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The Art of Communicating
Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, bestselling author of Peace is Every Step and one of the most respected and celebrated religious leaders in the world, delivers a powerful path to happiness through mastering life's most important skill.
How do we say what we mean in a way that the other person can really hear?
How can we listen with compassion and understanding?
Communication fuels the ties that bind, whether in relationships, business, or everyday interactions. Most of us, however, have never been taught the fundamental skills of communication—or how to best represent our true selves. Effective communication is as important to our well-being and happiness as the food we put into our bodies. It can be either healthy (and nourishing) or toxic (and destructive).
In this precise and practical guide, Zen master and Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh reveals how to listen mindfully and express your fullest and most authentic self. With examples from his work with couples, families, and international conflicts, The Art of Communicating helps us move beyond the perils and frustrations of misrepresentation and misunderstanding to learn the listening and speaking skills that will forever change how we experience and impact the world.
How do we say what we mean in a way that the other person can really hear?
How can we listen with compassion and understanding?
Communication fuels the ties that bind, whether in relationships, business, or everyday interactions. Most of us, however, have never been taught the fundamental skills of communication—or how to best represent our true selves. Effective communication is as important to our well-being and happiness as the food we put into our bodies. It can be either healthy (and nourishing) or toxic (and destructive).
In this precise and practical guide, Zen master and Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh reveals how to listen mindfully and express your fullest and most authentic self. With examples from his work with couples, families, and international conflicts, The Art of Communicating helps us move beyond the perils and frustrations of misrepresentation and misunderstanding to learn the listening and speaking skills that will forever change how we experience and impact the world.
176 pages, ebook
First published August 13, 2013
About the author
Thich Nhat Hanh
897 books12k followersThích Nhất Hạnh was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist who then lived in southwest France where he was in exile for many years. Born Nguyễn Xuân Bảo, Thích Nhất Hạnh joined a Zen (Vietnamese: Thiền) monastery at the age of 16, and studied Buddhism as a novitiate. Upon his ordination as a monk in 1949, he assumed the Dharma name Thích Nhất Hạnh. Thích is an honorary family name used by all Vietnamese monks and nuns, meaning that they are part of the Shakya (Shakyamuni Buddha) clan. He was often considered the most influential living figure in the lineage of Lâm Tế (Vietnamese Rinzai) Thiền, and perhaps also in Zen Buddhism as a whole.
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March 3, 2022
Update 2022
This is my third time reading this book since my first review in 2015. Obviously I think the lessons are valuable yet I still say you don’t need to read the entire book to understand its message. Here are the core lessons of the book in plain language:
1. The human condition is full of suffering(feeling like shit)
2. Practice compassion (a deep concern for someone’s suffering)
3. Our goal as compassionate humans is to help others and yourself suffer less (feel like shit)
4. Speak to yourself and others in a way that won’t cause suffering (feeling like shit)
5. Write to yourself and others in a way that won’t cause suffering (feeling like shit)
6. When you suffer (feel like shit) return home, which is your inner self. Practice mindful breathing, good internal dialogue and mindful walking 🚶♂️
Original review 2015
Although I probably won't read this book in its entirety again, I did find value in it. The first few chapters drilled home the idea that I need to communicate ( write, speak, listen) to others out of complete compassion and understanding. It also taught that when I communicate the ultimate goal is to cause the receiver of my communication to experience less suffering, which to me, is a brilliant way of filtering all my communication with others from here on out.
I particularly liked these statements and ideas from the book as well:
You absorb the thoughts, speech, and actions you produce and those contained in the communications of those around you. That is a form of consumption.
In a relationship, we are nourishment for each other. So we have to select the kind of food we offer the other person, the kind of food that can help our relationship thrive. Everything – including love, hate, and suffering – needs food to continue. If suffering continues, it’s because we keep feeding our suffering. Every time we speak without mindful awareness, we are feeding our suffering. With mindful awareness, we can look into the nature of our suffering and find out what kind of food we have been supplying to keep it alive. When we find the source of nourishment for our suffering, we can cut off that supply, and our suffering will fade.
Many of us spend a lot of time in meetings or e-mailing with others, and not a lot of time communicating with ourselves. The result is that we don’t know what is going on within us. It may be a mess inside. How, then, can we communicate with another person?
We don’t tell our fear to go away; we recognize it. We don’t tell our anger to go away; we acknowledge it. These feelings are like a small child tugging at our sleeves. Pick them up and hold them tenderly. Acknowledging our feelings without judging them or pushing them away, embracing them with mindfulness, is an act of homecoming.
When you’ve understood your suffering, you suffer less, and you are capable of understanding another person’s suffering much more easily. When you can recognize the suffering of another person and see how that suffering came about, compassion arises. You no longer have the desire to punish or blame the other person. You can listen deeply, and when you speak there is compassion and understanding in your speech.
Usually when anger manifests, we want to confront the person we think is the source of our anger. We’re more interested in setting that person straight than in taking care of the more urgent matter, which is our own anger. We are like the person whose house is on fore who goes chasing after the arsonist instead of going home to put out the fire. Meanwhile, the house continues to burn.
All in all, I found some really good points sprinkled here and there. Especially in the first half of the book. Wasn't quite what I was expecting though.
This is my third time reading this book since my first review in 2015. Obviously I think the lessons are valuable yet I still say you don’t need to read the entire book to understand its message. Here are the core lessons of the book in plain language:
1. The human condition is full of suffering(feeling like shit)
2. Practice compassion (a deep concern for someone’s suffering)
3. Our goal as compassionate humans is to help others and yourself suffer less (feel like shit)
4. Speak to yourself and others in a way that won’t cause suffering (feeling like shit)
5. Write to yourself and others in a way that won’t cause suffering (feeling like shit)
6. When you suffer (feel like shit) return home, which is your inner self. Practice mindful breathing, good internal dialogue and mindful walking 🚶♂️
Original review 2015
Although I probably won't read this book in its entirety again, I did find value in it. The first few chapters drilled home the idea that I need to communicate ( write, speak, listen) to others out of complete compassion and understanding. It also taught that when I communicate the ultimate goal is to cause the receiver of my communication to experience less suffering, which to me, is a brilliant way of filtering all my communication with others from here on out.
I particularly liked these statements and ideas from the book as well:
You absorb the thoughts, speech, and actions you produce and those contained in the communications of those around you. That is a form of consumption.
In a relationship, we are nourishment for each other. So we have to select the kind of food we offer the other person, the kind of food that can help our relationship thrive. Everything – including love, hate, and suffering – needs food to continue. If suffering continues, it’s because we keep feeding our suffering. Every time we speak without mindful awareness, we are feeding our suffering. With mindful awareness, we can look into the nature of our suffering and find out what kind of food we have been supplying to keep it alive. When we find the source of nourishment for our suffering, we can cut off that supply, and our suffering will fade.
