College student Natalie (Amy Forsyth) returns home to visit her best friend Brooke (Reign Edwards), and is surprised to discover that Brooke is now roommates with Natalie’s former adversary, the overbearing Taylor (Bex Taylor-Klaus). Annoyed at first, Natalie chills out when Brooke informs her that not only are the three of them going to Hell Fest, a legendary traveling horror attraction, later that night, but the VIP tickets for the event were secured by none other than Gavin (Roby Attal), who has the hots for Natalie.
Along with Brooke’s boyfriend Quinn (Christian James) and Taylor’s beau Asher (Matt Mercurio), the trio and Gavin head to Hell Fest, hoping it will live up to its reputation as the greatest horror attraction of all-time.
But the six will get more than they bargained for when a real-life serial killer (Stephen Conroy), donning a mask that makes him look like just another park employee, sets his sights on Natalie. And this particular killer never stops until he’s finished the job.
One of the best things about Hell Fest is its setting. Laid out like an amusement park, Hell Fest boasts dozens of rides and mazes to get the pulse pounding. Many of the attractions are damn creepy, as are the actors working them (the haunted school was especially eerie).
More than this, Hell Fest proves the perfect setting for a slasher film because the killer can take someone out and patrons will assume it’s all part of the show! Bloodied carcasses become just another prop. We get a sense of this early on, when Taylor and Brooke tell Natalie about a tragedy from a few years earlier in Orange Grove, when a girl was stabbed to death at a haunted attraction, then strung up, hanging there for days until her body started to stink (the movie’s opening scene features this very murder, the victim portrayed by Cynthea Mercado).
The actors playing the friends / potential targets of Hell Fest have great chemistry together. We really care about all of these characters, and while we accept not everyone can make it out alive, we root for them anyway. Most impressive of all, though, is Stephen Conroy as the killer. Hidden behind a mask the entire time, he moves methodically, never running or even walking at a fast pace. Like Michael Myers in Halloween or Jason Voorhees in the Friday the 13th sequels, the killer in Hell Fest doesn’t need to rush around. He knows he will catch up with his targets eventually, making those moments when he does all the more intense (a scene with Natalie in a rest room had me on the edge of my seat).
There is also a great reveal at the end of Hell Fest, a final scene so strong it will have you wishing a sequel, perhaps even an entire franchise, was in the works. As of this writing, that doesn’t look to be the case, and that’s a real shame.
A solid horror film and a terrific entry in the slasher subgenre, Hell Fest is sure to become an October staple for genre fans, and will stay one for many years to come.
Rating: 9 out of 10
Two are executed, while a third is tortured by having the skin peeled from his face. Now badly deformed, this soldier vows revenge.
Shot mostly hand-held, this opening features some genuine excitement. Still, it’s not exactly how you’d expect a movie titled Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! to kick off, is it?
Jump ahead to a modern-day Halloween night. The all-girl rock band Kill, Pussy, Kill has just finished a gig, and are on their way to an even bigger venue when they stop for gas. While there, one of the band’s members, Misty (Kelly McCart), disappears without a trace.
Searching for their friend, the rest of the group, aka Amber (Sara Malakul Lane), Cat (Lauren Parkinson), Natalia (Nicole Starling), Bridgette (Kelly Lynn Reiter), and their manager Roger (Tristan Ott), are approached by the station attendant Dale (Richard Greico), who claims he was asleep in back and has no idea of Misty’s whereabouts. To add to their problems, Roger’s van suddenly won’t start.
Informing the distressed musicians that his uncle has a van they can borrow while theirs is being repaired, Dale drives the group a few miles down the road, then gases them, rendering them all unconscious.
When they come to, Roger and the girls find themselves locked in a basement, where they are informed by an ominous voice (over a loudspeaker) that they are going to be tested. Those lucky enough to survive the test will gain their freedom.
Of course, not everyone will survive, as they discover when their first test is revealed: move to the next room and locate a hidden gun. The person who finds the gun must then kill one of the others!
Borrowing heavily from Saw, Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! has its share of violent scenes, some of which are effective (like when the gun is found by one of the girls), and some that are spoiled by wonky CGI (especially bad are the various explosions littered throughout). The film also introduces us to the Mastermind of this “game” (played by Jed Rowen but voiced by Dave Mustaine) and a few members of his “family”, including Bertha (played by producer Kelly Erin Decker) and an elderly little person in a child’s dress (Zahra Susan Ingersoll), a trio that gives the film something of a Texas Chain Saw Massacre vibe as well.
Considering Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! is a low-budget affair, the acting is fairly good, especially the girls in the band, who struggle with the decisions they are forced to make while under the control of the Mastermind.
Also turning up to help the girls is DJ Speed (Demetrius Stear) and his buddies (Tim Casper and David Oakes). DJ Speed is a former bandmate who was tossed out of the group earlier that night for forcing himself on Misty. He’s pulled into the chaos when he stops at the same gas station and notices Roger’s van off to the side. Though late to the “party”, the scenes with DJ Speed are fairly intense, and prove to be some of the film’s best.
Alas, Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! loses its way a few times, notably in the scenes involving the Mastermind’s family and how they handle the trick-or-treaters who knock on their door throughout the evening (they are literally in the middle of nowhere. Who in their right mind would walk several miles for a single piece of candy?). Intended to be funny (they aren’t), these scenes add nothing to the film. I also didn’t buy the Mastermind’s motivation for putting strangers through such a terrible ordeal, claiming it’s to help them appreciate their freedom (an even more egregious rip-off of Saw, and not a convincing one).
