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Send Me Into the Woods Alone: Essays on Motherhood
Send Me Into The Woods Alone is an honest, heartfelt, and often hilarious collection of essays on the the joys, struggles, and complexities of motherhood.
These essays touch on the major milestones of raising children, from giving birth (and having approximately a million hands in your vagina) and taking your beautiful newborn home (and feeling like you’ve stolen your baby from the hospital), to lying to kids about the Tooth Fairy and mastering the subtle art of beating children at board games. Plus the pitfalls of online culture and the #winemom phenomenon, and the unattainable expectations placed on mothers today.
Written from the perspective of an always tired, often anxious, and reluctant suburbanite who is doing her damn best, these essays articulate one woman’s experience in order to help mothers of all kinds process the wildly variable, deeply different ways in which being a mom changes our lives.
These essays touch on the major milestones of raising children, from giving birth (and having approximately a million hands in your vagina) and taking your beautiful newborn home (and feeling like you’ve stolen your baby from the hospital), to lying to kids about the Tooth Fairy and mastering the subtle art of beating children at board games. Plus the pitfalls of online culture and the #winemom phenomenon, and the unattainable expectations placed on mothers today.
Written from the perspective of an always tired, often anxious, and reluctant suburbanite who is doing her damn best, these essays articulate one woman’s experience in order to help mothers of all kinds process the wildly variable, deeply different ways in which being a mom changes our lives.
208 pages, Hardcover
Published April 19, 2022
About the author
Erin Pepler
1 book27 followersErin Pepler is a freelance writer who lives in the greater Toronto area with her husband and two kids. Her work has appeared in Today’s Parent, Chatelaine, Reader's Digest, ParentsCanada, SavvyMom, Romper, Scary Mommy, MoneySense, Broadview Magazine and many other publications. Her first book, Send Me Into The Woods Alone: Essays on Motherhood, was featured in The Globe and Mail, the Toronto Star, Publisher's Weekly, Quill & Quire, 49th Shelf, Herizons Magazine and more. Erin is currently working on her second book of essays, which she hopes to release sometime this century.
Erin gives a 5-star Goodreads rating to every book she reads for reasons that are too long and tedious to detail here, and she's sorry if you hate that.
Erin gives a 5-star Goodreads rating to every book she reads for reasons that are too long and tedious to detail here, and she's sorry if you hate that.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
March 17, 2022
Where was this book - or anything like it - when I was a new mom?
At the advanced age I was entering into motherhood - I spent my 36th birthday in the hospital post emergency C-section - I should have been immune to so much of the self-recrimination and self-doubt and anxiety… but I wasn’t…. And really, why should I have been? It wasn’t me… it was the world I live in…
It certainly would have been nice to have had this companion to assure me that I was not as alone as I felt I was in my experiences and feelings:
I was that person with a horrible pregnancy - not quite as bad as the author’s but pretty close;
I was that person whose child was starving on breast milk alone - and felt like a total failure when I was so relieved that he was no longer starving after making the decision to abandon the breast;
I also abhored children’s music - excepting Sharon Lois and Bram - and raised my child on the music I loved listening to. The lyrics from ‘Skinnamarink’ are still a go-to - secret message like code - in our house - even as the child is 24 years old now! As indeed is the refrain from ‘I Love You Forever’... Just start reciting either and everyone will join in to finish;
I was the woman who - knowing that her husband would be home soon - put the screaming child in his crib, closed the door, drew myself a bubble bath and read my book purposely ignoring the wailing… because I just needed a break;
I was the Mom who had her child to the fracture clinic 7 times over three years with compression fractures in his wrist - always worried which visit would prompt the call to Children’s Aid (fyi… he was an active wild child and almost all of the injuries were from breaking his falls/momentum by digging in the heel of his hands - usually while playing soccer);
I was the city girl who ended up in the suburbs - not quite as lonely and depressed as the author, but pretty close;
And while our son was born well ahead of the era of social media - thank god for small mercies - I was the Mom who never fit in at the ‘Mom and Baby’ groups because all the other Mom’s just all seemed too plastic and perfect, and had perfect little babies and perfect lives… I just didn’t relate.