Many of us spend a lot of time in meetings or e-mailing with others, and not a lot of time communicating with ourselves. The result is that we don’t know what is going on within us. It may be a mess inside. How, then, can we communicate with another person?
We don’t tell our fear to go away; we recognize it. We don’t tell our anger to go away; we acknowledge it. These feelings are like a small child tugging at our sleeves. Pick them up and hold them tenderly. Acknowledging our feelings without judging them or pushing them away, embracing them with mindfulness, is an act of homecoming.
When you’ve understood your suffering, you suffer less, and you are capable of understanding another person’s suffering much more easily. When you can recognize the suffering of another person and see how that suffering came about, compassion arises. You no longer have the desire to punish or blame the other person. You can listen deeply, and when you speak there is compassion and understanding in your speech.
Usually when anger manifests, we want to confront the person we think is the source of our anger. We’re more interested in setting that person straight than in taking care of the more urgent matter, which is our own anger. We are like the person whose house is on fore who goes chasing after the arsonist instead of going home to put out the fire. Meanwhile, the house continues to burn.
All in all, I found some really good points sprinkled here and there. Especially in the first half of the book. Wasn't quite what I was expecting though.
January 22, 2022
This is one I'll read again: developing, growing, and practicing.
A beautiful book on conflict resolution, sharing love and compassion, and learning to ask for help.
I especially enjoyed the six mantras:
- I am here for you.
- I know you are there, and I am very happy.
- I know you suffer, and that's why I am here for you.
- I suffer. Please help.
- This is a happy moment.
- You are partly right.
A beautiful book on conflict resolution, sharing love and compassion, and learning to ask for help.
I especially enjoyed the six mantras:
- I am here for you.
- I know you are there, and I am very happy.
- I know you suffer, and that's why I am here for you.
- I suffer. Please help.
- This is a happy moment.
- You are partly right.
January 13, 2020
One of the most important books I've read. How powerful karma is! Our every thought --each one -- is forever released as craft or ruin into the universe. Forever! Repairable, but non-retractable.
Notes :
———————————————
“Toxic conversation can be difficult to avoid, especially at work… You have to have enough mindful awareness not to absorb all these kinds of suffering. You have to protect yourself with the energies of compassion so that when you listen, instead of consuming toxins, you're actively producing more compassion in yourself. When you listen in this way, compassion protects you and the other person suffers less.”
“In a relationship, we are nourishment for each other. So we have to select the kind of food that we offer the other person, the kind of food that can help our relationships thrive. Everything needs food in order to continue--including love, hate, or suffering. If suffering continues, it's because we keep feeding our suffering. “
“We believe too much in the technology of communication… If our minds are blocked, there is no device that will make up for our inability to communicate with ourselves or others.”
“Home is inside us.”
“Freedom is the most precious thing there is. It is the foundation of happiness, and it is available to us with each conscious breath.”
“You don’t need to run anywhere. Many of us have run all our lives. Now we get to live life properly. Home is the here and the now.”
“The marketplace provides us with everything imaginable to help us run away from ourselves.”
“We need suffering… Understanding suffering always brings happiness… If we know how to take good care of suffering, we will know how to take good care of happiness.”
“Compassion is born from understanding suffering… Then our communication with others will be based on the desire to understand rather than the desire to prove ourselves right, or to make ourselves feel better.”
“He anticipated a downward spiral and prepared to go upward.”
“Truthful, loving speech is something we need to train ourselves in.”
4 Bodhisattva Trainings of Right Speech
—————
Tell the truth
Don’t exaggerate
Be consistent
Use peaceful language
“We have to find a way to tell the truth, so that the other person can receive it easily.”
4 Criteria for Right Speech
———————————————
1. We have to speak the language of the world
2. We may speak differently to different people, in a way that reflects how they think, their ability to receive the teaching
3. We give the right teaching according to person, time, and place… If you give someone the wrong medicine, that person could die.
4. We teach in a way that reflects the absolute truth
“Listening deeply is a kind of looking deeply.”
“Speaking in this way is as healing for the speaker as it is for the person being spoken to.”
“Your calm will be communicated to the other person.”
6 Mantras of Loving Speech
————————————-
“I am here for you.”
“I know you are there, and I am very happy.”
“I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.”
“I suffer. Please help.”
“This is a happy moment.”
“You are partly right. I have weaknesses in me, and I have strengths in me.”
“According to our practice at Plum Village, you have the right to suffer 24 hours, but not more. There’s a deadline; the deadline is 24 hours, and you have to practice the 4th mantra before the deadline.”
“Our communication is not neutral… (but) what we put out into the world, and what remains after we have left it. In this way, our communication is our karma.”
“You are your action… not only what you do with your body. but also with your words and your mind.”
“Thinking is already action… it is there, as powerful energy… Every thought will bring a fruit, sometimes right away, sometimes later on. When you produce a thought of hate, anger, or despair, that thought is a poison which will affect your body and your mind.”
“When we think…speak…act, we create…”
“Our communications will not be lost when we are no longer here; the feet of our thinking, our speech, and our physical actions will continue to ripple outwards into the cosmos. Whether this body is still here or has disintegrated, our actions will continue.”
“When you produce a thought, it bears your signature… We are like the cloud that produces the rain. Through the rain, the cloud continues to affect the crops, the trees, the rivers, even after the cloud is no longer floating there in the sky."
.
Notes :
———————————————
“Toxic conversation can be difficult to avoid, especially at work… You have to have enough mindful awareness not to absorb all these kinds of suffering. You have to protect yourself with the energies of compassion so that when you listen, instead of consuming toxins, you're actively producing more compassion in yourself. When you listen in this way, compassion protects you and the other person suffers less.”
“In a relationship, we are nourishment for each other. So we have to select the kind of food that we offer the other person, the kind of food that can help our relationships thrive. Everything needs food in order to continue--including love, hate, or suffering. If suffering continues, it's because we keep feeding our suffering. “
“We believe too much in the technology of communication… If our minds are blocked, there is no device that will make up for our inability to communicate with ourselves or others.”
“Home is inside us.”
“Freedom is the most precious thing there is. It is the foundation of happiness, and it is available to us with each conscious breath.”
“You don’t need to run anywhere. Many of us have run all our lives. Now we get to live life properly. Home is the here and the now.”
“The marketplace provides us with everything imaginable to help us run away from ourselves.”
“We need suffering… Understanding suffering always brings happiness… If we know how to take good care of suffering, we will know how to take good care of happiness.”
“Compassion is born from understanding suffering… Then our communication with others will be based on the desire to understand rather than the desire to prove ourselves right, or to make ourselves feel better.”
“He anticipated a downward spiral and prepared to go upward.”
“Truthful, loving speech is something we need to train ourselves in.”