In addition, the music that plays throughout Halloween Pussy Trap, Kill! Kill! isn’t memorable, and even the band’s trip through the torture chamber eventually wears thin.
It’s hard not to feel some affection for Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill!. Writer / director Jared Cohn is clearly a fan of the horror genre, and he and his cast did their part to make it an entertaining homage to several classics that came before it. Unfortunately, the results are mixed, and while I’m not unhappy that I saw it, I doubt I’ll be adding Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! to my October watchlist anytime soon.
Rating: 5.5 out of 10
Ready to crash before the party ends, Sergio makes his way upstairs, only to hear sexual moans coming from behind a closed door. Chastising the lovers, he throws the door open.
There is nobody in the bed.
Suddenly, he hears the moans again, this time in the closet. Again, Sergio opens the door. Again, there is nobody to be found. Confused, he steps out into the hallway, where he has a frightening encounter with what could only be the ghost of a woman.
These opening moments of 2013’s Ghost Team One get the movie off to a chilling start. But as its story plays out, the scares give way to laughs, and while it is neither the funniest nor most frightening horror / comedy ever made, if is still an entertaining watch.
Initially reluctant to admit their house might be haunted, both Sergio and Brad have a change of heart when the gorgeous Fernanda (Fernanda Romero) shows a keen interest in the paranormal, and offers to help the two investigate these strange occurrences. Sergio, who is single, is immediately smitten with Fernanda. Brad is attracted to her as well, despite the fact he’s been dating Becky (Meghan Falcone) on and off for a while now.
As their probe into the house’s ghostly history intensifies, Sergio and Brad begin competing with one another to win Fernanda’s heart, never realizing that the spectral entity sharing room and board with them is becoming increasingly more dangerous.
With its emphasis on comedy over horror, Ghost Team One does have its share of funny scenes, most of which center on the leads’ attempts to win the affections of Fernanda, who is herself too busy obsessing on the supernatural to even notice. Also getting a few laughs is Tony Cavalero as Chuck, who is always confronting his roommates over what he sees as their lack of respect for the house they share (when we first meet Chuck, it’s the night after the party, and he’s screaming at Sergio and Brad after discovering someone took a shit in their kitchen sink).
Ghost Team One also boasts a couple of effective jumps scares, but horror is definitely not the film’s strength. And while the ghost does seem ominous at times (it turns out the angry spirit is that of a Filipino prostitute who once resided there), the film’s final 10 minutes, which feature a very unusual “possession”, are just silly enough to undermine the entity’s effectiveness.
I am definitely not a fan of how Ghost Team One ended, but it didn’t ruin all that came before, and with decent performances from the main cast and a handful of funny sequences, I ultimately had a good time with it.
Rating: 6 out of 10
And believe me… you will smile every time one of these nasty little bastards bleeds!
Written by Leigh Whannell (Saw) and Ian Brennan (the television musical Glee) and co-directed by Jonathan Millot and Cary Murnion, Cooties stars Elijah Wood as Clint Hadson, a wannabe horror novelist. To make ends meet until his book is published, Clint takes a job as a substitute summer school teacher in his hometown of Fort Chicken, Illinois. His first day, he reunites with former classmate Lucy (Alison Pill), also a teacher, and meets co-workers Wade (Rainn Wilson), Tracy (Jack McBrayer), Doug (Leigh Whannell), Rebekkah (Nasim Pedrad), and Vice Principle Simms (Ian Brennan).
Unfortunately for Clint and the other teachers at Fort Chicken Elementary, their Monday afternoon is about to get… strange.
It all starts when fourth grader Shelly Linker (Sunny May Allison) eats a tainted chicken nugget, which contains a virus that turns ordinary kids into cannibalistic psychos. The virus spreads like wildfire throughout the school, trapping Clint and the others inside. Now, this ragtag group of educators has no choice but to work together to avoid being eaten by their students.
Cooties is a horror / comedy that delivers plenty of both. The over-the-top characters are always good for a laugh, with dialogue that will have you in stitches (It’s Doug who first notices something odd is going on in the playground, and alerts his fellow teachers with the matter-of-fact line “Oh, look! Carnage!”). Especially good are Rainn Wilson as macho gym teacher Wade and co-writer Whannell, whose Doug is both the smartest (he’s the one who figures out how the virus spreads, and why it only affects kids) and weirdest of the group (when we first meet Doug, he’s reading a book titled How to Have a Normal Conversation).
That said, the film’s absolute funniest moment comes courtesy of star Elijah Wood, when his Clint introduces himself to the class by writing his name on the chalkboard!
When it comes to the horror, it’s the kids’ turn to shine. Particularly menacing is Patriot (Cooper Roth), a foul-mouthed wiseass who, before transforming into a flesh-craving maniac, planned to join the marines on his eighteenth birthday. Roth does a fine job turning Patriot into Cooties’ most unlikable character, and the rest of the young cast, hidden behind some pretty gnarly make-up, bring a childlike innocence to the carnage they unleash, using eyeballs as marbles and skipping rope with one poor victim’s innards.
Which brings us to the blood and gore, which Cooties has in abundance. From something as simple as a bite on the cheek to the more complex devouring of a teacher, the gore effects throughout Cooties impressed the hell out of me, and took the horror to a completely new level.
Toss in a few genuinely tense moments (including one with a little girl on a tricycle) and a handful of effective jump scares, and you have a horror / comedy that doesn’t sacrifice one in favor of the other. Cooties had me laughing and jumping at the same time.
Rating: 8.5 out of 10