This book should be required reading - right after ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Every new Mom needs to read this to be assured that what she is feeling - and experiencing - is normal.
But beyond just the ‘pure’ Mom stuff… this is an all encompassing take on gender and the gendered division of labour as we experience it in our Western world. She makes the case for more support for new Mom’s - particularly mental health support, but also, reading between the lines, for things like a structured system of ‘well Mom and baby’ home care. You can also read in her appeal for expanded housing models - she was so lucky to be able to find her way to a separate-but-together housing model with her mother. If only we all were - I’d have loved that. She also tackles the gender pay gap, and the consequences that flow from ‘men’s work’ being seen as more ‘legitimate’ - more valuable - and the impacts that has on the family dynamic in general, but also on women’s - mother’s - self-esteem. And there’s more…
The most important takeaway, however, is the need for empathy and compassion - for our children, for ourselves, for the others we co-habit this world with.
When I first started reading this - the first few chapters deal quite graphically with pregnancy and childbirth - I worried that it was going to be very ‘niche’ and definitely too ‘only interesting to females.’ But the more I read it, the more I liked it, and the more I think it is just as applicable to ‘Dad’s’ as it is to ‘Mom’s’...
So find this book - give it to everyone you know, Moms and Dads alike.
Thanks to the publisher and Edelweiss for granting me access to a digital ARC.
At the advanced age I was entering into motherhood - I spent my 36th birthday in the hospital post emergency C-section - I should have been immune to so much of the self-recrimination and self-doubt and anxiety… but I wasn’t…. And really, why should I have been? It wasn’t me… it was the world I live in…
It certainly would have been nice to have had this companion to assure me that I was not as alone as I felt I was in my experiences and feelings:
I was that person with a horrible pregnancy - not quite as bad as the author’s but pretty close;
I was that person whose child was starving on breast milk alone - and felt like a total failure when I was so relieved that he was no longer starving after making the decision to abandon the breast;
I also abhored children’s music - excepting Sharon Lois and Bram - and raised my child on the music I loved listening to. The lyrics from ‘Skinnamarink’ are still a go-to - secret message like code - in our house - even as the child is 24 years old now! As indeed is the refrain from ‘I Love You Forever’... Just start reciting either and everyone will join in to finish;
I was the woman who - knowing that her husband would be home soon - put the screaming child in his crib, closed the door, drew myself a bubble bath and read my book purposely ignoring the wailing… because I just needed a break;
I was the Mom who had her child to the fracture clinic 7 times over three years with compression fractures in his wrist - always worried which visit would prompt the call to Children’s Aid (fyi… he was an active wild child and almost all of the injuries were from breaking his falls/momentum by digging in the heel of his hands - usually while playing soccer);
I was the city girl who ended up in the suburbs - not quite as lonely and depressed as the author, but pretty close;
And while our son was born well ahead of the era of social media - thank god for small mercies - I was the Mom who never fit in at the ‘Mom and Baby’ groups because all the other Mom’s just all seemed too plastic and perfect, and had perfect little babies and perfect lives… I just didn’t relate.
This book should be required reading - right after ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Every new Mom needs to read this to be assured that what she is feeling - and experiencing - is normal.
But beyond just the ‘pure’ Mom stuff… this is an all encompassing take on gender and the gendered division of labour as we experience it in our Western world. She makes the case for more support for new Mom’s - particularly mental health support, but also, reading between the lines, for things like a structured system of ‘well Mom and baby’ home care. You can also read in her appeal for expanded housing models - she was so lucky to be able to find her way to a separate-but-together housing model with her mother. If only we all were - I’d have loved that. She also tackles the gender pay gap, and the consequences that flow from ‘men’s work’ being seen as more ‘legitimate’ - more valuable - and the impacts that has on the family dynamic in general, but also on women’s - mother’s - self-esteem. And there’s more…
The most important takeaway, however, is the need for empathy and compassion - for our children, for ourselves, for the others we co-habit this world with.
When I first started reading this - the first few chapters deal quite graphically with pregnancy and childbirth - I worried that it was going to be very ‘niche’ and definitely too ‘only interesting to females.’ But the more I read it, the more I liked it, and the more I think it is just as applicable to ‘Dad’s’ as it is to ‘Mom’s’...