4 Bodhisattva Trainings of Right Speech
—————
Tell the truth
Don’t exaggerate
Be consistent
Use peaceful language
“We have to find a way to tell the truth, so that the other person can receive it easily.”
4 Criteria for Right Speech
———————————————
1. We have to speak the language of the world
2. We may speak differently to different people, in a way that reflects how they think, their ability to receive the teaching
3. We give the right teaching according to person, time, and place… If you give someone the wrong medicine, that person could die.
4. We teach in a way that reflects the absolute truth
“Listening deeply is a kind of looking deeply.”
“Speaking in this way is as healing for the speaker as it is for the person being spoken to.”
“Your calm will be communicated to the other person.”
6 Mantras of Loving Speech
————————————-
“I am here for you.”
“I know you are there, and I am very happy.”
“I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.”
“I suffer. Please help.”
“This is a happy moment.”
“You are partly right. I have weaknesses in me, and I have strengths in me.”
“According to our practice at Plum Village, you have the right to suffer 24 hours, but not more. There’s a deadline; the deadline is 24 hours, and you have to practice the 4th mantra before the deadline.”
“Our communication is not neutral… (but) what we put out into the world, and what remains after we have left it. In this way, our communication is our karma.”
“You are your action… not only what you do with your body. but also with your words and your mind.”
“Thinking is already action… it is there, as powerful energy… Every thought will bring a fruit, sometimes right away, sometimes later on. When you produce a thought of hate, anger, or despair, that thought is a poison which will affect your body and your mind.”
“When we think…speak…act, we create…”
“Our communications will not be lost when we are no longer here; the feet of our thinking, our speech, and our physical actions will continue to ripple outwards into the cosmos. Whether this body is still here or has disintegrated, our actions will continue.”
“When you produce a thought, it bears your signature… We are like the cloud that produces the rain. Through the rain, the cloud continues to affect the crops, the trees, the rivers, even after the cloud is no longer floating there in the sky."
.
December 9, 2020
کتاب براساس آموزه های بودا نوشته شده که مثلا ابتدا باید درد و رنج را پذیرفت و بعد از پذیرفتن میتوان به زندگی با آرامش ادامه داد و این آرامش رو هم میتوان به ارتباط هامون تزریق کنیم.در کل کتاب بر روی محور پذیرفتن و دوست داشتن خودمون میگذره و یه سری تکنیک هم گفته که در بعضی مواقع چطور رفتار کنیم البته خ�� بدیهی بودن اون تکنیک ها ولی یکیشون خیلی نظرمو جلب کرد.
میگفت وقتی عصبانی هستیم و داریم با شخصی که دلیل عصبانیت ما بوده جروبحث میکنیم به مثابه اینکه اون شخص خونه ما را آتیش زده بجای اینکه خونه خودمونو خاموش کنیم دنبال یارو کردیم.
البته در نظر شخص نویسنده خونه، یعنی خودمون.
البته در کل بخوام بگم من این پذیرفتن درد و رنج رو قبول دارم، همونطور که آلبر کامو میگه آدما در مواجهه با پوچی زندگی سه عملکرد دارن، یکیش خودکشیه دومیش باور به خدا و سومی پذیرفتن پوچی زندگی و خلق هدف برای زندگی.
در کل این مقوله پذیرش درد و رنج یا پوچی زندگی همیشه بیان شده ولی به زبان های مختلف.
یکی دیگه از مثالهاش که بنظرم جالب بود این بود میگفت ما داریم تلویزیون میبینیم ولی برنامه جالبی پخش نمیکنه اما ما خاموشش نمکنیم حالا من خودم اینو
به اعتیاد به شبکه های اجتماعی تعمیم میدم با علم بر اینکه میدونیم هیچ دستاوردی نداره فعالیت در این شبکه ها ولی به کارمون ادامه میدیم چون ترس از پذیرش تنهایی داریم، البته این برداشت منه.شاید اشتباه کنم!!!!!
اگه به بودا علاقه دارید این کتابو بخونید وگرنه شاید حوصلتون سر بره و یا چیز خاصی دستگیرتون نشه!
میگفت وقتی عصبانی هستیم و داریم با شخصی که دلیل عصبانیت ما بوده جروبحث میکنیم به مثابه اینکه اون شخص خونه ما را آتیش زده بجای اینکه خونه خودمونو خاموش کنیم دنبال یارو کردیم.
البته در نظر شخص نویسنده خونه، یعنی خودمون.
البته در کل بخوام بگم من این پذیرفتن درد و رنج رو قبول دارم، همونطور که آلبر کامو میگه آدما در مواجهه با پوچی زندگی سه عملکرد دارن، یکیش خودکشیه دومیش باور به خدا و سومی پذیرفتن پوچی زندگی و خلق هدف برای زندگی.
در کل این مقوله پذیرش درد و رنج یا پوچی زندگی همیشه بیان شده ولی به زبان های مختلف.
یکی دیگه از مثالهاش که بنظرم جالب بود این بود میگفت ما داریم تلویزیون میبینیم ولی برنامه جالبی پخش نمیکنه اما ما خاموشش نمکنیم حالا من خودم اینو
به اعتیاد به شبکه های اجتماعی تعمیم میدم با علم بر اینکه میدونیم هیچ دستاوردی نداره فعالیت در این شبکه ها ولی به کارمون ادامه میدیم چون ترس از پذیرش تنهایی داریم، البته این برداشت منه.شاید اشتباه کنم!!!!!
اگه به بودا علاقه دارید این کتابو بخونید وگرنه شاید حوصلتون سر بره و یا چیز خاصی دستگیرتون نشه!
January 3, 2018
This is the first book by Thich Nhat Hanh that I read, and I think it is interesting. It is, as one might guess from the title, about the way we communicate with others, and what he has to say about it makes a lot of sense.
A man that is very hostile in the way he speaks to others is likely to get the same in return, and vice versa. I think the author is right that we really should try to communicate positively rather than negatively. Call me a tree hugger if you want, but I think we might actually get a more stable world if enough people went that way.
Occationally I felt like the editor should have asked the author how, and what do you mean, because it is not always clear. Most of the time that is not a problem, but it does happen, and I think that is the biggest flaw in this otherwise excellent book.
A man that is very hostile in the way he speaks to others is likely to get the same in return, and vice versa. I think the author is right that we really should try to communicate positively rather than negatively. Call me a tree hugger if you want, but I think we might actually get a more stable world if enough people went that way.
Occationally I felt like the editor should have asked the author how, and what do you mean, because it is not always clear. Most of the time that is not a problem, but it does happen, and I think that is the biggest flaw in this otherwise excellent book.
May 16, 2023
timeless & thought provoking
January 2, 2025
The author has a new avid fan in me. I can't wait to dive through all the audiobooks of his works that I can find. The way he writes is so simple yet so profound. I definitely feel that this helped me be a more conscientious and loving communicator.
