If any therapists are reading this, feel free to skip this post or at least know that I do not intend to offend you or your profession.

I happened upon that phrase while scrolling somewhere. I thought that it is a harsh thing to say and while it is not something I entirely agree with, I also do not entirely disagree with it. It was real provocative too, so it really got me thinking.

As someone that has done hundreds of hours of therapy with little to show for it, I feel like it is an understandable thing to say because on a deep fundamental level, I truly get it.

If you are talking to a friend or loved one (who is not being paid to talk to you) about mental health, if you bring up some personal issue, raise a life problem, anything deeper than surface level interpersonal stuff, there is a high likelihood that the conversation will steer towards a version of this question: have you tried therapy?

That is - probably unintentionally and unbeknownst to them - the signal to me that the conversation is now over. They do not have the mental capacity to talk about it at the moment, maybe they feel they are out of their depth with such a heavy subject matter, or perhaps they do not have the life experience to relate to it. Maybe all of the above. It is all fair enough. So they bring up their best bet for a solution that in their mind might help. It gets very old but I remind myself to appreciate their good faith and good intentions.

The answer to that question is that yes I have indeed tried therapy. I have tried so much therapy, in fact, that whole teams of therapists have concluded that therapy cannot help me. I would be remiss if I was not open about that bias, and it is probably the reason I have found the incentive to spend so many hours writing this post in the first place.

The way we behave and interact with each other is unrecognizable compared to just one or two centuries ago before industrialization. It used to be that whatever troubles you were dealing with, you probably had a community around you. Even if you did not talk about what troubled you directly, the people were there to make you feel safe. You didn't have to talk about diagnostic criteria and therapeutic methods and psychiatric theories and mindfulness and self-help resources... you had people to talk to. The simple fact that people were around you all day every day meant that you got on with it and coped with things. You had a neighborhood or village or whatever in which friends and family lived and worked closely together every day. People to talk to all day. That is therapeutic in itself.

Nowadays, work-life balance is such an enforced thing that connections seem to be in rigid boxes. Not that people are not friends with their coworkers, but it is my impression that it is kind of rare to truly befriend a coworker. So you have a box that is called work, and you have a box that is called life. And you do not much mix them together - you certainly do not talk about heavy life things at work. Big no-no, even though it is the former that takes up a majority of most people's time awake during the week. Not to go on a tangent about capitalism, but the way our entire system is built up around individualism is not something that can be ignored here either. Through urbanization, we seem to have lost our sense of one another. I of course cannot speak to other societies than my own, but I do see these sentiments from people that live in other countries of the western world too.

I do not think that it is controversial to conclude that individualism can be extremely harmful. The we-society of the past pretty quickly transformed into our current me-society. So much so that "self-help" is a huge industry. A lot of people are getting by just fine of course, but for those of us who are not fitting into boxes, this societal obsession with individualism only worsens our states of mind. Off to school, off to university, off to work, start a family, get married, build a house, mow the lawn, rinse and repeat for the next generation. That is what the majority is doing and they have little to no problems doing it. Some of them think it is so normal and easy, even, that it becomes repetitive so they find themselves calling it the hamster wheel and start writing articles about how boring it is to be married and have children and own property.

But if you do not fit into those boxes, are not capable of these things, do not have a supportive environment, well good luck to you, there will be no networking, no meaningful connections, there will be major hardship ahead if you have not somehow managed to figure it all out on your own. Due to being even slightly socially inept, behind your peers in any way, or if you chose a different path in life, chances are that you are sooner or later going to run into this so-called platonic prostitution of the therapeutic industry.

On your own, family might be there but they are not truly supportive, might have a friend or two but they are not really close friends that can be relied upon for important stuff. Try to talk to them about things and they end up distancing themselves because it is either not that kind of relationship or they do not actually care or you are simply too much to handle for them. Therapy becomes the answer when you bring up the tough subjects and the things that happened as a child, be it bullying or emotional neglect or some kind of violence against you that the adults should have been there to protect you from or at least have seen the signs afterwards but never did. You are far enough outside of what is considered the normal problems, or you are already far enough into a long spiral of mental health issues, or far enough into the depths of psychiatric diagnoses that in order for someone to talk to you, to help you, they have to be paid to do it. How humiliating. But you are told therapy is the only way to help you.

