It was the last
time we held hands. My sister on the left, and myself on her right. We were
constantly massaging her arms, earnestly praying and begging God for
a miracle to happen. Our fingers entwined with hers. Her hands were soft and
warm as always. She lay listless. There was hardly any perceptible movement;
her breadth was short and shallow. It was an hour past midnight when the universe
felt that she had had enough of suffering and that she must return home. We saw the
slight flicker of life in her as she breathed her last and broke all the
shackles of the life she lived for 77 years.
Our mother
was gone. Gone forever into the territory with no address, road, or reach, a mystery that none have been able to unravel.
The tragedy
struck us hard. The blow left us numb, unresponsive; there was a loss of
sanity, a stupor-like state,
Youngest
sister let out a wail- loud and deep. A cry that comes from an injured soul for the colossal loss, for the unfathomable grief. We were sitting
beside her, helpless and lost.
Losing Dad
was my greatest fear. But somehow it always felt that Mom would be around for a
long time. A woman of great strength, great will power, full of life, hope and
positivity, who could take care of the family and face adversities without
batting an eyelid. She was the backbone
of the family. Mom was an epitome of strength, happiness, hope, positivity; she
meant everything good, and her presence meant no worries as she had some kind
of magic wand to mend things and to crease out the problems.
No words can
ever express the gratitude we have for her. She made our childhood so beautiful
and memorable. She was ever dexterous in managing multiple tasks effortlessly.
With a smile on her face and a song on her lips, she made the most arduous task
seem easy. Right from holding our tiny hands and taking to school for the
first time, to arranging for tuitions in the senior classes to accompanying for
the first job, and to sort out a million issues that crop up in this journey,
she was always there like a rock, a support we could always rely on.
She was a rainbow in our sky, a silver lining in our dark cloud and the sunshine in our
lives.
Dad’s
passing away shattered her to the core. She broke down completely. Her
strength, her peppiness, and her spirits were completely drowned in the pall of gloom.
We would often see her wiping tears, crying silently, talking of him endlessly
and holding on to the precious memories.
We would always talk to her to come out of the grief. Having lost her, we
realise how difficult it is to move on. The memories cannot be erased, and the past
cannot be forgotten, and the wound doesn’t heal.
When our
loved ones die, a part of us goes away with them. Life is never the same again.
Our festivals
shall no more be as joyous, the songs that she sang shall never be heard, I shall
miss watching TV with her, arguing over some political agenda or laughing over
some foolish serial. That chair shall forever be empty. Together we sang
bhajans, together we cooked in the kitchen, together we went out to enjoy an
occasional south Indian meal, together we visited to go to her sister’s place,
together we used to go shopping. My friend, my partner, my guide, my mentor is
gone. I feel so drained and empty.
It is hard
to put into words what life feels like without you, mom. Your laughter, your love, and your conversations all seem to have happened yesterday. You were our biggest
cheerleader, our safe place. The silence that your absence has left behind is
hard to bear. Wish we could hug you more, wish we could have told you every day
that we loved you, wish we could spend more time with you, holding your hands
that were soft, warm and tender.
Your
grandchildren shall miss your stories, the meals you used to cook for them
lovingly and the gifts you used to pamper them with.
Hope you are
now with Dad, in a better world, watching over the lovely family you created.
While we
cherish the memories and get used to the world without you both, help us to
live by the values you gave us.
Battling the
emptiness, if we break down, be our guiding light.
Goodbye, Mom, till we meet in heaven.