What do you think?
Rate this book
Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense
Widely considered the leading book involving nutrition and feeding infants and children, this revised edition offers practical advice that takes into account the most recent research into such topics as: emotional, cultural, and genetic aspects of eating; proper diet during pregnancy; breast-feeding versus; bottle-feeding; introducing solid food to an infant's diet; feeding the preschooler; and avoiding mealtime battles. An appendix looks at a wide range of disorders including allergies, asthma, and hyperactivity, and how to teach a child who is reluctant to eat. The author also discusses the benefits and drawbacks of giving young children vitamins.
536 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 1983
About the author
Ellyn Satter
12 books34 followersReaders say that Ellyn Satter’s books transformed their lives. Satter writes not only about food, eating, and feeding, but about emotional health and positive family relationships. Satter gives her blessings to all food, and to you for eating it, by sharing her conviction that you and your family are more important than your diet. Satter’s research confirms that your positive feelings about food and eating—and those of your children—do more in terms of nutritional, medical, and emotional health than adhering to a set of rules about what to eat and not to eat. Will letting yourself be positive and joyful with eating make you fat? Despite your worst fears, it will not. People who are competent with eating—who approach eating with optimism, self-trust, and a sense of adventure—weigh less than those who guide their eating with negativity, self-denial, and avoidance.
Satter is an internationally recognized authority on eating and feeding. She is a dietitian, family therapist, author, trainer, publisher, and consultant. During her over 40-year clinical career, she worked first as a Registered Dietitian in an outpatient medical practice, then as a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in family-based treatment of eating disorders. Satter created and continues to do research with the Satter Feeding Dynamics Model and the Satter Eating Competence Model. The Ellyn Satter Institute helps the public and professionals apply the models and discover the joys and rewards of being trusting with eating and feeding. Satter is the author of the division of responsibility in feeding , which is considered the gold standard for feeding children. Satter’s “What is normal eating?” is a refrigerator-door and social media icon.
Satter is an internationally recognized authority on eating and feeding. She is a dietitian, family therapist, author, trainer, publisher, and consultant. During her over 40-year clinical career, she worked first as a Registered Dietitian in an outpatient medical practice, then as a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in family-based treatment of eating disorders. Satter created and continues to do research with the Satter Feeding Dynamics Model and the Satter Eating Competence Model. The Ellyn Satter Institute helps the public and professionals apply the models and discover the joys and rewards of being trusting with eating and feeding. Satter is the author of the division of responsibility in feeding , which is considered the gold standard for feeding children. Satter’s “What is normal eating?” is a refrigerator-door and social media icon.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 170 reviews
December 19, 2012
I really expected to love it. I think the principle of the division of responsibility is excellent and I really do agree with a lot of her ideas, but the book in itself was weird. The book could have been more concise, there was a lot of repetition. I was annoyed to find sleep advice, though I guess I can see how it's related, it's just annoying to hear more of the same when you have a baby who doesn't sleep at all and you weren't looking for help for this particular problem for once. I also remember quite clearly that my baby, at 6 months, at 8 months, at 10 months, never really wanted to eat? And it kind of made me feel like I was dumb for trying. (I am well aware that this is probably unfair to the book - I'm sure if I had read it before starting my baby on solids it would have indeed helped. But you do get kind of panicky when your 10-month-old is still not eating anything and the book doesn't talk about that at all.) I also found the obsession about snacks a bit weird to even imagine when my baby eats about a teaspoon of stuff at meals.
Basically, even though it's not written super judgmental-y, it made me feel like I was doing a sucky job as a mother, so to get revenge, I'm giving it two stars in order to make it feel like it's doing a sucky job as a book! TAKE THAT, BOOK!
Basically, even though it's not written super judgmental-y, it made me feel like I was doing a sucky job as a mother, so to get revenge, I'm giving it two stars in order to make it feel like it's doing a sucky job as a book! TAKE THAT, BOOK!
October 2, 2010
Here's the best take-away I got from this enlightening book and it had a PROFOUND affect. There is a central theme about the "division of responsibility" at various stages of child development and, basically: "You (as parent) are responsible for the WHAT, WHEN and WHERE of feeding. Your child is responsible for the HOW MUCH and WHETHER of eating." It's that simple...and hard for control-freaks to practice. But I'm SO glad I read her book or I never would have understood the lasting implications of the power struggles that happen with food, parents and children. It should be a must-read for every parent forcing food down their kids throats or negotiating about taking 3 bites of this and 2 bites of that before they can have this or that. (Satter also convinced me that my child won't starve if she chooses not to eat!) One more thing...if my daughter gets her one cookie WITH her lunch, and chooses to eat the cookie first...guess what happens? She goes on to eat her lunch, (after or during her cookie treat) and enjoys her meal! But if I hold out the cookie as some reward for getting through lunch, she rushes through the meal and, after about 6 bites says, "I'm done and ready for my cookie!" So don't sweat the cookies mom...divide the responsibility and conquer! Your child will be healthier for it.
