Home for Christmas

I arrived home this afternoon. My house is beautifully clean and looking good. My son and mum have looked after it well whilst I've been away. My family (most brothers, sister, kids and parents) had their Christmas lunch on the weekend. I missed it! I feel relieved that I don't have to do a big family Christmas tomorrow - I'm so tired.

My kids are at their dads until lunchtime tomorrow. I am going to the parents tomorrow morning for breakfast and to open the pile of remaining presents left under the tree for me. I saw this postcard on Post Secret and felt pretty sad for this lady. I remember when my kids were younger, it was a bit of a struggle to celebrate without them, or even to know my ex had to when I had them. I never had to cry alone though, so I feel very blessed. My family were always there to support me.

I remember when I worked in an Early Adolescent Unit for a couple of years I found Christmas pretty heartbreaking to be with children who had no parent present and felt it deeply. Reading this post on Imaginif: We are not victims we are survivors reminded me about that. I cried a lot those Christmas's about the injustice of a world that could go on oblivious to some. I found advertising and materialism quite painful to tolerate.

My Christmas this year possibly sounds pretty sad doesn't it - NOT! It's bliss to me. I have always wanted to be an only child and as I left mum and dad's tonight after being well fed on the pseudo Christmas day lunch leftovers tonight, I informed them that this was the perfect Christmas for me! I insist on having all their attention and I am glad I will be the only one there. It is very noisy and demanding being the oldest of six kids and this will be the Christmas morning of my dreams. I won't have to wait for anyone to arrive, just me. I won't have to wait my turn to speak, or any of that sharing stuff. I will finally be the centre of the Christmas Day! Dad reminded me that I have had that experience once before, being born first. As I don't clearly remember it (I was 23 days old and my brother was there the year after), it doesn't count!

Updates from Out and About

I'm having a wonderful holiday and will describe with photo's when I get home.

I caught up with news about our schools VCE scores and was pleased to hear many students have enjoyed successful results. It is a challenging time for young people to be waiting for their scores.

I was delighted when I checked my emails to find that I had won the Imaginif competition for a tip about child safety. I really love the work Megan is doing on Imaginif. Child safety and well being is something I am quite passionate about.

I'm writing today from Adelaide. I arrived yesterday and experienced lots of rain, which was perfect as I was tired and felt justified having a little nap. I went shopping in the afternoon and enjoyed strolling around the streets dodging rain drops. I'm about to head off to the markets. I am catching up with a friend this afternoon.

My Blog is 2 today

So can we expect temper tantrums and wobbly walking and cute talking? Maybe! I don't know. I don't think it relates well to human development. Bad metaphor. My blog is a libran.
In case you didn't notice I have removed lots of pointless and fruitless advertising today. I have also reduced my tags to a little over a hundred. Not quite as reduced as I'd hoped, but still an improvement.
Right now I don't know what to expect from anything. Exciting hey! Scary too. I think I am getting a little stir crazy, home alone. Tomorrow I am going to visit my brother and his family and take his kids out for a movie, or some junk food, or what ever it is little kids like these days. I love kids. They are fun and in the moment, just what I need. Yes, I am not a great Auntie, I'm doing this for me.
I am feeling much restored after spending the day mostly in bed. My mum brought me magazines, soup and bread. She's a treasure. I am probably the only Victorian who doesn't know who won the 'Grand Final' - I wonder how long that will last.

Recapping My Weekend

Pa
Pa is back in hospital again. He turned 87 on the 8th. I haven't been able to see him for a week because I had the flu again and didn't want to expose him to it. I am worried about him.
Lovely Saturday Afternoon Visit
Visited Andy's mum on Saturday afternoon. She's had a delightful renovation done on her back veranda. I am very impressed. White rooms, floor, ceiling, walls, big windows, white mermot blinds and gorgeous red leather couches and mats. I should have taken a photo. That room was appealing. I had a divine and tasty lunch and was fed so well it brought back my nana's cooking.
Saturday Night Taxi Service
My good friend Rhonda and I put their theatre room to good use whilst spending the time between depositing the young people at their parties and returning to get them home. We watched 'Thank You for Smoking'. Possibly not a great choice for my quitting phase, yet it didn't do too much damage.
Housework - Bare Minimum
Enough said. Changed the sheets, a touch of vacuuming - blah.
Reading
I started 'Boys of Blood and Bone' by David Metzenthen this weekend. I have a pile of good books again and I feel really good about that. When I had the flu, it came when my pile of books had been down to the last unread one. It was kind of scary. When I went to work/school on Friday, I ensured I visited the library and restocked my pile. I have one from the CBCA Awards list - an Elizabeth Honey, one of my favourites as well as the James Moloney sequel to 'The Book of Lies', 'Master of the Books'. It's helping with the pain of finishing Harry Potter.

