climb under a fence because my tummy was too big.  So I just kind of laughed and went on.  At my next appointment though, we found that my blood pressure was high, so I was at risk for gestational hypertension.  This would make me ineligible to birth at NBC as well as have potential complications for me and baby.  They tested me for protein (and at every appointment there after) and always came back negative.  I monitored my blood pressure daily and started trying different things to keep it low - herbs, vitamins, meditation, visualization, and eventually working from home.  Pressure remained higher than normal for me, but low enough that it wasn't concerning.

I had been told that the baby was head down and had been for a bit, but the position of the baby was bothering me.  It was all on my right side and wasn't moving to the middle at all.  I was spending lots of time laying on my left side and on hands and knees to help it move.  At my 38 week appointment (just a week ago - it seems so much longer!) I mentioned it to the midwife and asked more questions about it.  She felt, and decided to to do an ultrasound.  And wouldn't you know...baby was breech.

I went to the chiropractor as well as to see an acupuncturist (my first time).  I got positions to try from a friend who is a doula, and Spinning Babies as well as trying herbs and stuff to get the baby to flip head down again.  I was also scheduled for an External Cephalic Version on the following Tuesday.  We weren't sure I'd be able to get in as not many doctors will do them after 38 weeks.  Both midwife and chiropractor thought that the baby was still high enough and that I had enough fluid that it could work though.

Saturday night we got the kids to bed and Ernest and I relaxed watching an episode of Sherlock (love that show, by the way).  Near the end I kept squirming because it felt like the baby was pushing into my cervix and it was quite uncomfortable.  After three of those I realized that they might be contractions.  It was right around midnight.  I told Ernest and started timing them.  Sure enough, they kept coming back.  They lasted between 15 seconds to 45 seconds and were anywhere from 3 minutes to 10 minutes apart.  Not too strong; I could walk and talk through them, though I was feeling them.  I decided to take a shower to see if the hot water would relax them.  I had a couple more mild ones while I was in the shower, but overall they were slower and lighter.  I got in bed and fell asleep.  And woke up a little bit later still having them.  Still not really strong (I was more "practicing" my breathing than needing to use it for anything) and they were all over the place as far as duration and frequency.

Finally at 2 am I called the midwife to see what she would say.  They were not consistent at all so I was thinking it was still pre-labor (had it off and on for a couple of days before Jacob was born).   She had me take a Benadryl and try to sleep for a while.  I did, but the longest time between contractions (at least where I didn't wake up) was 45 minutes.  Still ranged from 20 seconds to 50 seconds and 3 - 12 minutes apart (with a few at 20 or 30 minutes for good measure).  At 6:00 I got Ernest up as they still were coming and beginning to be a bit stronger.  Could still walk and talk through them, though I could feel them more.  I called the midwife and she said to come in so they could check me out.  I called Jane and she brought Sophie up to stay with the kids while we went to the birthing center.

We arrived at the birthing center around 7 am. Still feeling them and needing to focus on my breathing a bit more.  They were around 3-5 minutes apart and still fairly short.  They used the ultrasound to check baby's position and found that it was still breech.  They took my temperature and blood pressure, and then checked my cervix.  And found that I was 6-7 centimeters.  The midwife immediately pulled back and quietly told me that we would be calling an ambulance and not to move as she didn't want to risk breaking my water.  Immediately after that I began to feel hot and dizzy, and asked for a wet washcloth for my face.  Even with all of this going on, I still found it funny when the midwife said, "Oh no, I don't like the sound of that."  Transition.  My contractions quickly got a lot sharper, and seemed to be mostly focused on the bottom left side of my abdomen (baby was on the bottom right).  She said that it was probably because of the baby's position that it was pulling funny.  Incredibly unpleasant, and different from the contractions I had with the other two, in that they were more central and around most of my abdomen.  This definitely had a focus in that one location.  They got me started with an IV to try and help the contractions and get me hydrated for the epidural/spinal that I would get for the C-section once we got to the hospital.

