The Monster Party

I found this incredible poster in Cracked Monster Party issue #5 from 1989 (credit to the original scanner of this issue). Since it was a poster, you'll notice a line across the middle of the page and some spots where the bat's wings aren't lined up quite right, but it's still pretty decent quality.  

Sure, some of the puns here are so cheap they'd make even Elvira roll her eyes, but I will say that Herman's "Hearse 54" joke isn't bad. Either way, I really love Severin's artwork here and on the companion piece from inside the issue:

New This Week 1.28.14

Wow, tons of new stuff out there today:

Scream Factory's latest double feature is this pair of of fun prehistoric creature featuress:

The Beast Of Hollow Mountain
Based on an idea by the legendary special effects wizard Willis O’Brien (King Kong, Son Of Kong, The Lost World), The Beast Of Hollow Mountain is a classic creature feature. An American rancher living in Mexico is staying near Hollow Mountain, an impenetrable swamp where, stories have it, dwells a living prehistoric Tyrannosaurus Rex!

The Neanderthal Man
A mad scientist uses his new serum on his housekeeper, turning her into an ape-woman. Like most crazed scientists, he then tries the serum on himself, creating…The Neanderthal Man! Robert Shayne (How To Make A Monster) and Beverly Garland (It Conquered The World, The Alligator People) star in this harrowing creature feature.

Pick it up from Shout!

Finally, at long last the legendary Argento's Dracula makes its US Blu-ray & DVD debut!

Horror maestro Dario Argento (Suspiria) puts his unique stylistic spin on the classic supernatural tale with DRACULA, a visually sumptuous retelling of the legendary myth. It s been 400 years since Count Dracula s (Thomas Kretschmann, Wanted) beloved Dolingen De Gratz passed away, leaving the immortal bloodsucker forever abandoned. But when he discovers that local newlywed Mina Harker (Marta Gastini, The Rite) bears a striking resemblance to Dolingen, his furious yearning is reawakened as he believes Mina to be a reincarnation of his beloved. Luring her husband Jonathan away to his castle with the help of his minion (and Mina s best friend) Lucy (Asia Argento, xXx), Dracula embarks on a bloody quest to reunite with his long lost love and live forever with her in hellish immortality. Only the arrival of vampire expert Abraham Van Helsing (Rutger Hauer, Blade Runner) can put an end to the fiend s unholy plan. Luridly violent and brimming with passionate eroticism, Dario Argento s DRACULA is an all-out assault on the senses from one of horror cinema s most celebrated auteurs.

Read my take here, if that doesn't scare you off, own it here.

Considered by many to be the first great American horror film, John S. Robertson's DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE allowed stage legend John Barrymore to deliver his first virtuoso performance on film. Blending historic charm with grim naturalism, this version of DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE is one of the more faithful of the many screen adaptations of Stevenson's story (though greatly influenced by T.R. Sullivan's popular stage treatment), recounting a visionary scientist's ill-fated attempts to unleash the human mysteries that dwell beneath the shell of the civilized self.

Mastered in HD from a 35mm negative, with a wealth of bonus material, this Kino Classics edition beautifully showcases the dramatic brilliance and gruesome thrills of this influential silent classic.

• Mastered in HD from acrhival 35mm elements
• Musical score compiled by Rodney Sauer, performed by the Mont Alto Motion Picture Orchestra
• Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde the 1912 Thanhouser version, starring James Cruze (12 min., Courtesy of Film Preservation Associates)
• Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, a 15-minute cut of the rival 1920 version, starring Sheldon Lewis, produced by Louis B. Mayer
• "Dr. Pyckle and Mr. Pride," a 1925 slapstick parody starring Stan Laurel
• "The Transformation Scene," a rare 1909 audio recording 

Amazon, or from Kino

Also out today on Blu-ray is the latest Hammer release from Millennium, Frankenstein Created Woman:

A tormented girl (Susan Denberg) drowns herself after her lover is framed for her father s murder and guillotined. Baron Frankenstein (Peter Cushing), experimenting with the transfer of souls, places her lover s soul into her body, bringing Christina back to life. With no memories of her past life, she becomes driven by a ghostly revenge and carries out a violent retribution on those responsible for both deaths.