Now I will go to bed early and read!

Saturday Night's Full Moon

Taxi
Sometimes, when I am not too cranky, busy, tired, etc, I will drive my son and his friends to their assorted Saturday night engagements. I have seen some sights during these times and last night was no exception.
Parties, Gatherings, and other names for a Riot
Young people have a lot of difficulty convincing parents to have them in the family home on a weekend night. I have negotiated with my son about the specific meaning behind the word 'gathering' or 'few'. I learnt to be very clear about numbers after having a party. When I take him to little 'shindigs' and there is overflow onto the street, I have empathy for whichever parent didn't get clear about numbers. I assume the parent is home, or at least aware when I say that. I heard a classic story about an individual who sent a mass text to friends, inviting them to a get together, and in the frenzy to get the news out, included the absent parental unit. Oooops!
Pre outing drinks
The outing is preceded by assembling at someones house and having a couple of bevvies, whilst completing final touches to grooming. Straighteners, assorted hair products, alternative outfits etc are lugged to the nominated house and the girls all have a 'prebrief' (before the event debrief). I have heard harsh comments. Once all the final touches have been made a number of photo's are taken, often appearing on myspaces.
Most Recent Event
Last night I took them to an 18th at a venue. Looking splendid and slightly tipsy, they joined the throng on the footpath. After a visit to the supermarket, I did the parent thing and drove by again to check they had got in safely. There had been a problem with this venue as the host had been forewarned that only a small number of under 18 year old would be allowed in, yet the birthday celebrant had clearly invited many more than that.
The Debrief
It was an early, yet eventful night. The debrief happened at the end of the night, with another parent and a smaller, still upright group. As a teacher, I get drips and drops of what has occurred over the next week, yet last night all the information poured in on the spot. There had been friends lost, wandering, beaten up, broken hearted and the usual written off by alcohol. The most glamorous, beautiful young people, time and time again, shred their careful appearances by drinking too much.
Worry
I worry about fights, alcohol, self-esteem, about my son and the kids I teach. I am concerned about them all. It is a juggling act to stay open enough that they could call you if they need you and to not condone or support their risky behaviours. There are many parents who are prohibitive and clueless about what really goes on. I think this is dangerous. I don't feel judgemental about these kids. I love them. I know, nothing new here, but it is scary to watch.

Wollongong Trip - Cooma to Nowra

We left Cooma quite late and had to shop for socks at Rivers as Andy hadn't packed enough! We drove to Braidwood for a late lunch in the park and had a stroll down the historic streets there. They had a great display on the local National Parks and Architectural features of the town, which had buildings from many eras.
We headed through Morton National Park on our way to Nowra. It was like driving in the clouds and we stopped and checked out a beautiful waterfall in the late afternoon.

We camped on the river at Nowra and read and had an early night. I was woken a couple of times by young people celebrating New Years Eve, and the next day I waited for the decent hour of morning to arrive before phoning my kids to ensure they had survived the revelry.

How TV Effects Your Kids

Yesterday I watched a great movie called Thumbsuckers. It contained a great line that has really made me think "Television is a Trojan Horse in our Homes" (Thumbsuckers). I don't watch much TV anymore. In fact I reckon I would watch less than 2 hours a week. I don't find any value in it. In fact I find it annoying. I get news online now and I like that I can read lots of views from around the world.
This link is to an article that highlights some of the negatives of tv watching by kids. In talking to students many have tv's in their bedrooms. Some houses I know have 3+ TVs in them. Trojan horses?

