"Kid Drawings..."

Kids' Drawrings...

And you know my name is Simon...

and I like to do drawrings...

I always liked the 'Saturday Night Live' skit with Mike Meyers... where he would sit in the tub and talk about all kinds of stuff with the TV audience...  sometimes, it was about his artwork, but it often went off on other topics.

Anyhoo....

Check this out...

This is a drawing that that my daughter, GirlShoes, did of me when she was about 4 years old...  I have to admit, it looks just like me!!  She explained to me that the blue flecks on my face were my whiskers... I wonder what color they would be today if she were to draw me...


The rest of these... they aren't kid drawings, but if they were, I would want them to be my kids... I think.  For example, look at this one...

It appears that 'Daddy' and 'Bich' wrestle... and that Jr. gets to stand outside and listen in...  I wonder what kind of sounds 'Bich' makes??

And, what about this one??

It appears that Mommy, and her career, 

has really imprinted on her little girl!!

If you have, or have had little ones, then you have

 many of these kinds of drawings laying around.

But... would you post THIS one on your refrigerator door??

Oddly enough...

I would...

And then there is this great story about...

horses... or was it about...

hores...

And here's another horse drawing...

It seems the horse behind is hurt... and the horse on all fours is

helping it walk...

Well, if someone told me that story,

I'd call  BULLSHIT on it!!!

And, I don't know WHAT this is below...

It's a horse that looks more like a Brontosaur

than it does a horse...

With multiple peckers, no less...

Do you have any drawings you or your kids have completed?

I would love to see them...

~shoes~

"Role Model..."

"Let's Rip That Scab Off 

One More Time, Please..."

My son, BoyShoes, left boxes of his stuff at my house... I am in the process of trying to clean out, box stuff, trash stuff, etc... I'm painting, cleaning, all of that kind of stuff. Who knows, one of these days, I may want to sell this dump house.

I've several boxes going... one of things I think he wants to keep, the other, stuff that just needs to be thrown out.  Anything that might have any scintilla of value is being kept, and I will let him make the decision to throw anything away.

I've found several photos... some I am pleased to find... and will make copies of them before I give him the originals... after all, they are his.  This is an important lesson that I have learned from a certain sister...

And then I find this one below...

The Photo appears to be from a Christmas Past...

Lil BoyShoes is SO sweet!

The photo appears to be from a Christmas many years ago... when he was a rug rat... it has been cut and used in an applique... pasted over a piece of paper on which he wrote a poem.  It didn't take long for me to realize that this was from after his Mom and I separated... and were on our way to our divorce.


I've written about all of this many times, but to make a long story short, my Dad had a stroke on Valentine's Day in 1996, and died eight days later on February 22. Then in July of that same year, his Mom sued me for divorce.  There is plenty of other dirt... I've posted it...  you can go find it and read it. It's still there and it isn't pretty...


Anyway, BoyShoes chose to take a photo and use it to tell me what he thought of me at that time...  I honestly don't know if the name of his writing is 'Role Model' or if it is 'Alone.'  I suppose either works quite well.  In the event you can't enlarge the photo in order to read what he wrote, I will include it here:

Enemy, show me how it has to be

I can handle anything

Even if I can't handle you

Either way it better be

Don't you fucking pity me

who the fuck am I to criticize

your twisted state of mind

You're leaving me upset, I am leaving you suspect

Feels like a burn from which you never learn

Cause and Effect

Press your face against the glass and suffer

Someone inside me

Everyone against me

Everyone beside me

Clawing away the pieces

Scratching away the outsides

Inside the places that I hide from you

You're the only one I'd rather see

Suffer before me

Don't lie!!!!!!!

You break my heart

You run away

I don't want you to be

I don't need you anymore

ALONE

There are many lessons from this... first of all, don't ever think for a moment that our actions, no matter how they happen, don't have an effect on your kids.

He was so hurt... He was so hurt when his Mom told him about something I did... of course, she didn't tell him everything... 