Extra features: Commentary Featuring Derek Fowlds, Robert Morris, Jonathan Rigby; Frankenstein Created Woman Trailer; World of Hammer Episode ‘The Curse of Frankenstein’; World of Hammer Episode ‘Hammer Stars: Peter Cushing’; Brand New Documentary: Hammer Glamour; Animated Stills Gallery; Includes Exclusive Collectable Cards!

Amazon

Five university friends gather at a house party to ring in the New Year. Unbeknownst to them, an epidemic has erupted outside, causing outbreaks around the world. With nowhere else to turn, they barricade themselves indoors with only their phones, laptops, and other tech devices. They use their devices to research the possible cause of this outbreak. Information and video footage over flow their computers as they descend further into the cause and the ensuing chaos. As the virus spreads, the mood in the house changes from fear to paranoia. Who is safe? Who can they trust? Reality becomes blurred as they slowly discover the source of the virus causing the sickness...and there is no going back. 

The DVD includes a behind the scenes featurette and a commentary from the director - check it out at Amazon.

Scorpion's new Dangerous Beauties line debuts today with this double feature:

First up, MALIBU HIGH! Every teacher wanted to flunk her... but no one dared! As Kim enters her final year at Malibu High School, she has a few problems. Her grades are poor, her boyfriend has dumped her for a snobby rich girl and her financial situation is disastrous. She makes an after hours meeting with a teacher to improve her grade point average and soon, she is working her way through the entire faculty room! But when that isn't enough, Kim turns to murder as danger heats up!. Now see the cuolt classicfrom a brand new 16x9 master in HD from the original camera negatives first time anywhere!

Next up, HUSTLER SQUAD! You pay for the pleasure... the killing is free! An unlikely group of freedom fighters - professional prostitutes - are recruited by the U.S. Army to perform a dangerous, quite unorthodox military mission.! Watch this film in widescreen on DVD, from a brand new master from the vault elements, first time anywhere! 

Whoever did this write-up really likes exclamation points! Buy your copy today at Amazon!

And another Dangerous Beauties release with a write up as enthusiastic as the last:

First up, RUNNING HOT! Acclaimed actor Eric Stoltz (Mask, Pulp Fiction) stars in this volatile tale of star-crossed lovers in a last ditch escape from the law. A stripper (Monica Carrico) watches the trial of a younger man (Stoltz) accused of murdering his father. As she falls in love with his tragic image, she writes love letters to him in prison. When the object of her obsession shows up at her doorstep, having made a bloody escape, she joins him in a perilous, passionate run for their lives from a sadistic cop (Stuart Margolin, TV's Rockford Files). In the tradition of Badlands and True Romance this thrilling 1984 film is a rare gem directed by award winning director Mark Griffiths, and from the producer of the popular TV show The O.C... Now see the cult classic from a brand new 16x9 master in HD from the original camera negatives first time anywhere!

Next up, HOT TARGET! At first glance, Christine Webber (Simone Griffeth, Death Race 2000) would seem to be a woman who has everything. A wife of a successful NZ businessman, she is beautiful, sophisticated, stylish - the perfect wife and mother. But scratch the surface and see that Christine is also a Woman trapped by the very "perfection" of her life.Watch this film in wqidescreen on DVD, from a brand new master from the original IP, first time anywhere!

Get it at Amazon

After a mysterious and bloody massacre in their isolated country house leaves her parents and younger brother dead, 11-year-old Neve is taken by police to friends of the family to be looked after. When Neve tries to explain that an evil force within the house caused her family s deaths, she s met with disbelief from both the authorities and her new family. As the police try to find the crime s real perpetrators, Neve is given a social worker to try to ease her trauma. But before long it becomes apparent that whatever killed her family has followed Neve to her new home, and soon she and all those around her are in mortal danger of the malevolent power that seems to be tied to the innocent girl. A pulse-pounding supernatural thriller, DARK TOUCH weaves the tension of a horror film with the plight of a newly orphaned girl to create a unique examination of the paranormal. Buy the DVD or Digital Download from Amazon.