November 4, 2019
A lotus for you, a Buddha to be...
June 23, 2014
For myself I thought the book was ok. I was hoping for greater insight, hoping to go somehow deeper than what the book offered. I found that a lot of what was mentioned in the book aligns with the way in which I already try to communicate, therefore in terms of finding ways for myself to become more skillful I didn't feel I necessarily got what I went looking for, however, instead I did find a few things I wasn't expecting.
My unexpected finds included how plainly the book is written, making it a good read for my middle school aged child. As a parent always looking for ways to teach my children mindful living, that the first half of the book (and particularly chapter 3) would be worth having my kids read (or reading it to them) and having them start trying to put it into practice as well.
Another unexpected find was the "Peace Treaty." One of my biggest difficulties in compassionate communication with others arises when there is conflict and I request time and space to settle out my own feelings and ground myself before engaging in a conversation about whatever difficulty has arisen. My challenge is that most often the other person doesn't understand or realize the need for my request to step away from the issue for at least a few hours. So, in future relationships with people not familiar with my communication style I'm hopeful that maybe something like the peace treaty will help bring about awareness and ultimately a more caring way of working out differences.
Overall, I'd say the book is a decent introduction to mindful communication.
My unexpected finds included how plainly the book is written, making it a good read for my middle school aged child. As a parent always looking for ways to teach my children mindful living, that the first half of the book (and particularly chapter 3) would be worth having my kids read (or reading it to them) and having them start trying to put it into practice as well.
Another unexpected find was the "Peace Treaty." One of my biggest difficulties in compassionate communication with others arises when there is conflict and I request time and space to settle out my own feelings and ground myself before engaging in a conversation about whatever difficulty has arisen. My challenge is that most often the other person doesn't understand or realize the need for my request to step away from the issue for at least a few hours. So, in future relationships with people not familiar with my communication style I'm hopeful that maybe something like the peace treaty will help bring about awareness and ultimately a more caring way of working out differences.
Overall, I'd say the book is a decent introduction to mindful communication.
November 9, 2022
боюсь очерстветь и утратить способность быть доброй, уязвимой, нежной. боюсь потерять самых близких и дорогих из-за недопонимания и обид. читаю такие книги в попытках препятствовать и тому, и другому. нахожу в них поддержку и очень нужные примеры.
October 11, 2022
All is suffering? All are born with original sin? Religion delights in beginning with unhappiness. Nonetheless, The Art of Communicating is thoughtful and filled with positive thoughts. Too much time is spent on the internet consuming poison rather than feeding nourishment to the mind. A wise and meaningful book but one that is somewhat simplistic.
June 11, 2018
"Želim razumjeti tvoje teškoće i tvoju patnju.Želim te saslušati jer te želim voljeti."
Hvala Tićo <3
Hvala Tićo <3
September 22, 2014
p.4-5 – The energy of mindfulness is a necessary ingredient in healthy communication. Mindfulness requires letting go of judgment, returning to an awareness of the breath and the body, and bringing your full attention to what is in you and around you. This helps you notice whether the thought you just produced is healthy or unhealthy, compassionate or unkind.
p.5 – You absorb the thoughts, speech, and actions you produce and those contained in the communications of those around you. That is a form of consumption.
p.7 – In a relationship, we are nourishment for each other. So we have to select the kind of food we offer the other person, the kind of food that can help our relationship thrive. Everything – including love, hate, and suffering – needs food to continue. If suffering continues, it’s because we keep feeding our suffering. Every time we speak without mindful awareness, we are feeding our suffering. With mindful awareness, we can look into the nature of our suffering and find out what kind of food we have been supplying to keep it alive. When we find the source of nourishment for our suffering, we can cut off that supply, and our suffering will fade.
p.14 – Many of us spend a lot of time in meetings or e-mailing with others, and not a lot of time communicating with ourselves. The result is that we don’t know what is going on within us. It may be a mess inside. How, then, can we communicate with another person?
p.17 – When we begin to practice mindful awareness, we start the path home to ourselves. Home is the place where loneliness disappears. When we’re home, we feel warm, comfortable, safe, fulfilled. We’ve gone away from out homes for a long time, and out homes have become neglected. But the path back home is not long. Home is inside us. Going home requires only sitting down and being with yourself, accepting the situation as it is. Yes, it might be a mess in there, but we accept it because we know we have left home for a long time. So now we’re home. With our in-breath and our out-breath, our mindful breathing, we begin to tidy up our homes.
p.19 – If we’re overloaded with fear, anger, regret, or anxiety, we’re not free, no matter what position we hold in society or how much money we have. Real freedom only comes when we’re able to release our suffering and come home. Freedom is the most precious thing there is. It is the foundation of happiness, and it is available to us with each conscious breath.
p.21 – When we stop talking and thinking and we listen mindfully to ourselves, one thing we will notice is our greater capacity and opportunities for joy. The other thing that happens when we stop thinking and talking and we begin listening to ourselves is that we notice the suffering present in our lives.
Mindfulness lets us listen to the pain, the sorrow, and the fear inside. When we see that some suffering or some pain is coming up, we don’t try to run away from it. In fact, we have to go back and take care of it. We’re not afraid of being overwhelmed, because we know how to breathe and how to walk so as to generate enough energy of mindfulness to recognize and take care of the suffering.
p.22 – We don’t have to try to get away from our suffering. We don’t have to cover up what is unpleasant in us. In fact, we try to be there for ourselves, to understand, so that we can transform. Please do come back home and listen. If you don’t communicate well with yourself, you cannot communicate well with another person.
p.26 – Home is the here and now, where all the wonders of life are already available, where the wonder that is your body is available. You can’t arrive fully in the here and the now unless you invest you whole body and mind into the present moment. If you haven’t arrived one hundred percent, stop where you are and don’t take another step. Stay there and breathe until you’re sure you have arrived one hundred percent. Then you can smile a smile of victory.
p.28 – We don’t tell our fear to go away; we recognize it. We don’t tell our anger to go away; we acknowledge it. These feelings are like a small child tugging at our sleeves. Pick them up and hold them tenderly. Acknowledging our feelings without judging them or pushing them away, embracing them with mindfulness, is an act of homecoming.
p.30 – But there is a way of getting in touch with the suffering without being overwhelmed by it. We try to avoid suffering, but suffering is useful. We need suffering. Going back to listen and understand our suffering brings about the birth of compassion and love. If we take the time to listen deeply to our own suffering, we will be able to understand it. Any suffering that has not been released and reconciled will continue. Until it has been understood and transformed, we carry with us not just our own suffering but also that of our parents and our ancestors. Getting in touch with the suffering that has been passed down to us helps us understand our own suffering. Understanding suffering gives rise to compassion. Love is born, and right away we suffer less. If we understand the nature and the roots of our suffering, the path leading to the cessation of the suffering will appear in front of us. Knowing there is a way out, a path, brings us relief, and we no longer need to be afraid.
