Marston's Pedigree Pale Ale

This was a taster that Brian brought over to Chez Pig for review. Generally, I find Engish ale to be a bit of a paradox in that they are never terrible enough to receive the toilet treatment, yet are never really good enough to work up a thirst for (unless it is +100 outside with humidity so high your ballsack is sticking to your leg, but then even Beck's would taste good in that situation). This beer proved to be no exception. The Marston's webpage had this to say about this ale:

Marston's Pedigree™ has a distinctive flavour. This is down to its special blend of Burton spring water, Maris Otter barley, Fuggles and Goldings hops and Pedigree's™ own unique strain of yeast.

It has a dry hop aroma with a full range of complex flavours. The melding of nut, fruit and winey flavours create a smooth and very drinkable satisfying whole.

'You get lovely spicy hops, juicy malt and a very light hint of apple fruit, It's an incredible beer.'
- Roger Protz, Good Beer Guild Editor

This ale weighs in at 4.5% abv, odourless and pours clear with no sea monkeys. Brian, Liquor Piglet and myself tipped our glasses back and found that while it was generally as flat as most English ale, the flavour itself was pleasant enough. Nothing spectacular, but it was hard to find anything disagreeable about it. As Liquor Piglet remarked, it was "totally average" and I thought it was a fine candidate for moving or having a general piss-up, as I couldn't see anyone objecting to it. Brian stated the beer seemed like something "some Brit would be drinking as he was kicking you in the head." It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. Just an adequate middle-of-the-road English ale.

Final Rating:
Brian - 7
Liquor Piglet - 7
Liquor Pig - 7

Greene King Abbot Ale

Another common sight at the LCBO is this disaster from Suffolk, England (sans the little lego man sitting on the can, of course). The cream and red can was deceptive enough, however seeing "brewed longer for a distinctive full flavour" should have been the tip off that this English ale was going to be a disaster. During my tenure at running this blog, I have found that most beer and ale that describes itself as 'full flavoured' are usually of the variety that end up in the toilet - either immediately after the initial tasting or immmediately following a bad drunk on them. Further inspection of this one found it had a modest abv of 5% and stated this about it's contents:

Abbot Ale is brewed longer to a unique recipe. This makes it a full flavoured, smooth and mature beer. It is brewed in the heart of Suffolk where master brewers have been perfecting beers of real character since 1799. So whether you are looking for a beer to enjoy with food, or simply on its own, Abbot Ale is the perfect choice.

Brian was a little hesitant when I brought this one over possibly due to the portrait of what we assumed to be the Abbot this ale is named after. Unlike the Corporal on the Corporal Brown's bottle, the Abbot is actually smiling. However, we soon found out the reason for that smile, and it was not the kind you should be pleased about seeing.

I popped the can and poured out two samples. The beer was brown and had very little head. As Brian raised his sample to his nose and exclaimed "smells good!" in the most sarcastic voice he could muster. This beer literally smelled like pain. With a shudder we raised our glasses and throwing all caution to the wind, we drank. The brew was malty, had a very bitter profile and literally attacked the throat on the finish. Surprisingly it was not bland like many English ales, but it was very hard to drink. "The Abbot is a corrupt soul," noted Brian looking at that crooked little smile on theAbbot's face as we both agreed that this one simply sucks. Perhaps the recommendation to enjoy Abbot Ale with food may in fact be so you can wash the flavour completely out of your mouth in the event you are served something that actually tastes worse than this hideous disaster. Corruption, indeed!

St. Peter's English Ale

This one is another product from the LCBO that basically screamed "drink me!" as I walked by. Although the label says English ale, I gave into temptation to find out what was contained in the green glass of the medicine-like bottle on the shelf. St. Peter's Organic English Ale is brewed in a medieval hall in a remote, rural corner of Suffolk, England. Made with organically grown barley and hops, it is described as a "refreshingly wholesome flavoured ale with a delicate character" and an abv of 4.5%. The flask-shaped bottle is a "faithful copy" of one made in 1770 for a Thomas Gerrard of Gibbstown, which is located across the Delaware River from Philadelphia.

I popped it open and poured the golden ale into a pint glass. The medium head was typical for this style of ale, and the beer has no discernible scent. I raised the glass and let the cold brew slide over my tongue. While the main flavour profile was normal for English ale (in other words, bland and unremarkable), the taste was heavily punctuated by the musty overhopping common in many modern microbrews. Unfortunately, I am not a fan of overhopped ale, and this one pulled no punches. Normally, I would have sinked it right then and there, but the $3.55 price tag along with a craving for a San Cristobel de Havana changed my mind. Combined with the medium flavour of a good Cuban cigar, the ale was quite enjoyable and made for an excellent kick off to my weekend.

Riggwelter Black Sheep

When we first looked at this bottle with a black sheep on its back prominently displayed on the label, my cousin exclaimed, "Look! A Scottish roofie!". As it turns out, this was the most exciting part of this particular ale. Riggwelter Black Sheep is labeled as a 'strong Yorkshire ale' with a 5.7% abv. When poured, the thick, black malt promises a full flavoured beverage. However like most English ale it is rather bland and unremarkable - much like English weather. The back of bottle explains the name Riggwelter:

From Old Norse: rygg - back and velte - to overturn. When a sheep is on its back and cannot get up without help, local dialect says it is rigged or riggewelted.

Not a great example of a strong, dark ale but it is definately brewed in the English tradition. Perhaps with the 5.7 abv and rather mild flavour profile, English lads feed this stuff to their girlfriends in the hopes that they may become hopelessly riggewelted themselves!

John Bull Ale

After crucifying the Belgians so badly for their lack of brewing expertise, I think it is time to focus on yet another country of mediocre ale. On the heels of yesterday's Tetley's review, we have another English beer: John Bull Ale. This ale has been brewed in the "heart of England" and is flavoured with "challenger" and "East Kent goldings" hops. The label states that crushed crystal malt is also used to give it its traditional London-style flavour.

I had my reservations about this one for several reasons. First of all, English ale tends to be bland (much like their food) and exciting as a rainy day in the English countryside. Additionally, John Bull was also ne of the main companies that put out those "home brewing in a can" kits that always resulted in overly malty, undrinkable results. Lastly, when I popped the can open, there was absolutely no fizz or internal pressure escaping the can. This proved to be classic foreshadowing, as I poured the overly dark beer into my glass, very little head formed. The taste was much like Tetley's, flat, bland and unremarkable. However, it was still miles above the John Bull "homebrew in a can" kits, and much like Tetley's English Ale, you could drink this all day if you had to. However, when there are so many better choices out there, why choose this?