 
And finally, the Rifftrax release of Umberto Lenzi's 1988 film Ghosthouse (La casa 3) is out from Legend Films. Funnily enough, this movie never received an actual US DVD release, but here it is with Mike and the former bots Rifftraxing it up. According to the cover it has both the Rifftrax and the original audio which is great for Lenzi fans who don't care for Rifftrax. And even greater for people like myself who are fans of both Lenzi and Rifftrax. Get it here.

Argento's Dracula 3-D Own It January 28th...If You Dare

The best Dracula film ever made by Dario Argento, Dracula 3-D is being unleashed on an unsuspecting viewing public by IFC & MPI January 28th. The Blu-ray will contain the film in both 3D and, uh, regular D along with a behind the scenes featurette and a pair of trailers.

I've seen and reviewed this one before, so I know it's not a movie I want to purchase, but, like the theatrical poster they released a few months back this new cover art is tricking me into thinking this movie is awesome. I might end up owning it, but certainly not until it hits somewhere in the $5 range. If you haven't seen it yet, if there were ever a perfect "rent before you buy" movie, this is it. Rent it first.

From Blu-ray.com:

IFC Films and MPI Home Video have officially announced that they will release on Blu-ray Italian director Dario Argento's Dracula 3D (2012), starring Thomas Kretschmann, Marta Gastini, Asia Argento, Rutger Hauer, Miriam Giovanelli, and Unax Ugalde. The release will be available for purchase on January 28th.

Horror maestro Dario Argento (Suspiria) puts his unique stylistic spin on the classic supernatural tale with Dracula, a visually sumptuous retelling of the legendary myth. It's been 400 years since Count Dracula's (Kretschmann, Wanted) beloved Dolingen De Gratz passed away, leaving the immortal bloodsucker forever abandoned. But when he discovers that local newlywed Mina Harker (Gastini, The Rite) bears a striking resemblance to Dolingen, his furious yearning is reawakened as he believes Mina to be a reincarnation of his beloved. Luring her husband Jonathan away to his castle with the help of his minion (and Mina's best friend) Lucy (Argento, xXx), Dracula embarks on a bloody quest to reunite with his long lost love and live forever with her in hellish immortality. Only the arrival of vampire expert Abraham Van Helsing (Hauer, Blade Runner) can put an end to the fiend's unholy plan. Luridly violent and brimming with passionate eroticism, Dario Argento's Dracula is an all-out assault on the senses from one of horror cinema's most celebrated auteurs. 

Argento's Dracula Gets Misleadingly Awesome Poster

Pretty much everyone who has seen Dario Argento's 3-D Dracula knows that it's anything but awesome. Dreadful, ridiculous and hilarious, sure. Awesome? Nope. For the US theatrical release (why?) IFC has decided to try and dupe everyone into thinking otherwise by commissioning this incredible piece of art for the theatrical poster.

I say avoid this one. As do these people. But for those of you who aren't swayed by those negative reviews and are still interested in seeing one of the worst Dracula movies you'll ever see, you will be able to do so starting October 4th.

Dario Argento's Dracula 3D - Review

Director: Dario Argento 

Writers: Dario Argento (screenplay), Enrique Cerezo (screenplay)

Stars: Asia Argento, Rutger Hauer, Thomas Kretschmann

The story: Jonathan Harker travels to...you know what, I don't think this part is necessary, it's fucking Dracula. See Tod Browning's Dracula, John Badham's Dracula, Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula, etc. We've seen this dozens of times now, it's the same basic story with the same basic characters. Only much, much worse this time.

Aside from Sleepless I haven't really enjoyed an Argento film in some time. Not since Opera way back in  1987? Granted I haven't seen all of his recent stuff like Giallo or The Card Player, so maybe those are decent, but ever since Phantom of the Opera I've been really reluctant to give a lot of his current films a chance. I think I first saw the trailer for this about a year ago. Once I saw the huge CGI praying mantis in the trailer I knew two things; 1) this was going to suck and 2) I was going to have to check it out the second I had a chance.

Dario Argento's attempt at a 3D Dracula film is kind of a mess. It features awkward acting, stilted dialog, cheap production design and truly awful CGI. There's really just an overall air of stupidity about the whole production. That said this is not quite as awful as I'd heard. Don't get me wrong, it blows, just not as hard as I thought it would after seeing the trailer and reading some early reviews.  

