A Thought Provoking Post of Staggering Insight

So I'm reading this book. And I'm not loving it. I'm almost done, but am still toying with the idea of abandonment. I started working out my 'Goodreads' review:

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius is neither. Perhaps it's my age, but I just don't find anything entertaining about listening to a twenty-something expound upon the virtues and vices of the lint in his own bellybutton ad infinitum. While I do understand that the title is meant to be tongue in cheek, the whole work felt - to me - completely self-indulgent and

And then I stopped. And I deleted my review. Because it occurred to me that that's exactly what I do on my blog. Holy shit, I'm doing it RIGHT NOW!!! How could I condemn him for doing EXACTLY what I do? As a matter of fact - if I had found this author on a blog rather than at Barnes & Noble, I would probably adore him. He's a good writer. I like his style. It's - it's very similar to MY style - what's not to like? (See? I can be tongue in cheek, too. It's not so hard.) He's self-deprecating and low-key funny and he sometimes takes a meta approach. I should be singing his praises instead of deriding him for his indulgences.

So why am I not?

I wonder if it's because I DID find his heartbreaking work at Barnes & Noble instead of online - complete with a badge proclaiming it to be a Pulitzer Prize Finalist and a #1 National Bestseller? Surely the good folks at Pulitzer know a little more about genius - staggering or otherwise - than I do. Someone read his writing and said, 'We'd like to publish this.' And then other someones read it and said, 'We'd like to honor this.' And then lots of someones bought it and - whether they liked it or not - they made it into a bestseller. How does this HAPPEN?!? Is it because he doesn't overcapitalize or triple punctuate?!? It IS, isn't it?!?

I had the same reaction at the end of Julie and Julia. Tom looked at me and said, "That was cute," and I just shook my head - how did that HAPPEN? How did her blog turn into a book deal? How did her blog even become so successful? She didn't spend hours every day promoting it or visiting other blogs begging for hits or joining blogging communities [or, I suppose, to be fair, if she DID we didn't SEE it... (Crap. An ellipsis and double parenthesis. No wonder I can't catch my break... Shit. Another ellipsis. Somebody stop me... I am dot dot dotting my way right out of being discovered...)]

Jealousy ain't pretty, is it?

I'm going to finish reading my book. I'll try looking at the rest of it without my Emerald City Glasses, even though it is the month for the wearin' o' the green. Wearin' green and being green are two very different things. And we all know which one isn't easy.

Same Time Next Year

When I was a freshman in college, I subscribed to Cosmopolitan. It made sense. I was, after all, a small town girl who had traveled almost forty-five minutes to attend a state university in a rural area. If that doesn't scream 'cosmopolitan' I guess I don't know what does. Yep, I was a Cosmo Girl, all right. And not just because I slept with a lot of foreign exchange students. That's not really true. I didn't sleep with a lot of foreign exchange students till my first year of grad school - a year my roommate and I fondly referred to as 'Around the World in Eighty Lays'. That might not really be true, either. But it might. I don't know. There was a lot of tequila involved in my first year of grad school. But I've digressed.

Cosmopolitan. Ahem.

So I enjoyed my subscription for a year - learning how to please a man and new sex positions and recipes for seduction and stuff - stuff that would come in handy when I went to grad school. When my subscription came to an end, I renewed it. I figured there was probably a lot more to learn. I figured wrong. I found that the second year was very much just a rehash of the first. Same resolutions, same Valentine's Day secrets, same getting into bikini shape for summer... same, same same.

Tom had a subscription to Men's Health when I met him. That's right. When I met him, he was well on his way to rock hard abs and was privy to many secret ways to please a woman in the bedroom. Men's Health. Plus he had that helpful monthly reminder to 'Eat This, Not That' .

As I grew up and my interests shifted, I subscribed to many more publications and experienced very much the same phenomenon. Fun for a year - good ideas for a year - slight variations on the same ideas for the next year. I will still subscribe to a magazine when one comes along that looks interesting for whatever stage of my life I happen to be in, but I rarely - no - never extend them longer than a year.

I chalked it up to lazy journalism.

Until I passed the year mark on serious blogging. I find myself not only returning to the same seasonal themes, but sometimes even coming up with the same phrases I used a year ago and feeling like they're original thoughts until I read through the archives. Archives sounds stupid and a little pretentious. Past issues?

