The dumbest people alive

must be living in the apartment directly above me.

I am so upset. I was spending my Wednesday night, peacefully watching Stephen Colbert's Report, minding my own business, playing SCRABBLE Blast on MSN Games. Then an odor wafts underneath my bedroom door, up my nostrils. I get concerned that it might be a gas leak, like in that episode of The Cosby Show where Theo has to hide his friend's inebriated girlfriend in his house so he doesn't ruin the surprise party.

Then I thought to myself, it smells like bleach. So I tear myself away from my Scrabble and Stephen, and I immediately identify the smell as bleach coming from the bathroom. But I don't own any bleach. I turned on my bathroom light and found my sink overflowing with green water, with sediment and chunks of vomity-looking food spilling down my counter on to the floor.

To make long, sad story short, I called my landlord, he came down, talked to the person who lives upstairs, and determined what had happened. The young lady (if I must call her that) had discovered earlier tonight that her bathroom sink was filled with "black stuff." She consulted her boyfriend, and he poured bleach down the sink to get rid of it.

What?

Then they proceeded to have lots of sex, and didn't bother to tell anyone else--including our landlord--about the problem. They didn't actually say that, but I could hear them having relations above my bed, as my landlord and I were in the bathroom trying to figure out what to do with the mess these fools upstairs had created.

So now I get to deal with bleach smell permeating my apartment, along with everything in my bathroom either displaced or ruined, and who knows what nastiness all over my sink, countertop and bathroom floor. All because those idiots decided to deal with a clogged drain by pouring bleach in the pipes. And then they rub their coital bliss in my face. Like, "Ha ha, you're a loser who still can't any, and here's some toxic throw-up to destroy your possessions and your well being. You deal with our crap while we exchange some STDs."

The phrase "stupid bulimic whores" keeps running through my head. See. These people have reduced me to casting aspersions on their sexual activity, and insinuating that at least one of them has an eating disorder. I bet they voted for George W. Bush, too.

If you two butt-munches are reading this, you know who you are, and you should be ashamed.