FOURTH OF JULY TVXOHOF - THE TAIL O' THE PUP

It is estimated that 150 million hot dogs will be eaten today on the Fourth of July.  And the center of attention will be at Coney Island….

From Wikipedia:
The Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest is an annual American hot dog competitive eating competition. It is held each year on Independence Day at Nathan's Famous Corporation's original, and best-known restaurant at the corner of Surf and Stillwell Avenues in Coney Island, a neighborhood of Brooklyn, New York City.

However, in Toobworld, we have to look to the West Coast for the center of hot dog activity.  In Los Angeles, there is the Tail O’ The Pup….

From Wikipedia:
Tail O’ the Pup was an iconic Los Angeles, California hot dog stand actually shaped like a hot dog. Built in 1946, the small, walk-up stand has been noted as a prime example of "programmatic" or "mimetic" novelty architecture. It was one of the last surviving mid-20th century buildings that were built in the shapes of the products they sold.

The City of Los Angeles in 2006 declared Tail O’ the Pup to be a cultural landmark.

Blake's grandson Jay Miller and his wife Nicole inherited the Pup in 2017. After a failed attempt to have it reopened in a partnership with Killer Shrimp, the structure was donated to the Valley Relics Museum.

The 1933 Group purchased the structure in 2018 with plans to restore the stand to its original appearance, find a new location, and reopen it.

It is eligible for membership in the Television Crossover Hall of Fame, with appearances in at least three different series.  There may be more, but these three are all that’s needed to be inducted:

COLUMBO

MURDER BY THE BOOK

THE ROCKFORD FILES

BACKLASH OF THE HUNTER

ADAM-12

TEAMWORK

Just a little trifle to celebrate the Fourth.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

FOR WOLD NEWTON DAY - TARZAN YET AGAIN?

HAPPY WOLD NEWTON DAY!

From Wikipedia:
In real life a meteorite, called the Wold Cottage meteorite, fell near Wold Newton, Yorkshire, England, on December 13, 1795.

[Philip Jose] Farmer suggested in two fictional biographies, Tarzan Alive: A Definitive Biography of Lord Greystoke (1972) and Doc Savage: His Apocalyptic Life (1973) that this meteorite caused genetic mutations in the occupants of two passing coaches due to ionization. Many of their descendants were thus endowed with extremely high intelligence and strength, as well as an exceptional capacity and drive to perform good or, as the case may be, evil deeds. The progeny of these travellers are purported to have been the real-life originals of fictionalised characters, both heroic and villainous, over the last few hundred years.

I don't know why I'm so fixated on Tarzan when it comes to the representations of the Wold Newton Family as depicted in Toobworld.  I suppose the same is true for Sherlock Holmes; but at least I honor him on his alleged birthday each year and not use him for the Wold Newton Day showcase as often as I do with the Lord of the Apes.

For those who have never seen any of my earlier theories about the most famous character created by Edgar Rice Burroughs, here is a simple recap:

Lord John Greystoke, AKA Tarzan, as seen in the series is the same character from the books despite the modern (1960s) setting. 

My theory is that decades before, Tarzan had found the immortality elixir as described in one of the later stories.  Drinking it, he was now an eternal, frozen in Time at the age he was when he ingested the elixir.

But let me make one thing clear - in no way am I advocating that this is THE Tarzan of the Wold Newton Universe.  This is Tarzan of Toobworld, and although they have some similarities, there is more which keeps them irreconcilable.  (So many great "wolders," chief among them Win Scott Eckert and Sean Lee Levin, do incredible research in order to expand the WNU, that they don't need a boob-toober like me underfoot!)

At any rate, here is the review of the 'Tarzan' TV series as was presented in the TV Guide, written by acerbic critic Cleveland Amory:

ENJOY YOUR WOLD NEWTON DAY!

THE CROSSOVER THAT PRIME-TIME FORGOT

PERRY MASON
THE CASE OF THE NINE DOLLS
11/19/1960

From the IMDb:
As Perry prepares to go to Scotland on vacation, a little girl arrives in his office asking him to determine who she is. His search takes him to Switzerland where he meets a woman who becomes his client after a murder.

THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW
OPIE’S CHARITY
11/28/1960

From the IMDb:
Pride in what other people think presents itself to Andy two-fold when he hears that Opie only gave a measly three cents to a school charity fund and when a two-years-dead husband walks up to say hello.

It may not seem evident from the summaries for these two episodes, but this was one of the first CBS crossovers.

If you check the cast lists for each episode, you’ll notice that Ray Collins (Lt. Arthur Tragg of ‘Perry Mason’) and Don Knotts (Deputy Barney Fife in ‘The Andy Griffith Show’) were both absent from their respective episodes.

At the time both of these episodes were filmed, both actors were busy on the sets of each other’s show.  They filmed cameo appearances allegedly as their characters although they went unnamed.

In the ‘Perry Mason’ episode, while Perry was at the airport, Barney could be seen in the concourse struggling with luggage as he departed a flight from North Carolina. It was a silent routine, full of the usual Barney ticks and mannerisms which only lasted a minute at best.

Meanwhile, in “Opie’s Charity”, Lt. Tragg showed up at the Taylor home and asked Aunt Bee where he could find the Sheriff.  Apparently he had some questions about the character of Tom Silby, the long-missing husband played by Stuart Erwin (who made several appearances on ‘Perry Mason’.)  He left but we never saw him later with Sheriff Andy.

This was a way to hype the new show by having a well-established series like ‘Perry Mason’ give ‘The Andy Griffith Show’ some free two-way publicity.

In order for it to have the full impact, CBS hyped the exchange of characters all through the summer with a promo in heavy rotation.  It was from that I was able to track down the still picture seen in this post, thanks to a collector I know from Facebook.

Don’t waste your time trying to track down those scenes in either show.  They only got one broadcast before being edited out.  With eventual syndication in mind, the network thought it might be confusing to the audience to see one part of the crossover without the other, even though they weren’t really connected.  And they were structured in such a way so that they could be easily excised from the episodes.

This practice would be repeated by CBS nearly forty years later.  In May of 1998, archival footage of classic CBS characters were blended into scenes of various top shows which were then on the air so that they interacted with the current stars.

• Edward R. Murrow (‘Murphy Brown’)
• James Arness (‘Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman’)
• Lucille Ball (‘The Nanny’)
• Jack Benny (‘Cosby’)
• Chad Everett ('Chicago Hope')
• Steve McQueen (‘Walker, Texas Ranger’)
• Dick Van Dyke (‘Diagnosis Murder’)

Here are two examples:

Those special episodes were broadcast only the one time and then were excised for future reruns and syndication.

Someday I hope I’ll be able to see those two scenes linking ‘Perry Mason’ to ‘The Andy Griffith Show’.  When I lived in Manhattan, I was a member of the Paley Center for Media and every time I visited, I would check to see if they had gained those holy grails.  For all I know, they finally got them now that I’m no longer there to view them.

That would be typical for me…..

FRIDAY HALL OF FAMER 01/17/2020 - LOVE THAT BOB COLLINS!

For this Friday’s Hall of Famer, keeping it in the Classic TV Groove, we’re inducting a true museum piece – Bob Collins of ‘Love That Bob!’’

BOB COLLINS

From Wikipedia:
‘The Bob Cummings Show’ (also known as ‘Love That Bob’) is an American sitcom starring Bob Cummings, which was produced from January 2, 1955, to September 15, 1959.  ‘The Bob Cummings Show’ was the first series to debut as a midseason replacement.

The series stars Cummings as dashing Hollywood photographer, Air Force reserve officer, and ladies' man, Bob Collins. The character's interest in aviation and photography mirrored Cummings' own, with his character's name the same as the role he played in the 1945 film “You Came Along”.

O'Bservation: There may be more in that movie which Zonks the main Toobworld, so I'll just leave it there in the Cineverse and have two Bob Collins living in separate metafictional universes.

Back to Wikipedia:
The series also stars Rosemary DeCamp as his sister Margaret MacDonald.

From Rod Amateau:
He [Cummings' character] was unsuccessful. He would never score with these girls because his nephew, his sister or Schultzy would show up.He had dreams and illusions of being a playboy but he wasn't making it. His frustration is what made the show funny.