Unfortunately all you can get is one session every two weeks. And the therapist does not even have time for all your problems despite being paid a hefty hourly rate by you or by the system. Come back next time and hope they remember their notes because otherwise you will spend half of their precious scheduled time reiterating your issues and reminding your therapist of your history. But you tell yourself that it is fair enough that they forgot some minor details like the death of your loved one. They are paid to be there, but they are only human after all, you tell yourself it is not fair to expect them to perfectly remember everything. Never mind all the other problems that arose in the time since the previous meeting, but there is not enough time to talk about that. But this is therapy, this will help and things will get better now!

I would usually spend the rest of the day after a therapy session thinking about what I forgot to bring up. The next day I would try to write a few things down, but once the next session comes around, those things are already out-dated and they do not seem to be relevant anymore. It does not matter anyway because there might have been a new cut on my arm because of things brought up in therapy that there was not enough time to process, and I did not care to hide it, and so now the entire new session is spent treating this tiny symptom of illness instead of the years of trauma that is the reason for it. That is how it has to be because the therapist has rules to follow, a system designed in such a way that something like self-harm must immediately be brought front and center. Forget your traumas for now. Forget your life circumstances. Let us do some breathing exercises! Let us do some grounding techniques! We should engage in some mindfulness!

Anyone would probably become mentally unwell and fulfill diagnostic criteria for something or other if their living situation became bad enough. Top of your class, job interviews, get romantically involved and move in to a great apartment together, get accepted to university, probably not going to be a whole lot of symptoms there when things are going great and breezing by. Lose it all though and you are suddenly a textbook example of multiple mental illnesses. Have you tried therapy?

But it will not cure loneliness, unemployment, financial ruin, bad environments, abusive homes. Probably not a lot of therapists would claim that it does, but those unfamiliar certainly do tout it as the cure-all, because they simply do not know better, because individualism is taught as the way of life from the moment you exit the womb. And it is so harmful. The things that therapy claims to solve is to stand on your own two feet and be self-sufficient, self-reliant, stable, need minimal help from the outside. It has even gone so far that a concept of co-dependency has been invented to be a criteria for diagnoses because god forbid you are actually a human being who relies on others like the pack animals we are. Even if you do not rely on others, if you truly desire to do it all on your own, it takes months and months and years and years to get there because of the time between each appointment you can get. It is not even in any way a holistic approach. It is one piece in a huge puzzle, the rest of which you probably cannot even find professional help with.

Let us say that the solutions to all sorts of problems in life are contained in a big toolbox. All those tools will be needed in one way or another, at one point in time or another, throughout life. Therapists are, for some reason, said to know the entire toolbox. Again, they do not claim this themselves. It is society that vaguely thinks so. But the therapist really only knows how to use a small set of the tools needed to repair you. Hopefully the therapist you find is competent, but you might get unlucky and not even know it before it is too late and damage has been done by the wrong treatment being used. They specialize in specific methods but end up applying the wrong one to you. Laymen put them on a pedestal as a mythical force that can solve all manner of serious and complex issues with just a few words of wisdom here and there, or they have hidden gems of mind blowing advice.

But as I have come to see it, the cure to most things that therapists try to solve is simply the formation of a bond. Yet when they undergo their training, it is specifically instilled in them that they should not ever form a bond with their clients because they should not get emotionally invested in them on account of it would cause burn-out to take on so much suffering from people every day. So they create a wall between themselves and the client, a distance they proclaim to be healthy for themselves but what most people would think was worryingly cold if it were any other meetings between two humans. But because one part is paying the other, it is fine, and it is also not a real bond with another person anyway because money was exchanged and services provided. It is robotic.

A bond and a community is what would solve the problems a lot of people who are in therapy have. But we are on average way too individualistic for that. Therapy would not exist to the extent it does if it wasn't so difficult to find solid friends and relationships in modern society. If we all had a tight knit circle that we could lean on, there would not be anywhere near the current demand for therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists and social workers and mentors and advisors and teachers and whatever other mental health professionals I could list.

The key is that the client-therapist relationship is inherently transactional. And so it can never be the nurturing environment that it needs to be to get better and to improve and to become a functioning individual. Even terms like emotional labour have been invented only to become a commodity through which an entire industry is built. People selling their time to help the less fortunate because they sure as hell will not do it to such an extent for free. Maybe some of them also volunteer their services, but I have a hunch that they are few and far between. They are good people for trying to help, but at the same time, they really are only even talking to me because they are getting paid to. That simple fact ruins any and all feeling of sincerity right away.