So find this book - give it to everyone you know, Moms and Dads alike.
Thanks to the publisher and Edelweiss for granting me access to a digital ARC.
June 1, 2022
I feel very seen 🥹❣️
June 4, 2022
I was drawn right in by the title and in many of these essays it felt as though the book was written for me, I felt some of these things so deeply with my own child.
August 19, 2022
Erin Pepler made me feel like we could be best friends, that maybe some of my darkest mothering moments aren’t so isolating and that there’s a reason I’ve found it so hard to make mom friends in Truro. I just haven’t met my people yet. My people will read this book and laugh and get choked up and feel the hope for the next generation. These essays are funny and touching and intimate. Pepler shares her regrets and depression and mom-failures with grace and vulnerability while also looking toward forgiveness, hopefulness and evolution. I really enjoyed them, and want to go squeeze my babies even though they’re already asleep and I’d rather die than wake them up. Usually. Maybe tonight it would be worth it for one quick squish.
Highly recommend.
Highly recommend.
January 26, 2023
Absolutely beautifully written. I wanted to take notes, highlight pages, take screen shots of passages to share on social media with captions of ‘Yes! This! This is motherhood EXACTLY.’ Erin captured the highs and the lows, the beauty and the chaos so perfectly…acknowledging the desire to sometimes pause life and head off to a quiet cabin in the wilderness without taking away from the epic love story of a mom who adores her kids. Funny and heartfelt in all the right places, this would be the must read that I would recommend to anyone in the trenches of raising babies.
March 20, 2024
I savoured each story because this is the most real and honest funny motherhood book I have come across.
Whatever stage of motherhood you are in, you can relate to these stories.
Thank you Erin, I feel heard.
Whatever stage of motherhood you are in, you can relate to these stories.
Thank you Erin, I feel heard.
June 6, 2022
As somebody who also uses writing as a tool for sharing, story-telling, & creative self-expression, Erin Pepler’s writing stands out to me as some of the best I’ve come across as a reader. This book should be on EVERY mama's shelf - her essays are relatable, heartfelt, and sprinkled with laugh-out-loud moments! Grab a copy wherever you can get your hands on one!! Can't wait for a second edition...
February 27, 2023
I have never, and I mean N.E.V.E.R. felt so seen and heard as a woman and as a mother. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Erin for birthing this book into the world. Ten thousand stars and give us more, friend. I laughed, I ugly cried and I immediately wished I could read this for the first time all over again.
It's officialy now the gift I'll be giving every expectant (and seasoned) mother alike, from now on.
Hey powers that be - if you're listening, make this book required reading for every Mama on the planet, mmkay?
It's officialy now the gift I'll be giving every expectant (and seasoned) mother alike, from now on.
Hey powers that be - if you're listening, make this book required reading for every Mama on the planet, mmkay?
July 24, 2022
The author captures the roller coaster ride that motherhood is. Every nuance from loving every second to questioning your qualifications are captured and shared in a relatable and humorous way. A great gift for moms everywhere!
June 23, 2022
I bought this as a Happy-Mother's-Day-to-me gift. I feel very seen in many ways. Funny, honest and very real. My kids are teens, but I'm giving this to a new mom in my life...she'll need it. :)
July 27, 2022
A very honest and relatable look at motherhood interspersed with equal parts humour and sincerity.
I very rarely relate with a book in it’s entirety but I can honestly say that there wasn’t a single chapter I couldn’t connect with. I will definitely be recommending this book to every mom I know.
I very rarely relate with a book in it’s entirety but I can honestly say that there wasn’t a single chapter I couldn’t connect with. I will definitely be recommending this book to every mom I know.
March 10, 2024
A must read for all the Mum’s out there! New and old ❤️
May 17, 2024
So heartfelt. Felt like I was sitting down over lunch with a long lost friend
June 1, 2022
Lighthearted (mostly) read on the many facets of motherhood. I enjoyed the diversion from my usually books.
February 11, 2023
Uneven read for me. Some essays were AMAZING and others were just fine. Would definitely recommend reading this book to see what chapters connect with you.
