Horror Flick of the Week: One Cut of the Dead (2017)

 

I know it's unthinkable. I'm not only recommending a movie made within the last decade and somewhat of a zombie movie as well. This, my friends, is where I pretty much have to stop and let the trailer do most of the talking. Shudder exclusive release, a little found footage in parts, and then the second half is where things really get awesome. Don't look up anything else. Don't ask anyone who has seen this film any more questions. Don't ruin the experience - - just watch it. Immediately. Close this window, call out of work or school, and do it.

Drive-in Trailers: Anthology Horror

Sometimes you want something besides a full-on horror film. You want a taste of several things. A creepy cornucopia. A vicious variety. A -something something alliteration scary-. That's where anthology horror takes the cake. I've always loved short stories, on the page and on the screen. Hopefully the following trailers (obscure and mainstream) can give you something new to watch this Halloween.

The first trailer isn't a real one, from what I can tell, but anyone who hasn't seen 'Dead of Night' is really doing themselves a disservice. It's one of the best. Also, note that I adore all of the Amicus films, but it'd be a bit boring if I just focused on them alone. Also, reserving any Price-related trailers for a strictly Vincent Price-centric post.

Book of the Week: Evil Ernie - Youth Gone Wild, by Brian Pulido

It's not pretty. It's not happy. Hell, it's not even cute, but you can't deny this one simple fact: Evil Ernie rocks. For those of you familiar with The Mask series of comics, you know, the dark one, I'm sure your appetite for violence and animated gore is fairly intense. So why not give Evil Ernie a shot?

It's not really about the plot. A young man driven mad by a combination of severe child abuse and a bizarre dream machine that links him to lady death (either death incarnate, or just a really crazy bitch who likes to wake up to a pile of corpses in the morning). One thing leads to another, and he gets killed with yet another experiment, only to come back with mental powers. Every person he kills becomes a bloodthirsty zombie, intent on helping Ernie create an army of 'friends'.

That's really all there is to the plot, to be honest, but it's a fun ride there, and this issue only left me hungry for the rest of them.

Horror Flick of the Week: Train to Busan (2016)

I'm going to preface this with a quick 'I didn't actually want to see this movie in the first place, I'm tired of zombies, they've never even been at the top of my list for monsters in general.' But...damn it...this one was awesome. It touched on every little point you need in a good horror adventure. I thought I was honestly about to watch Snowpiercer 'with zombies!'

This was one of the few times I was glad to be proven wrong. Not to mention, my favorite South Korean actor (Gong Yoo) gets a pretty juicy role in it, too.  I really don't want to go into much detail, because it's just a movie you need to watch star to end on your own, but let's just say if this movie was a video game, I'd probably play it until the disc melted.

Vintage Comics - Skeleton Hand, Issue 1 : Sea of Retribution, Chill Chatter, Death For Hire, Monster of the Deep, The Corpse Under the Carpet (Pg. 12 - end)

This time around, I decided to celebrate the season you guys deserved a larger portion of the comic at once, so here's the rest of the first issue of Skeleton Hand. There's nothing better than a story about a man getting his just desserts, which is altogether my favorite sort of horror. Well, that and the kind that has you really cheering for the innocent victims to get out of whatever grisly mess they've ended up in. The first story also happens to be educational as well. I had no idea John Paul Jones founded the American navy! Actually, that's simplifying what he did, but this isn't a history lesson, it's a pre-code comic, so give me a break.

Chill Chatter is an editors' note, but I thought it was charming enough to be included. Honestly though, some of these stories in this issue are actually a little more gruesome than most of the fare I've shared with you guys, and despite the condition, this one quickly became one of my favorites, too. Plus, a zombie named 'Cracker'?! Who can resist a story like that?

The last two one-off stories are...actually a little funnier than you'd expect, and I think only one of them may have been on purpose.

Featured Kickstarter: Frank & Zed

I think it's fair to say I am a HUGE puppet/muppet fan. I just love them. Some day when I find the time, buy the materials, and have enough friends interested in the project, I'd like to make a horror anthology series using only muppets...but until then, I'll just keep watching awesome muppet-puppet films...and also suggesting you check out this INCREDIBLE kickstarter. This is seriously one of the BEST-LOOKING kickstarter projects I've ever seen, and my heart will ultimately be torn to pieces...in a bad way...if it doesn't happen.

For more information about this epic movie...please check it out on kickstarter, and definitely consider helping them make it a reality.

Podcast, Ep. 8: Happy Halloween!

