get your armor

Drama, Drama

Hey everybody! I want to apologize for my random posting. I've just been so busy working almost 60 hours a week, going to my dance classes, and spending quality time with my family. When I get home at the end of the day, I just poop out! I just want everybody to know that I do read all the blogs on my blogroll, even though I don't comment on them.

Now on to more interesting things....



I want Maxwell to make love to me. He is so sexy!

There has been so much drama going on with Panda and her boyfriend. Her bf is basically a drunk loser. He's 24, he lives with his grandfather, he doesn't work, he's not in school. All he does is sit around and drink beer and smoke pot all day. He totaled her car (he claimed someone tried to steal it) he's always in and out of jail. Here's the kicker: he HIT her.  She's still with him. She lied to us (us being my friends... I feel the need to give them nicknames: Pleasure D, Brickhouse and KK) and told us that she wasn't going back to him but that same night she went RIGHT BACK to his house. All of us girls almost got into a fight with him, and she just sat in her fucking car and watched. Didn't do a damn thing. He broke my sunglasses and he punched me in my arm. You better believe that I got his ass back right in the eye before the girls dragged me to the car. They just wanted to haul ass before the cops came. I already told her I'm done with her. I refuse to help someone who doesn't want my help. I haven't talked to her in three days. I'm really scared for her.... he's gonna end up killing her. I don't know what else to do.
 
I've been tagged by some LOVELY people: the-beautifully-flawed-one.blogspot.com gave me the Honest Scrap award in which I'm supposed to reveal 10 truths about myself. Here goes: 

1.) I LOVE shopping. Whenever I hit the mall, I get this euphoric feeling. It's like the best orgasm you've ever had in your whole life multiplied by 100. I have a serious problem. Whenever I'm not shopping, I'm browsing clothes online. It's like Carrie Bradshaw said: "I like my money right where I can see it- hanging in my closet". Me too. Carrie Bradshaw ain't never lied. I do feel a little guilty when I shop though. Even though I have a nice little chunk of change in my savings account, I feel like I could contribute to it more if I didn't shop so much. 

2.) I LOVE my mommy. So much. More than words can say. 

3.) I cried like a baby when I heard about Michael Jackson's passing. I'm such a big fan of all his talents.

4.) I love this video: 

5.) I don't understand Twitter.

6.) I still have nightmares about being raped at 13. Sucks.

7.) I love cowboy boots. I have a bright red pair, and they're my favorite.

8.) I cried at my nephews kindergarten graduation. He's growing up so fast!

9.) I burst into song at random moments.

10.) I'm scared to get pregnant because I don't want to get those gross stretchmarks on my stomach.

Here's my second tag from thesweetheartchronicles.blogspot.com and poeticsatindoll.blogspot.com

1. Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.

2. Pass the award to other blogs that you've newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I'm tagging all my new followers!

Peace and Blessings,

vixen

There's Nobody Like Her

This is why I LOVE my mom: She just bought me a pair of bright red toe shoes. Later for the old pink ones! I can't wait to wear these babies to my dance class tomorrow! All the girls are going to be hatin' so hard!

Thanks, mom. YOU DA BEST!!!

Peace and Blessings,
vixen

Tired.

Hey! I wanted to do a post today, but I'm tired from a four-hour long love making session with my boyfriend. I'll get back to you guys as soon as my man and I get some rest.

Peace and Blessings,

vixen

"Everybody needs somebody/You're not the only one"- 'November Rain' by Guns N Roses

Tagged!!

I was tagged by my blog sister Lucky () Hey Lucky!

Here goes!

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1) Getting married
2) Having kids
3) My ballet recital next month
4) Seeing my 4 year old niece in her school uniform (She's starting kindergarten soon!)
5) Getting a pedicure. My toe shoes have totally ruined my sexy polish!
6) Getting the new Blackberry because my Blackberry Pearl sucks major monkey balls
7) Buying myself a digital camera because I didn't get one for Christmas
8) Corinne Bailey Rae's new album, whenever it comes out. She's one of my favorites.


8 Things I Did Yesterday
1) Showered
2) kissed my boyfriend, stepdaughter, and stepson
3) worked
4) called my grandma and sister
5) read natural hair blogs. I'm natural as well!
6) went to my ballet and jazz dance classes
7) wrote a poem
8) slept


8 Things I Wish I Could Do
1) Slash from Guns N Roses. I WANT HIM!!!
2) swim. I'm always talking about bathing suits, but I can't even swim
3) learn more about football. I just don't get it!
4) be invisible.
5) travel the world with my family
6) have a successful publishing company
7) record an album
8) meet Prince. But then I'd die from excitement.