I don't know how long it took for the ambulance to get there, but I was beginning to feel the need to push before they arrived.  If the baby had been head down I'm sure it would have been born very quickly and before the ambulance arrived.  I began to have to do "mouth breathing."  My understanding of it is that you focus the breath and energy out your mouth instead of out your bottom, trying to keep everything loose and open so that you don't involuntarily tighten and push.  And you sound like a lowing cow when you do it.  I felt ridiculous (but only for the first couple - then I didn't care).

The ambulance arrived and I had to get my clothes back on and get onto the stretcher.  Not fun.  I heard the midwife say that I was in "active" labor (I think "active" was an understatement) and that they thought the presenting part would be an arm or a leg, which creates more complications and danger for mom and baby.  The midwife told me to do everything I could to keep my bottom relaxed and breath through the contractions.  They didn't want my water to break or me to push at all for as long as I could.  They got me into the ambulance and Ernest grabbed our stuff and rode in the front.  He said later that they told him they were taking us to St. Joseph's (435 & State) but that if birth were "eminent" they might go to Overland Park Regional.  We were at College and Antioch.  I'm thinking that birth was certainly "eminent" as I was 7+ centimeters and feeling like I needed to push.  Anyway.  The guys in the ambulance were wonderful.

We make it to St Joe's and get to the L&D floor.  I'm still having contractions every 3 minutes or so and having to "low" through them.  They get me into the prep room and are trying to get me undressed, shaved, pertinent medical questions asked/answered, and fill me in on what's going to happen next for an emergency c-section.  I told them several times that there was a lot of pressure and I was starting to have involuntary spasms that were getting harder to focus away from going "down and out."  Ernest got into scrubs.

By the way, Ernest did a great job.  I can only imagine what he was going through.  But he was calm and stayed right with me, holding my hand and trying to do whatever he could to stay out of people's way and help me.

They got me into the operating room.  I'm sure I gave them a funny look when they asked me to move from the stretcher to the operating table.  There was so much pressure in my bottom that I couldn't sit up even between contractions.  I did make it to the table, somehow, and even got turned on my side so that they could give me the numbing injections for the spinal.

They got 1, maybe 2 of the numbing shots in when I told them again that there was a lot of pressure, and then all of a sudden I felt something trying to squish out.  Ernest said my voice changed and I said "Something's trying to come," and the nurse jumped to my back to look under my gown...and sure enough something was coming out.

You know when you throw up and your stomach just spasms and you are powerless to stop it?  That's what happened, but on the south-side.  I didn't even have to push - it just came out on its own in two spasms (One contraction, I think).  The flipped me onto my back (bye-bye anesthesiologist) and got ready to catch the baby.  It came out in the sack - my water never broke.  Also came out bum first (frank breech).  The contractions had centered the baby more so that it was straight.

And...it's a girl!  They checked her out and she was great...but tiny!  I also didn't have any complications - no tearing or anything else.  Ernest went over to watch them wipe her up and weigh her.  I delivered the placenta while they were doing that, and got moved off the OR table and onto a hospital bed that was rolled around.  They brought her over to me so I got to hold her pretty quickly.  The sent us back into the prep room and we got about an hour to hold her and breastfeed her, and just kind of settle down.

I went from thinking overnight that it was just pre-labor and I might be dilated 2-3 cm, to all of a sudden being in transition (so I guess the labor part was pretty easy!), and needing an ambulance to get to the hospital for an emergency C-Section that never actually happened.  Whew.  I was an odd series of events, but really was the best way for Ms Rory to come into the world if she was going to be this little.

We went on and had her sent to the nursery for the rest of her checks and Ernest went with her while they got me cleaned up a bit more.  Once he came back we moved into my room.  The OB and nurses kept commenting on how in control I seemed and what a great job I did dealing with everything that was going on as well as trying to control the labor (yeah right!).  It felt good to be complimented though.  It was hard work.