p.34 – When you’ve understood your suffering, you suffer less, and you are capable of understanding another person’s suffering much more easily. When you can recognize the suffering of another person and see how that suffering came about, compassion arises. You no longer have the desire to punish or blame the other person. You can listen deeply, and when you speak there is compassion and understanding in your speech.
p.39 – It’s helpful to remember at the beginning of every communication with another person that there is a Buddha inside each of us. “The Buddha” is just a name for the most understanding and compassionate person it’s possible to be.
p.93 – One reason we have trouble communicating with others is that we often try to communicate when we are angry. We suffer, and we don’t want to be alone with all that suffering. We believe that we are angry because of something others did, and we want then to know it. Anger has urgency in it. We want to let others know right away what the problem with them is.
p.94 – But when we’re angry, we aren’t lucid. Acting while angry can lead to a lot of suffering and can escalate the situation. That doesn’t mean we should suppress our anger. We shouldn’t pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s possible to feel and engage with our anger in a healthy and compassionate manner. When anger is there, we should handle it with tenderness because our anger is us.
Mindful breathing helps us reconsider our anger and treat it tenderly. Mindful energy embraces the energy of anger.
After you have sat with mindful awareness and calmed your anger, you can look deeply into the anger to see its nature and where is has come from. What is the root of that anger?
p.96 – Usually when anger manifests, we want to confront the person we think is the source of our anger. We’re more interested in setting that person straight than in taking care of the more urgent matter, which is our own anger. We are like the person whose house is on fore who goes chasing after the arsonist instead of going home to put out the fire. Meanwhile, the house continues to burn.
“I suffer, please help.” You may phone the other person once you have calmed your anger, but only when you can calmly tell him or her that you suffer and you want help.
Asking for help when we’re angry is very difficult, but it allows others to see your suffering instead of just your anger. They will see that suffering causes the anger, and then communication and healing can begin.
p.97 – When we have a rift or an estrangement from someone we care about, both people suffer. If we didn’t care deeply about the other person, the rift would not be so painful. It’s the people we care most about who trigger our greatest suffering.
When someone has caused you a lot of pain, you may not even want to look at or be in the same room as that person, because you will suffer. With awareness, you can understand your own suffering and recognize the suffering in the other person. You may even understand that the reason that person suffers so much is because he or she doesn’t know how to handle the suffering. His suffering spills out, and you are its victim. Maybe he doesn’t want to make you suffer, but he doesn’t know another way. he can’t understand and transform his suffering, and so he makes the people around him suffer too, even when that’s not his intention. Because he suffers, you suffer. He doesn’t need punishment; he needs help. You can help by acknowledging the suffering in him.
p.142 – Everything we say and do bears our signature. We can’t say, “That’s not my thought.” We’re responsible for our own communication. So if it happens that yesterday I said something what wasn’t right, I have to do something today to transform it. The French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said, “Man is the sum of all his actions.” The value of our lives depends on the quality of our thinking, our speech, and our actions.
p.144-45 – Communication isn’t static. Even if yesterday you produced a thought of anger and hate, today you can produce a thought in the opposite direction, a thought of compassion and tolerance. As soon as we produce the new thought, it can very quickly catch up with yesterday’s thought and neutralize it. Using right communication today can help us heal the past, enjoy the present, and prepare the ground for a good future.
p.150 – Everyone one of us has a wounded child within who needs our care and love. But we run away from our inner child because we’re afraid of the suffering. In addition to listening to others with compassion, we must learn also listen to the wounded child inside us. That little child needs our attention. Take time to go back and tenderly embrace the wounded child within you. You can talk to the child with the language of love. “Dear one, in the past, I left you alone. I’ve gone away from you for so long. I’m sorry. Now I have come back to take care of you, to embrace you. I know you suffer so much, and I have neglected you. But now I’ve learned the way to take care of you. I am here now.’
We should talk to our child several times a day for healing to take place. The little child has been left alone for a long time, so we need to begin this practice right away. Go back to your inner child every day and listen for five or ten minutes, and healing will take place.
p.152 – My dear, I know you have suffered a lot over the past many years. I have not been able to help you – in fact, I have made the situation worse. It is not my intention to make you suffer. Maybe I’m not skillful enough. Maybe I tried to impose my ideas on you. In the past I thought you made me suffer. Now I realize that I have been responsible for my own suffering. I promise to do my best to refrain from saying things or doing things that make you suffer. Please tell me what is in your heart. You need to help me; otherwise it is not possible for me to do it. I can’t do it alone.
You have nothing to risk by writing this letter. You can even decide later whether to send it. But whether you send it or not, you will find that the person who finishes writing the letter is not the same person who began it – peace, understanding, and compassion have transformed you.
p.5 – You absorb the thoughts, speech, and actions you produce and those contained in the communications of those around you. That is a form of consumption.
p.7 – In a relationship, we are nourishment for each other. So we have to select the kind of food we offer the other person, the kind of food that can help our relationship thrive. Everything – including love, hate, and suffering – needs food to continue. If suffering continues, it’s because we keep feeding our suffering. Every time we speak without mindful awareness, we are feeding our suffering. With mindful awareness, we can look into the nature of our suffering and find out what kind of food we have been supplying to keep it alive. When we find the source of nourishment for our suffering, we can cut off that supply, and our suffering will fade.
p.14 – Many of us spend a lot of time in meetings or e-mailing with others, and not a lot of time communicating with ourselves. The result is that we don’t know what is going on within us. It may be a mess inside. How, then, can we communicate with another person?
p.17 – When we begin to practice mindful awareness, we start the path home to ourselves. Home is the place where loneliness disappears. When we’re home, we feel warm, comfortable, safe, fulfilled. We’ve gone away from out homes for a long time, and out homes have become neglected. But the path back home is not long. Home is inside us. Going home requires only sitting down and being with yourself, accepting the situation as it is. Yes, it might be a mess in there, but we accept it because we know we have left home for a long time. So now we’re home. With our in-breath and our out-breath, our mindful breathing, we begin to tidy up our homes.
p.19 – If we’re overloaded with fear, anger, regret, or anxiety, we’re not free, no matter what position we hold in society or how much money we have. Real freedom only comes when we’re able to release our suffering and come home. Freedom is the most precious thing there is. It is the foundation of happiness, and it is available to us with each conscious breath.
p.21 – When we stop talking and thinking and we listen mindfully to ourselves, one thing we will notice is our greater capacity and opportunities for joy. The other thing that happens when we stop thinking and talking and we begin listening to ourselves is that we notice the suffering present in our lives.