March 23, 2023
LOVED THIS BOOK 🤍
May 5, 2022
I was given an advanced reading copy of this book so that I could consider endorsing it -- which I did. (If you flip the book over, you'll find my endorsement on the back.) Here are the comments I sent to the publisher, just so you can have a sense of how much I loved this book.
"A kind and compassionate book that acknowledges all the emotional heavy lifting that is motherhood. Easily the most validating book you’ll read this year.”
“The perfect antidote to that guilt-inducing social media post that has you questioning every parenting decision you’ve ever made and/or your decision to become a parent at all. Erin Pepler understands the struggle and she’s there to offer a well-timed message of encouragement, just when you need it most.”
“A must-read guide to the emotional rollercoaster ride that is motherhood."
I've spent a good chunk of my career (and an even bigger chunk of my life), thinking about and writing about motherhood. I'm kind of easing out of that chapter in my life as I transition into writing more about the lives of midlife women and dipping my toes into the world of fiction. It feels great to know that authors like Erin Pepler are arriving on the scene to meet the needs of the up-and-coming generation of parents. I can't wait to see what Erin writes next.
"A kind and compassionate book that acknowledges all the emotional heavy lifting that is motherhood. Easily the most validating book you’ll read this year.”
“The perfect antidote to that guilt-inducing social media post that has you questioning every parenting decision you’ve ever made and/or your decision to become a parent at all. Erin Pepler understands the struggle and she’s there to offer a well-timed message of encouragement, just when you need it most.”
“A must-read guide to the emotional rollercoaster ride that is motherhood."
I've spent a good chunk of my career (and an even bigger chunk of my life), thinking about and writing about motherhood. I'm kind of easing out of that chapter in my life as I transition into writing more about the lives of midlife women and dipping my toes into the world of fiction. It feels great to know that authors like Erin Pepler are arriving on the scene to meet the needs of the up-and-coming generation of parents. I can't wait to see what Erin writes next.
Read
August 4, 2022Did not finish. After a few essays/chapters I’m tapping out. Not a very interesting read to me (and yes I am a mother) I’m not going to waste my time finishing it.
April 13, 2022
I really loved this book. It is a collection of Erin Pepler’s essays on topics ranging from the wine mom culture (and “the way it masks or deflects our problems”), to the hero worship of park dads (you know, the dads that do exactly what the moms are doing only they are seen as superhuman). Erin deftly delves into the invisible workload of motherhood, anxiety, religion, issues around privilege and even the tooth fairy. She covers a lot of ground and it leads to a really rich collection of her work.
Erin Pepler is a wonderfully engaging writer. She provides such a fresh take on the topics she covers and she is so funny! Her writing captures the little details of life so beautifully and thoughtfully. I really can’t say enough good things about this book! Every mother needs this book in their life - the perfect gift idea for Mother’s Day!
Erin Pepler is a wonderfully engaging writer. She provides such a fresh take on the topics she covers and she is so funny! Her writing captures the little details of life so beautifully and thoughtfully. I really can’t say enough good things about this book! Every mother needs this book in their life - the perfect gift idea for Mother’s Day!
December 7, 2022
Actually highlighted passages, this collection was so so good.
August 17, 2023
In this short book Erin Pepler writes about her experiences and life of being a mother of two children living in Toronto, Canada.
This is a fun but realistic take on motherhood. I was really drawn in by the first few chapters as I could relate to the author as she described her struggles with hyperhemesis gravidum during both her pregnancies, and the relief and joy of the new born stage! Everyone has different pregnancies and experiences of motherhood but it was so comforting to read from someone with similar feelings to myself.
Although a very short book (and with some chapters or stories only 2 pages long), it covered a lot of topics dealing with motherhood. For example… sleeplessness, wine Mums, helicopter parenting, moving house, and juggling a career while being a mum. At times I feel the author was brushing the surface of subjects (maybe not to offend people?) so it would have been good to have heard her true thoughts in some areas to get some depth.
I’ve heard many people say “wow, this book was written for me”, and I can see why. This has been well written to appeal to all mothers, even if your circumstances are different there are many similarities between mothers. We all need a bit of space when you have day in-day out children climbing all over you, but at the end of the day we love our babies and there is nothing better than a hold of a hand or a hug with them! ❤️
This is humorous and honest, and well worth any mother reading this book!