So it goes...

Psychologists might argue that he left it on purpose... wanting me to find it...

Maybe...

My Mother once shared something with me... about something my Dad did... that caused me to feel exactly the same way about him.  I didn't resolve things with my Dad until after he had his stroke sixteen years ago... it was during the eight days that it took him to die that I sat beside him one evening and apologized for how I had treated him. I hope he heard me...

So it makes great sense in the over all scheme of things... for me to apologize to my Dad my how I had treated him... and then have that Higher Power have me suffer the same consequence... just so maybe I could know... so I WOULD know... maybe how my actions affected my Dad...

Dad... 

I am still so sorry for treating you the way I did.... 

I don't know and couldn't know the entire story... 

I shouldn't have treated you the way I did...

Chris... 

I can't imagine the pain or the heartache 

that all of that must have caused you... 

at the time that you wrote this, 

you couldn't have known that I would stay near you... 

close to you... and always be there for you.  

Even to this day, you know I am just a phone call away.  

You know I would be there for you as quickly as I could... 

I know this because you have expressed this to me...

I love both of you so... I am so sorry for the hurt I caused either of you...  It is so appropriate that I find this reminder at this time of the year...

*sighs*

~shoes~

"Heart Shaped..."

Box...

Happy Valentine's Day to you...  Nothing quite says "I Love You" like Valentine Candy...

Well... maybe this isn't quite what you had in mind...

How about listening to a beautiful, romantic Valentine's Day Love Ballad...

Well... maybe that't what you had in mind either...  I mean, when it was all over, he lost his head...


Not quite sure how to find the Love of your Life? Maybe this table will help you out...

Of course... time after time after time of running through this model, I kept ending up with a book...  of course, if you aren't into reading, one of these could always be an option...

Senor Winces...

Hot Plate...

Most of the decision trees up there that take you to the book could easily take you to one of these... I think that guy on the right up there served me my margaritas the other day... I've been told that I become quite belligerent when I drink margaritas... and the guy in the middle seems to already have plans for the gal on his right...

I can't imagine that at all...

Wait... what did you say?

Then you MUST be hard to please then!!!

All I know to do at this point is share some romantic Valentines Day imagery with you...

Now, I know I sound cynical, and some of you are thinking...

"Shoes... what do you buy your Loved one for Valentine's Day?

Me, being the practical joker that I am...

I tend to go for gag gifts...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

~shoes~

"A Rose Is A Rose Is A Rose..."

Bizarro Shoes…

Do you know A "Rose???"

"Rose"

Charlie Harper's Stalker

"2 1/2 Men"

She seems to be somewhat harmless... desires Charlie's love and affection... but, Alas, Charlie has a 'love-em-and-leave-em' philosophy... and Rose is one of his discards.

You can see 'Rose' in action HERE.  

There was this woman I dated... Hell... ten years ago?!?!?!  I became a bit nervous about her, when she announced to me one evening during an argument, that "...had I married her like I was supposed to, she could have kept her house!!"

She had told me that an "aunt and uncle" had left the house to her in their will... it seemed to be a story that was ladened with bullshit... but I digress...  

She eventually married... and just by coincidence, the fellow she married was named... "Shoes"... I would refer to him as 'Bizarro Shoes'...  imagine that...   or maybe, just maybe...

Fuck… maybe I’m Bizzaro Shoes!!!!

'Bizarro Superman'

Looks kinda like a zombie...

Doesn't he?

If you aren't familiar with Bizarro Stuff, you can read about it HERE.

Anyhoo, the hurricane that became known as Katrina came through that part of the country, and "slabbed" all of the houses in that landfall... as much as New Orleans likes to claim that they were Ground Zero for Katrina, it wasn't...  The Mississippi Gulf Coast at Bay St. Louis was... look it up...

A Song About A Mighty Storm

When the storm was heading towards the Gulf Coast region, she called wanting to know if she could come up and stay with me for a 'few days'...  