August 19, 2018
I wish I had been able to get ahold of a revised and updated version of this book. Having said that, I didn't read most of it, skipping over pregnancy, breastfeeding, and early infancy. Nutrition information is readily available, but I think the "good sense" portion of this book is where the value lies. The more you try to push things on a toddler, the more they will push back.
November 19, 2008
I'm currently reading this book as the parent of an almost-six-month old who is nursed exclusively and about to start solids.
I really like Satter's approach: you provide nutritionally-balanced meals and your child decides what to eat and how much. If your child doesn't want to eat what you have provided, they don't eat - no short-order cooking, no junk food. Allowing your child choice and control over what goes in their bodies will eventually produce kids who eat healthfully and are not picky.
I was an extremely picky child and I could write my own book about my husband's food issues. I'm hoping to prevent any potential food issues with our own child.
My only complaint about this book is that Satter is not as supportive of breast-feeding as you would expect her to be as a nutrition expert. Aside from that she presents sound advice and is definitely recognized as a national expert on child feeding and nutrition.
I really like Satter's approach: you provide nutritionally-balanced meals and your child decides what to eat and how much. If your child doesn't want to eat what you have provided, they don't eat - no short-order cooking, no junk food. Allowing your child choice and control over what goes in their bodies will eventually produce kids who eat healthfully and are not picky.
I was an extremely picky child and I could write my own book about my husband's food issues. I'm hoping to prevent any potential food issues with our own child.
My only complaint about this book is that Satter is not as supportive of breast-feeding as you would expect her to be as a nutrition expert. Aside from that she presents sound advice and is definitely recognized as a national expert on child feeding and nutrition.
October 2, 2011
The beginning started off great. The end had me shaking my head and saying No No No! Then, I let it "marinade" for a bit and I decided maybe she had a point in some instances. Was I going to stop telling my kids they have to try at least 1 bit of everything...probably not. But, each family has to decides what works for them. I am NOT going to feed my kids lots of meat and dairy...I've read The China Study and it still haunts me to this day. Suggesting to feed them fries because it's potatoes and making fruit cobblers so they get fruit just didn't sit well with me. Her suggestion of having serving platters and letting the kids help themselves is a great idea; I think that would be nice to incorporate in meals.
February 16, 2016
Excellent, excellent simple, straightforward, compassionate, science-based advice on kids' feeding and nutrition. The only book you need on this topic. Would have given it five stars except I felt it was excessively long and sometimes repetitive
December 7, 2021
Our pediatrician recommended that we read Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense. We’ve had a long complicated feeding journey with our oldest child. From breastfeeding trouble, the dreaded “failing to thrive” diagnosis, multiple food allergies, and slow weight gain, his eating habits are a constant source of anxiety for us. I knew ahead of time that one of the revelations in the book would be Ellyn Satter’s “division of responsibility,” which makes perfect sense, but was really something we already believed in. What floored me and totally impressed me about this book was the realization of just how many misconceptions I had held about food and nutrition and my own eating. I started to see how my own hang ups about food were negatively affecting my son. Since starting this book, meal times have become so much more enjoyable and we’re all learning how to relax and savor eating.
May 9, 2024
The book Raising an Intuitive Eater changed my life, and this is a great companion to that. Learning in advance about children's eating and feeding has been high on my priority list, and often it turns around and impacts my own eating and relationship with food.
This can be a triggering conversation for many, but I felt that Ellyn gave great positive and negative examples, all centered around opportunities for growth and the knowledge that kids and parenting styles change and adapt.
I have 14 pages of notes and quotes for quick reference after reading this, but I will absolutely be purchasing this book to reference later on.
This can be a triggering conversation for many, but I felt that Ellyn gave great positive and negative examples, all centered around opportunities for growth and the knowledge that kids and parenting styles change and adapt.
I have 14 pages of notes and quotes for quick reference after reading this, but I will absolutely be purchasing this book to reference later on.
October 14, 2019
This book is obviously a bit out of date but the core of it is still relevant. Reading this has made me so much more laidback about feeding my daughter and has also helped me see her more as an individual in general, separate from me with agency and the ability to self-regulate.
March 22, 2021
The ideas seem reasonable and make sense. Unfortunately the book contains so many repetitions, references to her other books, and summaries of other chapters that it could be about 1/3 the length, which would have made it much more enjoyable.