It's hard to avoid. Hard like Taylor Lautner's abs. Not that I've looked.

I promise that I shall endeavor to come up with fresh thoughts and ideas. When that fails, I might introduce a new feature: 'Drink This, Not That' - a monthly feature on which spirits will get you where you want to go and how fast. Perhaps throw in an article on how drinking till you puke can contribute to rock hard abs. Helpful phrases for seducing exchange students. I don't know. Stuff like that.

Blogging About Blogging is Like Thinking About Thinking. But With An Audience.

My friend Melissa B. - better known as The Scholastic Scribe - contacted me yesterday to ask if I'd answer a few questions about blogging. I sure didn't feel like I had any advice to offer, but I participated anyway. Check it out, if you're not already visiting The Scribe, which you probably are - but if you're not, you should be!

The timing was good, as I've been rethinking my whole approach lately. I started blogging in March of 2008. For the first full year, my readers consisted of my husband and a small handful of close friends. Many of my posts had 0 comments. The most comments I received was 4 or 5 - and usually 2 of those were me, answering back. I wrote when I had something to say. There was no schedule, no rhyme or reason, just 'lil ole me, blogging it out.

Then two things happened in quick succession. I joined SITS and I imported my blog to Facebook. Suddenly there were people reading what I had to say. Reading and RESPONDING to it! Soon I developed some bloggy friendships. My writing style changed a little, I think, once I knew there was an audience. It became more conversational. I liked it. My little blog was now no longer just a slightly more public journal, it was a social system. It didn't take long for it to become a lifeline.

At this point I became inundated with 'awards', memes, tags, prompts - you name it. I wanted to play by the rules and the rules seemed to include these things. I'd be a lying liar pants who lies if I didn't say it was fun at first. I joined in all the reindeer games. But it wasn't me. I didn't know how to get out of it once I was in it. I toyed with the notion of bagging the whole thing and starting a new blog, where I could just write.

But I wasn't sure I could live without the followers and the comments once I'd had a taste. Could I really go back to writing just for me?

Then the giveaway folks started contacting me. Holy man! Free stuff just for giving it a mention on my 'lil ole blog? Count me in! And I did it. And it was fun. But it wasn't me.

Then some stuff started happening in my life that I wasn't comfortable blogging about. Yes, even I, the naked blogger, have some limits. I checked out for a while. No dramatic good bye post - just stopped writing and stopped visiting. It was only a week or two. Followers dropped off immediately. And I realized I could live with that... Then I wrote a post (or two, or three - who's counting?) because - just like in the beginning - I had something to say. But I was still dealing with life-issues and I was still hiding under the dark heavy blanket of SAD. So I wrote, but I didn't visit. More followers dropped off. And I realized I could live with that.

I don't make New Year's resolutions, but I did use the new page on the new calendar as an excuse to do some thinking about the 'lil ole blog. I'm going to write when I feel like writing. I'm going to visit when I feel like visiting. I'm going to comment when I feel like commenting. Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!



So that's where I am. I hope I don't lose more followers, but if I do, I've learned, I can live with it. My 'lil ole blog never set out to set the world on fire. I don't have any aspirations to rule the blogosphere. I am what I am; it is what it is.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Metablogging

Do you guys know Traci at '38 and Growing'? She is a relative newcomer in this bloggy little world of ours and she is a very fun read. Link on through, if you haven't met her already!

Anyway.

A couple days ago, Traci wrote a post about wanting to update her blog, but wanting to do it all herself. She's always up for a challenge - so this is sort of right up her alley. Me? I'd rather just do my writing and leave the technical stuff to technical folks. I mentioned this in her comments and also mentioned that I wanted to put all of YOUR buttons in a slide show, but just didn't know how.

It was only hours after leaving that comment that I found a note in my inbox from Unknown Mami with the subject: 'I made you a present!' That's right. The Unknown One saw my casual comment on someone else's blog and made me a slide show. Can you believe how sweet that was? I am still reeling from the generosity and thoughtfulness. And check it out (on the left sidebar under 'These Blogs Rock the Casbah')! Isn't it cute? I haven't collected a lot of buttons lately because they were stretching so far down the page that I knew no-one was going to see them. Once Mami did the hard part for me, I was able to go off gathering buttons and adding them to my slide show. SO - if you don't see yourself there, let me know and I'll rectify it quickly - because I CAN!