Why is a therapy-like session not something the average person simply just does for their next of kin? A favour to be returned when the time comes. Some people require more, some people require less, and that ought to be fine. But instead we have this whole industry of people that can sell themselves as the solution to oftentimes unsolvable problems. And those that never even tried it will also help sell it because their social media regurgitates fancy terms that sound smart on their feed, making it sound like a miracle.

But because of our individualistic way of life, or because what we struggle with is outside the norm, or because we did not grow up in a supportive environment, or we experienced things when we were very young, or we do not fit into exact boxes... Whatever it is. It is now entirely socially acceptable for everyone and anyone to say that they cannot deal with this, it is too much, you should get professional help. You do not need a friend, you need therapy.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I’ve been taking a stack of meds for a couple years now and they work great for me. It’s Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Vyvanse.

But I’ve been feeling numb recently. I told my psych, and we’re going to trial letting go of the Prozac. What should I expect? I’d like to have food taste good again, but I also don’t want the depression to come back.

My psychiatrist says that I should reach out to her if I feel intense multiday sadness, but are there other signs I should be looking out for?

I guess I’m just trying hear more about other people’s experiences with quitting/tapering off antidepressants.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I've decided to give up my kidney to a stranger and document the process and hopefully my posts can be the kind of resources I wish I had when I first looked into this.

Someone here recently linked to Scott Alexander's post on his non-directed donation experience [1] and afterwards I got recommended Jesse Eisenberg's interview on his experience [2]. I think this led to me thinking about the subject and deciding that I at least need to look into this and see if my worries about it are founded. It turns out they are not. Here are the highlights of my research:

1. Compared to other activities, donating a kidney is not especially risky [1]
2. It is entirely free; all aspects of the process are free including travel [5]
3. If anyone in your family needs a kidney, they are at the very top of the list for a living donor kidney [3]
4. NKR will cover up to $2000/week in lost wages using Donor Shield [5], though if your work allows you to take paid time off, I highly recommend you save their resources for those without that luxury
5. Non-directed donors can use "chaining" to have their one donation result in 3-7 further donations due to matchmaking on the NKR (this is complicated to summarize, ask if you want information or see the link) [4]

Step 1: Reach out to the National Kidney Registry (NKR)

The ideal way to become a non-directed donor is to reach out first to the NKR. They run the family voucher program that protects your family should they need a kidney in the future. They first have screening questions, then there is a questionnaire about your medical history that you complete, and immediately upon completion, they have labs ready for you to take. I reached out to NKR yesterday morning and had labs completed yesterday afternoon at a local clinic.

As for what's next, my labs will come back and the NKR says I will then choose a preferred donation center. I have absolutely no idea what considerations matter when choosing the best donation center. I assume something local, since I can't fly immediately after surgery and the drive home will be painful.

If you've considered kidney donation and didn't do it, what held you back? I want to know to 1: see if I can correct a false belief you have about the process or 2: see if I should reconsider this whole thing. Also, if anyone wants to join me on this journey, click on any NKR link and click the donate button and let's do this!

[1] https://www.astralcodexten.com/p/my-left-kidney

[2] https://youtu.be/udZi-l8H5jY

[3] https://www.kidneyregistry.com/for-donors/i-want-to-help-a-stranger-in-need-of-a-kidney/

[4] https://www.kidneyregistry.com/for-donors/start-a-chain/

[5] https://www.kidneyregistry.com/for-donors/kidney-donation-blog/does-it-cost-anything-to-donate-a-kidney/

I want to donate my kidney (not to anyone in particular, which would make the process far more straightforward), but I need help navigating the bureaucracy. Here are things I have seen about living kidney donation online:

• You can select five people to get priority access to kidneys if they need it (e.g., parents, spouse, kids)
• They will fly you to where you need to go for screening
• They will cover lost wages during recovery

Now I don't know who "they" is, or how to go about getting answers to these questions. Since I'm not tethered to a particular recipient, I can choose wherever to sign up, and I want to make the optimal choice both for myself and the recipient.

If you are a donor, especially an anonymous donor who's navigated this stuff, please reach out.

(warning and TL;DR : long and kinda ranty - I do want advice but this also ended up being me venting about my frustrations with two separate medical professionals)

I've suspected most of my adult life that I have some form of ADHD; some mornings I face debilitating initiation paralysis that causes me to be up to 2 hours late for work; I forget conversations happened and my mind is in a constant jumble of starting 5 tasks and finishing neither; sometimes I hyperfocus and sometimes I lack any focus - seemingly at random - and other tiny tidbits that upon a cursory glance through medical material, scream ADHD to me.