Want to read
May 9, 2024Don't worry, not pregnant. Vetting this for a friend.
May 2, 2011
I had a hard time deciding how many stars to give this book as I still haven't decided my opinion of it yet. Some things I agree with, some things I disagree with, and some I'm not sure yet. Satter believes children know how much food they need to eat and how to eat a balanced diet. Her philosophy is that parents are responsible for offering healthy, nutritious, balanced meals and snacks at regular times each day. Children are responsible for how much they eat of what is offered, and whether they eat anything of what is offered. Satter believes parents should not pressure their children to eat or limit how much children eat. She believes children should be able to eat as much as they want of whatever is offered and that they should not be permitted to eat between meals/snacks. The book has chapters dealing specifically with infants, toddlers, preschoolers, breastfeeding, and formula-feeding. Satter includes some great information on nutrition and meal-planning and why it is important to eat sugar (simple carbohydrates), starches (complex carbohydrates), protein, and some fat in meals. Satter has a unique take on how to handle sweets, and I have not yet decided whether or not I agree with her.
My main issues with the book are 1) her claim that you are controlling and cruel if you don't offer your child a snack between meals 2) her belief that you should not limit how much your child eats of anything (I really don't want my child to have unlimited strawberries or beans, for example, because I only have a limited amount of strawberries that has to last for so many meals, and I have to change the diapers) and 3) I disagree with some of the info about feeding babies, especially sleepy newborns. I believe sleepy newborns do sometimes need to be waken up to eat and parents need to do whatever necessary to keep them awake long enough for them to eat enough. I think it is easy to fall into the trap of not feeding them enough when they are so sleepy which can lead to other complications.
My main issues with the book are 1) her claim that you are controlling and cruel if you don't offer your child a snack between meals 2) her belief that you should not limit how much your child eats of anything (I really don't want my child to have unlimited strawberries or beans, for example, because I only have a limited amount of strawberries that has to last for so many meals, and I have to change the diapers) and 3) I disagree with some of the info about feeding babies, especially sleepy newborns. I believe sleepy newborns do sometimes need to be waken up to eat and parents need to do whatever necessary to keep them awake long enough for them to eat enough. I think it is easy to fall into the trap of not feeding them enough when they are so sleepy which can lead to other complications.
June 29, 2019
I'm the parent of a picky eater - I'm definitely guilty of a lot of the things Satter talks about in her book - short-order cooking for my son, snacks whenever he wants, having him eat "separately" from us (usually at the kitchen island when he gets home from school and not the dinner table), etc... so I REALLY needed this book.
There's lots of "common sense" advice in this book - after I explained the method to my mother, she said "well, I've been telling you that for years..." and, to be fair, she has. But I'm a bit thick-headed sometimes and I needed to read it.
The big premise of the book is "divisions of responsibility" - parents are in charge of what when, and where to eat. Kids are in charge of whether and how much to eat. The big takeaways were: 1) eating together as a family at the dinner table 2) preparing the same meal for everyone, but including at least a couple foods your kid likes 3) designated meal and snack times 4) serving food family style 5) put bread on the table, if your kid doesn't want to eat anything else, at least they'll eat that 6) stop cajoling your kid into eating foods they don't want/don't want to try.
I can already tell a big difference in our son. He has tried at least three "new" foods in the past two weeks. It's been working out pretty well.
My only complaint, and the reason I did dock one star, is she writes the book as if you are starting all of this when the child is a baby. There's no chapter on what to do if you already messed up and are starting this with an almost four year old, haha. We've implemented what the book suggests, and it's gone well, but I do think we could have use a couple extra pages on starting over from scratch.
There's lots of "common sense" advice in this book - after I explained the method to my mother, she said "well, I've been telling you that for years..." and, to be fair, she has. But I'm a bit thick-headed sometimes and I needed to read it.
The big premise of the book is "divisions of responsibility" - parents are in charge of what when, and where to eat. Kids are in charge of whether and how much to eat. The big takeaways were: 1) eating together as a family at the dinner table 2) preparing the same meal for everyone, but including at least a couple foods your kid likes 3) designated meal and snack times 4) serving food family style 5) put bread on the table, if your kid doesn't want to eat anything else, at least they'll eat that 6) stop cajoling your kid into eating foods they don't want/don't want to try.
I can already tell a big difference in our son. He has tried at least three "new" foods in the past two weeks. It's been working out pretty well.
My only complaint, and the reason I did dock one star, is she writes the book as if you are starting all of this when the child is a baby. There's no chapter on what to do if you already messed up and are starting this with an almost four year old, haha. We've implemented what the book suggests, and it's gone well, but I do think we could have use a couple extra pages on starting over from scratch.