8 Shows That I Watch
1) America's Next Top Model
2) For The Love Of Ray J
3) I Love Money
4) Taking The Stage
5) The Hills
6) 90210
7) College Hill
8) Harlem Heights

I'm tagging A.M., Tima and Nasha, iCandy.

Peace and Blessings,

vixen

Birthday Recap

Hey! I know I said that I would be giving you the details of my birthday to you on Sunday morning, but my grandma ended up having to have an emergency open heart surgery that day. Needless to say, I was scared shitless and blogging about my birthday wasn't something I was up for doing. She's fine now and the doctors expect her to make a full recovery. So thank the Lord for that. I love my Granny so much and I would be devastated if something happened to her.

My birthday bash was a huge success! It was the best time ever. My girls and I got all cute and dressed up (have you ever shared a bathroom mirror with five other girls? Craziness.) and we went to dinner first. Then went to sex shop where I got some things for my boyfriend and myself (one of those things includes a school girls uniform! Hottness! I can't wait for him to see it!) and my friends and I were just generally acting silly. After we left the sex shop, we went to see male strippers! OMG! Those dudes were so fine! My bestie Panda got a face full of peen from this stripper named Chocolate God. He was soooo fine. I'm glad my boyfriend wasn't there cuz he probably would have kicked my ass if he saw me drooling all over those strippers!! Thank God Panda was our designated driver, because by the time we left the strip club, we were tipsy as hell! It was Panda's bright idea for us to get someone liquor and take it back to her place. It was five in the morning, and all of us were FUCKED UP!!!! That was the best birthday I've ever had!!

Peace and Blessing,

vixen

It's Friday Night....

.....and I'm sitting at home by myself watching 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders Of The Eighties on VH-1. Why? Because my boyfriend doesn't get off work until 10. I can't wait to see him.... I need some peen. Even though we had a quickie this morning. : )  I love him so much, I'm so glad we're back together. I love falling asleep in his arms, kissing him , and spending time with his children. I love how he interacts with his kids..... It's actually one of the reasons why I fell in love with him.  I really feel like we're starting to come together as a real family. 

My leg is getting better. I put on my toe shoes this morning, and I actually could stand on my toes without my leg hurting. Out of all my dance classes, I miss ballet the most. I take jazz, hip-hop, tap, modern street styles, and ballet. I feel the most connected to the ballet classes because I've been taking them since I was 3 years old.  Hopefully I will be able to attend my classes again starting next week. 

I've been eating pretty well.... no binging and purging, no more starving myself, and I've been attending therapy. I'm really happy about getting better. I still have thoughts about losing weight, but I just push them out. I still do tons of sit-ups, because I'm so not trying to have a pudge while I'm rocking my bikini this summer, no ma'am. 

I'm really feeling this video this week. 

That is all.

Peace and Blessings

vixen

I Can't Think Of A Title For This

Hey hey hey everybody! Just thought I would check in.....

Live blogging while watching 'College Hill'.....

Terri's weave is HIDEOUS. 

Brandon isn't all that cute but his body is sick.

Milan is kinda fly in a stuck up diva-ish kinda way. (I secretly want to be her)

Kyle is such a queen! I want a gay bestie so bad.

Why is this Terri chick so dramatic? 

And where are her edges?

***Sidebar: my mom got me some yogurt! End sidebar.****

Chris is such a cutie.

GIRLFIGHT!!! Damn..... Milan almost ripped Terri's wack ass tracks out!

Oh no....one of the girls have to go! I don't want either of them to leave.

Damn they voted Terri out! : (

I love Allison's hair.

Recap: I've come to the conclusion that Terri has low self-esteem and Milan's makeup will melt off her face if she's overexposed to the sun. 

  ****

Today was a boring ass day....I worked.... came home, tried to clean my room, and caught up on some of my writing. Did I forget to tell you that I'm writing a book? I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I haven't been able to attend any of my dance classes this week because I pulled a muscle in my right leg while running around my block. I put on my toe shoes this morning, and I almost cried. I miss my classes so bad! I'm such a baby..... I'll be fine in a week. 

Ooooh.... I'm tired. Gotta go get my beauty sleep!

xoxo

vixen

P.S. Where is Tima and Nasha? Come back, girls! Young Black Beauty: sending you an email soon. I wanna read your private blog!

Bliss......

The ex and I have gotten back together.

This is the happiest I've been in a very long time.

I love him so much and while that is a very good feeling, it scares me to death.

Taking a chance and letting it all go.

Gotta jet.

Going to go make love to my man.

Peace and blessings,

Vixen

Random

Hey! Just wanted to say that I'm not neglecting my blog on purpose. It's just that my internet has been on some BULLSHIT!

Thank you so much for being patient with me.

Err...where do I begin? My life has been pretty hectic for the past three weeks. I've been working, going to my dance classes, attending the meetings for my eating disorders, and Christmas shopping.

