Trooping The Colour ....

... my ARSE!

Cancel the ads and whack the volume up

Stand up, and beg to Sergeant Murphy,

lay down, play dead for Di and Fergie

Roll up roll up goes the revelie

Abuse the bugle boy in company B

Heard the one about the German, the Greek and the Irishman ....

PP - "Stoat, Stoat you say. Shall one fetch one's gun?"

Barman - "No, no you thick Royal twat. It's Stout. It's a drink."

HRH - "Hmmm, yees. I hear it keeps one regular, though a little solid like black bricks. It's been a long while since I had anything stiff in that department .... not since my Annus horribilis"

A little quieter in the garden last night, not helped by the breeze, a little drizzle and a Robin that beat me to it.

Total catch 54 of 29sp.
(125W MV 24 of 16, 80W/11W actinic/compact fluorescent combo 30 of 19)
0017 Common Swift (Hepialus lupulinus) 3
0227 Skin Moth (Monopis laevigella) 1 (NFY)
0409a Argyresthia trifasciata 1
0610 Elachista argentella 1
0647 Brown House Moth (Hofmannophila pseudospretella) 1
0883 Mompha raschkiella 1
0986 Syndemis musculana 1
0998 Light Brown Apple Moth (Epiphyas postvittana) 2
1136 Epinotia immundana 1 (NFY)
1428 Bee Moth (Aphomia sociella) 2
1727 Silver-ground Carpet (Xanthorhoe montanata) 1
1738 Common Carpet (Epirrhoe alternata) 1
1764 Common Marbled Carpet (Chloroclysta truncata) 8
1827 Freyer's Pug (Eupithecia intricata arceuthata) 1
1834 Common Pug (Eupithecia vulgata) 2
1860 Green Pug (Pasiphila rectangulata) 3
1906 Brimstone Moth (Opisthograptis luteolata) 2
1920 Scalloped Hazel (Odontopera bidentata) 3
1937 Willow Beauty (Peribatodes rhomboidaria) 1
1955 Common White Wave (Cabera pusaria) 1 (NFY)
1958 Clouded Silver (Lomographa temerata) 4
1991 Elephant Hawk-moth (Deilephila elpenor) 1 (NFY)
2089 Heart and Dart (Agrotis exclamationis) 5
2092 Shuttle-shaped Dart (Agrotis puta) 1
2160 Bright-line Brown-eye (Lacanobia oleracea) 1
2302 Brown Rustic (Rusina ferruginea) 1
2334 Rustic Shoulder-knot (Apamea sordens) 1
2337x Marbled Minor agg. (Oligia strigilis agg.) 2
2384 Vine's Rustic (Hoplodrina ambigua) 1

Shuttle-shaped Dart

Heart and Dart

Bright-line Brown-eye

How to survive that bloody wedding ...

Today was bad enough in terms of pre-wedding televisual nonsense, but tomorrow is going to be a complete media washout. Here then is your guide to avoiding the whole thing.

1. Do not, at all costs, switch on any radio, television or satellite channels between the hours of 06:00 on Friday 29th until next year. You may well be intent on watching or listening to something interesting, but during the ads or between programmes there will be 60 second news clips about the dress, the hair, the crowds, the guests .. any tiny aspect that has not be wringed of every last drop of hype and bollocks will be rolled out for weeks to come.

2. Do not buy any newspaper. Of course, if you normally buy the Daily Mail you will not be reading this and you will be happily hanging out the bunting, making jugs of Pimms and preparing triangular cucumber sandwiches at this point.

3. Ensure that your i-Pod is fully loaded with at least 30Gb of your favourite aural pleasure. I have pasted a few recommendations further on, or perhaps you will go for some serious French revolutionary stuff. Just ensure that it's fully charged and you have some means of re-charging that does not involve turning on the PC and internet, which will also be afflicted by the nasty 'wedding special' virus.

4. Ensure that your cupboards are fully stocked and car fully loaded with fuel. You cannot risk going to the shops as there will undoubtedly be newspapers on display with wedding bollocks on the front, or TVs for sale showing any channel in the world which will have something on debating whether Kate really was virginal or had secretly played away with Harry whilst Bill was playing with his copter joystick. Or something.

5. You now have two choices: either stay in bed all day with the curtains closed, nothing but the i-Pod on and all windows and doors locked, or go out very early to remoter areas, like ancient woodland or vast moors and heaths, where you are unlikely to encounter random street parties and cooing women wittering on about the dress, the hair, the crowds ......

6. In the unfortunate event that despite your best laid plans you run into crowds or individuals plagued by royal wedding fever, just shut your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears and very loudly shout 'la la la la la la la la la FUCK OFF' until you think they have dispersed in tears. Or fear of their lives.

"I've been dreaming of a time when, the English are sick to death of Labour, and Tory, and spit upon the name Oliver Cromwell, and denounce this Royal line that still salutes him ......."

"So I checked all the registered historical facts, and I was shocked into shame to discover, how I'm the 18th pale decendent, of some old queen or other ......"

"How can you stay, with a fat girl who says would you like to marry me, and if you like you can buy the ring ....."

Really, who gives a flying ......

Up and down the country, thousands upon thousands are no doubt making their plans for 29/04/2011. Travel to London, what hat to wear, what colour, bla bla bla. Well I'm making my plans now - a full day's birding with an overnight mothing session in some remote woodland with no fucking telly. I don't care what the weather is like - I'm not sitting around watching that wedding.

I really don't see what all the fuss about Katie is anyway - it's not like she's new to it.

Her marriage to Peter Andre collapsed due to conflicting opinions on which fake tan product was best.

Of him, they said "lock up your hair products"

More recently she's been stuck like velcro to hairy knob Russell Brand

Of him, they said "lock up your daughters, mothers, grandmothers and goats"

Seen on a secret date out with Big Willie

Of him, they said "lock up your military aircraft and raptors"

Institutional Fuckwittedness

Oh my fucking days - like grandfather, like father, like son.

Offensive terms are apparently 'endearing nicknames' if you are royal / upper class knobs. Get a fucking grip - this is not PC gone mad, it's institutional disregard for ethnic minorities that can be directly linked back to the days of the Empire. Bring on the Republic.

"Tell them it is a term of affection and that you like it, otherwise I'll beat you with this big polo stick thing"

Royal Racism

Harry is in the news again - why is anyone surprised? When you consider what a fucking blithering idiot his grandfather is then what do you expect. I'm only amazed that his brother hasn't managed to slip up as badly so far, but then I guess he feels he has more to lose in the royal race to the throne.

Harry has apologised for his choice of offensive nicknames for his army pals, but it's not enough. Get this fucker court-martialed and bounced out of the forces like every other soldier would be.

I'm not racist, but .........

Outrageous waste of money and resource ..

.. yes, that's right. I am referring to the Official Queens Birthday and the Trooping of the Colour parade. The celebrations included more than 1100 soldiers poncing around in stupid hats and gaudy coats, and a flypast of 55 aircraft. What a fucking waste of money. All this pomp and bollocks whilst thousands of the poor misguided sods that join up to the forces are having to duck and dive in Afghanistan. One of the aircraft was a dodgy Nimrod - sadly not dodgy enough to ditch into the Palace.



The front row conversation:

"You know grandmama, father says this flyover has a frightful impact on the Royal carbon footprint"
 
"Oh here we facking go again"

"Well one is the Queen, and Charles is just a big eared malingering twat! He can bloody well fack awf"

Image courtesy (ie uplifted) from BBC News

Harry

Send the fucker back to Afghanistan where he can't harm our scarce raptors.

The Taleban and Hen Harrier Hunter