Mindfulness lets us listen to the pain, the sorrow, and the fear inside. When we see that some suffering or some pain is coming up, we don’t try to run away from it. In fact, we have to go back and take care of it. We’re not afraid of being overwhelmed, because we know how to breathe and how to walk so as to generate enough energy of mindfulness to recognize and take care of the suffering.
p.22 – We don’t have to try to get away from our suffering. We don’t have to cover up what is unpleasant in us. In fact, we try to be there for ourselves, to understand, so that we can transform. Please do come back home and listen. If you don’t communicate well with yourself, you cannot communicate well with another person.
p.26 – Home is the here and now, where all the wonders of life are already available, where the wonder that is your body is available. You can’t arrive fully in the here and the now unless you invest you whole body and mind into the present moment. If you haven’t arrived one hundred percent, stop where you are and don’t take another step. Stay there and breathe until you’re sure you have arrived one hundred percent. Then you can smile a smile of victory.
p.28 – We don’t tell our fear to go away; we recognize it. We don’t tell our anger to go away; we acknowledge it. These feelings are like a small child tugging at our sleeves. Pick them up and hold them tenderly. Acknowledging our feelings without judging them or pushing them away, embracing them with mindfulness, is an act of homecoming.
p.30 – But there is a way of getting in touch with the suffering without being overwhelmed by it. We try to avoid suffering, but suffering is useful. We need suffering. Going back to listen and understand our suffering brings about the birth of compassion and love. If we take the time to listen deeply to our own suffering, we will be able to understand it. Any suffering that has not been released and reconciled will continue. Until it has been understood and transformed, we carry with us not just our own suffering but also that of our parents and our ancestors. Getting in touch with the suffering that has been passed down to us helps us understand our own suffering. Understanding suffering gives rise to compassion. Love is born, and right away we suffer less. If we understand the nature and the roots of our suffering, the path leading to the cessation of the suffering will appear in front of us. Knowing there is a way out, a path, brings us relief, and we no longer need to be afraid.
p.34 – When you’ve understood your suffering, you suffer less, and you are capable of understanding another person’s suffering much more easily. When you can recognize the suffering of another person and see how that suffering came about, compassion arises. You no longer have the desire to punish or blame the other person. You can listen deeply, and when you speak there is compassion and understanding in your speech.
p.39 – It’s helpful to remember at the beginning of every communication with another person that there is a Buddha inside each of us. “The Buddha” is just a name for the most understanding and compassionate person it’s possible to be.
p.93 – One reason we have trouble communicating with others is that we often try to communicate when we are angry. We suffer, and we don’t want to be alone with all that suffering. We believe that we are angry because of something others did, and we want then to know it. Anger has urgency in it. We want to let others know right away what the problem with them is.
p.94 – But when we’re angry, we aren’t lucid. Acting while angry can lead to a lot of suffering and can escalate the situation. That doesn’t mean we should suppress our anger. We shouldn’t pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s possible to feel and engage with our anger in a healthy and compassionate manner. When anger is there, we should handle it with tenderness because our anger is us.
Mindful breathing helps us reconsider our anger and treat it tenderly. Mindful energy embraces the energy of anger.
After you have sat with mindful awareness and calmed your anger, you can look deeply into the anger to see its nature and where is has come from. What is the root of that anger?
p.96 – Usually when anger manifests, we want to confront the person we think is the source of our anger. We’re more interested in setting that person straight than in taking care of the more urgent matter, which is our own anger. We are like the person whose house is on fore who goes chasing after the arsonist instead of going home to put out the fire. Meanwhile, the house continues to burn.
“I suffer, please help.” You may phone the other person once you have calmed your anger, but only when you can calmly tell him or her that you suffer and you want help.
Asking for help when we’re angry is very difficult, but it allows others to see your suffering instead of just your anger. They will see that suffering causes the anger, and then communication and healing can begin.
p.97 – When we have a rift or an estrangement from someone we care about, both people suffer. If we didn’t care deeply about the other person, the rift would not be so painful. It’s the people we care most about who trigger our greatest suffering.
When someone has caused you a lot of pain, you may not even want to look at or be in the same room as that person, because you will suffer. With awareness, you can understand your own suffering and recognize the suffering in the other person. You may even understand that the reason that person suffers so much is because he or she doesn’t know how to handle the suffering. His suffering spills out, and you are its victim. Maybe he doesn’t want to make you suffer, but he doesn’t know another way. he can’t understand and transform his suffering, and so he makes the people around him suffer too, even when that’s not his intention. Because he suffers, you suffer. He doesn’t need punishment; he needs help. You can help by acknowledging the suffering in him.
p.142 – Everything we say and do bears our signature. We can’t say, “That’s not my thought.” We’re responsible for our own communication. So if it happens that yesterday I said something what wasn’t right, I have to do something today to transform it. The French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said, “Man is the sum of all his actions.” The value of our lives depends on the quality of our thinking, our speech, and our actions.
p.144-45 – Communication isn’t static. Even if yesterday you produced a thought of anger and hate, today you can produce a thought in the opposite direction, a thought of compassion and tolerance. As soon as we produce the new thought, it can very quickly catch up with yesterday’s thought and neutralize it. Using right communication today can help us heal the past, enjoy the present, and prepare the ground for a good future.
p.150 – Everyone one of us has a wounded child within who needs our care and love. But we run away from our inner child because we’re afraid of the suffering. In addition to listening to others with compassion, we must learn also listen to the wounded child inside us. That little child needs our attention. Take time to go back and tenderly embrace the wounded child within you. You can talk to the child with the language of love. “Dear one, in the past, I left you alone. I’ve gone away from you for so long. I’m sorry. Now I have come back to take care of you, to embrace you. I know you suffer so much, and I have neglected you. But now I’ve learned the way to take care of you. I am here now.’
We should talk to our child several times a day for healing to take place. The little child has been left alone for a long time, so we need to begin this practice right away. Go back to your inner child every day and listen for five or ten minutes, and healing will take place.
p.152 – My dear, I know you have suffered a lot over the past many years. I have not been able to help you – in fact, I have made the situation worse. It is not my intention to make you suffer. Maybe I’m not skillful enough. Maybe I tried to impose my ideas on you. In the past I thought you made me suffer. Now I realize that I have been responsible for my own suffering. I promise to do my best to refrain from saying things or doing things that make you suffer. Please tell me what is in your heart. You need to help me; otherwise it is not possible for me to do it. I can’t do it alone.
You have nothing to risk by writing this letter. You can even decide later whether to send it. But whether you send it or not, you will find that the person who finishes writing the letter is not the same person who began it – peace, understanding, and compassion have transformed you.