I've learned to cope with most of it, and thankfully I have a pretty chill job that lets me be flexible with my schedule without issues, but when you look at everything in context, it's pretty clear that my quality of life could be so much better if I sought professional guidance and medical attention.

So I did just that; went to my clinic, scheduled an appointment with a psychologist, and I dragged myself there.

I did my best to be objective and factual about my behavior, I made notes of stuff I did and symptoms I experienced over the course of a week, and answered every question as openly as possible, and yet everything felt wrong.

The psychologist didn't see ADHD in me, and instead chose to pursue my childhood and familial history, narrowing down on signs of anxiety. That felt viscerally incorrect to me, as it didn't reflect how I perceive my behavior. The way I understand anxiety doesn't align with how I think and behave. I don't worry about things when I am stuck in bed - I am pleading with my body to let me move so I can do the things I enjoy. I don't dread going to work - I want to go to work, and my brain says no. That is not anxiety, no matter how you frame it; at best, any signs of anxiety I may have are a byproduct of my struggles with executive dysfunction.

At the end of the session she recommended I return for a few more sessions so we can build a proper profile of my background and identify what we need to work through. But before that, she mentioned I could also see a psychiatrist, and ask them to refer me to her so the sessions could be paid for by national healthcare (I'm Romanian, for context).

So I did that, booked an appointment with a psychiatrist that seemed alright, and I basically hit the same brick wall I did before. My issues aren't neurological, they're behavioural - and I just need some counseling and discipline. And my inability to make my body move in the mornings could be just a sleep hygiene issue.

You've all heard or read about women having debilitating period pain and just being told to drink water or eat healthier or maybe go for walks more often, right? This felt like that; I'm facing a clear disconnect between my brain and my body, I have my daily life disrupted by things that are 100% out of my control, but apparently I just need discipline and better sleep. I don't buy it, as much as I want to.

I got so frustrated during the session that I started involuntarily masking and going along with the motions just to have it over. Internally I was on the verge of tears but I put a pretty smile on and left the room upbeat. That is not normal. I need help.

But they just don't seem inclined to want to offer it. I am a firm believer of Occam's razor but the psychiatrist's conclusion didn't feel like the simplest one - it felt like a massive oversimplification.

I did get a recommendation to take the DIVA-5 test (because neither of them were qualified to do it) so now I'm searching for a psychologist that is certified (which are rare, and pricey, from what I can see).

But until then, I just feel disappointed, misunderstood, and honestly quite angry. I asked for help and was given what amounts to scraps. My lived experiences were invalidated in front of me, in the places that were supposed to validate them and guide me towards finding an understanding of my behaviors and my mental health, twice in a row.

Those of you who got diagnosed, how many tries did it take? Is this the norm, just hopping from clinician to clinician until you find one that clicks and feels right? Or did I get massively unlucky?

Also, has anyone else taken the DIVA-5? How did it go for you?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I'm in my mid 20s and have had a pretty lonely life. I had a very lonely childhood, a less lonely but still fairly lonely adolescence, and again a very lonely time in college (in that case, because of a mix of mental hangups, the pandemic, personal circumstance that was a major drain on my time, and not managing all those things as optimally as I could have). At this point in my life, I essentially only have one friend, who I met a couple years ago and has since moved across the country.

I have more time on my hands now, am probably more socially adept than I used to be, but I find myself having lost or losing the drive to make friends. I guess I've gone so long without friends that I've lost sense at an emotional level of what the point even is. It's also friggin hard to meet people in the adult world and it seems like you have to put twice the energy to meet people that you vibe with half as much as when you were younger. I want to want to make friends, but it feels like I'd be setting myself up for more pain and disappointment by putting myself in that headspace. It also doesn't help that I'm pretty socially picky (not in a judgmental way, but I'd prefer a small circle of people I'm really close with over a large group that I'm not) and that I have a strong need to feel like the friends I make aren't "arbitrary", that they are the ones I am "meant" to be around. Has anyone experienced something similar or have any advice?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I had been having pain in my "upper butt" when sitting for a few weeks, so I went to an orthopedic practice that has urgent care walk in hours. He diagnosed it as sacroiliac inflammation and gave me an anti-inflammatory (meloxicam) and a PT script. The PT did not have an opening until week after next, but the medicine has has really helped with the pain.