And I CAN because of the absolute knock your socks off kindness of this dang blogosphere we call home.

I feel an 'I love you, man!' coming on...

Random Randomness That's Random

Here's what's been running all around in my brain:

-Meta stuff: I've been reading a lot of posts lately in which people are blogging about blogging. I need to do a little bit of that, too. I feel so selfish AND self centered saying this, but here goes. I have been visiting relatives for the past week and will be for the next week. I have a little time each day to write, but not a lot. I have been using a lot of that time reading and commenting on blogs, as is my habit. Some of you may (or may not - how big is my ego, anyway?) have noticed that I have been less faithful about it this week. I intend to be even less faithful next week. I'm in the middle of a visiting vacation. I'm taking a little time off.

Here's where the selfish part kicks in - I MAY still post. I have found myself all kinds of inspired on my cousin's beautiful grounds and I may manage to find time to do that. But I just can't make the time for more - not this week. I apologize if that sounds bitchy or selfish - I'm really not either of those things (much) but there's just so little time and I need some of it for me. When I get back home it will be business as usual, I promise.

- The Week of a Thousand Bands: I will post about the concerts I saw this week, but I'm holding off on that till I get home, too. It's the dangdest thing - I can't upload pictures on the road. Same camera, same laptop, same cords - works at home, doesn't work on the road. (Yes, I have a laptop AND a netbook on vacation - because that's how my mind works. See why I need a break?) It must be a server issue or something, although that makes very little sense to me. But anyway. Since I had GREAT seats for these shows, I definitely want to be able to show you pictures. So that's on hold, but only for a little while.

- Close Encounters: Between bands at one of the shows, I pulled out my journal to jot down a few quick notes. A gentleman approached me and asked if I wrote in a journal religiously. (I'm really more of a secular scribbler, but that didn't seem to be the information he was actually seeking...) I told him I wrote a blog and that I liked to jot down ideas for it from time to time so I wouldn't forget. He replied, "A blog. Is that, like, a computer thing?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Ya'll! There is a whole chunk of society out there that doesn't even know we exist and I met one of their scouts! I hope I represented us well...

Sex and Money: (now that I have your attention...) Before our last show, Tom hit the ATM. It informed him that our balance was dangerously low. That didn't make sense, as that particular day was pay day and his check should've been deposited. He started making calls - first to the bank (no sir, we received no direct deposit to your account today) Then a text to his boss (dude! something I need to know?) Then a call to HR. He THOUGHT he knew the number for HR. He dialed it with a 1-800 prefix and got nothing. He tried again with a 1-888 prefix and got more than he bargained for. Let's just say that apparently a lot of beautiful horny women are hot for my husband and would like to tell him so for a small fee. For the next 10 minutes his texts alternated between 'account balance low" warnings and variations of "hey, stud, feel like talking?"

We figured out the money thing (which was and remains a total pain in the ass, but isn't germane to this story, so I'll skip it) but the sex thing remained. He pointed out that it said if he texted 'end' to a certain number, the requests would stop. He hesitated to do so, lest that be a pay service, too, or, you know, lest whatever. But these hot sexy girls were getting pretty persistent. Something had to be done. He sent the end request and it was honored, so that ended well. And gave us something to talk about.

So that's what's running around in my brain today. If you haven't entered my 200th post giveaway, do so! When I'm done with my selfish me-time, I want to make something for you! (I am still getting used to the netbook keyboard and originally typed 'somethong'. Maybe they have a job for me somewhere texting hot, lonely guys...)

Better Living Through Technology

I have been feeling a little blue. Nothing huge - people deal with a lot worse on a daily basis. Sometimes just knowing other people have it worse doesn't make it better. It just adds feeling selfish and insensitive to the list of things to beat oneself up over.

This morning I thought about the reasons I should get out of bed:

1. there is laundry currently sitting in the washer AND the dryer.
2. there are dishes currently sitting in the dishwasher AND the sink.
3. the vacuum hasn't been run in (mumble, mumble, some time, I guess...)