This is a fun but realistic take on motherhood. I was really drawn in by the first few chapters as I could relate to the author as she described her struggles with hyperhemesis gravidum during both her pregnancies, and the relief and joy of the new born stage! Everyone has different pregnancies and experiences of motherhood but it was so comforting to read from someone with similar feelings to myself.
Although a very short book (and with some chapters or stories only 2 pages long), it covered a lot of topics dealing with motherhood. For example… sleeplessness, wine Mums, helicopter parenting, moving house, and juggling a career while being a mum. At times I feel the author was brushing the surface of subjects (maybe not to offend people?) so it would have been good to have heard her true thoughts in some areas to get some depth.
I’ve heard many people say “wow, this book was written for me”, and I can see why. This has been well written to appeal to all mothers, even if your circumstances are different there are many similarities between mothers. We all need a bit of space when you have day in-day out children climbing all over you, but at the end of the day we love our babies and there is nothing better than a hold of a hand or a hug with them! ❤️
This is humorous and honest, and well worth any mother reading this book!
June 7, 2024
"Send Me Into the Woods Alone" is required reading for all expecting, new, and older mothers. Pepler captures the challenges and joys of motherhood in essays touching on topics such as postpartum anxiety, being a suburban mom, and the double standards surrounding park dads. Her humor shines as she recounts her hesitation to kill a zombie rat and pretends to be the Tooth Fairy. Beneath these hilarious anecdotes are kernels of wisdom that all parents and parents-to-be should take note of.
More sensitive readers might be put off by the swearing, and some feathers might be ruffled by "Places I Have Failed" (how to talk to children about religion and racism). However, Pepler's approach is as a mother aiming to make her children informed and not just inclusive (paraphrased) and that it's okay to make mistakes instead of being the "perfect" mother. "Send Me Into the Woods Alone" is a book you can read over and over again, because there's always something new to take away.
More sensitive readers might be put off by the swearing, and some feathers might be ruffled by "Places I Have Failed" (how to talk to children about religion and racism). However, Pepler's approach is as a mother aiming to make her children informed and not just inclusive (paraphrased) and that it's okay to make mistakes instead of being the "perfect" mother. "Send Me Into the Woods Alone" is a book you can read over and over again, because there's always something new to take away.
September 9, 2022
If I were a mom, Erin Pepler would be the mom friend I wish I had. I adored this book! And even though I'm not a mom (yet? ever? who knows still!!!), I felt like I could relate deeply to her sentiments; the fears, the pet peeves, and the desperation, but also the joy, pride, and humor.
The essays are more or less ordered chronologically, beginning with pregnancy and ending in a heartfelt letter to her children. They are all cleverly and briefly titled, with my favorite title being The Art of Beating Kids at Board Games.
I read a (valid) critique on this book about the content being extremely privileged. I still really valued Pepler's perspectives and advice and I still feel like her feelings were pretty universal. I tend to also be critical of nonfiction so if you know that about me and I'm still recommending it, it must be a good read :-)
I think they are all worth reading, and I could confidently recommend or even gift this title to my mom friends who will likely see themselves in at least a few of them. 8/10!
The essays are more or less ordered chronologically, beginning with pregnancy and ending in a heartfelt letter to her children. They are all cleverly and briefly titled, with my favorite title being The Art of Beating Kids at Board Games.
I read a (valid) critique on this book about the content being extremely privileged. I still really valued Pepler's perspectives and advice and I still feel like her feelings were pretty universal. I tend to also be critical of nonfiction so if you know that about me and I'm still recommending it, it must be a good read :-)
I think they are all worth reading, and I could confidently recommend or even gift this title to my mom friends who will likely see themselves in at least a few of them. 8/10!
August 24, 2024
I throughly enjoyed this book. I felt as though it was my own experience written by another person. Even in this social media era often I think we often feel alone in our experiences as a mother. We feel like there is no way that anyone else is also feeling the same as we are. I appreciated the authors words putting the thoughts that I have so often also had on paper. I often wish to be sent into the woods alone … as similarly as the author describes in her essay. As a sober mother I also throughly appreciated her essay “why mommy drinks” and while the author and I have different life experiences I appreciated how she expressed so well how toxic mommy wine culture is in our society.
