Jani Lane Tells Las Vegas Audience "Let's Go Get Some Fuckin' French Toast!"

A recent article I did had me asking the question: “I wonder what Warrant is up to?” to which I did a little digging. I apparently missed the press release that told the world that Jani Lane was getting back with the rest of the band for a world tour that featured the original line-in. It was their first time together in over 14 years, so as you can imagine, the world waited with baited breath to see the down boys. With such a wonderful occasion, one would think that the brilliant creative force behind “Cherry Pie” would want to give the audience their best performances ever…to give them a taste of what they may have missed the first time around when Jani and the boys ruled the pop metal landscape.
So how does Jani show his appreciation to the ever-diminishing fan base? He gets stinking drunk for a recent performance that is so awful it borders on the surreal. Rather than sucker punch Lane for this embarrassment, the rest of the band competently continues on with their legendary smash “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” while their lead singer slurs off-key.
Backstory: this douchebag has a history of substance abuse after apparently taking the fact that Warrant was left behind in grunge’s wake a little too personally. Rather than wait for the inevitable pendulum back towards profitability, Lane repeated the story of how he knew his label had abandon him after paying a visit to his record company’s offices. On one visit, they had huge framed posters of Warrant’s album Cherry Pie. On the next visit, the posters were of the latest Alice In Chains record.
He blames the downfall on lack of label support when pop-metal ran its course, not once acknowledging that he and his bandmates had essentially been sucking their label’s dick from day one. Lane fails to acknowledge how fucking awful the follow up to Cherry Pie was and how it was his creative control that ultimately contributed to the band’s demise. Yes, Dog Eat Dog was Lane’s attempt at showing Warrant were “true” artists, somehow above their pop-metal tags. By incorporating Queen-like arrangements and self-depravating song titles like “Andy Warhol Was Right,” Lane began the futile efforts to distance himself from the gravy train that filled his bank accounts.
And then the ungrateful prick later tries to distance himself from the biggest cash cow of them all…the song “Cherry Pie”…by whining how it was the head of the label that encouraged him to go back and write a hit single for their second album. Lane did exactly what he was told, and “Cherry Pie” became the band’s biggest chart success ever. But all you hear Lane talk about now is how he hates the song because it was the label’s suggestion and they completely took the song and changed the entire idea for the second album.
I say, be a little more appreciative of it, holmes, Because without that bit of direction, your fucking fifteen minutes would have ended a helluvalot sooner.
But the clip is more than embarrassing, it’s bad enough that we should never have to hear the word “warrant” again, unless it’s being delivered from a law officer.

On another note, I did manage to catch wind that Stephen Pearcy had re-joined Ratt for yet another reunion tour. Apparently Pearcy also got too drunk at a recent performance in Mexico and could barely finish “Lay It Down.” The band paused long enough for guitarist Warren DeMartini to take Pearcy backstage and knock him out, allowing second guitarist (and ex-Motley Crue replacement member Jon Corabi) complete the rest of the vocal duties for the rest of the night. Corabi has also apparently left the Ratt fold, allowing, get this, ex-Quiet Riot guitarist Carlos Cavazo the opportunity to join up.
Someone not only needs to tell these 80’s bands that it’s a different world now…that being drunk and on stage only gets your shit broadcast on YouTube a few hours after the fact thanks to video phones. And they need to be reminded that the only people left that are willing to shell out their cash for nostalgic trips are the very fans booing at the drunk vocalist on stage. Get your shit together or stay home, because to embarrass yourself like this is ultimately career suicide, part two.

OCD Chronicles: Ratt "Lay It Down"

For reasons known only to me and my therapist, I downloaded every single original Ratt album and set about making the most awesome Ratt compilation ever. It contained selections from the band’s rough-sounding e.p. and followed their career all the way to the album they were able to get a gold certificate for.
While putting this compilation together, it struck me how limited this band really was. It seemed that every album was cut from exactly the same cloth: a couple catchy-as-fuck pop metal tunes surrounded by also-rans.
A lot of the problem was because Steven Pearcy has a notoriously limited range…As in, he can only hit about three notes and those three sounds suspiciously alike. So that placed a lot of the band’s burden on guitarist Warren DeMartini.
Sometime, and I’m sure that Mr. DeMartini knows exactly the time and place he came up with it, he created a riff of such bad-assed structure and tone that it’s a crime that he’s even associated with a perceived hair metal outfit like Ratt.
The riff he came up with is the one that is found on “Lay It Down” from their Invasion Of Your Privacy album.
Coming off the heels of the mega-successful Out Of The Cellar, Invasion tried to emulate the entire formula of the band’s debut. While the band did manage to find success with it, you can see a clear reduction in the band’s overall sales with each subsequent album. It’s as if the fans slowly started to understand “Hey, this sounds just like the last one.” before dropping their support entirely.
But “Lay It Down” may be the band’s (certainly DeMartini’s) peak and I’ve been playing it with equal amounts of nostalgia and admiration. Not to the point where I actually want to run out and buy a Ratt album (the comp I made is already showing signs of fatigue) or would I really care to see their announced reunion tour (read: Pearcy is back with them after figuring out that nothing he does outside of Ratt will bank as much as his original band). I’m simply getting a kick from hearing perhaps one of the best guitar riffs to ever emerge from the Sunset Strip.