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348 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 21, 2022
❝hey. those are my truck nuts.❞
she blinks drowsily and looks in that direction. ❝oh. yeah.❞
❝you took my nuts.❞
she squints up at me. ❝sorry?❞
she’s not sorry at all. i laugh. ❝yeah. seems about right.❞ and then i roll my girl onto her back and make her tell me she loves me again.
❝what’s the bright side?❞
she startles. her forehead furrows. ❝why’d you ask me that?❞
❝looks like you’re getting pretty invested in moping. seemed like a good question to ask. i like you grumpy, but not, like, sad grumpy.❞
❝we’re fake dating.❞
❝no, we’re not.❞ he says it like it’s obvious.
❝you can’t real date me without my consent.❞
he sniffs and then he barks a laugh. ❝i am incapable of arguing with that.❞
❝because I’m right.❞
❝you’re always right.❞ it’s not a jibe. he says it fondly. as if he means it.
❝heck yeah, i am.❞
❝… you’re dumb, not malicious.❞
❝did you know I’m a stage-five clinger?❞ i ask him.
cash snorts. ❝ain’t clinging if the dude wants you.❞ he lays a wet smack on my cheek. ❝cling to me anytime.❞
❝no, Cash. i want you to go back in time, and i want you to make it so the girl whose mom just keeled over in the cereal aisle at the grocery store with a heart attack at forty-one, and whose father is so torn up about it that he avoids buying food, gets to eat the only sweet thing she’s gonna get in her whole damn day.❞
… ❝to be honest, he has a really big dick.❞
❝i’m fake dating cash wall,❞ she mutters to herself.
❝you’re gonna fake love it.❞ i give her my most disarming grin.
Her thighs are so thick, and so soft, and they quivered like little rabbits when I licked her clean.
Her face screws up like she smells a fart, and she zombie walks to the fridge.
My stomach does a barf flip.
They both have rainbow-shaped eyes and the kind of smile that quirks higher at one corner.
He leans back in his chair, both of us chewing like cows.
I don’t have the best balance on a good day. I have, on two occasions, sat straight down in the puddle made by my own wee when going to stand after a squat.
Mom’s mouth goes puckered like a cat’s butthole.
I drag in a deep breath and snort down the snot.
I’m not good at losing and letting go. I’m not bouncy. I’m the kind of person who goes splat.
“You built this?”The hero is 24 years old by the way. 😶
“Yeah.”
“With your dad?”
“By myself.” He pauses a second and kicks the ground with the toe of his boot. “Bill the barn manager helped a little. Dad and Kell and John and Grandpa Price were busy building Dina’s. I got butthurt. Bill found me beating on a fence with a stick. He said why don’t you build your own. So I did.”
My dad called. He wanted to know what’s wrong with me. Then he put my mom on so she could yell at me. Del rang to make sure it wasn’t some misguided attempt to show my support. He put Lil on the phone to make sure I feel like the world’s most incompetent and hapless jackass. Pam Bosko called. She’s a friend of my parents, and she’s also a defense attorney. She offered to represent me. She said don’t talk to anyone, especially Glenna Dobbs.
Butts waggle. You know what? This is the best song. It’s so bouncy. Everyone sings along, bottles and red Solo cups in the air. I don’t know the words, so I bop up and down. Matt seems happy. He bops up and down, too, just not on the beat. That’s okay. He’s a good guy. A great guy. He’s never gotten me shot. He bops closer.