Joyous day of days, the time of year is upon us when the dead return from the graves to get drunk and eat candy. Yes, my friends. It is finally Halloween, and with Halloween (of course) comes the latest Hallowholics Anonymous podcast. This one was a doozy to get made, and unfortunately Julianne and Chris were unavailable this week. But where there's a will, Maddy got her mom to join her for this special episode dedicated to the perfect Halloween marathon. A selection of 5 films to watch this Halloween, the topic of the marathon being campy classics. We also have a special introduction and conclusion with another future co-host, Jazlaan. So sit back, relax, and listen until your heart gives out. There are also some wig care and costume tips.

Horror Flick of the Week: Fido (2006)

When this movie first came out in '06, I saw plenty of people talking about it all over the net. 2 years after Shaun of the Dead, it seemed like there was finally going to be a new renaissance of horror comedy. There really wasn't much of one, but that is an entirely different topic for another day. Fido kind of fell to the wayside after a bit, though, in the shadow of Shaun.

But you want to know something? It shouldn't have. It's really a great little film, worth it's own merit. The only thing it shares in common with the more famous zombie comedy is the fact that it IS a zombie comedy, and they run with the idea of having the creatures as pets after we've managed to 'tame them'.

Imagine if the 50s wasn't about the fear of communism or nuclear war, but zombies. You pretty much have Fido, but there's really more to it. The main character, Fido, has more behind the facade of a drooling and brain-crazy slave to his nuclear family. Billy Connolly is...incredible in this. I honestly didn't even realize he was Billy Connolly at first, without the eccentric beard and long hair. Everyone is really amazing in this movie. I can't express enough how great Fido is, as a horror comedy fan. If you take your horror too seriously, avoid it. IF you have a sense of humor, I'd definitely suggest 'Fido' for a Halloween viewing this year.

Horror Flick of the Week: White Zombie (1932)

A year after the success of Dracula, Bela Lugosi found himself onscreen in another (though much more independent) feature which featured his piercing gaze at it's best. Oh sure. White Zombie is not an excellent example of acting, most of it is your typical 30s low-budget ham. But...there's a certain charm in this film.

One thing I particularly like is that the heroine shares my name, but a more relevant aspect I'd like to mention is her acting in particular once she becomes zombified. The lead actress, Madge Bellamy, was a relatively popular silent film actress. So her over-the-top gesticulating and posing is really a relic of the previous decade, and it's very clear in this movie how drastic the transition between talkie acting and silent acting was becoming. Now I'm not criticizing the style at all, I actually love it...in a silent movie. Somehow when she's this angelic zombie, though, it really works. I suppose it helps that she doesn't say anything else until the very end of the picture. She's rather like the ghost of the 20s, stepping through into the 30s to give a final good-bye to the old style in exchange for the new.

If you are a fan of zombie pictures, this is an essential...because it's one of (if not) the first zombie movies. Not your Fulci-style corpses, but the old-fashioned voodoo kind. People seemingly dead, put into mental slavery through means of a devilish concoction and...if the lobby card up there isn't a slight hint...the gaze (and I guess hands) of their zombie master.

The combination of some silent film style acting, the music, and the constant close-ups when Lugosi uses his powers...reminds me of ballet. It's really quite beautiful.

Lugosi is great in this, in the way only he could have been, dastardly and disturbing. There's no doubt the man had massive screen presence. Some of the pacing is slow, which is to be expected, but I think anyone who really loves the horror genre really needs to devote some time to White Zombie, if not from an entertainment perspective alone, then at least for the historical aspects.

Horror Flick of the Week: Dead Alive/Braindead

Firing up my DVD player today, I thought back to when I first watched this movie. My mom was an avid horror fan, and she’d helped me pick this rental out at Hastings. I couldn’t have been more than maybe 9. This was the day my mom also gave me one of the best bits of advice I’ve ever received: do not eat and watch this film. Do not think of food while watching this film. Avoid consumption of anything before watching this…film. For those of you who may not have seen this or any of Peter Jackson’s other works, I’d advise you to heed these words.

Of course as a proud member of Nickelodeon’s first generation, I disregarded her wisdom. I thought I could handle it. I ate a chili dog the first time I saw Dead Alive (or Braindead to you non-American folks.)  I did pretty well until the custard scene…

I spent most of my childhood in small-town Texas. This may not mean much to a lot of you, but to others…you might also remember the small video rental shops tucked away at the back of those aging grocery stores. The mysterious collections of films I’d find there, I’ve yet to see at any regular video store. What attracted me to this movie was the video cover. It’s…well it’s pretty freaking awesome. It’s also pretty disturbing. The only reason my mom let me go ahead and rent it after walking past this little gem a thousand times, was because she’d seen it. A normal parent would probably have just been even more averse to letting his or her daughter watch Dead Alive alone after actually seeing the film, but go figure.