On smaller babies they do a series of checks including glucose.  Her levels were pretty low, even after nursing for a bit.  And from there, it's all kind of a blur.  She's been in the NICU so that they can monitor her and supplement with a glucose IV.  Her levels have been going up and down all week.  The doctor said that most babies will adjust after 2-3 days, and some take up to a week.  If you get to the week mark and are still having trouble there's usually something else going on other than just being "undergrown."

We are to day 5, and while she is more stable, I was hoping that this last feeding at 6:00 would have her levels back into the 70's and instead she's in the low 50's.  If she drops into the 40's again they'll do more tests, including potentially moving her to Children's Mercy so that they can do an ACH (or ACP? I don't remember which) test to see if her adrenal glands are needing something.  So far all of the tests haven't shown anything glaringly wrong, so that is good.  She's stable in all other ways, just needs some help with the glucose.

I am staying at the hospital this week so that I can nurse her every 3 hours, around the clock.  We tried formula for one feeding to see if that made a difference and it didn't, so I'm nursing her and getting to spend as much time as I want (or can) holding her.  You wouldn't think it, but it's surprisingly busy.  It takes about an hour to feed her (she's a sleepy girl once her tummy starts to get full) and then I spend the rest of the time hanging out with her for a bit, taking a nap, pumping, eating, or responding to people.

I cannot wait to get my family home and all together.  I am trying to be patient but it is hard.  Especially when every day the doctor says, "well, let's wait and see..."  The hospital staff has been marvelous.  I am grateful that we are here, even though the Not Pushing for an hour was horrible.

Ally and Jacob have come up a couple of times to see Rory.  Jacob is calling her "My Baby" and made a big stink when I explained that the bracelet I was wearing showed that Rory belonged to me.  Apparently I have to share.  Ally has written me several cards and sent one of her barbies with me so that I would think of her.
Well, that's it for now.  I'll add pictures to the post later, or you can see them on Facebook.

Judge Not? How About "Just Be Nice"

I feel judged.  It's not often that I feel judged, and I don't like it.  I don't know if I'm mainstream enough in my thinking that the opportunity just doesn't come up often, or if I don't share my opinion very often.  This is more of a vent, so if you feel the need to judge based on it, keep it to yourself :)  On the other hand, I welcome friendly discussion and respectful conversation.

Issue 1:  I am choosing to give birth at The New Birth Company.  It's a stand-alone birthing center.  Not a hospital.  I have nothing against hospitals; I just don't want to be in one unless there is a medical reason for it. In my opinion, a healthy pregnancy and baby are not medical reasons to be in a hospital.  Both of my previous births were at a hospital, both with a midwife, and both were satisfactory to me with the circumstances I had to work within.

Pregnancy 1:  Induced.  Hated it.  Possibly was a reason for it, but I wish now I would have asked more questions.  Had an epidural.  While the epidural was heaven during an extended labor (with the help of pitocin), I hated that I had a catheter, couldn't move myself, even to turn over, and the way I felt afterwards.  It was the right decision at the time, but I'd prefer to not do it again.  Oh, and the poking and prodding and blood tests and blood pressure tests, and inspections....  It is impossible to sleep in the hospital, even if the baby is in the nursery.

Pregnancy 2:  Spontaneous labor, though I did have an induction date set 1 week after his due date (which I wasn't happy about, but hey, I thought it was a good idea).  Labored naturally at home and went to the hospital a few hours before baby was born.  Other than complications getting the IV in my before he was born, no issues.  Why did I need an IV again?  Hmm.  I don't know.  I was there about 3 hours before Jacob was born.  Pretty sure that's not enough time to get dehydrated if I started out alright.  Recovery was awesome (2nd baby?  no epidural?  who knows - but it was so much better).  Sat in the hospital FOREVER (it seemed) waiting to be released so I could go home and be with my family.  Minimal sleep, poking prodding, tests, and my poor husband trying to go back and forth between me and the baby at the hospital and my poor 1 year old who's world just got turned upside-down.