O’Bservation:
Amateau wrote many of the scripts.

Here are the reasons why Bob Collins is elegible for membership in the Hall:

The Bob Cummings Show
160 episodes
(1955-1959)

The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show
- A Marital Mix-Up
(1957)

From the IMDb:
Gracie plays Cupid by trying to find a wife for their plumber, Mr. Jansen.  Robert Cummings appears in his role as fashion model photographer Bob Collins.

O’Bservation:
Interestingly, Bob Cummings also appeared in an episode of this series as himself.  This was just a cameo.

Here's Lucy
- Lucy's Punctured Romance
(1972)

From the IMDb:
Lucy has a new boyfriend Bob Collins, but Kim and Uncle Harry are worried. The milkman doesn't help matters when he informs the pair the Lucy's boyfriend is a playboy. Kim & Harry cook up all kinds of crazy stunts to scare off Bob.

O’Bservation:
Cummings also played a different character in another episode, but although his first name was Robert/Bob, his interests lay in antique furniture.  Not worth jumping through hoops to come up with a splainin to do about them being the same guy.  Instead, I think it’s easier to claim that they were “identical cousins”….

From Wikipedia:
In some episodes, Cummings also doubled as Bob and Margaret's grandfather, Josh Collins of Joplin, Missouri.

O’Bservation:
If Bob Collins does have DNA as strong Corporal Randolph Agarn’s, it’s pozz’ble, just pozz’ble that other TV characters played by Bob Cummings in Toobworld could be related to him… including Bob Cummings.

The Twilight Zone
King Nine Will Not Return

From the IMDb:
A pilot of a downed WWII comes to in the African desert and desperately tries to find out what happened to the rest of his crew.

If all the relatives to Bob Collins (hopefully just the males) look alike, then Captain James Embry, who piloted the B-25 bomber nicknamed the King Nine during World War II, could be his uncle.

I figure he’d be the son of Josh Collins’ sister and he served as an inspiration for Bob Collins to get into aviation.

No fate was ever mentioned for Bob Collins, but I think it’s safe to say that he most likely died around the same time as Robert Cummings did, in 1990.

Whether he was still flying at age 80 like his Grandfather Josh did, he may have died flying his plane at that age.

It might not only be the date of death for Bob Collins which connects him to Cummings.  If other facets of the actor’s life influenced that of his character’s off-screen life, it could be that Bob Collins was pretty "methed-up" when he took off on his last flight….

Welcome to the Hall, Mr. Collins.  You should meet up with a few others you know here – George Burns and Lucille Carter among them….

Don't get all teary-eyed....

FRIDAY HALL OF FAMERS 01/10/20 - CHARLIE THE DRUNK

Last August, the Television Crossover Hall of Fame inducted Corporal Randolph Agarn of ‘F Troop’ and his amazingly powerful DNA which accounted for not only his identical relatives in that series but for all of the other characters played by Larry Storch in the main Toobworld.

Mr. Storch’s birthday was two days ago – he turned 97!  So in honor of his birthday, we’re inducting another of his TV characters into the TVXOHOF, someone whom Toobworld Central considers to be part of the Agarn family tree.

This is what I wrote during that “ceremony” for Corporal Agarn:

Not only am I considering Charlie for the Agarn family tree, but he’ll also be a Friday Hall of Famer in January of 2020 when we celebrate the Classics.

“Charlie” should be well-known to the visitors of a certain police station in the Bronx….

Charlie Adamopolis

‘Car 54, Where Are You?’

In my theory of relateeveety, Agarn had gone back to Passaic, New Jersey, and married a hometown girl.  And he probably had daughters, or perhaps even just one daughter who gave Agarn a lot of granddaughters.  They all married and took their husbands’ names, which would be the name of all their sons who resembled their great-grandfather. 

So that’s why we never see any other characters from the 1960s to the 1990s who are named Agarn.

One of these Agarn great-grandchildren would have been born of the union between one of Agarn’s granddaughters and an American of Greek descent by the name of Adamopolis.

I guess it could be said that Life wasn’t kind to Charles Adamopolis.  He eventually became known as “Charlie the Drunk”.  He haunted the precinct house on Tremont Avenue in the Bronx, but eventually he went out West where he would later be found in San Francisco before he drifted down the coast to San Diego.