My part time job - taxi

I am running the son to Jeeralang today. I used to hear parents complain about running their kids around and dismissed it. I never realised how time consuming and interupting it is. A parent should be able to 'just say 'no'' but in reality you are then stuck with a long faced teenager behaving like a two year old. It is emotional blackmail. It works effectively for them as it did for me when I had the services of my parents. Actually my kids are pretty good really. They walk around town to many of the places they have to go and although they sometimes complain about this, most of the time they accept it as reality.

Watching and Reading and Cleaning

Those three words summarise my weekend. I have been watching some DVD's, romantic comedies that were enjoyable but not probably memorable and after having said that I don't even think I will mention their titles. I have read a bit online and put a couple of clips on Revver from the Broken Hill trip that I took earlier this year. I have finally taken the clothes off the line and washed some more and will be vacuuming and generally cleaning up this afternoon. I am also going to visit pa. I have done some offspring ferrying. Asha went to friends yesterday and then to a party last night. I actually went to bed early and set my alarm to go get her. I think I will do that more in future. Trying to stay up until young people have finished with their partying is a little unrealistic for me lately. I can't believe I used to be such a night owl. This entry is just blah blah blah..... I think I am avoiding housework.

Home fires burning

The cold weather has set in. I lit a fire tonight. I love a fire and I enjoy it once it's started but coming home to a cold house and having to collect wood and make a fire seems too much work when I am cold. It is also not good for the environment! I am going to have to find an alternative heating solution. We put jumpers on most of the time because we aren't home long enough to bother with a fire, which realistically is only viable if you are going to be home for a length of time. I am concerned that if we get a more convenient form of heating it will be overused. Decisions decisions!

Today both my children were unwell. Tom was collected early yesterday and stayed home today. Ash was collected early today. I am feeling a little ordinary also so I am really glad it is the weekend. I would like to stay in bed all weekend and read and eat chocolate. I have some movies to watch also. This is a fantasy because there are a few things I really have to do!

Hump Day

Wednesday is meant to be hump day apparently. You get over Wednesday and then the rest of the week is downhill. So the theory goes. When Tuesday feels like Wednesday though, like mine did yesterday I feel as though it should be over already!
Last night when I looked up the link for Harkaway Primary, I sent off an email to Mr Hess the principal, who is still the principal, to thank him for the great memories we have of our time at that school. It seems it has not lost it's small family friendly feel because tonight I got an email back along with photo's and an invite to call in next time we're passing through. It was a sweet spot in a full on day.
Today has just been busy and annoying mostly. Lots of tempers are fraying out and about and mine is no exception. I feel tired and verging on unwell, but I know this will pass and I intend to have an early night to be sure.

A good day was had by all

I loved today. It was one of those flow days when things fall into place and plans work for everyone. Here is a photo of a corner of my home that I particularly like at just that time when the sun comes in the window.

I made a bit of progress on a project I am working on today and found a few useful tools that will add a lot of value I think.

I rearranged appointments successfully so everyone got their needs met - I love it when that happens.

I made some good decisions about my mosaic. I haven't put them into action and I realised today there is not a hope of completing it before going back to work on Monday, but that's ok, because I want to do it properly. I am getting clearer and clearer about how I want it to be. I'm in no rush to get it right. I'm enjoying the process.

I'm feeling happy, creative and very grateful about my life. Just like I was when my daughter Asha rang to say she had a surplus of chocolate and could we help her out. Here's a picture of Tom with a mouth full.

I went for a lovely walk tonight and bumped into an old friend who I discovered lives just around the corner. It made me realise how far I have come in the last 10 years and how much I love my life.

I enjoyed window shopping. I prefer that to shopping in the daytime. The crowds of shoppers don't allow you to stand and stare. The lighting always makes things look better at night.

Observing ease....

