Ein Pechvogel namens Otley

[opening scene: close shot of Otley lying in bed with his landlady]

Gerald Arthur Otley: You know, as landladies go, you are undoubtedly the most warm-hearted, generous and gracious... that I've ever owed rent to.

Landlady: Three months is a lot to owe

Gerald Arthur Otley: I'm expecting a cheque - I've entered this filthy limerick compettiion and I'm almost certain to win.

Landlady: Not to mention all the things you've lifted. You're a naughty boy, d'you know that? When you moved in here, this was a *furnished* flat.

[wide shot of room with bare floorboards, a bed, a chair, a wardrobe - and not much else]

Landlady: Now everything's on a second-hand cart in the Portobello Road.

Gerald Arthur Otley: I never did trust your cleaning woman.

Landlady: And what about the damaged sink and the Confirmation medal in the gas-meter?

Gerald Arthur Otley: Dearest one, I thought you came up here to sample my unbridled sensuality, not to take a bloody inventory.

Landlady: You're a luxury I can't afford, love.

[she turns and hugs him]

Landlady: Still, come here and give us a goodbye kiss.

Gerald Arthur Otley: Goodbye? Where are you going?

Landlady: Oh, not me, you. You're being evicted this morning.

Gerald Arthur Otley: I'm being evicted? After our night of passion?

Landlady: Well I felt I had to get *something* out of you before you left.