Here are the TV show appearances which qualify Charlie Adamopolis for membership in the Hall.

Car 54, Where Are You?
That’s Show Business

From the IMDb:
Muldoon's sister Peggy lands a part in the play "Waiting for Wednesday" and the boys of the 53rd Precinct become financial backers before learning that it's a gritty play about police brutality.  

Pretzel Mary

From the IMDb:
The boys finally bust a nasty nuisance in the Park - "Pretzel Mary". When they see her deplorable living conditions they replace her furniture - not realizing what they're taking away.  

Here Comes Charlie

From the IMDb:
The boys of the 53rd Precinct attempt to help rehabilitate chronically drunk Charlie by finding him a job where he won't be tempted to drink, but the officers' regular visits to check up on Charlie have an unnerving effect on his teetotalist coworkers. A Larry Storch tour de force!  

Phyllis
- Off the Bench (1976)
... Bum

From the IMDb:
Phyllis's bum friend Van has a crush on a higher class woman, Lucille. Phyllis tries to clean him up to make him into a more presentable gentleman.

O’Bservation:
Van ends up giving his new clothes to another bum in exchange for that hobo’s duds.  That other bum would be Charlie.

CPO Sharkey
- A Wino Is Loose (1977)
... The Bum

From the IMDb:
When a homeless drunk enters the barracks and makes himself at home, Sharkey is livid. And nothing that the men do dislodges the man from his comfy quarters.

O’Bservation:
You can’t dissuade me from claiming that this bum was Charlie as well.

Here’s what I wrote about those last two episodes when Corporal Agarn was inducted into the Hall:

Neither of these two bums were given names in those two episodes, so I’m going to claim that they are not only the same man, spending time in San Francisco before traveling down the coast to San Diego, but also that he’s actually Charlie Adamopolis who used to haunt the 53rd Precinct in the Bronx.

Welcome to the Hall, Charlie.  Hats off to you….

TVXOHOF FOR JANUARY 2020 - SGT. ERNIE BILKO

It’s a new year and it’s time to get down to business with the Television Crossover Hall of Fame now that the holidays are over.

There is no general theme to the monthly showcase spot this year, but we’re adding a new twist for 2021.  (We’ll see how long it can last.) With the Friday Hall of Famers, the last Friday of the month will be celebrating a TV show which not only originated in Earth Prime, but which also existed as a TV show within Earth Prime-Time. Of course that means there will be Zonks a-plenty to deal with, but it should be interesting.

Meanwhile we’ve got the January Showcase to announce....

January is our Classic TV month and my only regret with this new member Is that I didn’t get around to inducting him years earlier!

M/SGT. ERNIE BILKO

From the Phil Silvers Show site:
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko (Ernie)  Service number: RA 15042699.  Ernest G. Bilko, known to one and all as Ernie, was a master sergeant who would go to any lengths to beat the system, be it by conniving, bluffing, cheating, gambling, lying, fenagling or any other devious device known only to him. No sharper operator ever existed than Bilko, no one more capable of fleecing his fellow man or forcing even the top brass at the Pentagon to quake in their shiny boots.

No one was beyond or safe from a Bilko operation - he could smell money, and he had all human life worked out, being capable not only of predicting the thoughts of others but calculating how long it would take people to think them. But Ernie Bilko had two crucial weaknesses: like all gambling addicts, he could never resist one last bet, and, down, deep down, deep deep down, resided a conscience that prevented him from making the final, ultimate move which would garner him his life's goals: wealth and physical comfort. For all his efforts, Ernie would never win.  

Ernie ran the Motor Pool unit at two US Army camps, firstly at Fort Baxter, Roseville, Kansasand latterly at Camp Fremont, Grove City, California. Nominally the posts were run by Colonel Hall but Bilko was really in charge. He was the man who made the posts work with clockwork precision with the mere click of his fingers. The colonel would have loved to have got rid of Ernie Bilko, but he recognized immediately that Ernie was an essential part of the status quo that granted him, mostly, an easy life.