I have felt a lot of ease about returning to work. Things that once instigated rage in me are not so upsetting now. Something has changed. I think the fact that my own children are no longer at the school where I work has taken some of the emotional charge out of wanting things to be the best they can be for them. I am not sure this is a good thing to lose. Does this mean I don't care as much now that I am not driven by the self interest or my childrens interests? I have a feeling I may actually be a better, calmer teacher though. I have to observe it all and reflect more on it. I also don't have a leadership position. I guess I feel less responsible for the disorganisation so I have patience with it. I don't want to stress anyone else out like I was feeling a lot of the time whilst I was in that position. I am enjoying the conversations I am having with others more because I am not in a position of service to them as much. I feel I can choose more about what I contribute and do more than I could before. I felt obligated to do certain things before and this was like a chain around me. I have also let go of expectation. I have given up. I have less attatchment to the place. It has come down from it's pedestal and it's now just a workplace. Although I am uncertain about what has exactly caused the ease I am feeling, I am not stopped from thoroughly delighting in it.

Drs

I have to take my daughter to the drs. She has sprained her ankle. This is my second visit for the week as my son also had to go on Tuesday because he had a badly infected throat. The dr wanted to give him a penicillin injection it was that bad, but sleep and tablets has repaired it. He is much better. I am concerned that he is not taking enough care of himself and I may need to interfere. I don't really tell my kids when to eat, sleep etc but maybe I will have to if he doesn't look after himself better. Daughter just fell in a hole. Not much I could do about that. From the moment you have kids you want to protect them from everything but you can't. Not that I do much at all to them other than want and worry and hope. I nag occasionally, but mostly I am too caught up in my own world to interfere too much with thiers. They are doing a great job of themselves though, so it isn't too bad a method.

Joy

I am happy to see my kids today after nearly a month. They got back from the Prom looking healthy and happy. They had a great time and were so grateful and content about themselves and their lives. I feel quite overwhelmed by joy about this. I really appreciate our lives and the great freedom and fun we have. We are very lucky and I guess I want to take a break today from recounting about Broken Hill to just say I am delighted with my life. I am pleasantly surprised by it. I honestly didn't think I would ever get to be this blissful. I still have mess to clean up and disorganisation and financial challenges and all the same old stuff, but my family and friends and lifestyle is brilliant and it means everything to me.
We had a downpour today and Tom was dancing in the rain and showering under the gutters. Yes my lawns need mowing!

Festive

Man boy who lives with me has bought himself a unicycle. I don't think it has anything to do with Christmas but it could be his way of playing Santa to himself.
One of the real children in the family is working in a cafe being harrassed and abused and reduced to tears.
I am in a daze, wondering if I am prepared and trying to gather up the energy and joy to go with the season.
Other child is sleeping most of the time, only breaking to eat or talk on the phone.

Next week this season will be done.

December - woot!

An amazing week has wooshed by.

The last week of students at school is my favourite week. Not just because it is closer to the holidays, but hey, I am human. We have such a fun time reflecting on the year and by this stage the students are so close and know each other so well. It is a great celebration. Last year I didn't have a homeroom. I just taught subjects and I missed it so much.

Yesterday we farewelled the year 9s from my school and there were tears. I love how we let them go. My son is in year 9 and he got the chance to show a short film he had made in Enterprise to the school. It was well received. I was already proud of him and I enjoyed seeing others acknowledge and celebrate his effors.

Tomorrow my daughter turns 17. I am so proud of her. She is an amazing young woman. I have adored her since the moment I saw her.

What a month this is!

Visit to Melbourne

On Monday I went with a busload of year 9 student's to Melbourne for the day. We toured the Arts Centre. It was interesting and there were a lot of facts about how much and when that revolved around the cost and trouble of building it and I can't remember them all but I got the general vibe that it was very expensive and involved. Now it is there for all Victorians to enjoy, the tour guide said.
It is a beautiful building, but I doubt all Victorians are able to enjoy it. Take that one class for instance. Not one student had ever been there before. Victoria is a big place. I don't know what I was left feeling about it all.
I guess catching the water taxi from Southbank to the Polly Woodside was another experience that left me feeling a little amazed. It has all changed so much from when I worked in the city in the mid 80's. It is unrecognisable actually. I used to walk across the bridge to an annexe in Sth Melbourne and I don't even recognise where I would go now. The landscape has totally changed.
Progress?