The North Korean Death Wish

So the pudgy fool with the bad haircut who rules North Korea has a nuke on a missile.  El Pudgo seems to think he can annihilate the western world with just one bomb.  It it's true he has an H bomb that can be mounted on a missile, he might be able to take out London or New York.  However, that all depends.  Will the missile/bomb combo even work?  Will it blow up on the launch pad and take half of North Korea with it?

And what if it actually hits a target like New York.  What does it do for an encore?  Unless it has dozens of identical nuclear missiles, it finds itself in an embarrassing situation.  It has just whacked a bear on the nose and stands there peeing in its jockeys while the bear charges with fangs a flappin.'

Kim Jung Unstable will shortly be absent from the glowing, radioactive waste that once was North Korea.

Note to North Korean generals:  assassinate this maniac before he gets you all killed.

The Norks New Nukes: North Korea Claims They Have Backpack Nukes! #Norks #NorthKorea

It has been reported that North Korean leaders are claiming they now have backpack nukes, and proved it by having a company of soldiers march around with their backpacks on.  Western analysts have expressed doubt that the Norks have the technology to make nuclear devices small enough to fit into a backpack.  The Norks demonstrated the reality of this by having a squadron of soldiers carry backpacks with a big yellow Nuclear symbol pasted thereon.

One analyst said, presumably in jest, that the North Koreans may have "Hello Kitty" backpacks that they stole from Japan, but the only thing they are likely to hold is their lunch.   He said:

We don’t take that seriously because they probably painted the radiation symbol over some Hello Kitty backpacks they stole from Japan,” the official said. “No one believes that North Korea has the technology to make a miniature nuclear bomb like that."

Meanwhile, the North Korean soldiers have DARED others to try and take away their backpacks, and have assumed a fighting stance to demonstrate their ferocity.

The North Korean Flag, as Explained by a Liberal

The Obama staff and reelection committee tell the most transparent lies in order to explain away Obama's gaffes, terrible policies and horrible record.

In my previous post, I displayed a slightly Stogie-fied version of the North Korean flag.  Here it is again for illustration:  imagine how an Obama spokesman might spin it, if it were a campaign issue.

"The North Korean flag has wonderful imagery.  The swastika is a symbol of peace, revered by Asian cultures for 5,000 years.  The skull represents reverence for one's ancestors.   The barbed wire represents the rural and agricultural nature of North Korea, the tranquil farms and a love of the land."

The REAL Flag of North Korea (Photoshop)

Actual Flag of North Korea

Recently the London Olympics officials severely embarrassed themselves by displaying the flag of South Korea for the Korean Olympics squad.  However, the squad was from NORTH KOREA, and they hate South Korea.  North Korea is a Stalinist tyranny, famous for starving millions of its people, while South Korea is famously prosperous, modern and free.  Apparently, the London officials just didn't know the difference.

So that the London officials do not embarrass themselves again, we are displaying the REAL flag of North Korea for their reference.  Please use this one next time, folks.

Ah, scenic North Korea, where extreme totalitarian tyranny produces widespread starvation.  The Worker's Paradise, indeed!  Oh well, let's look on the bright side.  At least they have a very low carbon footprint!

North Korea Punishes Mourners Who Did a Poor Job of Faking Grief for Dead Leader

Painted on Tears Won't Work

When Kim Jung Mentally Ill croaked a few weeks back, mourners lined a major thoroughfare in North Korea to witness Dear Leader's funeral procession.  The mourners wailed, bawled and screeched, flailing their arms and moonwalking to showcase their deep grief for Kim Jung Mentally Ill.  Okay, I was just kidding about the moonwalking; the rest is true though.

Many pundits, including me, noted the dry eyes of the mourners.  In spite of their wild paroxysms of alleged grief, there were no tears.  Now those insincere mourners may be in trouble.  The North Korean government said it will arrest insincere mourners and send them to prison camps for at least six months.  Now you know why those mourners went to such lengths to display their non-existent grief for Dear (Worthless) Leader.  Some of them may be required to return their special Hollywood Oscars for bad acting.

ABC reports:

“authorities are handing down at least six months in a labor-training camp to anybody who didn’t participate in the organized gatherings during the mourning period, or who did participate but didn’t cry and didn’t seem genuine,” according to the Daily NK.

“The party conducted surveys to see who displayed the most grief, and made this an important criterion in assessing party members’ loyalty,” Yop wrote. “Patients who remained in hospitals and people who drank and made merry even after hearing news of their leader’s death were all singled out for punishment.”

 Note to North Koreans:  the next time a party official croaks, suppressing smiles and laughter is not enough.  You must shed tears -- not tears of laughter, mind you, as this will not work.  Painted tears, using body paints, will not work either.  Take a tip from Glenn Beck and rub Vicks Vaporub in your eyes before the cameras focus on you.  It will hurt a lot, but your eyes will stream tears, saving you from a labor camp.   As for the wailing, crying and flailing, it is advisable to practice in front of a full-length mirror in order to perfect your performance.

