Nutcracker Massacre is sort of half soap opera, and half the worst horror movie you've ever seen.
With the nutcracker being one of the stupidest villains to ever disgrace the screen.
The story revolves around a lead protaganess, who is dealing with her boyfriend having cheated on her with her best friend right before Christmas.
With some family drama spun in on top of this, the plot centers on a giant nutcracker that was given to her family as a gift for her first Christmas.
Apparently, this bizarre ornament was discovered by her aunt, and displayed at her home, which the young romance novelist is visiting for Christmas.
Hilariously, though, the people in the film treat him like he's an inanimate object, despite the fact that it is clearly a man in a nutcracker suit, that can't stop swaying around, because the actor playing him is unable to remain motionless, while standing in a stationary position.
Either way, he seems to want to act to protect the young woman...by murdering everyone who is even remotely associated with anyone who wrongs her in any way.
At least, that is my best guess...but I might be reading too much into it...as it's not inherently clear.
As this narrative doesn't exactly explain all the people he attacks and kills.
The whole thing is poorly written and constructed, with bad acting, terrible special effects, and a plot structure so ludicrous, it's almost flabbergasting.
But, oddly enough, it's actually engaging enough to sit through.
At one point the nutcracker inexplicably attacks the boyfriend of the main character's rival...cracking his nutsack off in the process.
And it's at this point that you realize the whole thing is laughingly bad.
The lead actress is the only one who manages to put on a competent performance...but even that is in relation to everyone else in the film, who are absolutely horrible.
Everything about it is so bad, that I was genuinely wondering how anyone involved in the process of making it, was able to do so with a straight face, and not just break out laughing.
Cause this can't be serious, can it?
The deeper you get into it, the more entertaining it becomes...simply because it is so ridiculously bad.
In the end, I want to say it's one of those so bad, it's good, kind of films.
But really, it's just bad.
2.5 out of 10.
