Snapshots Spillover: More Reasons To Call The Doctor!

The doctor will see you now!

If you ever think that some of the tracks I choose for Saturday Snapshots are a little on the obscure side... you should see the ones I leave out!

Here are a few more reasons to call your GP, starting with the original version of a song made into a hit by Robert Palmer...

Angie & the Citations - Headache

Girls - Vomit

Splodgenessabounds - Nausea Vomiting Diahorea

The Trashcan Sinatras - Hay Fever

Los Capesinos! - A Heat Rash in the Shape of the Show Me State; or, Letters from Me to Charlotte

We Were Promised Jetpacks - Sore Thumb

Galaxie 500 - Temperature's Rising

Reverend & The Makers - Warts N All

Guided By Voices - An Earful Of Wax

Killing Joke - I Am The Virus

Jeff Rosenstock - Nausea

(That one was from Ben.)

The Flaming Lips - Guy Who Got a Headache and Accidentally Saves the World

Take two paracetamol and call me in the morning.

Sequel Songs #1: Two Pints Of Lager

Some time ago, I began making a list of songs which were sequels to earlier songs... occasionally by the artist who did the original, but often by a completely different act. Initially I thought this would make a good Saturday Snapshots, but as the list grew I realised it would be quite a tricky one... and there were far too many good tunes to waste on a throwaway edition of the quiz.

And so, devoid of much inspiration for ways to keep this blog going beyond the tent-pegs on Tuesday and Saturday, I thought I'd make Sequel Songs a series. Starting with Two Pints Of Lager... and a Packet of Crisps.

Of course, everyone here will know the original version by Kentish ambassadors of "punk pathetique", Splodgenessabounds...

   

You're probably also aware that the song inspired a long-running BBC sitcom starring Will Mellor, Sheridan Smith and Ralph Little. 

However, you may not have heard this sequel, released late last year by promising Norwich five-piece Bag of Cans.

Not being a drinker, I don't spend a lot of time in pubs these days (you're far more likely to find me in a coffee shop), but I still think this is a worthy update. Those of you more familiar with propping up a bar or two might find it painfully accurate...

Snapshots Spillover: More Sitcom Songs

As promised, here are a few more songs that share their names with sitcoms. Let's start with that extra clue I gave you all on Saturday morning...

Cliff Richard & The Shadows - The Young Ones

...which naturally leads us to this...

Beyond that? How about these?

The Rah Band - Porridge

Pet Shop Boys - Absolutely Fabulous

Splodgenessabounds - Two Pints Of Lager & A Packet Of Crisps

Martyn Joseph - Please Sir

The Mekons - Rosanne

Lucky Jim - The Honeymooners

You may have some other suggestions. If so, please share them with the group.

But to close, a different Harry from the one we started with...

Snapshots #344: A Top Ten Songs For Tradespeople

Yesterday, we had a picture of Whoopi Goldberg at the top of the post. Today, it's Sean Connery. What do they have in common? Before they were famous, they both worked as bricklayers. Imagine living in a house that Whoopi or Sean built.

In celebration of the humble (but extremely well-paid in a lot of cases) tradespeople, here are ten songs than can build you a house and unblock your drains in one go...

10. Large blob and Scottish monster in abundant supply. 

A blob is a Splodge. The monster is from Loch Ness. Abounds means "in abundant supply".

Splodgenessabounds - I Fell in Love With a Female Plumber from Harlesden NW10

9. Tell her I love her before she changes direction suddenly.

Tell Laura I love her, before she veers off in another direction...

Laura Viers - Bricklayer

8. Did you ever listen to Porker Klan FM? The reception was terrible.

"Porker Klan FM" was a badly heard anagram...

Mark Knopfler - The Scaffolder's Wife

You can't build anything without scaffolding these days.

7. I Know Someone Who Knows Someone Who Knows Alan McGee Quite Well.

The clue is the title of an excellent song by the Pooh Sticks. But Alan McGee, of course, is the head of Creation Records...

The Creation - Painter Man

6. What you get if you spill bleach on your tortoise.

Blondshell - Joiner

5. Relatively pedestrian.

The Walker Brothers - The Electrician

4. I'm pretty sure the fare's too high for a looker like me. I'll take the bus instead.

I'm not getting in your Death Cab, I'm too Cute!