Dracula Vs. Frankenstein - Media Blasters DVD Out Now

Media Blasters announced that a remastered DVD and Blu-ray of Dracula Vs. Frankenstein would be coming last Summer. They ultimately scrapped the Blu-ray and pushed the DVD release back until "eventually". Well it looks like they have finally quietly released this thing, but just barely. It's only available through market place sellers on Amazon. And places like Walmart and Best Buy have it available to order but it's listed as backordered and won't ship for 5-10 days. So, if you're interested in this title, pick this up at once because who knows how long it's going to be out there. I got mine for under $9 from Amazon Marketplace, cheapest appears to be ImportCDs for under $6.

Dracula vs. Frankenstein

"Sensational sequel to 'The Curse of Frankenstein". - Uh, no it isn't

Director: Al Adamson

Writers: William Pugsley, Samuel M. Sherman

Stars: J. Carrol Naish, Lon Chaney Jr., Regina Carrol, Greydon Clark (future director of Final Justice!*)

Runtime: 90 Minutes

Dracula tracks down a wheelchair bound Dr. Frankenstein (under the alias of Dr. Durea)  who operates a spook show called The Creature Emporium. He offers Dr. Frank the body of his original monster in exchange for a blood serum that will make him immortal.

Al Adamson's Dracula vs. Frankenstein is cheap and inept, but a hell of a lot of fun if you're in the right mood for it. Zandor Vorkov makes for an entertaining Dracula. He's hammy and goofy, but he's kind of a hoot to watch and his odd facial expressions kept me smiling throughout the movie. Don't let the awesome cover art fool you though, the monsters both look like crap. Dracula looks like Ben Stiller in a 70's porn actor costume with corpsepaint slathered on his face. Frankenstein's mask looks like it was made entirely of play-doh and sadness. Despite the title of the movie you actually don't see much of Dracula, and even less of Frankenstein, but you do get to see a pretty entertaining final showdown between the two.

As expected, the DVD looks quite a bit better than the previous Troma release. Some scenes do look pretty bad, like a day for night scene of a battle between the two monsters, but day for night usually looks pretty awful, so that's to be expected. Overall things look good given the low budget nature of this movie. The DVD has so many features it's almost ridiculous. That makes the lack of advertising this release has received all the more baffling. Looks good, loaded with features. Let's release it and not tell anybody. Odd.

Gore

Most of the gore is just a bit of blood splashed on the faces of the victims. There are a couple of decapitated head shots that are well done. They were shot to hide the faces so you don't get anything as bad as something like in Wizard of Gore.

 Sex/Nudity

Not much. Regina Carrol has some pretty mesmerizing cleavage, especially in her stage outfit at the beginning of the movie. She has kind of a harsh face, but such a nice body that you are able to overlook the facial harshness to the point where she's actually hot in an odd kind of way. There is a very brief nudity shot with one of the girls Lon Chaney Jr. murders, but it's literally about a second long.

 

 

This movie looks cheap, but man is this a beautiful shot

Things to watch for:

Dracula speaking in echo

Weakest vampire bite ever
Play-doh Frankenstein

Amazing Terrible Dracula power ring effects
"Experimenter" - that can't be a word, right?
Midget Axe Faceplant

Here's a plot point I had a problem with. Dracula needs Dr. Frankenstein's help to make an immortality serum, but I thought Dracula was already immortal? Killable under a couple of circumstances, sure, but as long as he stays out of the sunlight, and he avoids a wooden stake stabbing I was under the impression he would just live forever. Am I wrong?

Here's another thing I found amusing. The Dr. is in a wheelchair. Now, there's nothing funny about wheelchairs, but I think once you're in a wheelchair you might want to cut out the mad science-ry. I mean by the very nature of your chosen profession you have to assume that at some point someone is going to try and kill you. Be it someone you're about to science on, a loved one of someone you're about to science on or one of your creations going berserk on you. You roll around all day in a large awkward chair with your head at perfect baseball bat swinging height. Unless the person attacking you is a midget or has no arms or legs you are pretty screwed.

Macabre Movie Poster Madness - The Bloodening Part 2: Lost in New York

This is a bit of a sequel to a post I made on Space Bastard, back when I was still trying to run two blogs at once. A site that might hold a world record for Chinese wang enlargement/other non-wang enlargening medication spam comments. Seriously, this is just from one post.