Pregnancy 3:  I'm healthy.  Baby is healthy.  Kids are healthy.  Husband is healthy.  Blood pressure is good. Blood tests are good.  No complications are expected at this point.  My primary care physician is aware of my pregnancy and ready for me to see him if the need arises (he does OB stuff too).  If the need arises, I will see a midwife that practices at the hospital, or my PCP who also practices at the hospital.  No big whoop.  I am not choosing a home birth because that is more of a risk (and can you imagine cleanup?)  than I am comfortable with.  A birth center birth seems like the perfect in-between for me - assuming everything stays good.

A few other differences.  The birth center does not do inductions.  They do have pitocin if needed for after birth to stop bleeding.  They do not require IVs or hep-locks, believing that you should be able to stay hydrated during a normal labor.  You can drink water and have a smoothie, and not just a Popsicle, to keep your energy up.  And you will need it, because they also don't do medication for pain management.  Tubs, showers, birth balls, moving around, acupressure, etc. are all encouraged.  You go home within 24 hours of giving birth (average is about 8) assuming that you and baby are doing well.  You have to take their Birth class, because it covers more details about taking care of a baby who is hours old vs one who is a few days old.  They have medications for mom such as for Strep B and other antibiotics.  They are minutes from the hospital and have relationships with 3 hospitals in the area, so if you do need to transfer, even last minute, there are no issues.  You still have access to all of the same tests you would have if you went anywhere else, including sonograms.  They have relationships with perinatologists that you can take advantage of if needed as well.  

Issue 2:  We are not finding out the sex of the baby.  Yes, we want to know.  No, it's not any easier even though we have a boy and a girl already.  If it were up to Ernest, we would know if it's a Little He or a Little She.  But he's being sweet in indulging me.  I think this is my last pregnancy so maybe that plays into it.  Before I was pregnant, I thought I would have a Girl and Two Boys, just like my mom and Ernest's mom had.  Then I got pregnant, and I was thinking it was a girl.  Then, this last weekend I started thinking, "Hmm, maybe it is a boy."  Who knows?  Just the sonogram tech.  Why don't I want to know?  I really am not sure.  Do I need a reason? How about "I'm the Mom and I Said So."

Issue 3:  If it's a boy, I want to make an informed decision about circumcision.  Notice I didn't say that I would or wouldn't.  I don't know.  We haven't even discussed it in detail yet, and there is a lot to consider! As far as I know all of the males in my family have had the procedure (including my husband and son).  This would definitely be different, which is also a big point to discuss.  But the point is that I want to be more educated and made a choice instead of it just being assumed.  Did you know that the U.S., Jews and Muslims lead the world in circumcision rates?  For our fellow earthlings in non-third world, non-Muslim or Jewish countries, it is the exception to be circumcised.  The AAP and WHO can't even decide if you should or shouldn't (if you live outside a 3rd world country, that is - consensus for the WHO seems to be "do it" if you live there).  Bottom line....To snip or not to snip, I want to make an informed decision instead of doing it "just because."

Am I really that controversial?  Or "weird" as I was actually called the other day?

Yes:  I will immunize.  I prefer a less aggressive schedule than some, but my kids will get all of the shots coming to them.

No: I will not cloth diaper.  I admire those that make the choice.  But it's not for me.

Yes:  I will breastfeed.  Boobs are there for a reason, and the milk will come whether I want it to or not.  It's going to get put to good use!

Yes:  I eat McDonald's.  I don't know what's in the meat, and I'm afraid to find out.

Yes:  I'm sure I've eaten food containing GMO.  And I admit I had to look up what that was.

No:  I do not own a gun.  And, shocker, I actually quite like the comparison used about a gun killing the person the same way a car does.  It's generally the idiot behind the trigger/steering wheel, and not the tool itself.

And hey, just for fun.  No:  I do not personally support the homosexual lifestyle.  Yes:  I do support an individuals right to choose, and if that is what they choose, I will not infringe on it.  I will hang on to and represent what I feel is right (religious, political, or otherwise) and believe that God will work it out on the other side.  Thankfully that is not part of my responsibility.

