Silver Love

She taught me how to be a dog mom, while showing what a loving mother was.  

To me and the pups.

It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, learning to be loved by a mother dog.  I was able to share this life with Silver and witness her motherhood for eight years.  

She was the glue that held the family of the 24 Paws together.  When she died the whole family fell apart.  The pups and us were never quite the same again.

She never asked for anything and would stand back while her pups demanded attention from me.  

She had a couple of encounters with her pup, Chance whom she gave kisses to while they were together.  

She was strong, independent and stubborn as all hell, but had a gentle and loving spirit.  

She nurtured my soul, knowing before I knew what I needed.  She was sensitive and intuitive that way.

She was our first puppy and I made every mistake possible with her.  Yet, she was so forgiving.

I can't believe it has been seven years today that she disappeared from our lives.  The 24 Paws was started because of Silver and ended with hole in my heart forever.   

Love you Silver!

 Four years ago today, we lost our sweet Momma Dog Silver.  It still feels like it has been an eternity since she left us.  It doesn't feel like she died, but just faded away.  She was a spunky girl who had a gentle life force and a nurturing soul.  Silver was the counter balance to Brut's aggressive ways.  Her genes softened the rough edges in their kids.  I see Silver the most in Fiona and Zappa, probably because Silver rubbed off on them being part of their pack.  

Silver was our first puppy together who started this whole journey we are on with her kids;
who are now as old as she was when she died.  It doesn't seem possible.  

She was a good first-time mom.  She already had the mothering down by practicing on me.  lol  She really was a natural.  We were so blessed that she took good care of her puppies.

And when those  puppies grew up she took a backseat to her own needs and made sure they got the care they needed.  She was amazing that way.  I always felt so guilty that she was always last compared to Brut and the kids, not realizing, that is what a mother does.  

 

All those years I didn't understand.  I thought she just didn't fit in with the rest of them and she didn't.  She was a mother first and a dog second.  She'd been that way from almost the start of our relationship.  I thought I understood the true mother Silver was to me when she was here, now I'm finding a deeper root of what
her mothering has meant to me.  Silver was exactly the mother I needed and still do.  

So on this day, I honor my girl, who taught me the true meaning of what it means to be loved unconditionally and forever.

                                                   Love you Silver!

To the Best Mother in the World

Exactly one year and 4 months today, I lost the best mother in the world...our Silver Dollar.  She was everything I could want in a mother and then some.  Silver had a strong mothering instinct and was a nurturer from almost the beginning.  She taught me everything I know about being a good dog mom especially with her own puppies.

Thank you Silver for everything!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Dog Mommas out there and their kids!

TGIF!

Oh, how I love my dogs!  Just as it seems my world is full of gloom and doom, they are right there trying to cheer me up and giving me another reason to carrying on. 

It's been a long week for us here at the 24 Paws of Love, so how about ending the week with some fuzzy puppy pictures! 

 Have a good weekend!

Blaze chewing on Daddy Mark's boot.  Nom! Nom!

Sweet Daddy Brut getting a break from the kids while napping on their blanket.

Zappa (l) and Blaze (r) playing with the boot.

One of Chance's brothers, working on the boot!

"T-bone" (l) and Blaze (r) with their own toys.

Momma dog Silver on the run trying to save her teats!

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I looked down and was in a mixed state of awe and disbelief.  The smallest of the 24 Paws of Love was curled up next to me, with her head resting on my leg.  On the couch, no less.  Something this little spitfire has only done a couple of times in her short 10 year life.  I didn't want to breathe, for it might upset the delicate balance we were experiencing.

It was dog walk time and I was feeling quite down.  Too down to go through with the walks.  I finally just sat on the couch feeling defeated.  When Blaze came over to me and with her soft eyes began to access my pain.  

One paw at a time, she ever so gently, got on the cushion next to me.  And in one effortless, but swift turn, she spiraled  until her head was on my lap.  

I found myself at a loss, for words or thoughts.  Blaze had done what no other dog had shown to the degree that she was now.  She had taken the mother role that Silver had always held.  Right at the exact moment when I needed to be nurtured and comforted, Blaze was there.  This precious girl not only knew what I needed but how I needed it.  She drew out my pain and brought me back to the real.  Back to the here and now.  She had done it before since her mom, Silver had died, but this was the most direct and obvious she had ever been.