Death Cab For Cutie - Death Of An Interior Decorator

3. Gets lost inside inglenooks, encampments and portobellos.

Inglenooks, encampments and portobellos.

Any excuse, etc....

Glen Campbell - Wichita Lineman

2. Tymes woman meets crow counting man.

The Tymes sang about Ms. Grace. The Counting Crows sang about Mr. Jones.

Grace Jones - Demolition Man

1. Found in victims and blowhard intellectuals. 

Victims and blowhard intellectuals. 

Tim Hardin - If I Were A Carpenter

Oh, and if you need help with any of that, try this guy...

49th Parallel - Labourer

We'll be building more memories next Saturday...

Neverending Top Ten #6.5: The Lynx Effect

The Lynx - You Lie

Sam has started wearing deodorant. 

I'm not sure he needs it yet, he's still a few years off being a sweaty teenager, but apparently it's the thing. So his mum bought him some Lynx. Because the makers have moved away from the ridiculous notion that if you spray yourself with Lynx, thousands of teenage girls will come chasing after you (presumably with some bleach and a scrubbing brush) and now they're promoting themselves via the notion of sporting prowess - wearing Lynx will make you into a G.O.A.T.

Lana Del Rey - The Greatest

I wish I was blissfully unaware of what that stands for, but sadly I'm not.

The Bloodhound Gang - Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny

It probably goes without saying that I have a problem with Lynx. Due to "odour-linked memories", I don't get The Lynx Effect... I get The Proust Effect.

Kidsfrontiers.org explains...

This name came about because the author Marcel Proust wrote in his book, Swann’s Way, that the smell of a pastry he dipped in his tea brought on a rush of joy associated with his childhood.

Eric Mercury - I Can Smell That Funky Music

In short, nice smells evoke nice memories. 

Howell Dawdy - Smells Like Love

However, due to our storytelling brain, the opposite is also true. I don't know if Marcel Proust ever smelt Lynx deodorant, but if he did, I hope it whisked him back to school changing rooms on a wet Wednesday afternoon, when all the footy lads were raring to go, and young Proust was feeling queasy, intimidated and ready for his weekly hour of humiliation. Because that's what happens to me. One whiff of Lynx and I end up right back here...

Splodgenessabounds - Wiffy Smells

It's enough to make a grown man cry. And for a 51 year old man who's never quite managed the growing up thing... it's even worse.

Lonely Tourist - Smells Like Team Meeting 

 

Guest Post Thursday #8: Top Ten Booze Songs III

I'm taking a little blogger-break at the moment to clear my head, though Saturday Snapshots will continue as usual... and so will Guest Post Thursday... well, this week and next, for sure. After that, it's up to you. 

Today's guest is probably the blogger I've known longest (or certainly as long as JC), since he is one of the few people who followed me over from my previous blog, Sunset Over Slawit. He's also an excellent writer (check out his novel Drawn To The Deep End if you haven't already), and someone I've been honoured to collaborate with in the past.    

This is his first appearance at My Top Ten though, and it took the booze to tempt him.

Take it away, Martin...

The thought that I could have a crack at part three of the Top Ten Booze Songs came about purely because two great songs occurred to me that neither Rigid Digit nor C had mentioned. Of course, I then had to think of eight more, so apologies for quality control issues - maybe this is the bottom ten booze songs?

10. Oasis - Cigarettes and Alcohol

In the first verse, these vices are all the Manc mono-brows find. By the second verse, they are all they need. Dependency alert, kids! Could have gone for Champagne Supernova, I suppose (Part IV, anyone?)

(I'm keeping schtum over this one... except to say, I find it appropriate that the video begins in a toilet. - Rol.)

9. Splodgenessabounds - Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Please

For everyone who has ever had trouble getting served, when the bar staff see through you to their mate or the person they fancy, and serve them first. My brother bought this on 7".

8. Memphis Slim - Beer Drinkin' Woman 

Now I walked into a beer tavern

To give a girl a nice time.

When I entered I had forty-five dollars

When I left I had one dime.

Wasn't that a beer drinkin' woman

Don't you know, man, don't you know?

She was a beer drinkin' woman.