Them took xrays during my visit, and the side-looking one shows spondylolisthesis (one of my lumbar vertebrae has slipped forward). He pointed it out (casually) and didn't say much about it other than he thought it wasn't the cause of my pain. Maybe he thought I already knew about it?

I have been having lower back pain off and on for a long time. I went to my doctor one time, and he diagnosed it as a bulging disc. He had given me some meloxicam and strengthening exercises to do at home. Since then, I would have pain in my lower back intermittently as well as occasional numbness in my leg, but I had just assumed it was a disc and tried to keep strengthening my core.

I am overweight (280lb) and not very active (software engineer). I started a new job that is in office this year, so I'm a lot less sedentary than I was working from home. I have a fantastic yoga teacher, and I do that every week. My practice in between classes has been intermittent at best, but I am trying to make it more regular.

Right now, I'm waiting for the PT to start, and I have a followup appointment with the spine specialist at the ortho in a fee weeks.

My biggest problem is that whenever I think about the xray, and seeing that disc so misaligned, my anxiety really spikes to 11. I get the "heebie jeebies", the same creepy shivering feeling I get if a bug unexpectedly crawls on me. It's happening most days. I feel kind of betrayed by my body.

I have talked to my therapist about the anxiety, and we are working on it. But in the mean time it is very stressful and distracting.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I am not sure what I'm really asking for. There's plenty of information online about the treatments. I guess I am wondering if other people went through it, how did it affect your mobility, quality of life, etc? Are there things you wish you had known?

Honestly, I think I could just use a (virtual) hug.

Apparently my private health insurance covers pharmacogenetics testing to find the best ADHD medication. What is it, is it legit? What's the company going to do with my cheek swabs? How do doctors feel about me going up to them and say hey internet pharma bro tells me I should be taking this instead of what your years of medical school thinks.

What I can't figure out is how my insurance company benefits from this. I'm not paying extra for this service so I must be the product right? Here's part of the marketing FAQ info from my insurance provider:

Personalized Medicine uses advanced pharmacogenetic testing and pharmacist assistance to find the most effective medication for you.

If you’re starting a new medication for a mental health condition (such as anxiety or depression), chronic pain, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or neurological conditions – or taking a medication for one of these conditions and it’s not working or causing side effects – Personalized Medicine could help. It’s offered through your extended health care benefits plan, so the cost of the test may be covered. To see the list of drugs tested, click here.

It involves a pharmacogenetic test. This is a type of test that identifies how you may respond to medications. Your test results are only for you and anyone you give consent to share them with, such as your doctor. The test is run by Personalized Prescribing Inc., a Canadian company. Manulife

(Forgot to mention this is for a Canadian employment extended health insurance.)

My hypoglycemia issues are not related to diabetes fwiw. That said, I tend to get hypoglycemia a few times a day. If I catch it quick enough and treat, it's usually not a big deal, but if I get too low (maybe once I get into the 50s mg/dl), then after treating (usually about 15 minutes later), I get so. freaking. tired. Like, barely able to stand up exhausted. Currently dealing with this as we speak, and it's very frustrating. My endocrinologist told me it's normal to get tired like this while recovering. I'm curious if anyone else deals with this? If so, do you have any advice for dealing with the fatigue?

Tildes might be too small of a platform for this. If no one deals with hypoglycemia here, please feel free to remove it. I thought with the prevalence of diabetes, it would be likely there are folks who encounter this.

EDIT: In case anyone ever stumbles on this, turns out it was an insulinoma. I finally had surgery. Don't give up hope, answers can be out there, even if you feel like there's no where left to look.

Some of you may remember me from another thread, where I hemmed and hawed and fretted my way through trying to navigate my struggling relationship. I thought I'd reached the final chapter, I moved out and established a place for my child and myself. I cut as many ties as I could with my now ex, but of course several threads still remain.

Yesterday (April Fools of course) I found out that they had been cheating on me since last May, at least. Potentially longer. Of course, I'm devastated. I knew they had found someone else already recently, but I thought it was in the last month or two. This new piece of the puzzle has solved so many unanswered questions I've had, while also creating many new ones.

I feel used, financially/emotionally abused, gaslit, and more. I'm still working on processing everything. I'm trying to remain calm for the sake of the kids (especially mine) but it's really, really hard. I know it isn't a reflection on me - I tried everything I could to fix things. It is hard however not feel that utter sense of betrayal in my gut and soul like a knife.

What resources, reading, supports, guides are there for this? I'm just trying to get through today and then I have a three day weekend to work on processing this all.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?