I didn't want to move as I soaked in her healing powers, but with four dogs, sitting for any length of time is short lived.  The moment was over, as I watched her walk off the couch.  Or was it?  Just those few short minutes with Blaze made me feel suddenly energized and refreshed.  I felt I could tackle those dog walks.  And I did and we had a blast!  Still blows my mind the instinct and care that this little girl has and I can't begin to imagine the many more secrets she has up her paw. 

Can you believe that?  How many of you have experienced something similar?  Do you find your females to be more nurturing or motherly?  I am still reeling.  It took me a week to be able to try and express my feelings about it and I still can't completely grasp it.  It was just so precious and beautiful.  Tell me dog spelled backwards isn't God!

Silver's heart will shine on

Today marks Silver's one year anniversary since her passing.  The week has been hard leading up to today, but today I feel released and at peace.  I think about her every day and see so many of her qualities in her kids that shine through even more since they lost their mother, Silver.  In return, I see more of Silver every day.  Things I couldn't see before as strongly as I can now.  Mostly her giant, gentle heart.  She was such a beautiful mother to her kids and to me.  Those nurturing qualities have been passed on to her kids, in different ways and forms.  Silver's heart will shine on.

A poem I wrote shortly after Silver died, that speaks true today:

In the depths of blackness
I have wondered if I could ever love again
Another dog
Not knowing how to love the ones
I have
It was like the love just
drained from me
into the dirt
and I didn't know if I
could feel again
How could this human
bear that pain again
It doesn't seem possible
As someone once said to me
Intensely we love
Intensely we grieve
And it feels like my heart
can not bear
anymore
Not one more ounce of the loss
until I wake from my death coma
to know Silver's love is still
there
in every ounce of blood
coursing with love
Four puppies who lost
their mother
and I am renewed
I am not alone

10 months after losing Silver

I did not expect to lose Silver so quickly after losing Brut.  Silver's gene's were strong on her dad's side and I really thought she had a good 3 or 4 more years to live.  Sometimes I'm still in shock over her death from 10 months ago.  Sometimes it is still hard to believe Silver isn't here, her presence is still strong.  I feel her at my side throughout the day and night.

Morning times are my mourning times.  It is when the sadness spills all through my body and I don't know how I am going to go on that day.  I am never alone during these crying spells though, and it is Silver's kids that keep me going knowing that their love and hope will carry me through another day without their mother.

I have been grieving for almost a year now and Silver's anniversary is in January.  Silver is the dog we've had the longest.  Maybe that's why it feels like she is always here and never really left.  Her body may have died, but her spirit is strong with me.  Maybe that is why I've never written about her death on her page.  I just can't bring myself to do it.

I miss my girl.  This time last year we knew she had cancer and we didn't know how long she had.  My time was spent taking care of her until the end.  I miss my little Momma Dog Silver.  I miss her mothering intuition and how she always took care of me.  Her perfect timing, her all knowing and the touch of her velvety fur.  She was so awesome like that.

I'm glad she still here.  I don't feel so alone with her by my side.

Another Level of Reality

In 6 days it will be Silver's six month anniversary since she passed away.  She had her first bloom on her roses today.  It has brought me much sadness in the beauty.

I miss my girl so much.  By the time of July 13th, her roses will be half in bloom.  They are Old English Roses called Winchester Cathedral.  A name that has special meaning to a Crosby, Stills and Nash song we love.  We planted them a month ago today.  Added rocks around her from our favorite place called Copper Harbor in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, a place we took Silver and our first dog Alex several times.    Then put up new fencing and post around Silver and Brut.  Surreal. Somber.  Peaceful and Beautiful.  Our new cycle of life for the Momma and Daddy Dogs of the 24 Paws of Love.

Someday I hope to find the love and joy in Silver's roses  like I have with Brut and the spirit that lives on in her.

Silver's Last Song

Just a song, before I go...

Silver sung one last time with her 4 pups the day she died.  

Here is her song...

(Watch here or on YouTube)

For the most part Silver was the one who would get the dogs singing and  which started the Howling Choir. She always got everybody to sing along.  They usually sang about 2 or 3 times a day. Their music bust through the walls. You couldn't stop to think.  You just had to listen or sing along.