April 11, 2011
I'll admit, I did not read this whole book - I only read the parts that apply to me. Since I have a 4 year old, I did not read the chapters about breastfeeding and feeding infants. However, let me just say, this book is AMAZING. It was recommended to me by a feeding therapist that I recently began taking my daughter to.
The best thing I took away from this book was the division of responsibility in feeding. As a parent, I am responsible for WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE my child eats. As a child, she is responsible for WHETHER and HOW MUCH she eats. As long as I don't try to take over her responsibilities and I don't allow her to take over mine, we're good.
My problem up until this point is that I was allowing her to take over my part - she was grazing throughout the day on whatever she wanted (her diet consisted mostly of fries, chips, crackers, cookies, and the like). Now, we have specific meal and snack times, and I decide what food to put in front of her. At that point, she gets to decide whether or not she will eat it, and if so, how much. Then, if she asks for food afterward, I tell her that we'll eat again at the next snack (or meal) time. It's been a challenge, but her eating habits have really taken a turn for the better. She's eating a lot of foods that she wouldn't even TRY before.
This author really knows what she's talking about. Sometimes I got tired of reading about study after study that proved her theory, but it's good to know that she did the research, and she's not just making up some arbitrary rules. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with their child about food or worried about their child's eating habits.
The best thing I took away from this book was the division of responsibility in feeding. As a parent, I am responsible for WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE my child eats. As a child, she is responsible for WHETHER and HOW MUCH she eats. As long as I don't try to take over her responsibilities and I don't allow her to take over mine, we're good.
My problem up until this point is that I was allowing her to take over my part - she was grazing throughout the day on whatever she wanted (her diet consisted mostly of fries, chips, crackers, cookies, and the like). Now, we have specific meal and snack times, and I decide what food to put in front of her. At that point, she gets to decide whether or not she will eat it, and if so, how much. Then, if she asks for food afterward, I tell her that we'll eat again at the next snack (or meal) time. It's been a challenge, but her eating habits have really taken a turn for the better. She's eating a lot of foods that she wouldn't even TRY before.
This author really knows what she's talking about. Sometimes I got tired of reading about study after study that proved her theory, but it's good to know that she did the research, and she's not just making up some arbitrary rules. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with their child about food or worried about their child's eating habits.
August 2, 2017
I'm trying to troubleshoot the feeding habits of my double trouble. (My twins are 4 and seem to eat constantly and whine for food all morning long, then don't care about food for the rest of the day.) I got some great strategies out of this book that I'm eager to try, such as having set meal and snack times and not allowing them to graze all day. (I think it'll be hard to convert them to the new schedule, but after a week or two hopefully they will stop wailing about it.)
However, even though I think this book will be helpful and relevant to my particular problems, I can't give it more than two stars, because it's really outdated in tons of its advice. Let's face it, the book was published 17 years ago. There's very little about baby-led weaning (which the author would probably be SO into), and the nutritional advice is simply wrong. She's using the old food pyramid with grains at the bottom. She thinks kids NEED to be drinking tons of milk for strong bones and taking fluoride supplements. She thinks the only problem with sugar is that it can cause tooth decay when it comes in contact with teeth. She thinks you should add a little sugar to peas! Peas are sweet and delicious without sugar, even my kids think so. Whatever. The point is, she gives some crazy dietary advice with absolute conviction AND a sometimes judgy tone to boot. So it's tough to know how much of the text is useful, when you know some of it's flat-out wrong.
However, even though I think this book will be helpful and relevant to my particular problems, I can't give it more than two stars, because it's really outdated in tons of its advice. Let's face it, the book was published 17 years ago. There's very little about baby-led weaning (which the author would probably be SO into), and the nutritional advice is simply wrong. She's using the old food pyramid with grains at the bottom. She thinks kids NEED to be drinking tons of milk for strong bones and taking fluoride supplements. She thinks the only problem with sugar is that it can cause tooth decay when it comes in contact with teeth. She thinks you should add a little sugar to peas! Peas are sweet and delicious without sugar, even my kids think so. Whatever. The point is, she gives some crazy dietary advice with absolute conviction AND a sometimes judgy tone to boot. So it's tough to know how much of the text is useful, when you know some of it's flat-out wrong.
January 14, 2008
First of all I have to add that unless it is a novel, most of the books I get from the library don't get read entirely, thus the reason I have bookshelf on here dedicated just to these books. When I go to the library I am balancing keeping Juliah in site and grabbing books fast. SOmetimes I just guess, and I usually get a whole bag full of books. It is actually really fun.
ABout this book I have to say it was alright until I got to her opinions on Breastfeeding. She wasn't against it but she definately feelsthat the child should be eating way more regular food "solids" than nursing as meals...and we are still talking big baby stage not just toddlers/young children stages.