February 1, 2021
I thought that this book was informational
Read
June 11, 2018I read this book before going to sleep each night, and was filled with a sense of both desire to do better and peace, every single night. It was great. This is not a one-time read, but a reference guide I'll come back to, over and over again.
June 12, 2022
Incredible. Highly recommended
January 23, 2021
Dear Thich Nhat Hanh,
• When you refer to scientific facts you need to provide citations
• Your content was extremely basic
• You definitely provided good reminders
• The audiobook narrator you chose was extremely boring
• Too many archaic suggestions to the stresses of modern life. Overall the book would be more useful for someone living hundreds of years ago
• When you refer to scientific facts you need to provide citations
• Your content was extremely basic
• You definitely provided good reminders
• The audiobook narrator you chose was extremely boring
• Too many archaic suggestions to the stresses of modern life. Overall the book would be more useful for someone living hundreds of years ago
February 4, 2022
Ομολογουμένως δεν βρήκα τίποτα να με κάνει να διαφωνώ . Λιτότητα αμεσοτητα και συγκεκριμένες σκέψεις και ιδέες. Βουδιστικες αρχες και τρόπος σκέψης ,ειλικρινές ώριμο και δοτικό .
December 24, 2020
This book reminds me of Richard Carlson’s Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff. A lot of compassionate communication and mindful awareness of yourself and the people around you to create a harmonious way of life.
The art of deep listening of your thoughts and understanding your own suffering in the pursuit of Happiness. Because when you understand your suffering, you suffer less. And Suffering is needed to grow Happiness. They always go together. The Yin and the Yang.
That it takes a lot of maturity to joyful living. Thich Nhat Hanh preached to be careful with the words you put out when the tension is high. In short, a lot of self-control, self-control and more self-control.
The author further emphasized Mindful breathing- focus on the non talking and non thinking. It gives Higher opportunity for Joy. The usual Stop and Focus on the now. Sitting down and being w yourself. Hence, Mindful Walking- connect the body and the mind.
„“
Food. What we consume w our eyes, ears, nose and our body are also food. The conversations, environment, aroma, etc. Are we consuming healthy food that help us grow?
Home is the place where loneliness disappears.
Sit down and do nothing. ~Nelson Mandela
Double tongue- changing content for own advantage.
Speak in terms that people can understand.
Speak accdg to the understanding of the person listening.
Communicate lovingly w yourself.
Be there for yourself.
With mindfulness, compassion arises.
You are your thoughts, speech and action.
The art of deep listening of your thoughts and understanding your own suffering in the pursuit of Happiness. Because when you understand your suffering, you suffer less. And Suffering is needed to grow Happiness. They always go together. The Yin and the Yang.
That it takes a lot of maturity to joyful living. Thich Nhat Hanh preached to be careful with the words you put out when the tension is high. In short, a lot of self-control, self-control and more self-control.
The author further emphasized Mindful breathing- focus on the non talking and non thinking. It gives Higher opportunity for Joy. The usual Stop and Focus on the now. Sitting down and being w yourself. Hence, Mindful Walking- connect the body and the mind.
„“
Food. What we consume w our eyes, ears, nose and our body are also food. The conversations, environment, aroma, etc. Are we consuming healthy food that help us grow?
Home is the place where loneliness disappears.
Sit down and do nothing. ~Nelson Mandela
Double tongue- changing content for own advantage.
Speak in terms that people can understand.
Speak accdg to the understanding of the person listening.
Communicate lovingly w yourself.
Be there for yourself.
With mindfulness, compassion arises.
You are your thoughts, speech and action.
April 16, 2020
This was very insightful. It’s written using simple language, with examples thrown in, so that the reader absorbs it quickly. At first I thought the advice and methods were too simple, but when I thought of actually putting it into practice I realized how difficult it would be to follow the steps. It only sounds simple—practicing the methods in real life is difficult, and would take time and patience. I learned a lot from Hanh about healing through communication, loving speech and the idea of leasing someone’s inner suffering. While I think some of the advice leans a little too much on Buddhist practices (meditative breathing, mindful walking, etc) I think most people can take a lot from this book.
November 15, 2022
الكتاب جيد، ممل إلى حد ما مما سبب لي السرحان كثيراً... الكلام مكرر في معظم النقاط، و قد يكرره أكثر من مرتين... النصائح جيدة و لكن أغلبها ليست جديدة... معظم وجهات نظر الكتاب من المنظور البوذي لا أكثر.
بشكل عام الكتاب كما قلت جيد، و ربما إن كان القارئ لا يمانع التكرار فلن يشعر بالملل، و القارئ المبتدئ في هذا النوع ربما يستفيد منه أكثر "لا أنكر وجود الإفادة مطلقاً"، و لكن يجب عليك الفصل بين وجهات نظر الكاتب الشخصية و قناعاته، ووجهات نظرك و قناعاتك الخاصة.
It's good, yet boring, I've lost focus several times. Most points - if not all- are mentioned repeatedly... Advices are good but most of them are not creative or new, and they mostly come out of a Buddhist point of view.
If you want to read it, then go ahead!
بشكل عام الكتاب كما قلت جيد، و ربما إن كان القارئ لا يمانع التكرار فلن يشعر بالملل، و القارئ المبتدئ في هذا النوع ربما يستفيد منه أكثر "لا أنكر وجود الإفادة مطلقاً"، و لكن يجب عليك الفصل بين وجهات نظر الكاتب الشخصية و قناعاته، ووجهات نظرك و قناعاتك الخاصة.
It's good, yet boring, I've lost focus several times. Most points - if not all- are mentioned repeatedly... Advices are good but most of them are not creative or new, and they mostly come out of a Buddhist point of view.
If you want to read it, then go ahead!
January 23, 2022
A man is pointing above him and says that is up. On the opposite side of the world, a man is pointing in the other direction and says that is up. They are pointing in different directions when pointing up but are both speaking the relative truth. This book on communication is basic but deep. It leads you to ponder whether you are communicating the appropriate information for the given situation or person.
October 5, 2014
This is a short, simple, spiritually-sound book based on mindfulness, breath, intention, communication, and compassion. I've read several books on Buddhist philosophy (though these concepts apply to all faiths because they are based on love,) and I always find myself referring to their wisdom.
Thich Nhat Hanh thinks directly. He repeats ideas, sometimes, which I find helpful because he reinforces his teachings. He will say, for example, "go to your in-and-out breath, then say..." many times to emphasize how breathing/being mindful is important before any speaking.
I will benefit most from the sections on listening compassionately to myself and others. I love how he urges readers to listen without interruption to others suffering, no matter their energy or validity, because there is plenty of time for the listener to (mindfully) express his/her feelings later. What a refreshing thing - to only listen and understand - not worrying about a response.
