Firehead

In FIREHEAD, we are whisked away to Estonia, looking more like Pittsburg, where soldiers are in pursuit of a cyborg named Ivan (Brett Porter) who shoots blue lasers out of his eyeballs. Ivan winds up in the US, where he goes berserk and blows up factories.

Meanwhile, a man named Hart (Chris Lemmon) and a woman named Meila (Gretchen Becker) are on Ivan's trail.

Simultaneously, we discover that the head of a secret organization, named Vaughn (Christopher Plummer) has been profiting from Ivan's destructive behavior, but now wants him terminated.

Not-too surprisingly, Hart teams up with Ivan for the obligatory human / android bromance. Gunfire and explosions soon follow.

This is one wretchedly boring movie! Everything about it is cheap, dull, and absurd! Now, ordinarily, this might be a good thing. In other hands, say, David A. Prior's, this could have been an idiot masterpiece! Instead, it's a colonoscopy for the brain, minus anesthetic!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: The way the characters pose like they're getting their pictures taken, whenever they stop to fire their weapons!...