Go Home Spider-Man, You're Drunk

Drinking isn't totally anathema to super heroes - Wolverine and the Thing have been known to enjoy a cold beer or two, Thor probably drinks mead with every meal, and the Wasp and the She-Hulk are noted Girl Drink Drunks. (Some, of course, need to stay away from alcohol, like recovering alcoholics Iron Man and Captain Marvel.) But what about Spider-Man, the best superhero of all?  On one hand, Marvel may not want their marquee character to be portrayed as a drinker; but on the other hand as an ostensibly hip young person, it would be a little weird for Peter Parker to be a complete teetotaller. Thus, the compromise: he doesn't drink if he can help it, because he's really bad at it.

"Mattingly, I told you to TRIM those sideburns!"