Here's my Christmas list:

Daisy by Marc Jacobsa digital camera

Christian Dior Diorshow mascara in very black

this Louis Vuitton bag

The Complete First Season of Fame


My dance classes have been fucking awesome! I'm taking tap, jazz, ballet , and hip-hop. I love it!

So um.....the ex and I slept together on Saturday night. I stayed the night at his house. It was actually quite nice.....we talked, and assured me that her never cheated. I'm a little apprehensive about us getting back together because of my insecurities. I'm really afraid of getting hurt....it's kinda like I'm sheilding myself from any future pain. I'm scared if I let him back in something bad will happen and it'll blow up in my face. My biggest fear is that he'll find someone better (in my twisted head, better means skinner and prettier.) and forget about me. I love him , and I can't imagine not having him in my life. My fear of being hurt gets in the way of us being together , and I have a hard time trusting men. All the men that I've incountered have done really bad things to me (i.e. , my father walking out on me , my stepfather molesting me when I was younger , and being raped by another man when I was 13.) and I just can't seem to get over it. Errrr.....this is really complicated.

These are the songs I'm feeling this week:

It's Obama Time!

Tags And Things

***EDIT:I DELETED ALL THE MUSIC FROM THIS POST. IT MAKES MY PAGE LOAD SLOW!***

Hey hey hey!!

So sorry I've bee M.I.A.

Been crazy busy. Working my ass off. My great uncle (my dad's uncle) died Friday morning. He had a stroke. I miss him. He was the coolest uncle ever. Treated my sister and I like we were his own. In memory of him, here's "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd


So my sister and I go to our uncles funeral on Tuesday morning and can you guess who we saw? Our deadbeat dad. He spots us, and he turns around and starts walking in the opposite direction. He's such a dumbass jackass. Ugh. So my sister is getting all emotional about it when our favorite uncle V (he's a cross-dresser. I love his ass! More about him in a later post) strolls over. He hugs us, and tells us that he loves us. That cheers us up, but I'm still upset that our father ignored us, but I'm most worried about my sister. I don't want him to hurt her again. I do know that we will probably see him again on Saturday because our family is having a get together in honor of my uncle. I'm excited because I really don't get to see that side of my family too often.

Things with Panda didn't go well. She stood me up.
No call.
No text.
Nothing.
I don't even care. I'm not going to beg her to be my friend. That's that.



I've been tagged by Ms. Magnificent!

The rules are:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website

1. I have a fraternal twin sister. We aren't identical. I look like mom and she looks like dad. I'm ten minutes older than her.

2. I'm double jointed in my fingers and my toes.

3. I feel really bad for even admitting this, but I love my sister more than I love my older brother. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother but the way I love my sister is on a deeper and spiritual level.

4. I love rough sex. If I'm not getting my ass smacked and having my hair pulled while doing the do, I am not a happy camper. I also love deep kisses....if you're going to kiss me, don't give me a little peck! Use your tongue and make it nasty, please and thank you.

5. I love sunflower seeds.

6. I STAN for the Pussycat Dolls and Girlicious. (yes, I fux with bubblegum pop! don't judge me!) Their songs are so catchy, and their bodies are sick. I also love the way they dress.







7. I'm still stuck on my dad. If you don't know our history, please page down until you find this post: A Letter To My Father. That explains it all.


8. I'm half Haitian. My dad is a full blooded Haitian. His family moved to America when he was 5 years old. My mom is black.


I'm tagging:
Lucky
Tima and Nasha
iCandy21
Dope Fiend
contagiously cranky
luvinyounow
(I tried to post the links, but blogger is acting a damn fool! sorry!)

And now, I will leave you with two songs that I'm really feeling this week.

Almost-Tamia
Realize-Colbie Calliat

Peace and Blessings,
vixen

P.S. Get up and vote! I already did! It's up to us to help change our country for the better! Go team Obama!

Guilty Pleasures, Barack Obama, And A Meltdown Of Epic Proportions

Hey hey hey everybody! Did you miss me? Of course you did! LOL. I missed you guys too! Babies, vixen's exhausted.

I just want to stop and take a moment to tell you guys how happy your comments make me! You have no idea how much I look forward to reading them. I appreciate you guys for coming by my blog, and here's a big ol' HI! to all my new readers...adding you to the blogroll soon. : )

So I know you guys are wondering if I'm eating, and yes, I am. I had to. I was so weak it was to the point where I felt nauseous everytime I bent down to tie my shoes. I'm taking it slow because I know that I can't be cured overnight....this is really hard for me. I've had the urge to throw up everytime I eat but I'm fighting it. I can't let this eating disorder kill me. I went to my eating disorder support group meeting on Thursday night, and Victoria was there. She is the coolest white girl ever! I can tell we're going to be really good friends.