 It's been a very quiet since she's been gone.  :(

I miss my girl and the dog concerts.  Some things will never be the same again.

Burial or cremation?

Brut's roses adjacent to Alex's ferns and flowering bushes.

The open space next to Brut is where Silver now lies.

If you've been around us here at 24 Paws of Love you probably know that we prefer to bury our pets than cremate them.  It's just our preference.

Silver is buried next to Brut as one would guess and adjacent to Alex, her first love.  Then going counter clockwise from Alex are our two cats, Claw and Sparky.  Next to them are the ducks, Luigi, Mojo, Bandit and Lucky.

All of their graves are created into a memorial garden with flowering bushes that bloom around the time of their deaths.  I actually just completed planting the ducks garden this past fall, with a Holly bush for Luigi.  I thought I was all done for a while.

And now there is Silver.  My baby girl Silver.  Out there in the cold as the new addition to the "family."  Because there was a foot of snow and ice (at least) on the ground, we didn't know if we would be able to dig a grave for her or not.  We weren't sure how frozen the ground would be or how far the freeze line would go.  We considered cremation for her.  We didn't know if we were going to have an option.  And neither of us liked the idea.

My fear was that I wouldn't really get Silver "all back."  That there might be other dogs or cats mixed in somehow or that would be a mix up of sorts and I wouldn't really get her at all.  Mark has never liked the idea of cremation at all.  We were both uneasy at the thought, but didn't know if we had a choice or not.

Enter the beginning of a January thaw and two determined spirits.  We removed the snow and found only the top layer of the ground to be frozen as the snow had insulated the ground.  Add a little rain and some wind and we were able to dig a four foot deep grave for our girl.  This was two days before we buried her, something we had never done before, have an early grave.

We rested and breathed a sigh of relief.  Our girl would not be cremated, but buried beside her two loves in the way we felt was right.

And when we laid her down we were both quite grateful for being able to bury her as we have done with all of our other animals and we were thankful for Silver being no different.  She was right where she belongs with Brut and Alex and I feel her body is at true rest and peace.  And that gives me true rest and peace.

So how about you?  What do you prefer burial or cremation and why?

Smells like Mommy (Silver)

Silver on her favorite blanket for the last couple of months of her life.

Fiona:  Smells like Mommy

Losing Silver

I'm not sure how I'm feeling, but I will try to explain the best I can.

It has been 4 days since Silver has been gone.  It feels like it has been an eternity.

I feel her spirit here and yet I can feel her in the grave.

Losing Brut was like a hole blown through my gut.  Losing Silver has been like a cold wind blowing through my body.

I am feeling and yet I am numb to the loss.

So many things I wish to understand, yet it all makes sense.

She was not well those last few days.  The cancer had taken over.  Yet she remained fairly alert and alive.  It was still a tough decision.

On Silver's last trip outside, Zappa and Fiona came over to their mother and each nosed her.

Her last few hours she lead the Howling Chorus in a song.  Everyone joined in.  I was finally able to capture it on film.

And when it came her time, the dogs sang their goodbye to Silver.  It was beautiful.

It feels like a legacy is over. The foundation of which the 24 Paws of Love were built on are gone.  It is still hard to comprehend Momma Dog Silver and Daddy Dog Brut are gone.  Yet, somehow it still feels like a beginning.  The beginning of something beautiful that will carry their legacy on because we will always be the 24 Paws of Love.

Silver : July 22, 2003- Jan. 13, 2017

Run Free as the wind my Baby Girl.

You will never know how much you are missed

Look out Heaven, there's a new Princess Warrior in town!

Love you forever

Happy 9th Birthday to our little puppies!

They will always be our puppies.

No matter how old they get.

I can not believe they are turning 9 years old today!

Time has really flown.

Seems  like it was just yesterday they were all running around the house and yard and it was all just puppy crazy around here.

Like this... 

(watch on YouTube here)

And now they are in their second year of being seniors.

Can it really be possible?

Happy Birthday to our little forever puppies...

Zappa, Fiona, Chance, Blaze, Red, Rocket, Grumpy, Angel, V-girl and Jack