Levres de Sang (Lips of Blood) - 1975. Directed by Jean Rollin

Blood Orgy of the She-Devils - 1972. Directed by Ted V. Mikels. Also known as Female Plasma Suckers. I didn't think you could top Blood Orgy of the She-Devils for a movie title, but I think Female Plasma Suckers might have done it.

Blood Beach - 1981. Directed by Jeffrey Bloom. This is a fairly awesome Italian poster that I had never seen until I was searching for posters for this post. The immature side of me would like to point out that this poster says both "tit" and "anus" on the upper left corner.

The Bloodeaters (Toxic Zombies) - 1980. Directed by Charles McCrann. I'm not exactly sure how one would eat blood. Drinking it, of course, but eating it? You'd have to make some ice cube blood popsicles, or use it like strawberry sauce on a sundae or something. But then blood isn't really a dessert, I guess it'd fall under the condiment category.

Taste The Blood of Dracula - 1970. Directed by Peter Sasdy. If anyone is interested, I'm considering cleaning this one up and bumper stickerizing it.

I hope you've enjoyed this installment of Macabre Movie Poster Madness. I'm planning on getting back into post more of the stuff I posted at Space Bastard, i.e. Posters, Trailers, Stupid old Ads featuring hockey legends hawking BB guns. You know, for kids.

Macabre Movie Poster Madness - The Hammer Edition

Today, I thought we'd take a look a some Hammer posters. This set is a little one-sided, 80% Dracula, 20% Frank. Rasputin and The Reptile will just have to wait.

Dracula Has Risen From The Grave - This poster is way to cutesy and makes it seem like a wacky comedy - it would've been a great Love At First Bite poster - but something about this poster intrigues me. I think it's the pink band-aids. Yeah, that'll work.

Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell - The top half of this image was featured on my site's most popular banner. In fact, posting this one makes me kinda miss that banner. I lost the original file when I made the old blogger to new blogger transition, but I think I might have to do it over.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula - This stunning Japanese (see, told you they were good) poster would have to be in my top 5 favorite pieces of Hammer artwork. In fact I am in the middle of making a DVD cover using this poster. If it turns out okay, I'm sure I'll probably feature it here at some point.

Dracula AD 1972 - Another brilliant Japaneser here. When I become loaded (in the rich sense, not like drunk loaded) these two are essential purchases for me.

Dracula AD 1972 - Yes, another Drac AD72 poster - titled Dracula 73 on the poster.

I hope everyone is enjoying the new year so far. Things have been okay for me this first week. But I have had two sad losses so far. 1) Taco Bell is no longer making the Volcano Taco. Just as soon as they'd introduced this delightful red-shelled monstrosity to me they've taken it away. This not 3 months after I discover my favorite chips of all time - Fiery Habanero Doritos - have been taken off the market due to poor sales. It's a bad time to be a fan of hot.

2)My Zune has officially bitten the dust. I got a refurbished first generation model on Woot.com for $80. I loved the big bulky brown bastard. I even stuck up for it when people asked "what the hell is that thing, some kind of wallet?" But I'm looking at it right now, completely in pieces after an ill-advised attempt to repair it myself. I knew it was totally dead before I actually opened it up. Otherwise I wouldn't have actually done it. I tried the "open it up, look for something that came uplugged" approach. If it works with my car, why not my Zune? Oh well, I got 15 months out of it, not bad for a refurbished, out of date MP3 player.

As you might've noticed with the semi-frequent posting, I'm trying to get this site up and running properly again. I'm trying to post more, and different kind of stuff to keep the site interesting. I've even got a few little projects for the site I'm working on:
A Double Feature cover song compilation
A New Werewolf compilation (bands who play songs named after movie titles)
An attempt at a Podcast (Idea swiped from Cosmobells) -

The first two things should've been done some time ago, but I'm a slacker, so they are still in the "being worked on" phase. The Podcast, not going too well. I've gotten like 30 minutes, but I'm not happy with it. I like the song choices, not too obvious, but not pretentiously obscure. But it's just not going together too well. I don't know if I'll actually finish this thing up.