Bits of song lyrics float through and become iconic: "Worlds. . . they rise and fall"----as I've been noticing how I've clung to certain aspects of my world, like the security of having health insurance. Though I never took it for granted and felt compassionate for those who weren't able to afford it (the majority of us Americans, I think), I didn't realize how my feelings and thoughts about having health insurance had become entwined with all sorts of issues: my perceived "independence" as a woman, for example.
Before marrying again sixteen years ago, I made certain vows to myself (based on having survived an abusive prior marriage), one of which was that I would maintain my ability to support myself in every way. However, I ended up dropping my retirement system's health insurance and using my husband's instead (which he's now lost with his job), as it was more comprehensive and less expensive. And so now I am having to let go of that illusion, too, which is----on the largest scale----the illusion that I am so "together" that I can plan for any eventuality, and that if I fail in this, I "deserve" what I get.
That's perverse, isn't it.
And so, I'm reminded how we've been conditioned to believe the claim that Health Insurance and Modern Medicine can heal almost anything, extend life indefinitely, and make all Secure and Worry-free. Then, the flip side from my personal experience: my father's life after a colon cancer diagnosis was miserable, and it was the chemo that finally did him in; my mother's breast cancer and her vain (in every sense of the word) attempt at "reconstruction"; my own bout with "precancerous" cell-removal.
I think----what's the worst that might've happened without modern medicine? What about the best? Perhaps Dad would've had a happier end; Mother might've died before the Alzheimer's set in; and who knows about me. . .
So many aspects of "Modern Life" have been engrained in us as necessary, as what "Responsible" members of society MUST DO in order, presumably, to avoid sleepless, worrisome nights when we consider the Dire Consequences of NOT having insurance, yet the stress of earning the money for all those aspects (including insurance) may be the cause of many of those ailments we suffer from and thus use modern medicine to treat us for.
And so my mind and body are still churning, churning, as I wear away more and more of the old to make room for . . . something else!
Before marrying again sixteen years ago, I made certain vows to myself (based on having survived an abusive prior marriage), one of which was that I would maintain my ability to support myself in every way. However, I ended up dropping my retirement system's health insurance and using my husband's instead (which he's now lost with his job), as it was more comprehensive and less expensive. And so now I am having to let go of that illusion, too, which is----on the largest scale----the illusion that I am so "together" that I can plan for any eventuality, and that if I fail in this, I "deserve" what I get.
That's perverse, isn't it.
And so, I'm reminded how we've been conditioned to believe the claim that Health Insurance and Modern Medicine can heal almost anything, extend life indefinitely, and make all Secure and Worry-free. Then, the flip side from my personal experience: my father's life after a colon cancer diagnosis was miserable, and it was the chemo that finally did him in; my mother's breast cancer and her vain (in every sense of the word) attempt at "reconstruction"; my own bout with "precancerous" cell-removal.
I think----what's the worst that might've happened without modern medicine? What about the best? Perhaps Dad would've had a happier end; Mother might've died before the Alzheimer's set in; and who knows about me. . .
So many aspects of "Modern Life" have been engrained in us as necessary, as what "Responsible" members of society MUST DO in order, presumably, to avoid sleepless, worrisome nights when we consider the Dire Consequences of NOT having insurance, yet the stress of earning the money for all those aspects (including insurance) may be the cause of many of those ailments we suffer from and thus use modern medicine to treat us for.
And so my mind and body are still churning, churning, as I wear away more and more of the old to make room for . . . something else!
| Front entry to our house (which we're trying to sell), with the door I stripped and the wool "bell-ringer" I made who warns of unwelcoming spirits who might try to enter. |