I also appreciate the section on "mantras" - how to tell others important, caring messages. One is, "this is a happy moment." Another is, "I am suffering. Please help." This book, combined with Non-Violent Communication and The Four Agreements, has really engaged my mind and heart. I hope to be a better version of myself. :)
Thich Nhat Hanh thinks directly. He repeats ideas, sometimes, which I find helpful because he reinforces his teachings. He will say, for example, "go to your in-and-out breath, then say..." many times to emphasize how breathing/being mindful is important before any speaking.
I will benefit most from the sections on listening compassionately to myself and others. I love how he urges readers to listen without interruption to others suffering, no matter their energy or validity, because there is plenty of time for the listener to (mindfully) express his/her feelings later. What a refreshing thing - to only listen and understand - not worrying about a response.
I also appreciate the section on "mantras" - how to tell others important, caring messages. One is, "this is a happy moment." Another is, "I am suffering. Please help." This book, combined with Non-Violent Communication and The Four Agreements, has really engaged my mind and heart. I hope to be a better version of myself. :)
September 24, 2018
I am the byproduct of a violent upbringing. I really struggle to use language that is kind and inviting. I want to go to war with everyone because for me, life has been a series of battles. This is unfortunate because most of the time people are not trying to go to war with me. I end up hurting people and in turn finding people to hurt me so this can go on forever. And I’m done with it. It’s really powerful to just learn to exist in your feelings. The Art of Communicating is perfect for someone like me who’s in a transition period where very basic things like saying, “I am here for you,” are as powerful in print as they are in practice. I don’t expect this book to change me or anyone over night. But what is change without the decision to do things differently—while also knowing what to do to make this happen.
October 9, 2017
As with Thich Nhat Hanh's other books, reading "The Art of Communicating" feels like meditating. This book is a guide to deep listening and loving speech.
March 31, 2022
بهکار هیچکس نمیآید. چرت و پرتهای بدیهیست.
March 19, 2024
corny + pretentious + new-agey
everything wrong with selfhelp
its reads like a writing exercise on how many times this dude can rephrase the importance of basic human empathy
everything wrong with selfhelp
its reads like a writing exercise on how many times this dude can rephrase the importance of basic human empathy
September 18, 2024
Overall a good book on being aware of yourself and how your communication can effect others. I think everyone can gain a little insight from it and make the world a little better place (even if the ideas in the book are quite redundant).
That being said, I listened to the audiobook and I swear if I hear the word “suffering” again I’m going to go crazy… I was inundated in the first 2/3 of the book.
That being said, I listened to the audiobook and I swear if I hear the word “suffering” again I’m going to go crazy… I was inundated in the first 2/3 of the book.
September 7, 2018
Thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh viết rất nhiều sách, trong đó có nhiều quyển quý, nhưng mãi đến gần đây, mình mới đọc sách của thầy. Quyển Đường Xưa Mây Trắng của thầy gợi cảm hứng cho mình đọc tiếp những quyển khác. **The Art of Communicating** là quyển tiếp theo, sách này nói về nghệ thuật giao tiếp trong tỉnh thức, trong chánh niệm. Mình chưa đọc xong, vì tốc độ đọc sách tiếng Anh của mình sẽ chậm hơn sách tiếng Việt dù ngôn ngữ mà thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh sử dụng khá giản dị và đời thường. Tuy nhiên, mình rất muốn viết đôi dòng cảm nhận về sách vì khá tâm đắc, và sợ rằng, cảm hứng viết sẽ trôi đi mất.
Nếu chỉ có một điều mình có thể takeaway sau khi đọc xong thì đó là điều này: Lắng nghe sâu sắc với lòng từ bi (Compassion) và giao tiếp với ngôn ngữ của yêu thương (Loving Speench). Đó cũng là bí quyết giao tiếp hiệu quả, theo Thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh (thật khác biệt với những quyển sách dạy giao tiếp khác của các tác giả phương tây, vốn chú trọng vào kĩ thuật và hình thức). Mục đích giao tiếp, theo đạo của Bụt, và thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh, chỉ có một, đó là hiểu đối phương hơn và giúp cho cuộc sống của đối phương dễ chịu hơn. (Trước đây, mình đã không ý thức được điều này, sự hời hợt và vô tâm của mình, vô tình làm tổn thương người mình yêu thương). Một ý quan trọng nữa, đó là giao tiếp với chính mình, bản thân mình phải ổn trước đã, thì mới có thể giúp được (giao tiếp hiệu quả được) với người khác.
Nếu chỉ có một điều mình có thể takeaway sau khi đọc xong thì đó là điều này: Lắng nghe sâu sắc với lòng từ bi (Compassion) và giao tiếp với ngôn ngữ của yêu thương (Loving Speench). Đó cũng là bí quyết giao tiếp hiệu quả, theo Thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh (thật khác biệt với những quyển sách dạy giao tiếp khác của các tác giả phương tây, vốn chú trọng vào kĩ thuật và hình thức). Mục đích giao tiếp, theo đạo của Bụt, và thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh, chỉ có một, đó là hiểu đối phương hơn và giúp cho cuộc sống của đối phương dễ chịu hơn. (Trước đây, mình đã không ý thức được điều này, sự hời hợt và vô tâm của mình, vô tình làm tổn thương người mình yêu thương). Một ý quan trọng nữa, đó là giao tiếp với chính mình, bản thân mình phải ổn trước đã, thì mới có thể giúp được (giao tiếp hiệu quả được) với người khác.
April 23, 2020
Đã có rất nhiều sách nói cho bạn cách để chiến thắng, để dành ưu thế trong cuộc trò chuyện nhưng lại có rất ít sách chỉ cho bạn cách để trò chuyện trong thấu hiểu, yêu thương và bình an. Cuốn sách là một trong số ít đó, thiền sư Thích Nhất Hạnh đã dẫn dắt bạn hiểu rõ từ truyền thông là gì, tại sao chúng ta thường gây đau khổ cho nhau khi truyền thông và cách để ta truyền thông có hiệu quả và yêu thương.
“Mỗi cá nhân, mỗi sinh vật luôn luôn sử dụng truyền thông. Chúng ta thường cho rằng truyền thông là những gì chúng ta viết hay chúng ta nói. Tuy nhiên dáng dấp của chúng ta, sắc diện của chúng ta, giọng nói, cử chỉ của chúng ta và ngay cả ý nghĩ của chúng ta, tất cả đều là những phương tiện truyền thông”.
Mình cho 3,25/5.
“Mỗi cá nhân, mỗi sinh vật luôn luôn sử dụng truyền thông. Chúng ta thường cho rằng truyền thông là những gì chúng ta viết hay chúng ta nói. Tuy nhiên dáng dấp của chúng ta, sắc diện của chúng ta, giọng nói, cử chỉ của chúng ta và ngay cả ý nghĩ của chúng ta, tất cả đều là những phương tiện truyền thông”.
Mình cho 3,25/5.
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