There is something compulsively watchable about how notoriously bad The Asylum movies are, which is why I keep watching even if I know not to expect much. Hansel and Gretel is not the worst Asylum movie and I have seen worse movies generally but that doesn't stop it from being awful in an embarrassing way. The Asylum movies are rarely of good quality visually, and Hansel and Gretel is not an exception. Any attempts to give some atmosphere are badly hindered by choppy editing and the fact that it is far too bright when it could easily have benefited from a somewhat surrealistic look. The sound effects are bizarre and the scoring is generic. Fairy tales can work when modernised if done the right way. Done the right way Hansel and Gretel does not, all of the ideas it has comes across as derivative in alternative to having ideas of its own, and it is very difficult to enjoy the movie when you know what is going to happen next every time. The horror elements just don't work either, any suspenseful or tense build ups are next to nothing and all of the characters seem to be oblivious to what is going on. I also could tell from hearing the dialogue that Hansel and Gretel had absolutely no idea of what it wanted or was trying to be, having one moment where it is so simplistic it is almost childish and then another where it's all gory and foul-mouthed just doesn't gel and makes everything confused instead. The characters are cardboard with limited attempt at any kind of development and also come across as annoying. And the acting is bad, very bad even. Only Dee Wallace tries, though while she looks as though she's enjoying herself and she has the best lines(not saying much) she doesn't come as much of a threat, which was quite a big distraction considering that she is the main villain here. But not as glaring as the disasters with the script and story. All in all, not the worst that The Asylum has made but still a dud. 1/10 Bethany Cox