I try to appreciate people as people and not as a label.  I don't care if you had your baby at home, cloth diaper, only eat dead food that fell off of a tree, or have a same sex partner.  Well, I care, but not in a way that will make me ostracize you or tell you to your face (or others behind your back) that you are "weird" or anything else that might make you feel bad.  Thinking back on my sense of humor, I may call you weird actually, but it had better NOT be in a way that makes you uncomfortable or feel bad!

And, I think I'm done.  As an INFP, I hate confrontation and debate.  So your comments better be nice or I'll just delete them :)

October 2012

Ally girl with my safety glasses.  "Look Mama!"

 

 Date with Ally, Mama, and Dada.  We went to see Hotel Transylvania.  Pretty cute.  Ally was singing and dancing in front of her seat.  Luckily she's short and fairy quiet. 

 

 Sick little boy.  So cute cuddled up on the couch watching Thomas.

 And eating cereal.

 Co-worker Bryce, myself, and manager Megan dressed as Zombies for the Health Fair at work.  I'm one of the coordinators, and this year we were focusing on Halloween Safety and the Zombie Apocalypse (disaster preparedness).  It was pretty fun!

 So, an activity I saw on Pinterest...and it was a hit!  Pipe cleaners and colanders.  They spent quite a bit of time over several days putting them together, taking them apart, and playing pretend games with them.

 

 

 

 Look at that concentration!

 

 A few days later....  And I have no idea what happened to Miss Ally's pants.  Jane said she got up fro her nap and it was ripped up to her thigh. 

 

 Auntie JoAnn even got in on the fun!

 One of my diet dishes...  Honey-lime glazed shrimp.  Really yummy.  I'd have with steamed veggies, or a little bit of brown rice.

 Another diet dinner...  Portabella mushroom cap filled with bruschetta, then topped with a little bit of pineapple, fat free cheese, and turkey pepperoni.  Broil to desired brown-ness, and enjoy!  A little soggy, but very tasteful and low carb.

 And, these are not on my diet.  But oh so yummy.  Graham crackers, covered with milk chocolate chips, marshmallows, and drizzled with melted butter and brown sugar. Brown in the oven.  S'more Nachos!

 Cuties getting ready for church.

 Little Man.

 Me and Miss Ally.

 

 

 Trying on my wedding dress.  Ally really liked my dress, but kept saying it would be better if it were a rainbow dress.  But I still looked like a princess.

 Little princess wearing my veil.  This one did make me tear up a little.

 Kids being silly and playing together.

 

 Tea party!  with a movie.

 

 

 

 Halloween!  Ally was a Fairy Princess.

 Showing off her "fairy makeup" that I let her wear.

 Jacob was a little dragon.  He didn't care so much. 

 

 

 

 Though...walking around at Ernest's work after the games, they got to Trick or Treat at the desks.  Jacob would look at his two hands, drop the candy that was least desirable, and pickup a new one.  And this was repeated at every desk we came to.  He would NOT put the candy in his bag.  I ended up following behind him, trying to catch the candy as he decided he didn't want it as much as the new one, and I'd put it in his bag. 

 

 Starting with potty training!  First time going in the big potty!

 

 Being silly

 

 

 

 

 So, there's leggings, a nightgown,  tunic (with stickers), silly glasses, AND a fuzzy ball that deflated...all on my girl. 

 

 

 

 My Halloween costume that I wore to work.  I made this costume probably 10 years ago (without a pattern).  I was pretty pleased with it.  I couldn't find my little phaser, but my communicator does still beep.  A slight Trekkie faux pas...The uniform is from Voyager, but my communicator was from TNG.  Ah well.  Very few noticed.

 Actual trick or treating.  The Fairy Princess costume was a bit thin for going outside on an October night, so Ally went for this fuzzy owl I got on clearance from Old Navy.

 

 

 All decked out with glow sticks around their necks, arms, and legs.  Time to go out with Dad!  I stayed home to hand out candy.

 

And, that is October is a blur of pictures.