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213 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 1999
I don't think that there is a favorite kid in our family. There are three of us and I am the youngest. My brother is the oldest. He is a very good football player and likes his car. My sister is very pretty and mean to boys and she is in the middle.
I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.He's always been a bit....out there...but his family knows how to handle his moods and step around his antics.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.Only, he's now in high school, and the things he would get away with in middle school aren't exactly going to fly now that he's in the big leagues, and he's having difficulties adjusting.
We accept the love we think we deserve.and this:
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.And boom. Instant classic.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinningor like this:
And I thought about how many people have loved those songs. And how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs. And how much those songs really mean. I think it would be great to have written one of those songs. I bet if I wrote one of them, I would be very proud.Honestly, for the first 2/3 I thought he was slow or autistic and this is one of those books where everyone knows but the kid (and he finds out in some hugely traumatizing way).
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"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."
“We didn't talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there together. And that was enough."
"If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me."
“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody."
“I would die for you. But I won't live for you.”
"I just want you to know that you're very special… and the only reason I'm telling you is that I don't know if anyone else ever has."
“ We accept the love we think we deserve,”
“That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen”
“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”
ASLEEP by The Smiths
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go
There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well ...
"Do you always think this much Charlie?"
"Is that bad?" I just wanted someone to tell me the truth.
"Not necessarily. It's just that sometimes people use thought to not participate in life."
"Is that bad?"
"Yes."
"He's a wallflower." And Bob really nodded his head. And the whole room nodded their head. And I started to feel nervous in the Bob way, but Patrick didn't let me get too nervous. He sat down next to me. "You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand."
If you listen to the song "Asleep", and you think about those pretty weather days that make you remember things, and you think about the prettiest eyes you've known, and you cry and the person holds you back then I think you will see the photograph.