Courage Didn't Desert Me

* a timely repost, originally published on May 23 07. I love you, Mai! And I am so proud of you. So proud, you can't even begin to imagine.

The way my brother, Mai, has matured over the past 6 months truly amazes me. He CHOSE to leave his not-affluent-but-already-comfortable life in Manila hoping to find means to make our mom's life even more comfortable. But he didn't find what he was looking for at once. He went through extreme poverty and danger. There were times when I didn't know which to ask God to bless him with first: a job, or enough strength so that he may not be defeated by self-pity.

If the past six months was a test of his faith and determination, he deserves an exemption from the next tests Life has to offer. If it was his own way to prove us wrong when we didn't want him to go and we thought he might come back home a big failure with an enormous load of debts on our shoulders, we humbly but delightfully admit now that we were wrong.


I remember when we were kids, all Mai really wished for was to have little metal nuggets attached to his teeth. He found it posh and cute. Our family dentist thought he was too young to have those. In high school, he discovered they were called "braces" and he just wanted them even more. But that time, our family wasn't doing well financially anymore and we couldn't afford it.


Now, he has them. And they came from his hard-earned (super hard-earned, I must say) first paycheck that was 5 months in the making. 5 months, god-knows-how-many buckets of tears, never-ending prayers, and tremendous amounts of faith, hope, determination, courage and strength. I saw the picture that he posted on Friendster (which can be found on the right) that he captioned "John Robert Powers smile". I'm still thinking of a cuter, wittier caption I could suggest to him to replace that with. I'm sure Remi would suggest "Smile of Success". And she'd be proud that Mai was able to afford his braces without bugging her for a cent. He deserves that reward more than he thinks. And thank heavens for his braces, he has finally him lose some weight.

______
Yes, you will be fine. You always have been.

My Mother Is A Faghag

an sms exchange

Yesterday, Mother's Day 09
few minutes after Mai's call from Dubai, about 2 hours after mine.

Remi: I was sad kanina, i thought you've forgotten me. Fone was busy with greetings from people who know me but no word from you. What a relief it was to hear from you both, one after the other. Love you!


Rye: The thing is, Rems... We don't need a day as superficial as this to celebrate your motherhood. We commemmorate that everyday. Everyday is Mother Remi's Day! Love you!


Remi: Hehehe! KSP lang talaga si maderhood! Afraid talaga ko na iwan nyo ko. Waaaah! Di ko carry! Kahit matanda na ko, wag nyo ko iiwan ha?

Remembering My LK Family This Christmas*

*originally published on Facebook
The 2007 LK Christmas Video
------------------

---a tradition that i, together with my friends verna & dan,
are proud to have been part of---

i know some of you will not believe this, because over the years, i've somehow earned the reputation of being a bitch without a cause, but i miss you immensely, my LK family! and this one's for all of you this christmas.


**as we all know, FB has a limit as to how many people can be tagged in one entry. as much as i would like to tag each and every person that has been part of LK since day 1 to this very moment, it is impossible. the tagged persons here were picked following a certain criteria:

• is he/she talkative enough to spread the word? if yes, tag.
• is he/she romantically involved with another LK cast member? if yes, tag, so that the partner doesn't have to be tagged.
• is he close to rye, who uploaded the video? if yes, tag. self-explanatory.

so please don't feel bad if u weren't tagged. it was a difficult process just tagging people. and to those who've been tagged, please share.


merry christmas again and love y'all! (well, not all. but most of you. and what, just because it's christmas i can't be honest? people already think i'm a bitch anyway. might as well live up to expectations. *insert evil laughter here*)

In Memoriam

Yesterday, August 8, was Oca's 6th death anniversary.

I've been too preoccupied getting ready for my next big career move, I forgot.

Forgive me, Oca? Not remembering without being reminded by Rems doesn't mean I love you any less.

You will always be the only man I adore, love and respect hideously. Adore, love and respect --- in the present tense. The man by which I measure the worth of the men I fall in love with. The man who shaped me into the person I am now. The man I can only wish to be.

I love you, Oca! I know you know that. Thank you for everything.