March 24, 2023
I greatly enjoyed reading these short essays on motherhood. Erin writes relatable essays and blends humour and honesty to make each piece an enjoyable read. I especially love her essay titles. She acknowledges that this is her experience of motherhood and not everyone's. I appreciated that she gave me new perspectives on the challenges and joys of parenthood.
I highly recommend this book and think it would be fun for a mom's book club.
I highly recommend this book and think it would be fun for a mom's book club.
March 24, 2023
Do you ever see a book and immediately realize it’s written just for you? Seeing the title and cover on this one was an instant hit of recognition for me; Send Me Into the Woods Alone, Essays on Motherhood by Erin Pepler made me feel like I was its ideal audience. It’s a very short collection of essays written by a white woman my age who lives in Ontario with her husband and two kids. It sounds like they live very close to where I grew up too. Although we lead different lives, many of our joys and challenges are similar, so I could relate to about 95% of the writing in this book.
Book Summary
In 26 essays and 179 pages, this collection swivels between the funny and the dead serious in an attempt to paint a fulsome picture of early motherhood (Peplar’s kids aren’t yet teenagers, so in the grand scheme of things, she’s only made it through the first sprint). Most essays are only a few pages long, and many touch upon the same things; the challenges of being a mother, the unfair standards women are faced with when it comes to motherhood, the bittersweet realization your kids are growing up, and finding balance between doing what’s right for you and what’s right for your family. The book ends with a letter from Pepler to her kids titled “Please Don’t Grow Up to be Assholes”, which quite honestly, has crossed the mind of every decent parent as they navigate this phase of life. “The Suburban Dream” speaks to the sad realization that living in a downtown urban centre is no longer feasible for many families due to real estate prices and the subsequent depression Pepler experienced having to move to the suburbs, suddenly reliant on driving a car and shopping big box stores. One of my favourites is “I Want to be a Park Dad” which hilariously compares the different standards that motherhood and fatherhood come with. Striking a nice balance between the entertaining and the introspective, this collection offers a balanced view of one of the hardest jobs in the world.
My Thoughts
Even though this is a short book, many topics are covered, including the fleeting joys that one can only experience or relate to if they have kids of their own. For instance, Pepler speaks to the surprisingly flattering way that (young) kids view their parents; if you sing to them, they think you’re an amazing singer, children want to emulate their Mom or Dad by following the same career path, only a certain soothing word or back rub can eliminate the scariest of nightmares. Being constantly relied upon is a scary new step for parents; it’s a phase I really struggled with, but when that phase is over, there’s a sadness too; I dread the day my kids stop wanting to hold my hand, but I know it’s coming (and I’m grateful my almost 8-year-old still holds my hand when I walk her across the road). Each essays speaks to the dichotomies of this role; we love our kids to bits, but being a parent is really hard too.
The title alone hints at the fact that this book is going to talk about the hard parts; what mother hasn’t fantasized about being literally sent into the woods alone? I don’t have to be into the woods to be happy, but I have often asked my kids to just shut me in a room so I could read quietly without interruption, and I can relate to the author’s fantasy of being left alone in a cabin to read and sleep in silence. Narratives such as this, admitting to how difficult one finds parenthood, are becoming increasingly common, but it still feels lot of women (myself included) really struggle with motherhood, and this book speaks to the challenge of balancing a career and being an involved parent (especially one who is not the breadwinner of the family, which comes with its own challenges). Complaining about being a mother is full of contradictions; on one hand, it seems like people do it alot, and she has a whole essay on dissecting the problematic joke that women just drink a lot of wine to survive the day with their kids, but on the other hand, we’re aware of the fertility challenges that many couples face, so it feels selfish to complain about something that many people are wishing for, but cannot achieve. Peplar doesn’t offer any solutions , but seeing this stuff in print was really good for my mental health, it simply made me feel better. She also uses humour in a constructive way, helping to get her points across but doing it in a sensitive and tasteful way.