For more, click here:

Here are the shows and TV specials which qualified Bilko for membership:

1955
The New Recruits
M / Sgt. Ernest G. Bilko

From the IMDb:
This is the unaired pilot for ‘The Phil Silvers Show’/’You'll Never Get Rich’. This episode is known as “The Audition Show” and is titled “The New Recruits”, which was later re-filmed with the same title and a few different actors in different roles. The re-filmed, more polished version later aired as the first episode of the ‘You'll Never Get Rich’ TV series.

O’BSERVATION
That original pilot is how the world’s timeline originally played out before it was tampered with by any number of interfering time travelers before 1955 – everyone from Helen Cutter to the Doctor from Sam Beckett to Tony Newman and Doug Phillips.  It could have been a combination of factors from them all to account for the changes between the original pilot and the episode that later aired.

1955-1959
The Phil Silvers Show
MSgt. Ernest G. Bilko
143 episodes

From Wikipedia:
‘The Phil Silvers Show’, originally titled ‘You'll Never Get Rich’, is a sitcom which ran on CBS from 1955 to 1959. A pilot called "Audition Show" was made in 1955, but never broadcast. 143 other episodes were broadcast – all half-an-hour long except for a 1959 one-hour live special. The series starred Phil Silvers as Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko of the United States Army.

1959
Keep in Step
Sgt Ernest G 'Ernie' Bilko

From the IMDb:Spun-off from ‘The Phil Silvers Show’ (1955)
Bilko learns that a movie is to be made about him - but just who will play him?

From CBS
In 1959 Phil Silvers appeared as Sgt. Bilko with Diana Dors in "The Phil Silvers Pontiac Special: Keep in Step."  

It feels as though there should be more credits for Bilko, but that could be due to Ernie serving as the template upon which future Phil Silvers characters found their inspiration – Harry Grafton, Harold Hecuba, Shifty Shafer, and over in the Cineverse, Otto Meyer.

Bilko with fellow TVXOHOF member Ed Sullivan

Welcome to the TVXOHOF, Sergeant.  I’m sure you’ll find the poker room on your own.  Bret and Bart Maverick with Brady Hawkes and even your old buddy Corporal Rocco Barbella will be ready to test your skills at the table…..

This post is dedicated to two FB friends over in the United Kingdom - Steve Everitt and Mick Clews in honor of everything they do to keep the flame for Bilko burning over there.

THE DOCTOR ON VULCAN.... INDEED. (A CONTINUING O'BSERVATION)

'DOCTOR WHO'
"POWER OF THE DALEKS"

I.
The TARDIS arrives on the Earth colony of Vulcan where the newly-regenerated Doctor assumes the identity of an Earth Examiner.
II.
While the Doctor worries about the inert Daleks in the capsules, Lesterson makes plan to reactivate one of them.
III.
The Doctor fails to convince the colonists of the danger posed by the Daleks and soon the other two are also reactivated.
IV.
With Polly being held prisoner by the rebels, the Doctor and Ben decide to investigate them, while Lesterson discovers the Daleks are reproducing.
V.
The Doctor and Quinn attempt to escape in order to stop Bragen using the Daleks to take over the colony.
VI.
With Bragen having taken over, the Daleks trick the rebels into turning them loose and only the Doctor can stop them wiping out the entire colony.

I've written about this story before and how - in their infinite wisdom - the BBC wiped the tapes clean in order to use them again.  So far none of the episodes have been recovered, only clips still exist.  But the soundtrack survived and an animated version was created, which was seen on BBC-America last year.

In the story (set in 2220), there was a human colony on Vulcan.  This doesn't have to create a Zonk with the mythos of 'Star Trek'.  It could be an abandoned and untamed desolate area uninhabited by the Vulcans and leased to the human settlers by the Vulcan High Council.  I imagine they did so in order to promote the relationship with the Terrans.

Once the Doctor was able to disarm the threat of the Daleks on Vulcan, he left the swamp area with Polly and Ben in tow - but he did not leave the planet, merely landed elsewhere on one of the continents dominated by the native Vulcans. 

