Letting go

It is said that we paint ourselves over and over and over again. If it is so, then this is the most true self-portrait I ever painted. I don't mean the physical resemblance (far off, and I didn't even try). More that it is a true portrait of my feelings. It is also the favorite thing I painted in 2013. Not sure why I didn't show it earlier... maybe because it came from the place we usually guard and keep for ourselves. I took pictures of the process, which I hope you will enjoy. 

-24"x36", mixed media on canvas-

After helping our daughter move far, far away and officially becoming an empty-nester, I tried releasing my emotions through a Flora Bowley way of painting. No thinking, just colors and music and layers... Here are the first stages of the painting.

And then the subconscious started working and she emerged, and the two birds with their beautiful wings spread out were suddenly there too...

I didn't fight it. I knew exactly that I was painting my children, and that it was me there, letting them go, calm and sure, and accepting of the new phase in our lives.

Interesting how those things happen.... It felt good.

When I finished the painting I was completely ok with all of it and ready to celebrate what comes next.

Can you believe that it is the last day of January? Already?

xoxoxoxo

Scattered....

I have a list of things I want to do - paint my bird series, paint on canvas, try a new technique, open my neglected journal, re-shoot some finished canvases.... and I can't seem to focus on any of those things. Time is slipping by while I read a blog post, click on a link, listen to music, put a load of laundry... YIKES! Why is it sometimes so hard just to pick up the brush and start?

I think I will put a timer on and as soon as I hit "publish" on this post force myself to paint for an hour and see what happens.

Until then, I'll leave you with the last angel I painted last year. Her "sister" sold, so they are not a pair anymore.

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you all merry, happy, healthy, fun everything :-)

Textures make me happy

- 19"x11.5" - mixed media on watercolor paper -

I totally don't know where I'm going with color, but I do know that I'm adding as much texture as the paper will handle. Both strong and subtle textures... I hope they'll work together well :-)

I'm debating whether to go in with blues, greens, purples and make it dark, or make it almost white. I guess since there are two of them I could do both? What would you do?

Not just one...

Why paint only one angel, when I can paint two? 

This is just the beginning, the first stage. They almost look like mirror image, but who knows, they might turn completely different. I don't even have a color scheme in my mind at this time...

Taking it slow

 As much as I love painting extra fast, from time to time I like to take my time with paintings. And whenever several weeks pass without me painting an angel, I get this nudge to pick up the brush...

So that is what I started today. I don't know how much time I will have in the following days, and it doesn't really matter since I want to paint this slowly. Layer by layer, day by day.... I wonder how will it look at the end :-)

Golden Angel

Black stabillo pencil, water and titanium white. Often the simplest materials are enough.

Don't you think cats make every scene seem somehow more relaxed?

Golden angel is for sale here.

Big painting finished :-)

It is done! 73" x 43" - the biggest painting I've done so far...

This is how it began: I didn't want to use stretch bars for the canvas, as they are not well suited for the way I paint. After some thought, my oh-so-handy husband asked if it would help if we temporarily stretch it on a hard surface. So it started with a visit to Home Depot, measuring and attaching the canvas to plywood. That is temporary thing, as the canvas will be sent rolled up and framed later. 

Where do you start when so much white is staring back at you? It took me two days to make myself begin. Then I started bravely with brushstrokes of dark colors and covered the whole surface. 

After that it was easier. I just attacked it. Day after day, after day. I didn't rush to finish it. I knew that the colors were supposed to be brown/tan, the background muted, three angels as the focal, so I worked in thin glazes of color to give it depth.

You can't see it here, but there were many textural elements added at this point, and it was interesting to see how the colors interact and glide over them.

Before the faces above turned into faces below. I had to ask for help.

So many times I do something with the eyes that I don't like, and I don't know how to correct it. Luckily, my daughter sees the problem with one glance.

I asked her if she can correct it, and without hesitation - she took the paintbrush and did. I was so happy with the result that I promptly asked her to help with the angel on the right too. What will I do when she leaves for college in couple of short months?

I might stick to textures, colors and other things I know how to do.

 

I'm holding my head here because I was waiting for my husband "forever" to push the button and take the picture, and I was extremely uncomfortable. Unfortunately the colors didn't turn right and I didn't want to repeat posing, so it is what it is. At least I have a document of it.

I loved painting big a lot. I also loved the calm, almost monochrome palette  But now I'm very ready to go back to many happy colors and my journal, birds and other regular stuff. Thank you for following this painting from the beginning to the finish line and for cheering me along the way!

xoxo