Dave Allen at Peace

[Dave is talking to his dad just after the accident in which he lost the end of his finger]

Gerard Tynan-O'Mahony: Stop your moaning. It's barely the fingernail.

John Tynan-O'Mahony: It's the whole end.

Gerard Tynan-O'Mahony: And do you need to scratch your arse and pick your nose at the same time?

[Dave chuckles]

Gerard Tynan-O'Mahony: Mark my word, it'll be a great friend to you, that finger. A great friend.

John Tynan-O'Mahony: How?

Gerard Tynan-O'Mahony: Well, you'll never be stuck for a story, will you?

John Tynan-O'Mahony: Yeah, but...

Gerard Tynan-O'Mahony: Not the *real* one, dunderhead! The ones you make up. What kind of an idiot chooses the truth over a good story? You've done it already: Sister Mary, with arms like hams, knocked the end of it off with her cane for forgetting the Pope's birthday. Don't stop there. Have a different story every time someone asks you. And never tell the truth. Never. And if all else fails, it'll be great for scaring the girls away.

John Tynan-O'Mahony: Why would I need to do that?

Gerard Tynan-O'Mahony: You're a good-looking boy. You take after your daddy. With a face like that, you're going to need *something* to give you a bit of peace.