How about we try feeding our children like they have for centuries: breastfeed, breastfeed, and breastfeed until the child sits and is grabbing the food off your plate ( an obvious indication that he/she is ready) and still breastfeed breastfeed breastfeed until the child, by choice, focuses more and more on regular food....healthy ones might I add.
Doesn't so difficult does it?
ABout this book I have to say it was alright until I got to her opinions on Breastfeeding. She wasn't against it but she definately feelsthat the child should be eating way more regular food "solids" than nursing as meals...and we are still talking big baby stage not just toddlers/young children stages.
How about we try feeding our children like they have for centuries: breastfeed, breastfeed, and breastfeed until the child sits and is grabbing the food off your plate ( an obvious indication that he/she is ready) and still breastfeed breastfeed breastfeed until the child, by choice, focuses more and more on regular food....healthy ones might I add.
Doesn't so difficult does it?
November 21, 2017
This is not a book you read all at once, but read in stages as your child grows. I’ve read the breastfeeding and older baby parts of the book. I skipped the formula section as that’s not something we needed, and I started on the toddler section, but decided to stop and wait until my baby got there and it was relevant.
This is not a book that will tell you what to feed your baby and when. This book is more about your attitudes toward feeding your child. My biggest takeaway was to not let feeding become a power struggle. Your baby knows what they need and how much food they need. Let them decide what and how much to eat of the healthy foods you have provided.
On a side note, although this book says nothing about Baby Led Weaning, and only has a paragraph or two about skipping puréed foods for table food, I found this to be a nice companion to my reading on BLW, as the attitudes are similar!
This is not a book that will tell you what to feed your baby and when. This book is more about your attitudes toward feeding your child. My biggest takeaway was to not let feeding become a power struggle. Your baby knows what they need and how much food they need. Let them decide what and how much to eat of the healthy foods you have provided.
On a side note, although this book says nothing about Baby Led Weaning, and only has a paragraph or two about skipping puréed foods for table food, I found this to be a nice companion to my reading on BLW, as the attitudes are similar!
May 16, 2016
I have read this book over the first three years of my kids' lives. It was a bit of a slog toward the end, since the important stuff is repeated quite a bit. I found this book most useful when I was a new parent and suffering from a profound sense of "what have I gotten myself into?!" Satter's division of responsibility has been very helpful in both helping me to parent my kids, but also in giving me permission to not stress about food as much as I would have. The guidelines are good and helpful, though he devil is in the details especially for older toddlers and preschoolers, I'm finding now. Still, I think this book have me a good grounding for both the nutritional and developmental aspects of kid-feeding and for that I am grateful!
September 10, 2008
I have struggled with feeding Joel. This author's philosophy is that when, where, and what to eat is the parent's responsibility, and how much or whether to eat at all is the child's responsibility. I only read the intro and the chapter on toddler feeding, but her ideas helped me chill out about how much Joel eats. Things are much better now.
I would recommend this book to all young mothers because parents often create unhealthy eating habits and attitudes in their children, and that is not a nice thing to do. This book helped me know how to help Joel maintain his naturally healthy relationship with food.
I would recommend this book to all young mothers because parents often create unhealthy eating habits and attitudes in their children, and that is not a nice thing to do. This book helped me know how to help Joel maintain his naturally healthy relationship with food.
January 13, 2008
Fabulous and comprehensive book on feeing your child from birth to at least preshool (it may go past that, if so I haven't gotten that far). This book focuses on the long term goal of helping your child develop a healthy view of food and eating. It has a good explanation about how breastfeeding works and some food ideas for toddlers and preschoolers, but the great thing about this book is the philosophy of feeding that she teaches (one that, I understand, she authored but has since become the mainstay of child nutrition).
June 6, 2008
A great no-nonsense approach to the roles in feeding a child.I like the idea that I am in charge of giving my daughter the food and she is in charge of eating it (or not). As with any parenting book the author can get preachy, but over-all I have agreed to try out what she is suggesting. Recommended by my doctor. I am reading the toddler section now in preparation!
April 11, 2016
Someone put this book in my hands at the exact right time, as my firstborn was beginning to eat solids. I think this feeding advise is exceptional, rarely heard and very needed in our current society. Helps you set healthy boundaries around eating, so that your child can learn to make healthy choices.
February 6, 2020
A lot of fellow parents recommended this method of feeding and it is touted as research based. So I finally got around to reading one of the books, Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense. While overall I think the main message is great, I was really disappointed and actually appalled by some of the advice on specific details about the approach. Here's some examples:
-First a lot of the reasoning for doing what the DOR approach seems to focus on weight. While I am sure that some parents worry about that, I feel like there are lots of other reasons for our eat choices than, "Don't worry, this has been proven not to make you fat" Just seemed weird to me.
