It's All About Community


         I've been contemplating the idea of "community" for the past month. And I've come to realize how very mportant the concept is within my life.


         A dear friend of mine has lapsed into dementia, rather suddenly following a health issue. Anyone who has a family member or friend, or knows someone  connected to an individual in the dementia spiral, can appreciate the toll it takes on those closest to the afflicted. Your interactions change, your communications change and you must accept it and move forward while grieving the loss of the person you knew. It helps to have a community of people who care about the individual. Together we can hopefully help our friend still feel valued and loved.

       I find I need  a community of visually impaired and sightless people, as well as family and friends who support me through  the vision loss challenges. That's why I'm a Board Member for the local chapter of Foundation Fighting Blindness and assist with our support group. When I had to give up driving and then when I needed to learn to use a white cane, I wasn't sure I was up to the challenge. [To see how I handled it, check my archived posts for those labeled "Visualeyes"] But those in the support group knew exactly how I felt having gone through it. They reassured me I'd get there when I was ready.

     I also participate in a listserv for the visually impaired. The other day, a woman confessed to hesitation about using her white cane because she just knew everyone was staring at her and it was embarrassing. She was going on vacation and planned to use the cane elsewhere, around people she didn't know. She thought it would be a more comfortable environment to practice her mobility skills. My heart was racing and my palms were clammy as I read her post. With every cell in my body I understood her fear, her embarrassment, her sadness because I experienced it all. And guess who else tried out the cane on vacation around strangers? Yup, I took mine first to a beach town and then made my first "public appearance" at the LA-SCBWI summer conference. I was only semi-mortified in LA because I just knew 3 people out of about 1,000. 

         As writers, we definitely want a sense of community. Writing is usually solitary, and can be isolating. It's easy to feel vulnerable and lack confidence on your own. 

          But critique groups, blog buddies, web writing challenges, surround us with support, with guidance in writing, cheer us on after rejections, and understand the frustrations and snail's pace we've come to know as trying-to-get-published. 


        So many aspects of our lives involve a community. Even communities within communities. I for one, depend on them. I thrive with them. I'm grateful to be a part of them. Long live communities.

Visualeyes 8 and a half

As I work through my personal challenges of vision loss, I appreciate the support and encouragement I get from friends, family, blog followers, local RP chapter, and the online discussion group, RPList. But what is available to provide support, encouragement, and "community" for kids and teens with visual impairments? Not much that I can find on the big ol' Web. So I decided to start a blog for tweens and teens. It's called Help U C  [help you see] which reminded me of texting shorthand and should appeal to youth.

The format is a topic discussed or a question posed relating to dealing with vision challenges. As the moderator, I share how I relate to the topic/question, giving an example from my life. My hope is that tweens/teens (I'm aiming for ages 8-18) will feel comfortable and safe posting a comment and sharing about their own lives. For those still in the denial phase-still trying to quietly fit in and "act normal"- it's possible to comment or ask a question anonymously. I want kids and teens to find out that it really doesn't matter how old you are, all of us are in the same boat when it comes to coping and adapting. Our choices are different depending on our age and maturity, but teens can learn from kids as well as kids can learn from teens.

In setting up the blog, the teacher in me insisted I post some guidelines to follow, things like no name-calling, swearing, use of vulgar language, and showing respect for everyone. I think "feeding the teacher"  is as much as reason for developing this blog as filling a need for youth with vision issues. Last year, my inner teacher was sated by tutoring a 3rd grader at my former school in reading. I guess I didn't realize that I missed that mentor-mentee connection from teaching. The new tween-teen blog is a great way to fill that gap for me. I also think, as I move into mobility training, [yes, I AM going to do it! See previous blog for this topic] this will become a motivator for me. I can show Help U C followers that even adults get scared, even adults have to learn new things and it will hopefully help bond all of us together.

Remember my post on the word vigor? I am approaching this new venture with vigor!

Visualeyes 4

I've just about hit the "point of no return."  Today I received in the mail 3 copies of a letter from my eye doc that clearly states I am classified as "legally blind." There's no denying it now. There's no way to stretch the driving time longer. The path is clear. Today, my heart feels heavy. [Oh come on, snap out of it, Gail!!!]  Bus riding and sitting in the passenger seat is my destiny :-)

I do feel like I'm starting to move forward in this grieving/healing process. I've resigned myself to getting rid of the car. For those of you who have read my previous posts, I discussed the situation with my sister and we agreed that selling the car would work best for me and allow me to move on sooner to the new normal. As of Saturday, Dec.12th (?) I will be officially carless, A dear friend is buying the car so I know it will have a "good home," plus I can reconnect when I go to visit them.

The real work begins on Sunday the 13th. Buses will be fine during the week because they run frequently. The bigger issue will be weekends when routes tend to be once per hour and some become nonexistent. I think that will be the time to ask friends for rides or perhaps use taxis. I still need to work on feeling comfortable asking people for help. I'm a bit tentative on that since I've usually been the one doing the helping.  It's a slippery slope trying to maintain independence and feel self-reliant while knowing you are dependent on others, at least occasionally fortransportation.

Last night I heard a wonderful author, Bruce Feiler, speak. He concluded his book talk by sharing his recent difficulties with cancer of the leg (believed to have resulted from a fall as a child). Despite the invasive surgery, the 2 rounds of chemo, and the struggles in rehabbing, his attitude is positive and hopeful. He stated that he believed it was important to have a sense of community around you during difficult or tragic times. I so agree! My journey of facing the challenges of losing sight  would be unbearable without the support of family and friends. And believe it or not, having readers of this blog helps too. By writing about the tough moments, the triumphant moments, the contemplative moments, it leaves me feeling that someone might relate to them or have an "Aha moment" from something I've said and I could prevent a moment of sadness, or doubt, or worry for someone else. That's part of community as well. Helping each other out. Knowing that when we are weak, there's someone else around to be strong for us and provide support. I'll keep writing and I hope you'll keep reading. Your support means everything!