And whatever you do, do not drink champagne in public, throw confetti, moonwalk or sing "Happy Days Are Here Again."  The North Korean government considers these acts as evidence that your mourning is not sincere.

Special Academy Award Issued to North Korean Mourners for Great Acting

"Oh Boo Hoo Hoo Hoo!"  How was that?

Maggie over at Maggie's Notebook noticed something that I also noticed:  the wailing, gesticulating mourners at Kim Jong Il's funeral were decidedly dry-eyed.  With all that moaning, bawling and crying, there were no tears. The mourners, knowing what was good for them, put on quite an act for Dear Leader's funeral.

Just Out of Camera Range

We suspect that Hollywood will issue a special Oscar for these amazing put-ons.  Acting!

Meanwhile, singing was heard throughout the land:  "The Witch is dead, the Witch is dead, the wicked Witch is dead!"  The Lollipop Guild is expected to make a public announcement shortly.

As Kim Jung Mentally Il Is Laid To Rest...the Haunting Sound of "Taps," Played on a Kazoo

Kim Jung Mentally Il has been laid to rest.  The North Koreans are so poor that Il's casket was wheeled to the cemetery on a used skateboard...propelled along by the deft footwork of the New Dear Leader, Kim Jung Ungh!.

People were pointing out that the hearst was a 1976 Lincoln Continental, but that's not true.  It was a blown up picture of a 1976 Lincoln Continental, taped on to the camera-view side of the skateboard.  The photo was ordered from Office Max and flown in by carrier pigeon, which was promptly shot down by anti-aircraft fire and eaten.

However, it's true that North Korea has achieved much.  They have arrived at that position in the world so fervently hoped for by our own Dear Leader, Kim Jung Barack Obama.  No other country in the world feels inferior to North Korea, nor do they envy it's super-power status; and no one can claim that Evil Capitalists are exploiting the other 99% with products, services, technology, jobs or any kind of standard-of-living.  As for #OccupyNorthKorea, the people there who are living in tents, squalor, filth and poverty are called "the upper class."

Kim Jung Mentally Il's funeral was ended with the plaintive sound of taps.  Since the North Koreans can't afford a bugle, a lady with a kazoo was used instead.

Kim Jung Mentally Il's corpse was then taken to the processing plant where it was turned into Soylent Green.

Meanwhile, the North Korean military (which is everyone in the country, apparently) turned out to fake great expressions of grief, with loud wailing and bawling, but...no tears.  I wonder how many were secretly thinking:  Thank God the bastard's dead.

See for yourself:

Socialism vs Capitalism: Two Real Life Illustrations

This satellite photograph of North and South Korea at night is very instructive.  It shows what socialism produces compared to what capitalism produces.  Socialism produces poverty, backwardness, starvation and oppression; capitalism produces prosperity, wealth and freedom.

I really have to laugh at the fools in the Occupy Wall Street movement.  The first snows are arriving and the temperatures are dropping, and the something-for-nothing crowd is freezing out in the open air.

Enjoy the privation and suffering, hippies.  You are experiencing first hand the fruits of socialism:  misery and want.

Breaking: Kim Jong Il Offers to Suspend Nuclear Program (Video)

North Korea Fires on South Korea

This morning various news agencies are reporting a warlike provocation by the communist despotism known as North Korea.  Apparently, the North Koreans launched an artillery bombardment of a South Korean island, without warning and with no justification.  South Korean armed services went on high alert after returning fire.

In the family of nations, North Korea has long been viewed as a pariah, governed by political fanatics with hair-pin triggers.  This event follows, by only a few months, an unprovoked North Korean sinking of a South Korean Navy ship with substantial loss of life.  The North Koreans, or Norks as some call them, seem to be spoiling for a fight.  South Korea and the US, however, have endured many of such provocations since the 1953 armistice in order to avoid war.

North Korea has been developing nuclear weapons for several years now and are selling their nuclear technology to other rogue states like Iran.  It seems only a question of time before the Northern fanatics trigger a new war in Asia, one that could involve nuclear weapons.  If they are going to do it, what better time for it than now, when a wimp is president of the United States?

Kim Jong Il Blows His Stack

The North Koreans are at it again, acting like crazy bastards with hair-pin triggers.  First, they sink a South Korean Navy ship, killing 46 sailors.  Next, they threaten war if anyone tries to hold them accountable for their aggression.

At left is my Photoshop impression of Kim Jong Mentally-Ill.  Let's hope he only succeeds in blowing up himself.

North Korea Threatens to Wipe US "Off the Globe"!

With a Wimp in the White House, Watch Out

The world seems to know it can kick sand in the face of our Presidential Weakling, Barack Obama. North Korea is threatening war and yesterday Chinese warships harassed an unarmed US Navy ship on the high seas. The wolves know when a wimp is in the White House and become emboldened and aggressive.

Wimpiness doesn’t bring peace. If anything, it leads to war because the tyrants believe their aggression will go unopposed. Then they go too far and a war begins. Well, hell, it took World War II to get us out of the last depression; perhaps Obama will start World War III to get us out of this one.