REPOST: The Unbearable Lights Of Christmas

Rems and Mai at the HK Disneyland, 29 June 08

___________________________
"The Unbearable Lights Of Christmas" was originally published on December 19, 2007


I walked over to the other theater from ours at half past 6 tonight. Halfway through, the lights all over the park went dim and a male voice came booming from the speakers. "Ladies and gentlemen, Maestro Mickey!", he said. Or something to that effect. Then his announcement was quickly followed by the Putonghua translation.


It was time for the lighting of the castle. The music faded in and went up and Mickey sliced the air with his baton. Fireworks. They shot up and lit the black evening sky and sprinkled like gold, shining confettis way up in the air --- like pixie dust --- and disappeared quickly, one confetti after the other, as if they had been swallowed by the mysterious blackness of the sky.


The music segued to a full-orchestra arrangement of Carol of the Bells and went to an overpowering crescendo. The tower of the castle was briefly covered with bright lights. When its lights died, another part's lit. And it went on and on and the lights seemed to be dancing to the music. Catching every poignant note, and keeping silent in the rests of the music.


I remembered our family Christmases during my childhood. My cousins, who grew up in the middle of the ancestral rice fields from Nueva Ecija, would come to Manila every year to celebrate the holidays there. We'd bring them around Cubao. They'd be so mesmerized with the lights that hung in every building and every tree in Araneta Center, and we'd just spend hours walking and walking, stopping every 5 minutes to take pictures of almost anything and everything there was --- SM Cubao, Ali Mall, the giant Araneta Christmas tree, Fiesta Carnival, Araneta Coliseum, the street vendors, the food, the streets themselves... Then we'd wrap up our little holiday trip by buying fried dried squid and park ourselves in front of C.O.D. to watch their annual Christmas mannequin show.

photo credit: larawan

Once, on our way home from Cubao, as we were all packed in my uncle's red Ford Fierra, one of my cousins exclaimed, "Ang ganda-ganda ng mga ilaw! (The lights are very beautiful!)".


Then my mom said, "Para ka na ring nasa Disneyland, no? (Almost feels likes your in Disneyland, doesn't it?)"


My dad, sitting in front, beside my uncle who was driving protested. "Hindi ah! Mas maganda ang Disneyland. Pag nagtatrabaho na yung mga anak ko, pupunta tayo dun! (Of course not. This doesn't compare to Disneyland. When the time comes that my sons are already working, we will all go there."


It must have been 20 years ago. I don't exactly know when this happened. But I do remember that episode so well until now because that night, I promised myself I will someday bring them to Disneyland. I kept quiet and didn't tell a soul about it, because I wasn't sure I could ever fulfill my promise.


As we grew older, Cubao somehow lost its charm to us. Eventually, our family reunions were moved to Baguio. Though those Christmas trips weren't the slightest bit less fun, none of them compared to our Christmases in Cubao. In August of 2002, dad passed away and our family reunions became more meaningful. It was the time of the year when mom would see her brothers and sisters and reconnect with them, alleviating her sadness and depression. But still, none of those compared to our Christmases in Cubao.


This will be my third Christmas away from family. My brother's second. Our family's 6th Christmas without Oca. While Remi has enjoyed so many times (and will continue to do so) my Disneyland promise to them, Oca wasn't able to wait 3 more years. He would've loved to be walking around the "happiest place on earth" with Remi. And I would've loved performing, knowing that he and she and Mai were in the audience. He passed away without ever seeing me or Mai perform professionally. His diabetes was already in a bad stage when we started doing professional work. He'd always have wounds in his feet and could not wear shoes. He was afraid of being refused admission because of his footwear so he never dared. But here, in Disney, he could come in wearing anything in his feet. He could see my show in flip-flops with Mai and Remi, and no one would mind.

photo credit: jacky

I stood there in the middle of the crowd tonight, my senses totally oblivious of the people around me. Slowly, the sound coming from the crowd faded as if they were all very, very distant from where I was standing. All I could hear was the melodious sound of Carol of the Bells. All I could see was the castle and how, little by little, it got totally covered in what seemed to be millions of tiny, bright lights. All I could smell was the crispness of the winter air. And all I could feel was my family, standing with me in front of the majestic castle they once dreamed to see.



____________________