My only criticism is that Peplar herself seems a bit weary of offending certain groups of people, so at times, her opinions felt watered down, or that she was trying unnecessarily hard to ensure everyone’s viewpoint was acknowledged. In a book as short as this, trying to address every situation and excuse is impossible, but as a people-pleaser myself, I also understand where this pressure comes from. I really enjoyed the voice of this writer, and I hope she considers writing another book in the future, one where she feels comfortable to really put her opinions first, regardless of any potential backlash.
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Book Summary
In 26 essays and 179 pages, this collection swivels between the funny and the dead serious in an attempt to paint a fulsome picture of early motherhood (Peplar’s kids aren’t yet teenagers, so in the grand scheme of things, she’s only made it through the first sprint). Most essays are only a few pages long, and many touch upon the same things; the challenges of being a mother, the unfair standards women are faced with when it comes to motherhood, the bittersweet realization your kids are growing up, and finding balance between doing what’s right for you and what’s right for your family. The book ends with a letter from Pepler to her kids titled “Please Don’t Grow Up to be Assholes”, which quite honestly, has crossed the mind of every decent parent as they navigate this phase of life. “The Suburban Dream” speaks to the sad realization that living in a downtown urban centre is no longer feasible for many families due to real estate prices and the subsequent depression Pepler experienced having to move to the suburbs, suddenly reliant on driving a car and shopping big box stores. One of my favourites is “I Want to be a Park Dad” which hilariously compares the different standards that motherhood and fatherhood come with. Striking a nice balance between the entertaining and the introspective, this collection offers a balanced view of one of the hardest jobs in the world.
My Thoughts
Even though this is a short book, many topics are covered, including the fleeting joys that one can only experience or relate to if they have kids of their own. For instance, Pepler speaks to the surprisingly flattering way that (young) kids view their parents; if you sing to them, they think you’re an amazing singer, children want to emulate their Mom or Dad by following the same career path, only a certain soothing word or back rub can eliminate the scariest of nightmares. Being constantly relied upon is a scary new step for parents; it’s a phase I really struggled with, but when that phase is over, there’s a sadness too; I dread the day my kids stop wanting to hold my hand, but I know it’s coming (and I’m grateful my almost 8-year-old still holds my hand when I walk her across the road). Each essays speaks to the dichotomies of this role; we love our kids to bits, but being a parent is really hard too.
The title alone hints at the fact that this book is going to talk about the hard parts; what mother hasn’t fantasized about being literally sent into the woods alone? I don’t have to be into the woods to be happy, but I have often asked my kids to just shut me in a room so I could read quietly without interruption, and I can relate to the author’s fantasy of being left alone in a cabin to read and sleep in silence. Narratives such as this, admitting to how difficult one finds parenthood, are becoming increasingly common, but it still feels lot of women (myself included) really struggle with motherhood, and this book speaks to the challenge of balancing a career and being an involved parent (especially one who is not the breadwinner of the family, which comes with its own challenges). Complaining about being a mother is full of contradictions; on one hand, it seems like people do it alot, and she has a whole essay on dissecting the problematic joke that women just drink a lot of wine to survive the day with their kids, but on the other hand, we’re aware of the fertility challenges that many couples face, so it feels selfish to complain about something that many people are wishing for, but cannot achieve. Peplar doesn’t offer any solutions , but seeing this stuff in print was really good for my mental health, it simply made me feel better. She also uses humour in a constructive way, helping to get her points across but doing it in a sensitive and tasteful way.
My only criticism is that Peplar herself seems a bit weary of offending certain groups of people, so at times, her opinions felt watered down, or that she was trying unnecessarily hard to ensure everyone’s viewpoint was acknowledged. In a book as short as this, trying to address every situation and excuse is impossible, but as a people-pleaser myself, I also understand where this pressure comes from. I really enjoyed the voice of this writer, and I hope she considers writing another book in the future, one where she feels comfortable to really put her opinions first, regardless of any potential backlash.
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January 22, 2024
Brilliant! A must read for all moms at any stage of parenthood.
April 25, 2024
Excellent read ! Easy to digest short chapters perfect for busy moms, this is an equally touching and pragmatic look into motherhood. Both things are true, we love our kids but need to be alone, hence the title.
November 19, 2024
I enjoyed this book. Relatable, real, validating. I laughed and I also had the feels.
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