-She considers fruit juice something to meet the fruit/veggie portion of a meal. This doesn't make sense to me from what I understand how juice works. I understand having it now and then and not making a forbidden fruit though.
-I don't really understand the whole requiring bread and milk at every meal. I don't eat or want bread at every meal, so to me it seems like catering to the child, which it says to avoid. She also describes milk as "essential" for children and adults which I don't think accurately reflects current research, from what I understand.
-For starting solids, she strongly suggests starting with iron fortified baby rice/cereal and spoon feeding first. She also really pushes against introducing protein before age 1 (because it's hard to chew?), and suggests not giving peanut butter until after age 1 or 2. While there are situations where this is best, I don't think this really reflects current research about what we know about infant feeding capabilities.
-She doesn't seem to think that children should have any choices in food or help with meals until age 3, which seems really weird to me. While in general, I decide the foods, I've sometimes allowed a choice between 2 acceptable foods every now and then. Also, from what I understand, allowing children to help in food prep at a young age (something in my experience 1 and 2 year olds love), within acceptable limits, increases children's interest in eating a variety of foods.
-I'm also a little more flexible in having eating windows rather than "food is ready, either eat now this second or you have to wait". I'm not always hungry at the same time everyday, so I don't know why I have to force this on my child. My child is also not really a morning person so she prefers to eat her breakfast a little later than us. I let her know it's available and she can eat it up until we have to leave for school.
-I'm also not really into the whole family style serving thing. Maybe it's because it's not how I eat myself so it would just seemed forced to me. I usually just put a serving of each food on plates and then we can eat more as needed. I think because there are a lot of foods that I only make enough portions so that each person can have one and I don't want to be endlessly making food just in case someone might want more some day. I really only have enough energy/time in my day. (Edited to add: Especially since when my child was a toddler, I could really only put a bite or two of something on her plate at time, or else it would end up all the floor)
-The craziest part to me was the advice on if your child says they are hungry. She advises to ignore them and redirect to a non food activity. And pretty much if they keep fussing about it, you put them in a time out. I have no idea how this creates a healthy relationship with food, and not the exact opposite.
I think a lot of my reaction is because so many people talk about how it's such a great method, but I honestly feel like a lot of the information is arbitrary and inaccurate and really needs to be modified. I definitely agree and practice the main ideas of this method, but the details were really disappointing.
-First a lot of the reasoning for doing what the DOR approach seems to focus on weight. While I am sure that some parents worry about that, I feel like there are lots of other reasons for our eat choices than, "Don't worry, this has been proven not to make you fat" Just seemed weird to me.
-She considers fruit juice something to meet the fruit/veggie portion of a meal. This doesn't make sense to me from what I understand how juice works. I understand having it now and then and not making a forbidden fruit though.
-I don't really understand the whole requiring bread and milk at every meal. I don't eat or want bread at every meal, so to me it seems like catering to the child, which it says to avoid. She also describes milk as "essential" for children and adults which I don't think accurately reflects current research, from what I understand.
-For starting solids, she strongly suggests starting with iron fortified baby rice/cereal and spoon feeding first. She also really pushes against introducing protein before age 1 (because it's hard to chew?), and suggests not giving peanut butter until after age 1 or 2. While there are situations where this is best, I don't think this really reflects current research about what we know about infant feeding capabilities.
-She doesn't seem to think that children should have any choices in food or help with meals until age 3, which seems really weird to me. While in general, I decide the foods, I've sometimes allowed a choice between 2 acceptable foods every now and then. Also, from what I understand, allowing children to help in food prep at a young age (something in my experience 1 and 2 year olds love), within acceptable limits, increases children's interest in eating a variety of foods.
-I'm also a little more flexible in having eating windows rather than "food is ready, either eat now this second or you have to wait". I'm not always hungry at the same time everyday, so I don't know why I have to force this on my child. My child is also not really a morning person so she prefers to eat her breakfast a little later than us. I let her know it's available and she can eat it up until we have to leave for school.
-I'm also not really into the whole family style serving thing. Maybe it's because it's not how I eat myself so it would just seemed forced to me. I usually just put a serving of each food on plates and then we can eat more as needed. I think because there are a lot of foods that I only make enough portions so that each person can have one and I don't want to be endlessly making food just in case someone might want more some day. I really only have enough energy/time in my day. (Edited to add: Especially since when my child was a toddler, I could really only put a bite or two of something on her plate at time, or else it would end up all the floor)
-The craziest part to me was the advice on if your child says they are hungry. She advises to ignore them and redirect to a non food activity. And pretty much if they keep fussing about it, you put them in a time out. I have no idea how this creates a healthy relationship with food, and not the exact opposite.