While there, the Doctor easily picked up the Vulcan mind-meld procedure (in scenes not seen by the audience viewing at home.) And he soon had his fill of their narrow-minded sense of logic, which to him stifled the creativity needed to advance in all fields.  Only then did the Doctor and his Companions beat a hasty retreat in the TARDIS from Vulcan; to the battle fields of Culloden.  ("The Highlanders")

And that's why he dismissed the concept of Logic so flippantly to Zoe Heriot.  (The quote comes from "The Wheel In Space".)

At the same time, it could be that it was the Time Lords who taught Surak everything he needed to know in order to mold the mental disciplines of his fellow Vulcans in their fourth century.  Now that I've finally seen "The Sensorites", it appears the Doctor knew about such mental powers before his first full regeneration.  (More on that elsewhere today.)

'DOCTOR WHO'

"THE SENSORITES"

DOCTOR: 
What's the matter, my child? 
SUSAN: 
I had a talk with the senior Scientist just before we left. It seems that the Sensphere has an extraordinary number of ultra high frequencies, so I won't be able to go on using thought transference. 
DOCTOR: 
Oh, I don't know. It's rather a relief, I think. After all, no one likes an eavesdropper about, do they? No, I think you obviously have a gift in that direction. When we get home to our own place, I think we should try and perfect it. 

So it may be a discipline for the Gallifreyans as well, not an inborn trait which came naturally to them.

As we know however, Susan never did make it home to Gallifrey with her Grandfather - at least not as seen on TV.  By the time we met her again in "The Five Doctors", she may have finally had the chance to go back.  If I had the opportunity to bring her back to Toobworld, not just in fanfic, I would cover that pozz'bility.

BCnU!

THURSDAY THEORY OF RELATEEVEETY - THE PAUL RYANS

In the main Toobworld, former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan’s presence as a member of the League of Themselves is voluminous… when it comes to political discussion programming.  And while that may add flavor to his Earth Prime-Time background, it doesn’t qualify as the founding qualifications needed for membership in the Television Crossover Hall of Fame.

Ryan has shown more presence in Skitlandia with appearances on ‘Saturday Night Live’ and even then he’s a televersion – first played by Taran Killan and then by Mikey Day.  

Not even his use in archival footate during comedy routines on the late night talk shows really help his case, unless – again – as “flavoring” for himself once he’s established in Earth Prime-Time legitimately.  For that to happen he has to appear as himself within the confines of a dramatic series with fictional series, even if it is as archival footage.
And lookee here!  We got one!
30 Rock
- Governor Dunston (2012)
... Himself (uncredited)
For Toobworld Central, that’s good enough to anchor Paul Ryan in Earth Prime-Time. 

Okay, I admit it.  I’m easy; but I’m not cheap! 

But let's face it, a guy who will pose for pictures like this should be a sitcom character!

Over the years we’ve seen that fictional TV characters have been related to real-life figures:

• Art Carney was related to Vera on ‘Alice’
• Tim Russert was related to Detective Megan Russert on ‘Homicide: Life On The Street’

and

• Bryant and Greg Gumbel are related to Sammy from ‘The Nanny’

So here’s the theory of relateeveety I’m proposing for Paul Ryan’s fictional televersion in Earth Prime-Time:

'THE D.A.'
(1971-72)

He is distantly related to Paul Ryan from the City of Angels, who was once the District Attorney in Los Angeles County.  When we as the Trueniverse audience saw him, he was the assistant district attorney, but he eventually rose to the position of District Attorney.  (His rise might have been a quick one as well, depending on when the L.A. D.A. was next fictionalized in one Los Angeles-based dramas.)
Ryan is no longer the Los Angeles D.A., but he is still alive, in his 80s.  And apparently distant cousins of his on the Ryan side of the family in Wisconsin decided to name their son after him back in January of 1970 because they were so impressed with him that they wished to set an example for their newborn son.

O'Bservation: 
Paul Ryan of Earth Prime was born two years before the series debuted.  But Paul Ryan of Earth Prime-Time already was an established TV character with TV movies in 1969 and 1971.  

Yeah, hurts your head, don't it?  Not the way it played out in the real world, but forget it, Jake.  It’s Toobworld….. 

BCnU!

WIKI TIKI WEDNESDAY - "THE HIGHWAYMAN"

In the 1971 TV-movie "They Call It Murder" which was based on a novel by 'Perry Mason' creator  Erle Stanley Gardner, Madison County District Attorney Doug Selby (Jim Hutton) finds himself attracted to one of his chief suspects, Jane Antrim (Jessica Walter). 

