Kairos Time

I just finished 2 hours of science-project-hell.  I call it hell because that's what it is.  As much as I try to let my darling daughter do it all herself, momma bear kicks in to "advise" her.  Maybe we should put a border on each title?  Now how would you be able to explain that to a judge? NO! It's not pronounced nora-friend!! It's norepinephrine!!!

And now it's done, and Sis is proud and I'm a bundle of nerves after trying to not be that parent that controls the entire project.  Ugh.  I hate that part of my personality.  

And it reminds me of the Huffington Post article by Glennon Melton that circulated the Facebook this past week.  You know, the one about why Carpe Diem is a load of crap to a parent...until the kids have grown up.  If you haven't read it - please do - It really is fantastic.  I'll wait here for you.  

Back, already?

When I read it, I nodded my head, saying, she's right - remember and cherish all the wonderful memories you have of parenting.  Don't sweat the spilled milk, having to discipline your son repeatedly for his bus behavior, or getting frustrated over your 2 year old's meltdowns at HEB.  I need to apply this everyday.  Here is what she wrote that struck a chord in me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

There are days in my life that are filled with Chronos time.  Those are the days that I stare at the clock, willing it to be one for Bubba's nap. When will Matt get home?  How many more days until Book/Wine club??  And I always lay in bed at night after days like these regretting everything I said - why did I waste my day with negative energy - am I fit to be at home all day with Bubba?

The only way I can chase out those "bad-mommy" feelings is to think of my Kairos time.  And I can think of a ton of those.  It's the sweet smell of all my babies' hair.  It's the belly-laughs at the dinner table over Brody's jokes.  It's the never-ending summer days at the beach, reading chapter books in bed,  selling girl scout cookies with Sis, playing Wii together as a family, beaming crazy with pride over a soccer goal.  Those are the moments I will remember when I am old and look back on my parenting years.  

It's Kairos time I need to remember when I begin to sink in that Science-project-hell again - the one-on-one time I get with my daughter, the exclamation of surprise when she tells me, "That's really cool- I never knew that it could be interesting!"  And the pride she has over a job well done.  

The past few weeks, I have been taking the time to really play with Bubba.  No, not I'll check Twitter while you play Thomas -play, but getting down and building a track for him, climbing in tunnels with him, chasing him around the back yard.  You know, Kairos time.  It has really been special for him and I .  (I know this is nothing new for all you fantastical-Moms out there - but I have to physically turn the social media off to truly concentrate 100% on him.)  

Rather than remember the frustration of the past 2 hours, I am going to remember all the fun we had earlier today geo-caching and eating burgers with my mom & dad.  

Wow - looky there, more Kairos time.

Fruitful Parenting

                    We have been childless (ok- sort of- we still have Bubba at home) for 5 days now.  And I've done a little reflecting on how different our lives have been without Sissy & Brody here.  The house is clean....and has stayed clean.  There is so much quietness in our home, it is eerie.  Matt & I have had time together for hugs and laughter and great conversations.  And our pace of life is slower and relaxed.

But I miss them so.

                   Bubba has be reveling in all the attention he has been getting.  Today we spent the whole day just playing with him.  He & Dad went to the pet store and looked at all the animals.  We tickled and laughed with him.  And went out for a long, relaxing dinner where the crazy kid demolished a whole breadstick, 3 olives, half a plate of spaghetti and 2/3 of a banana.  Today was awesome.

Still there is something missing.

                 I feel so very blessed to have the opportunity to be the mom of 3 amazing kids.  And in the quietness of our home, I am missing the very thing I so often complain about- the craziness of life.  The running of Sis to soccer skills 3 times a week, the constant reminding for Brody to thrown down his wet swimsuit, the "I just want a minute of Q.U.I.E.T.!!" moments, the what on earth am I going to cook for dinner? stress.  All of it.  I totally recognize that this is the life that God has made for me and I love it.

And I miss it.

                Don't get me wrong- Sis & Brody are having a blast in Illinois.  I have barely talked to them, they are having so much fun with their Grandma & PaPa and sweet cousins.  This is excellent recharge time.  And I have reflected a lot on my parenting.  Am I the mom I wanted to be?  Am I the mom God wants me to be?  I think I do a great job of filling my kids lives with fun experiences and great memories, but when it comes down to it, am I providing them with the love & patience they deserve?
                A sermon I heard a few months ago came back to me this past week.   It was a sermon series on parenting and he discussed how we can use the Fruit of the Spirit in raising our kids.
             We have all heard the Fruit of the Spirit - but I never utilized them in such a practical way.  When we fully except Jesus Christ, he comes to live in us- and when we fully submit to him- he produces fruit in us....character traits that we are incapable of producing ourselves. They are called the Fruit of the Spirit (as seen in Galatians 5:22):

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

We can use all of these to parent our children:

Love- sacrificially giving yourself to your kids.  Choosing their needs before your own. I know as parents, that is second nature...but all the time?  I don't know if I can say that.

Joy- inner happiness that stays with us...even when our son had a bloody nose under his bed and decided not to tell us about it for 2 weeks.  You know...those kind of moments?  Ya, joy isn't there in these kinds of moments. Still, we have to look to that inner happiness when we really just want to throttle them.  

Peace when our teenage daughter drives the car alone for the first time.  

Patience that goes beyond what we alone can produce when they bicker about who gets to sit in the middle seat.  

We need kindness when the whiny & complaining & arguing takes us to the edge. 

We need goodness when all we really want to do is yell at them when they clog the toilet with too much toilet paper. 

Faithfulness when we are ready to throw our hands in the air and give up on that kid's crazy eating habits.  Faithfulness requires that we continue on. 

Gentleness when they talk back, roll their eyes, and show disrespect.  

Self-control - only the Holy Spirit can provide us with the self-control we need to raise our kids.

            Do you see how imperative the Spirit is when raising kids?  In all of these moments, we are incapable of producing these values ALONE.  We need the Holy Spirit to produce this in us. 

Holy Spirit raise these children through me.

         Kids can wear us down and it is incredibly tempting to throw our hands in the air.  We all have those days...when I am exhausted and agreeable to whatever they want.  But we can't go there.  Our kids deserve more than this and frankly, it's our responsibility to raise them up in the Lord's name.  No one can be that incredible, amazing, always-patient parent, but I can sure try.  And I can provide them with consistency that they deserve. 

         I told Matt this morning how much I missed the kids.  He snickered and said, "you might not be saying that in a week!"  Yah, maybe.  But with God's provision, and a reminder of these fruits (values),  it will be better for all of us.