I don't want to see her no more.

7. Big Audio Dynamite - Champagne

Well, it's got Mick Jones in, so forgive this bubbly but instantly forgettable glass of bland party tune.

6. UB40 - Red Red Wine

A track that has suffered from its ubiquity. I know it's a Neil Diamond song originally, but this is the version everyone knows and sings along to. Goes to my head indeed.

(It goes without saying that I prefer the original. - Rol.)

5. Johnny Paycheck - Fifteen Beers

The sort of song that ought to be playing in the background of every bar scene in Roadhouse. About as far removed from the kind of pub I'd like to frequent. Wasn't this William Hague's favourite song? Or did he only claim fourteen beers...? :)

4. Terrorvision - Tequila

That the highpoint of their commercial success was this atypical, almost novelty song may rankle the band. I bet the PRS cheques don't though.

3. Semisonic - Closing Time

Whilst I welcomed the relaxation of licensing laws, I sort of miss the ritual of closing time, the bell, last orders at the bar, getting another round in quick ... and knowing the same ritual was happening in every other pub all over the place. "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here." 

(Including this made up for Oasis. - Rol.)

2. Stevie Wonder - Don't Drive Drunk

A sobering (see what I did there?) reminder that just has to follow Closing Time. Not his finest moment, of course, but you can't argue with the sentiment.

1. Gene - Sick, Sober and Sorry

And a tune for the morning after, perhaps? Although any remorse has to be tempered with the opening lines: "Please don't stop me from drinking, It's my only joy..." And if I'm honest, this is the only tune here that would me in my top ten booze songs, if Rigid Digit and C hadn't bagged all the best ones already! Anyway, here's a good live version, with an appropriate introduction:

Thank you, Martin. You know I love Gene almost as much as you do, though I'd kind of forgotten how good this one was. Makes me miss them all the more.

Another fine selection of booze songs... though I doubt we've covered all of them. If you fancy contributing your own list, you know where I am.

Saturday Snapshots #114 - The Answers

Good morning. Hope you're all having a Jolie Sunday, and not a Maleficent one. Hopefully you didn't have to raid any tombs to come up with the answers to yesterday's quiz...


10. Aquatic mammal triumphs at spelling club.

How do you spell club? D-I-S-C-O.

The otter won!

Ottawan - D.I.S.C.O.

Sam's favourite at the moment. I've got him listening to it to stop him singing this.

9. Refusal to fantasise over Roy Orbison tune makes home a squash and a squeeze.

A Squash & A Squeeze is a kid's book by the author of The Gruffalo, Julia Donaldson. Probably the best kids' writer around these days. Anyway, it's about a house that gets very crowded.

It's Over was the Roy Orbison song.

Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over

8. Dirty... always looks like a conjuror, s'embrasser.

Photo taken before she became a blonde.

Dirty Harry.

Deborah always dressed like a conjurer.

According to google translate, kissing in French is s'embrasser.

Deborah Harry - French Kissing (In The USA)

7. Yorkshire member, sounds like penny-pinching toilet.

Yorkshire Dales? Member... is... er...

A penny-pinching toilet would be a miser loo.

Dick Dale - Misirlou

You know what they call a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese in Paris?

6. What happens when you smell an onion? Not where Iggy Pop sits.

Iggy Pop was The Passenger. Hence, he didn't sit in the driver's seat.

Sniff 'n' The Tears - Driver's Seat

5. Come on, Pennywise & Pagliacci...  Punch Phil!

Punch & Judy + Phil Collins.

Judy Collins - Send In The Clowns

4. Bono gladdens spouse - your round!

"Bono gladdens spouse" was obviously an anagram. I mean, how could Bono gladden anybody?

Splodgenessabounds - Two Pints Of Lager & A Packet Of Crisps, Please

3. Sindy & Barbie babytalk with demented singer.

Iris DeMent was the singer.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

2. A cubic centimetre inside Mum denies empty evenings.

Ma, with a cc in the middle = Macca.

Paul McCartney - No More Lonely Nights

1. Post-war Price Super-hero meets Nixon Twins.

1952 was post-war.

Vincent Price.

Richard Nixon.

Thompson Twins.



Wanted: more Saturday Snapshots. Next week.