At one point, they bonded by quoting passages from an obscure poem to each other.  It was easy enough to track down with a Google search of a key line in that poem.

From Wikipedia:"The Highwayman" is a narrative poem written by Alfred Noyes, first published in the August 1906 issue of Blackwood's Magazine, based in Edinburgh, Scotland. The following year it was included in Noyes' collection, Forty Singing Seamen and Other Poems, becoming an immediate success. In 1995 it was voted 15th in the BBC's poll for "The Nation's Favourite Poems".

The Highwayman
BY ALFRED NOYES
PART ONE

The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees.  
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas.  
The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,  
And the highwayman came riding—
         Riding—riding—
The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door.

He’d a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin,  
A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin.
They fitted with never a wrinkle. His boots were up to the thigh.  
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
         His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.

Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard.
He tapped with his whip on the shutters, but all was locked and barred.  
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there  
But the landlord’s black-eyed daughter,
         Bess, the landlord’s daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

And dark in the dark old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked
Where Tim the ostler listened. His face was white and peaked.  
His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay,  
But he loved the landlord’s daughter,
         The landlord’s red-lipped daughter.
Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say—

“One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I’m after a prize to-night,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day,  
Then look for me by moonlight,
         Watch for me by moonlight,
I’ll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way.”

He rose upright in the stirrups. He scarce could reach her hand,
But she loosened her hair in the casement. His face burnt like a brand
As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast;  
And he kissed its waves in the moonlight,
         (O, sweet black waves in the moonlight!)
Then he tugged at his rein in the moonlight, and galloped away to the west.

PART TWO

He did not come in the dawning. He did not come at noon;  
And out of the tawny sunset, before the rise of the moon,  
When the road was a gypsy’s ribbon, looping the purple moor,  
A red-coat troop came marching—
         Marching—marching—
King George’s men came marching, up to the old inn-door.

They said no word to the landlord. They drank his ale instead.  
But they gagged his daughter, and bound her, to the foot of her narrow bed.
Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side!  
There was death at every window;
         And hell at one dark window;
For Bess could see, through her casement, the road that he would ride.

They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest.
They had bound a musket beside her, with the muzzle beneath her breast!
“Now, keep good watch!” and they kissed her. She heard the doomed man say—
Look for me by moonlight;
         Watch for me by moonlight;
I’ll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way!

She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good!
She writhed her hands till her fingers were wet with sweat or blood!  
They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like years
Till, now, on the stroke of midnight,
         Cold, on the stroke of midnight,
The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers!

The tip of one finger touched it. She strove no more for the rest.  
Up, she stood up to attention, with the muzzle beneath her breast.  
She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again;  
For the road lay bare in the moonlight;
         Blank and bare in the moonlight;
And the blood of her veins, in the moonlight, throbbed to her love’s refrain.

Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horsehoofs ringing clear;  
Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did not hear?
Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill,
The highwayman came riding—
         Riding—riding—
The red coats looked to their priming! She stood up, straight and still.

Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night!  
Nearer he came and nearer. Her face was like a light.
Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath,  
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
         Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him—with her death.

He turned. He spurred to the west; he did not know who stood  
Bowed, with her head o’er the musket, drenched with her own blood!  
Not till the dawn he heard it, and his face grew grey to hear  
How Bess, the landlord’s daughter,
         The landlord’s black-eyed daughter,
Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there.

Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky,
With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high.
Blood red were his spurs in the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat;
When they shot him down on the highway,
         Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with a bunch of lace at his throat..       .       .

And still of a winter’s night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,  
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,  
A highwayman comes riding—
         Riding—riding—
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.

Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard.
He taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred.  
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there  
But the landlord’s black-eyed daughter,
         Bess, the landlord’s daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

O'BSERVATION:
Mrs. Antrim made the observation that D.A. Selby was not the Highwayman of the poem, but instead he was the King's Man.  That should have been the tip-off for Doug that there could be no future for him with the beautiful young widow who must have seen herself as the inn-keeper's daughter.

BCnU!