I think a lot of my reaction is because so many people talk about how it's such a great method, but I honestly feel like a lot of the information is arbitrary and inaccurate and really needs to be modified. I definitely agree and practice the main ideas of this method, but the details were really disappointing.
January 10, 2018
This book was really hard to rate because there are definitely a lot of super helpful tips and theories in this book about how to feed your child from the beginning to create a healthy eater.
The "division of responsibility" at various stages of child development was really helpful and says "You (as parent) are responsible for the WHAT, WHEN and WHERE of feeding. Your child is responsible for the HOW MUCH and WHETHER of eating." I also liked the idea of serving dessert with the meals and if the kid wants to eat dessert first-- cool. Let them. Everything can be unlimited except for dessert, but dessert can be consistently offered so the child will always know that there will be more coming in the future. With this central theory of the division of responsibility, I like that it goes against the Clean Plate Club. I found some of the information about transitioning into solid foods to be helpful. Start with fruits and veggies and progress from there to softened version of the family meal. I liked the idea of serving meals family style so the kids can learn to plate food themselves. I also liked the reminder that kids often need to try things 10-20 times to learn to like it. As parents, its our job to keep offering it. I am not sure how application of the theory of not making them taste stuff will work out. Satter says that kids are naturally curious and will try things if they see you eating it (even though it may take awhile) but I think a little encouragement to try things won't hurt as long as the kid knows they don't have to eat anymore if they don't want to. She does talk about telling them they don't have to swallow and cutting it down to even those little steps, but I think a little of casual encouragement is a good thing.
The things I didn't like about this book were that the author often seemed to toot her own horn and was very quick to point out flaws in everyone else's work. She is heavily biased in certain food selections and methods and she gets a little soap-boxy on occasion. I agree with the overall message of this book, but some of the details and specifics were too much opinion and less fact. I felt like I learned a good amount in this book, I just didn't really love the author.
The "division of responsibility" at various stages of child development was really helpful and says "You (as parent) are responsible for the WHAT, WHEN and WHERE of feeding. Your child is responsible for the HOW MUCH and WHETHER of eating." I also liked the idea of serving dessert with the meals and if the kid wants to eat dessert first-- cool. Let them. Everything can be unlimited except for dessert, but dessert can be consistently offered so the child will always know that there will be more coming in the future. With this central theory of the division of responsibility, I like that it goes against the Clean Plate Club. I found some of the information about transitioning into solid foods to be helpful. Start with fruits and veggies and progress from there to softened version of the family meal. I liked the idea of serving meals family style so the kids can learn to plate food themselves. I also liked the reminder that kids often need to try things 10-20 times to learn to like it. As parents, its our job to keep offering it. I am not sure how application of the theory of not making them taste stuff will work out. Satter says that kids are naturally curious and will try things if they see you eating it (even though it may take awhile) but I think a little encouragement to try things won't hurt as long as the kid knows they don't have to eat anymore if they don't want to. She does talk about telling them they don't have to swallow and cutting it down to even those little steps, but I think a little of casual encouragement is a good thing.
The things I didn't like about this book were that the author often seemed to toot her own horn and was very quick to point out flaws in everyone else's work. She is heavily biased in certain food selections and methods and she gets a little soap-boxy on occasion. I agree with the overall message of this book, but some of the details and specifics were too much opinion and less fact. I felt like I learned a good amount in this book, I just didn't really love the author.
November 24, 2020
I really love Satter's style--she seems so REASONABLE, and full of empathy and good cheer. This is a surprisingly dense book, and I seriously wish I'd read it when Ian was 3 months old. When you're off track with a kid's eating, it is SO hard (but she would say not impossible) to get back on track. I know all the things I did wrong, and I wish, more than any of my other parenting choices, I could do that part over. But alas, I cannot. We're really trying to eat together as a family, and I'm going to do an "eating immersion" over the holidays when he's home with us for 2 weeks so I can really get him used to eating what we're eating while I don't have to pack him a lunch that caters to his interests when he goes to school.
The next book I have of hers is "Secrets of feeding a healthy family" for more practical tips. But to me, she's the preeminent children's eating/feeding expert, and without having to do anything "weird"--she doesn't trick kids, feed them special meals, make their mashed potatoes a road for cars--none of that. Her feeding division of responsibility is so important--if you read nothing else, just read that and it'll change the way you think about feeding your kids!
The next book I have of hers is "Secrets of feeding a healthy family" for more practical tips. But to me, she's the preeminent children's eating/feeding expert, and without having to do anything "weird"--she doesn't trick kids, feed them special meals, make their mashed potatoes a road for cars--none of that. Her feeding division of responsibility is so important--if you read nothing else, just read that and it'll change the way you think about feeding your kids!