I scoff at most modern 'zombie' pictures, when I think of Dead Alive. Oh, so a virus got out and infected the populace? It's doomsday? There was a mad monkey? PLEASE. Be a bit more creative, people! I mean...this movie had rat monkeys. Ugly little bastard rat monkeys...apparently the offspring of rapist rats and innocent tree monkeys. RAT. MONKEYS.

He's got his father's charm...

So it opens with a man actually trying to transport one of these suckers to a zoo. The rat monkey gets there, unfortunately it bit off a bit more than it could chew. Wait, no. It bit off a bit more than the guy could handle. The guy bit off more than he could chew? There's a joke here somewhere.

It's the late 50s, so of course our hero has an overbearing bitch mother when we meet him. But first we meet Paquita, who's sweet on a deliveryman until her gypsy grandma reads her fortune. Might I just say that whenever Tarot cards are used in a movie, I squeal a little? There really is something epic about employing occult symbols in a horror flick. It adds to the supernatural feel of a picture.

Her fate lies not with he who brings the boxes, but he who spills the stationary.

Of course I'm taking about Lionel, the mama's boy protagonist. I'd also like to mention at this point that even though this film may have a much lower budget than LOTR or even Frighteners, it's already apparent that no matter what his funds...Peter Jackson is a damn good director and a damn good storyteller. Every angle in this film, the way the camera travels, the link from one scene to the next...it's incredibly streamlined, and quite pretty (even the wet bits with the blood and goo have their merits.)

Now that he's met Piquita, Lionel's life will never be the same. His mother thoroughly establishes herself as a control-freak before this becomes apparent, but it isn't long before the two destined lovers have a lovely trip to the zoo. Oh wait, not so lovely...because this happens to Lionel's mom before things get too steamy...

Things don't seem to be looking up for the budding romance. And just when things seem to be going back to normal for Lionel and his mother, she becomes ill...and the custard scene. The...custard scene. Honestly, I'm getting a little sick just finding good screenshots from it, so instead I'll just let your imaginations do the work. It's already spoiled enough, frankly, I don't think I need to spoil the custard further.

As the infection from the rat monkey spreads, Piquita struggles to pursue Lionel. She eats her dog. Lionel's mom...eats Piquita's mom. Could the Tarot reading have been wrong? From this moment on, it's a bumpy ride. Zombie nurse. Zombie priest. Zombie baby. Zombie bikers. Zombie intestines. Zombie lamp. Zombie pervert. Zombie party...It's a gory, gross, green smorgasbord. That, my friends, is why Dead Alive/Braindead is the horror flick of the week. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go throw up...

Vintage Comics: Beyond - Master of the Undead (Pages 28-34)

Okay, the final part of this comic issue, at long last. I'll probably make it a weekly thing to post vintage horror comics, but it will be more one portion at a time than the whole darn thing at once. Anyway, this last story pulled the ultimate cop-out, which should never...EVER be used...in any kind of story. The plus side is that the art itself in this last one seems a lot crisper, like more time was probably spent on it.

Don't Rock the Cradle: 5 Really Creepy Kids.

So, upon watching Bloody Birthday this week, I realized something…kids genuinely scare people. Not me, personally, but other people. Right up next to ‘clowns’ on the list of freaky shit, ‘children’ is poorly-scrawled in crayon…or dried blood. I can’t really tell which. At any rate, this list is by no means a definitive one. There are far too many creepy kids out there in the movie world to name, but these are the ones who currently stand out to me.

1.        The Kid with the Gun Fetish in Sixth Sense

So it’s about the shortest appearance on this list, but when that kid walks up and whispers about his dad’s gun…then turns around…BAM! Bloody head! Gets me every time…

2.       The Twins from The Shining

I suppose it’s obvious these girls would make the cut. What gets me is that these are children, trapped here in this hotel, which could very well be hell or some demonic offshoot of earth…what did they do to end up there? Are they even children, or manifestations of something far worse? I didn’t come here today to cross-examine Kubrick or King, so I won’t even get into that powder keg. Let’s just all agree these kids are odd and get on with our lives.

3.       Gage from Pet Sematary

This one his actually pretty heart-breaking. Gage was a normal, adorable toddler in the beginning before his accident. His father pig-headedly brought him back into the world, when he should have known better, and what comes back isn’t the same kid at all. He’s a horrible little demon imp that just happens to look like a child. He’s terrifying, and it’s just about the best damn acting I’ve ever seen from a kid this age.

