Piranha - Der Fluß des Todes

Brother (Simcox) and sister (Capri) are a pair of photographers visiting Venezuela to shoot the Amazon. With Peter Brown joining them as guide at the airport, they set out by motorcycle for the Amazon, stopping at a seedy bar along the way where they meet Caribe, a local hunter of notoriety (Smith). Mesmerised by his charisma, they agree to hook-up and venture deep into diamond mining territory where relations become strained and Caribe's sinister ulterior motive is revealed.

Almost sounds entertaining. Note to self - it isn't. Yes, like possibly everyone else who's seen this movie, I thought it was something it wasn't (i.e. a film about piranha). The DVD box cover however did imply that it was reminiscent of "The Most Deadly Game" where the hunter hunts his human prey after giving them a head start. Also not true. What is true is that this is a C-grade faunalogue in which Capri, still traumatised by a dark family secret, tries in vain to persuade Smith he should subscribe to the RSPCA. Smith's response is ultimately what you'd expect from his character - brutal and sadistic.

An aimless motorcycle race, a Venezuelan booty-call and a lesson in diamond mining punctuate what is merely an outline of a narrative concept - both thin on plot and light on quality. Smith is okay in his typical brawny style, Brown is wooden and in case you're still wondering, yes, there is a piranha scene contained in this film, although doubtful it satisfies the content requirements to live up to its dubious title. Meat pies are required to contain a minimum quantity of actual meat to qualify as a meat pie; what we have here is suitable only for vegetarians.