September 3, 2022
Picked this book up on the recommendation of our pediatrician whom I trust as we’ve been having some trouble with our child regularly eating dinner.
I think there is value to the core principle of how to divide responsibility of eating. I 100% agree on setting boundaries, not catering meals, and not allowing grazing throughout the day. This could have been summed up in a much shorter book.
But the rest of the advice is absolute hogwash. Add sugar to food, like peas, to make it taste better - what?! I was appalled at the outdated advice presented that does not reflect current research. And it went completely off the rails veering into diabetes, diarrhea from too much juice, and supplements.
I wish the author had stuck to the topic at hand - ‘how to feed our kids’ - and left the ‘what to feed’ division of responsibility to the parents.
I think there is value to the core principle of how to divide responsibility of eating. I 100% agree on setting boundaries, not catering meals, and not allowing grazing throughout the day. This could have been summed up in a much shorter book.
But the rest of the advice is absolute hogwash. Add sugar to food, like peas, to make it taste better - what?! I was appalled at the outdated advice presented that does not reflect current research. And it went completely off the rails veering into diabetes, diarrhea from too much juice, and supplements.
I wish the author had stuck to the topic at hand - ‘how to feed our kids’ - and left the ‘what to feed’ division of responsibility to the parents.
October 29, 2018
If you're a proponent of "Fed is best", please be cautious of parts of this book. For someone who emphasizes multiple times that the decision to breastfeed or formula feed is your choice and that you should do what you feel is best for your family... she spends a LOT of time tooting the horn of breastfeeding (including, as some other reviewers have mentioned, quoting out-of-date information).
That being said, this book contains a lot of excellent instruction and advice on how to raise your child with a healthy relationship with food and eating, and a healthy view of their own body. The advice can be applied successfully, I think, regardless of you having to update or adjust a bit for nutritional aspects. Highly recommend.
That being said, this book contains a lot of excellent instruction and advice on how to raise your child with a healthy relationship with food and eating, and a healthy view of their own body. The advice can be applied successfully, I think, regardless of you having to update or adjust a bit for nutritional aspects. Highly recommend.
March 1, 2021
A lot of good information in this book, and I'm glad I read it, but dang, this was so long, and overwhelming at times, and also had some advice that sidings sometimes contradicts my parenting principles. For example, we believe in natural term weaning, which involves breastfeeding far beyond the point when Ellyn Satter says it's time to force the baby to wean. We don't do baby cereal or purees. And we don't believe in time out in our family, so her suggestion for dealing with difficult behavior at the table also doesn't work. But the principles of division of responsibility were worth learning, even if I did have to get through a lot of other stuff to learn them. Overall, I think this book will help us, but I can't say I really enjoyed reading it.
January 26, 2024
LOVE the division of responsibility. Also love the idea of not short order cooking for your child, although sometimes we accidentally make something too spicy and you can tell because she really isn’t happy then I give her pre-prepared baby food. Because it also doesn’t seem fair that what I planned on her eating she can’t because of something I’ve done… 🤷🏼♀️ hopefully 90% is good enough. 😝
However the book is really long and sometimes can be unapproachable in its detail. As a working mom you can’t possibly keep all this in your head. Or try to manage nutrients. Which I think the book is saying to let go of, but then when starts giving all the nutrients breakdowns gets a bit overwhelming. Maybe I shouldn’t have read the appendices.
However the book is really long and sometimes can be unapproachable in its detail. As a working mom you can’t possibly keep all this in your head. Or try to manage nutrients. Which I think the book is saying to let go of, but then when starts giving all the nutrients breakdowns gets a bit overwhelming. Maybe I shouldn’t have read the appendices.
August 16, 2018
To be fair: I did not get this edition of the book. My library only had the expanded edition. Not the revised and updated one.
Ever read something and something happens that makes you realize it took place decades ago? And you hadn't really realized it until right then?
A lot of the nutrition advice sounded dated. Then she commented that mothers shouldn't smoke because "some studies are beginning to suggest that" second hand smoke "may" effect them. Um, yeah.
But her last four chapters on division of responsibility, obesity, and eating disorders are fantastic and worth the read on their own.
Ever read something and something happens that makes you realize it took place decades ago? And you hadn't really realized it until right then?
A lot of the nutrition advice sounded dated. Then she commented that mothers shouldn't smoke because "some studies are beginning to suggest that" second hand smoke "may" effect them. Um, yeah.
But her last four chapters on division of responsibility, obesity, and eating disorders are fantastic and worth the read on their own.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 170 reviews