Then I thought about the reasons I should stay in bed this morning:

1. there is laundry currently sitting in the washer AND the dryer.
2. there are dishes currently sitting in the dishwasher AND the sink.
3. the vacuum hasn't been run in (mumble, mumble, some time, I guess...)

But get out of bed I did. I took my meds and sat down at the computer, purely out of habit. I can't eat for an hour after I take my meds, so I use that time to read my e-mail and catch up on all of your yummy blogs since I can't indulge in a yummy breakfast for a while. Before I was even through the e-mail, my mood had lifted considerably. I had not one but two awards waiting for me.

Sandy at It's a Jungle Out There gave me this cute little panda as a reward for leaving consistent comments. Aw, thanks Sandy! You're no slouch yourself!


That probably would've been enough to brighten my mood, but I read a couple more e-mails and found that this was waiting for me at Fran's blog, Very Random. For what, you ask? Why for leaving consistent comments.


Now perhaps you're saying to yourself, "It must not have been much of a funk, if it was lifted by a couple of blog awards." But that's only because you don't understand the nature of the funk to which I had succumbed. I was feeling - like we all do, from time to time - pretty insignificant. I was feeling like nothing I do matters - I don't make a difference. (There's more, but I don't want to talk about it. Suffice it to say that the insignificance thing was playing a pretty strong supporting role in the drama that's been running on my cerebral stage for the past couple days) And along come these two ladies - at the same time - telling me that in some small way, I do.

I needed it, and there it was.

Right there on my laptop.

Comin' through on the wide world of web.

Deb at Suburb Sanity posted about the bloggy support system today, too. It really is quite a powerful and wonderful thing. Deb also talked about turning off the AC and opening the windows, which I did, and I think that has also had quite the impact on my mood. When you let the dishes in the sink all night, a little fresh air and a cross-breeze is never a bad idea... The birdsong it's allowing to come in isn't so bad, either.

So, thank you, Sandy, Fran and Deb. Sincerely. For saying just what I needed to hear just when I needed to hear it.

And thank you all for giving me funny, insightful, heart-wrenching, heart-warming, informative posts (not usually all at the same time, though sometimes some come close) to read each day. And thanks in advance for the bloggy love you're gonna leave me which will make a rapidly improving mood even better. (It's true. I'm not above pandering like that. Pitiful, really.)

Do You Have the Time to Listen to Me Whine?

I got an e-mail from my good friend Rosa the other day. She expressed hope that my vacation was actually as much fun as I was making it out to be on my blog. I wrote back complimenting her on her astuteness. And also on her ability to read between the lines. And also just because Rosa is awesome and deserves to be complimented daily.

The very next day Anita left me a comment telling me I have great adventures. I assured her that nothing could be farther from the truth. (Anita is also awesome and deserves to be complimented daily. Scoot on over and compliment her right now, if you haven't already!)

I figure no-one wants to hear me ramble on about old family rivalries or personality conflicts or all the damn mosquitoes unless I can find a way to make those things funny. And if I was suddenly hit with the inspiration to make those things humorous - or at least entertaining - I'd share those things.

Because no-one wants to hear me whine all the livelong day.

Except maybe Tom.

He loves it.

He thrives on it.

When we were dating, 'our song' was Basketcase by Green Day(referenced in the title of this post).

We did indeed have the time to listen to each other whine. About nothing and everything all we wanted. So we made a commitment.

But none of you have made that sort of commitment to me, so I try to keep the whining to a minimum. Besides, it's been my experience that people NOT on vacation tend to have very little sympathy for the whining of people who ARE on vacation.

I'm sensitive to your feelings that way.

You're welcome.

Anyway. Just me? Am I the only one pulling trivial details out of mundane days and turning them into virtual essays, or are the rest of you actually living the lives of mystery, intrigue and intellectual discourse presented in your blogs?

I imagine everyone living more exciting lives than mine, then I'm told I present mine as exciting! Lightbulb moment! Maybe THEY'RE (you're) big exaggerating exaggerate pants who exaggerate, too... Maybe my mundane little life isn't as comparatively dull as I think it is. Maybe - just maybe - I'm normal.

Nah, who am I kiddin'?

a note to my peeps: I'll probably be off the grid for a couple days as we drive home NOT in the camper of every convenience, but in the car it towed down here. Miss you already!