Um...what else? There's not too much going on in the life of vixen. Things with my twin sister are getting a little better. She's trying to do better with the kids, but I'm still doing a majority of the brunt work. Why, you ask? Because I love my neices and my nephew and I want them to have the best. The other night my 5 year old nephew said to me, 'auntie why do you work so much?' and it was then that I realized that I'm doing this for them. I love those kids more than the air I breathe.


Now, on to Mr. Barack Obama!!! I live in Nashville, and he's in town today! They blocked the street where my job is so that he can get to the debate tonight, and I saw him! Yep, you read right! I saw BARACK O-FREAKIN-BAMA!!! He waved at me from his car!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! I almost had a freakin heart attack I was so excited that he waved that me! That man is just brilliant, amazing, talented, and beautiful! He's the father I've always wanted. Seeing him made my whole day and it really gave me hope that things are going to change in our country. He's going to be a great president. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH I can't believe that brilliant man waved at me!

Anywhos..... I had a meltdown of epic proportions after I left work last night. I was thinking about how much my life has changed since I'm not with him anymore. He was my first boyfriend. Breaking up is so hard to do. It just hit me like a ton of bricks....wow, it's really over. I cried so much last night. I get a pain in my chest everytime I think about him. I miss being his girlfriend so much. *plays 'Can't Let Go' by Mariah Carey*

On to more fun things......
This is a list of songs that I consider to be my gulity pleasure songs. (This is a music blog, after all!)

What are your guilty pleasures? Musically and otherwise? Let me know in the comments!

Peace and Blessings,
vixen

The Happenings...

Hello world! How you been blog fam? I've been well, and I'm doing a lot better. : )

Working with the ex is a lot easier than I anticipated it would be. He's actually being a little too nice to me. Examples: he's been doing a huge majoritiy of my work for me, he let me listen to my ipod while I was working (which is a major no-no at my place of employment), and basically he's just been kissing my ass. I'm not gonna stop him...I'ma ride that shit the wheels fall off, ya dig?!? LOL!

I went to my first meeting Tuesday night. (Sidenote:Why was I the only black girl at that meeting?) While I was there, I met a 19 yr old named Victoria and we became fast friends. She's 5 ft 4 and she weighs 90 pounds. Oh my gosh, she is so tiny and frail. We talked and she was telling me that she wants to lose 15 more pounds. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything's gonna be ok. We hit it off like crazy though. I hope the both of us get better. There were so many girls at the meeting that were so skinny! Like there was this tall white girl, and she literally looked like a skeleton, she was so small. Being there made me realize how truly blessed I am and it's really motivating me to get better.

So this is my meal plan for today:

Breakfast: Special K with lowfat skim milk, an apple
Lunch: A bomb-ass salad, lol
Dinner: Steamed broccoli and a turkey sandwich

So far I've made it through breakfast and lunch without throwing up. I did feel a little guilty because I put a teaspoon of sugar in my ceral. Eating is really hard for me and the eating disorders that I have cannot be cured overnite. The thought of gaining too much weight terrifies me. Hopefully dinner will go well and I won't have the urge to puke it all up.


I'm so excited my best friend found the bridesmaids dresses! High-five for bargin shopping! Whatchu know 'bout getting 5 bridesmaids dresses from American Apperal? We found the flowers for the bouquet. My best friend jokes that she should marry me because I'm doing more planning than her future husband is, lol.


Work has been absolutely insane. We just fired a cashier that we just hired like a week ago. OMG homegurl was the biggest Debbie Downer/Negative Nelly EVER. She smells like beer and cat food. I'm so glad she's gone, y'all have no idea. (I'm going to hell for that...)

I will be back sooner than later, I promise.

Peace and Blessings,
vixen

P.S. Please show some love for my homegurl, http://thegirlintheglasses.blogspot.com/ she's having kind of a hard time right now. I love you Lucky! Things will get better, and we will find the loser who got your Blackberry!

I'm Back! Well, Kinda...

Lots of things happening in the dramatic saga called my life:


THE GOOD...
My best friend is getting married next October. I'm her maid of honor/hair stylist/makeup artist/assistant wedding planner. We picked out her dress yesterday so now we have the hard task of finding the perfect bridesmaids dresses. Wish us luck!

I recently got a promotion at my job and I have been working over 40 hours a week. This is explains why I haven't been blogging as much as I should. Sorry guys! But I'm trying. : )


THE BAD...
I've lost 35 pounds over the last 2 months. I was anorexic a couple of years ago. Cue relapse now. I'm trying to hide it from my family and it's really hard. They see right through me.

I still miss my father.

I have a sinking feeling that my boyfriend is cheating on me.


Peace and Blessings,
vixen