My Top Ten Postcode Songs

OK, so I know L7 weren't named after a Liverpool postcode... but my cred is already in tatters, I'm not about to open a post with a picture of East 17.

Anyway, songs named after (British) postcodes. A challenge I just couldn't resist. I couldn't think of any named after American postcodes... or zip codes... though I'm happy for you to suggest them. The closest I came was Kitchen by The Lemonheads, because they were "thrilled to be in the same postcode as you".

Here's ten songs that even Postman Pat should be able to deliver to the right address...



10. Jonny Rubbish - Living In NW3 4JR

"A parody of the Sex Pistols." Which is all very good, but if ever there was a band that were perfectly capable of being a parody of themselves without any help from anyone else, it was the Sex Pistols.

Still, amusing for one or two listens.

9. Madness - NW5

Madness doing wot they do best. Singing abaht Lahndahn staff.

Yes I watched you climb up
I seen you come alive
From those very humble beginnings
In NW5

8. Saint Etienne - B92

No idea why Sarah and the boys think hate and fear is taking over Solihull, but why else would this tune be called B92?

And if it's not a postcode, then I respectfully submit this alternative: The Birdman of EC1.

7. Ian Brown - Longsight M13

Inner city Manchester... although the person who uploaded the song to youtube filled the video with pictures of the South Bank. You can imagine the comments!

Lets the stars shine on
Until the break of dawn
Let the stars shine on
And let her move, move like a queen
Of Longsight M13

I was disappointed to learn that M5 by The Fall is about the motorway, not Salford.

6. Splodgenessabounds - I Fell In Love With A Female Plumber From Harlesden, NW10

He can't wait to see her again. At which point, he will probably buy her Two Pints of Lager & A Packet of Crisps.

5. Ride - OX4

Ride never went too far away from Oxford without getting homesick

4. Ray Davies - Yours Truly, Confused N10

Ray writes a letter to the editor from his home in Muswell Hill, complaining about the state of Britain today... a recurring theme from the infamous Little Englander.

I close my eyes and lay back and I think of England
I dream about that green and pleasant land we knew as England
That throne of kings, that sceptred isle set in a silver sea
Has turned into a laughing stock divided without harmony

That's why I remain yours truly, confused N10

3. Skint & Demoralised - LS11 OES

I've never been a football fan, but I'm a huge fan of Matt 'Skint & Demoralised' Abbott, and although I've no interest in Leeds United (despite them being a local team to me and the team my dad followed when he was younger) I can hear Abbott's passion in every word of this chant.

2. The Pogues - NW3

I'd love to think this track was an autobiographical account of Shane's arrival in Hampstead...

When I got down to the smoke
It was 1963
I got a job doing meals on wheels
Round NW3
I was terrorising grannies
For ten lousy bob a week
I was smashed and blacked
And drunk and yawning in NW3

...except that he would have been 6 at the time. Still, this is Shane MacGowan we're talking about, so anything's possible.

I stayed in Hampstead once. Walking down the street, I saw the "comedian" Michael McIntyre talking very loudly into his phone. I'm not a violent man, but I had to be physically restrained from punching him hard in the nose.

1. New Model Army - BD3

The track that inspired this particular Top 10, so I thought it deserved to be Number One. Despite working in Bradford for 20+ years of my life, I never really listened to one of the city's biggest bands while I was there (I was always more of a Terrorvision man) but I stumbled across this pretty recently and couldn't stop listening to it. Further investigation required...

We close early when the nights are slow
Hit the Shell garage, Thornton Road
Take a long drive up on the moors
Park up in a place we know
In the back seats getting stoned
To forget everything at home
Mess about with the bleeping phone
Gazing down on the city below
Where no one's really sure if this is home

And it's not where you're from or where you've been
It's not a matter of blood or of family tree
Everybody believes what they want to believe
But they come from some kind of refugee
Running from something, turned out of somewhere
All looking for somewhere, exiled from something
And no one's really sure if this is home

Very appropriate lyrics for anyone living in Bradford. Unfortunately, when I google search Pudsey (BD3), all I get is hundred of pictures of the Children In Need bear. The video below is probably more accurate...



Know any other songs named after postcodes? Send your answers on a postcard.