4.       The Zombie Baby from Dead Alive

Okay, maybe he’s not really a child. He’s a baby. He’s an evil, ugly, far too intelligent zombie baby. He demonstrates child-like joy at the simple things in life, like playtime, and ripping women’s heads in half…this baby is the only reason I can take a dead baby joke, because I always picture him.

5.       The Kids from Bloody Birthday

These kids are really the creepiest for me right now, probably because the film is still fresh in my mind, but also because of one main factor: they’re sociopaths. They are not demons, nor were they brought back from the dead in some misguided ritual, nor are they ghosts seeking the company of other children. They’re just…evil. They kill with no reason other than the sheer fun of it, and what’s more…they don’t care who they kill. Relatives. Friends. Teachers. Random people having sex in cars…they don’t even do it with creepy smiles or cryptic phrases. They act like normal kids maybe sneaking around so their parents don’t catch them watching an r-rated movie, or stealing from the candy shop. They’re the definition of what evil people are, in very small packages.

Spooky Board Games: Zombie Fluxx

You know, sometimes, old maid just doesn't cut the deck. Go fish rarely has enough bite to it. Poker never involves a red-hot fireplace instrument. Fluxx, however, can pretty go in just about any direction you want it to. There's a game for Star Trek enthusiasts, Hippies, Monty Python, Cthulhu (may he waken soon, Iah! Iah! Cthulhu fhtagn.) There's a Fluxx for everyone...even...

Zombies? That's right. Flesh-eating monsters stalking the world in re-animated corpses, primarily feasting on brains and the occasional intestine, the most love-able creatures on earth have got their own Fluxx game.

For those of you innocents who have not gotten the chance to enjoy a good round of Fluxx, this one is absolutely fantastic to start with. The basic rules are 'draw a card, play a card'. From there, you can play a goal, which gives everyone an idea of how they can win the game. The goal can be changed. You can play weapons/keepers, zombies/creepers have to be on the table when you get them, and you can even play rule cards. It can get pretty wild when you've got a 'draw 5, play all' card, or when the son of a bitch sitting next to you decides to change the goal right when you're about to win...but the worst card of all, the one card that can turn a five minute game into a five hour game when you're not careful...is Larry. When anyone changes the goal, he shifts clockwise. And so the pain usually begins.

Screw you, Larry!

This game taught me the meaning of expensive card decks, it also taught me the meaning of friendship, and now I truly understand what jerks my friends are. But hey, it's pretty fun! If you want to learn more about the wonderful world of fluxx, check out http://www.looneylabs.com for their whole line of cards. I've got my eyes on 'Are You a Werewolf' at the moment, but I'll probably never go to a party without this one.

Horror Flick of the Week: Night of the Living Dorks

So this week I decided to suggest one of my personal favorites for a starter: Night of the Living Dorks.

I'm not a huge zombie fan, though they have their place. I'm more of a werewolf and vampire chick myself, leaning more towards werewolves as the mythos of the vampires seems to be evolving into a more teen-friendly concept.

Horror comedies are sometimes hits, usually misses. There are lots of great ones out there, but if you haven't seen one, and start off with a really bad one...well, most of us never look back. Luckily, this one is pretty awesome. It's a combination between your average high school flick with a bit of a college character feel, and a small-time zombie fest. Picture American Pie meets Shaun of the Dead...or go the easy route, and just picture Idle Hands, which technically is a similar combination...

It starts with a zombie attacking a family, a woman using a flame-thrower on said zombie, and zombie ashes being sold through several dealers until it ends up being purchased on an ebay-like site. That's just the intro credits.

Then we meet your average loser, Phillip, who is somehow really attractive, because you only actually see genuinely unattractive losers in independent films. He has an awkward...dream...his mother proceeds to tell the girl next door about. Already you're in for the basic stereotypical embarrassing journey of one young man through high school...or are you? I guess I should've mentioned this chick in his dream...

Well, at least she's got personality...

Everything changes when Phillip and his friends go to a cemetery get-together with the girl next door, and then get covered in zombie dust...

Not quite as tasty as snow.

It would have just ended there, maybe with them going home and taking thorough showers, but then-

This

This

And this

The movie isn't even halfway through, and the main characters are dead. I won't spoil the rest for you, though...suffice it to say, it's worth watching if you're looking for a bit of horror comedy, but feel like you've seen all the good ones.

What wins me over for this movie, though, is the fact that the zombies aren't mindless flesh-eaters. Honestly, they're just shy of being ghouls. Plus, it's pretty funny. So go ahead and give it a try. If not tonight, put it on your Halloween watch list this year to watch with some friends.