I recalled the history of a hurricane named Camille... and the damage it wreaked down there...I could see that I could have her living here a LONG time... blah...  I was able to convince her to go to Atlanta... she was there eight weeks... I would have either killed her or myself had she stayed here...

When she returned home to the Gulf Coast, she saw that her new house just had shingles blown off of it... she called me crying... I told her she had nothing to cry about... get someone to get up there and nail some new shingles down, because there were people in those coastal counties that didn't have houses...

She went on to thank me for my actions... breaking up with her, etc., because had we married... had we stayed... "she" would have then had "her" house... (it's funny, the perception that people have when they marry... I thought assets became "ours")... and at that point in her Life, she would indeed be homeless.

Anyway... I digress... Friday night, my land line phone rang. I hardly ever answer it now... anyone I would want to talk to has my cell number.  I later played it back... and it was 'Rose'... she was telling me that she and her husband were in New Orleans down on Bourbon Street... and she got to thinking about me... and decided to call.

I was thinking then about Bizarro-Shoes...

Poor guy... unless you were into that kind of stuff, it must be difficult to be involved/married to someone that thinks about other men she used to date... I mean, there you are... on Bourbon Street... one of the most decadent streets in the United States... especially at that time of night... and she was thinking of  Shoes...

At least, my perception of 'Rose' is that she's harmless... she tends to only call when she's drinking/drunk... she's kind of like those Indians in 'Jeremiah Johnson'... you just suddenly notice that she's been there...

On the other hand, the real stalker... that I now refer to as 'Cujo'... the one that is currently in one of my classes, I think of as being dangerous...

That image looks about right... 

~shoes~

"It Was Twenty Years Ago Today..."

"It Was Twenty Years 

Ago Today…"

(Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band)

(Lennon/McCartney)

I'm calling Bullshit on that...

... because it's been 48 years since they first appeared live on the Ed Sullivan Show!!

... and my Life was changed.  I think the lives of many young people were changed...  My hair length changed... I became interested in guitars...

This was a tragic time in the United States... in the world... we had been on the brink of an atomic bomb exchange with the Soviet Union over the placement of missiles with nuclear warheads being placed in Cuba...

Kennedy and Khrushchev were face-to-face... and Khrushchev blinked... the boats carrying the missiles turned around...

Then came that day in Dallas, November, 22, 1963...

Everything that had been perceived to be right about our country came crashing down around us...

... and a few months later, these guys from Liverpool came to the United States... and our thoughts were diverted.

*Sighs*

Forty~eight years?

Where has the time gone??

All I've done is get old...

**Double Sighs**

Thank you guys for making a difference in my Life...

~shoes~

'Man Card...'

"No Man-Card For You!!!"

"No Man Card For YOU!!!"

So... tell me... have you ever seen one of these things in action?





I was on my way home from the office the other day... and saw something like this on the sidewalk... just a flailing away... and some poor guy was the subject of the flailing...

The woman had this posture, as shown above...

... and the man had...

... this position...

Poor Bastard...

I mean... what could the poor bastard have possibly done?

Did he leave the toilet seat up??

Or, did he pee on the toilet seat??

I guess he may have done that...

I mean, right there in public, on that sidewalk, she was essentially castrating this poor fellow... and an even more sad thing is... I know him... and he's not a bad guy... and he has rather advanced MS... 

I mean... right there she cancelled his Man Card...

Man Card...

Now, sometimes, we guys do some shit that results in our being responsible for our Man Cards being cancelled...

"Just asking for it..."

I remember being in the position this fellow was in... I guess it was the last time I went anywhere in public with my then-wife... it was the last time I tried to make my marriage work... she got mad at me in a restaurant and started yelling... waving her arms... the thing is, I can't remember now what she said... or what she called me... just that I stood up, paid for the dinner, and left... I waited in the car for her, since we were in Memphis... and I didn't want to leave her stranded there without a way home...

~shoes~